Naruto: Horned Gunman

An Elfen Lied/Naruto/Thing-Thing crossover. (With a little bit of Fuzzy McFluffenstein and The Mask)

A/N: This is a response to sparky002's "ThingThing challenge". Another response to said challenge is Naruto: The Ninja Gunman by AlxkendBlader. It's a very good story, by the way. Check it out.

A few things before the chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything!

Now, before I start things off, this is the info that will apply to this challenge response.

BEWARE: BLOOD, GORE (A bio-weapon sneezed.), SEXUAL SUGGESTIONS (A super-pervert sneezed.) AND SAILOR'S MOUTHS! (A redhead girl sneezed.)


3 people...One is neglected by his mother, bullied by his own sister and hated, just because of a prophecy and his androgynous apparence. One is pursued by an entire corporation because he is a dangerous bio-weapon. One recently died. After her death, she was sealed inside one of them. The other one joined them and trained them. And so...they took the world by storm...


A bit of Lucy/Kouta...


Brotherly Naruto/Tayuya

Tayuya/Lee (Such a fucking youthful pairing!)

Kidomaru/Nana (I've got an idea for her comeback)


154 a.k.a Jin/Anko

153 a.k.a Kâto/Mei later...


Tora/Fuzzy (Both of them are cats, so I decided to make Tora a female cat and Fuzzy a male cat.)


MAJOR Bashing of...

Natsumi Uzumaki (Naruto's sister): She always bullies her brother, is a pampered and spoiled brat, needs a serious lesson of humility, egotistical, arrogant, power-hungry and her sanity is slowly degrading...

Kushina Uzumaki: She hates her own son, due to some prophecy and even tries to kill him sometimes. She also plays favorites with Natsumi. Like mother, like daughter, Kushina's sanity is degrading...

Konoha's Civilian Council, Homura and Koharu: Nothing but a bunch of greedy, power-hungry jerks!

The Uchiha clan (Except for Itachi, Shisui, Obito, Madara and Sasuke. YES, even Mikoto is bashed.): Egotistical, arrogants, power-hungry, most of them are mentally unstable, and in serious need of a lesson in humility. Thanks to Minato, Sarutobi, Shisui, Danzô and Itachi, a serious disaster was avoided.

Satsuki Uchiha (Sasuke's sister): Think only about killing Itachi, power-hungry, egotistical, arrogant, in serious need of a lesson in humility, and is looking for an "interesting mate to recreate the Uchiha clan". Unfortunately, Shikamaru and Naruto, hell, even Sasuke are on the top of the list... Well, I never tried any Satsuki bashing and I've never seen any Satsuki bashing...

Minor bashing of...

Kiba and Akamaru: They are strong, but they are die-hard Natsumi fan-boys. They will be redeemed towards the next chapter or the chapter 3...

Ino and Sakura: A gossip queen, a pink banshee and the SFC (Sasuke Fan Club)'s presidents. They will be redeemed during the Chûnin exams...

Jiraya of the Sannin: A pervert who plays favorites with Natsumi. Nothing more... He might be redeemed later...

Tsunade Senju of the Sannin: When she isn't playing favorites with Natsumi, she is gambling around...only to lose her she always drag Naruto with her before gambling...She might be redeemed later...


(154 (who I will name Jin, since some people in Japan are actually named Jin), 153 (who I will name Kâto), Naruto, Kakashi, Rin, Obito and perhaps some other characters will each have and use one gun of each category, from Handgun to Other(s), along with a Melee Weapon). But for now, only Naruto and Jin's weapons are shown.

Jin's Loadout:

Handgun(s): Dual XM-435 Super-Mag (You remember that secret weapon in Thing-Thing 3 and how much damage it could do, specifically dual-wielded?)

SMG: Steyr TMP with suppressor (a select-fire 9×19mm Parabellum caliber machine pistol. The Magazines come in 15-, 20-, or 30-round detachable box types.)

Assault/Battle Rifle/Machine Gun/Etc.: Heckler & Koch HK21

Shotgun: M-1187 (With seven shots to a clip, and a fair fire rate, this semi-automatic shotgun is excellent at close-quarters combat.)

Other(s): Hades Rifle (stolen off of Hades), N.U.K.E (You've seen how much damage the N.U.K.E can do in Thing-Thing 4. Jin will get this weapon at a later point in the story, so don't expect to see it so early!).

Melee Weapon: Sword (the one you earn in Thing-Thing 4 when you get the 500 melee kills achievement)

Naruto's Loadout:

Handgun(s): UDP 10mm (Semi-automatic handgun firing 10mm rounds. While it has more recoil, the weapon fires stronger shots than the Spectre 9mm. Due to the size of the round, its ammo capacity is less than the Spectre's at 12 rounds, but reloads just as quickly.)

SMG: FN P90 PDW (Uses the proprietary 5.7x28mm cartridge. Low-recoil, high-rate of fire.)

Assault/Battle Rifle/Machine Gun/Etc...: PANCOR Jackhammer (20 shots a clip and a fast fire rate gives the futuristic PANCOR an extremely high DPS. However, the reload time is quite slow.)

Shotgun(s): Il Duce (A break-action over/under shotgun with a 2 round loading capacity. It can fire off both shells at once, unleashing more pellets and a wider spread.)

Other: Artifact 23 (A high-tech weapon that fires a single, slow-moving orb of destructive energy in a straight path, plowing through enemies without stopping unless it hits a wall, ceiling, or the floor. In spite of its 3 second reload time, Artifact 23 opens up new possibilities for multi-kills.) Artifact 19 (Thing-Thing Arena 3's ultimate weapon. Damages all enemies on a 10 meter range with a lightning-like bolt of destructive energy. Infinite ammo, but needs to charge. Slow reload time. Naruto will get this weapon at a later point in the story, so don't expect to see it so early!), The Mask of Loki (HOLY JESUS!)

Melee Weapon: Katana (The Katana from Conker's bad fur day.)


Tobi isn't Obito. Rin is alive (and still the Sanbi's jinchuriki), so Obito has no reason of joining Madara in his wicked plans. But Tobi isn't Madara either. And Tobi isn't an OC...

Minato and Kushina are alive.

Obito married Rin.

Sasuke will remain a good guy from the beginning to the end.

Naruto, due to Lucy/Kaede/Nyuu sealed inside him, is a Diclonius.

You remember the Nuclear Release from my other fanfic, Three-Tailed Chaos Fox? Naruto will use it as a Kekkei Tota. Some characters will learn it later...

Naruto is androgynous (When I say androgynous, I MEAN IT. Imagine a kid Kaede with whiskers and a flat chest.)

153 will be a good guy later in this story.

Good Danzô

OOC Sasuke.

Tayuya won't be a Sound Five member. She will be replaced by another character. (I won't tell anything about him/her.) She won't call Naruto a "Shithead", because that nickname is overused. I will use "Fucktard" instead.

Godlike Naruto (When I say Godlike I mean it too.)

On with the story...

He was trapped...

The Gamma-Class Bio-Weapon Project #154 was trapped.

Just when he thought that he had found the Systems Corp. CEO that ordered his creation and death, he instead found a bunch of monitors, with the CEO himself giving him a long, winded speech on screen. To make things worse, the room is filled with a gas that can negate his regenerative abilities, and a whole horde of armed Systems Corp. mercenaries are coming into the room and closing in on his ass real fast.

He wiped a bead of sweat off of his forehead and drew his newly-acquired Hades Rifle, knowing that he'll have to fight off these numerous enemies AND potentially die in the process. However, before the mercenaries could fire as much as one shot, something strange had just happened that caught the thugs in awe; an electric blue dimensional rift appearing out of thin air under his feet.

Seeing an opportunity to make his escape, Zero quickly pulls out a smokescreen bomb and throws it at the mercenaries before jumping into the portal as it then has now found himself in a new place...

Everything was white...

A calm, commanding, warm voice was heard:

"You're needed...

-I am...needed? 154, confused said.

-Yes you are...You will help...someone...


-He needs you. He can't handle it anymore...

-Who he is? isn't his family name anymore...Namikaze Naruto...

-Why he needs me?

-When he was born, a Nine-tailed Fox demon appeared and attacked Konoha, his birthplace. Its tails could crush mountains, create tsunamis, and anything else destructive. Many Leaf Village ninjas died fighting off the Fox, which so happens to be a living entity made of pure energy. When all hope seemed lost, the village's forth leader or Hokage (Fire Shadow), Minato Namikaze, a man who is also known as the Yellow Flash, sealed the Yang half of the Nine-tailed Fox into his own son, Naruto, while the Yin half was sealed inside Natsumi Uzumaki, Minato's daughter and Naruto's twin (Although Naruto is slightly older.) When the news becamed public, Natsumi was hailed as a hero, pampered and trained by many people. Naruto was, however, neglected. Plus, a prophecy said "The one who was born horned, will be the key to this world's destruction. Naruto was, unfortunately, born with cat ears-like horns on his head. People thought either:

He was the Kyuubi reborn.

He was the one who will destroy this world.


Just because of that, he's been hated, bullied, abused, shunned, ignored, overcharged for food, used as a scapegoat, and in the worst cases, attacked brutally and left for dead. He has been recently banished from his own clan, the Uzumaki clan by his own mother. After his banishment from the Uzumaki clan, Iwa sent ninjas to kill him, because during the 3rd Great Shinobi War, Minato single-handedly defeated Iwa. Even his own mother secretly hates him. Because of the boy's status as the Fox's container, his wounds had always healed. The few people who actually cares for him are his father, Minato Namikaze, Kakashi Hatake, Obito Uchiha, Rin Nohara, Itachi Uchiha, Naruto's best friend and Itachi's little brother Sasuke Uchiha and the Ichiraku family. Also, while his godparents, Jiraya and Tsunade, plays favorites with Natsumi, at least, they do not hate Naruto for something that wasn't under his control.

-It still doesn't explain why he's got horns.

-Well, during the Kyuubi's attack, someone called Kaede was sealed inside Naruto. Kaede is a Diclonius.

-A Diclonius?

-Diclonius looks like average Humans, but possess psychokinetic abilities far beyond any Human. For reasons that may be cultural as well as biological, they are often at odds with Humans to the point of threatening to replace them as Earth's dominant sentient species. While Kaede was indeed the first and ''Queen'' Diclonius, her late mother was the source of the mutation that birthed the virus in her children. Kaede's birth fulfilled the messianic expectations of the well-heeled and highly positioned Kakuzawa clan, a number of whose family members possessed a genetic mutation that gave them vestigial horns. Despite this, their cult-like beliefs, and the literally world-shaking steps taken on behalf of Diclonius supremacy by Chief Kakuzawa, the two groups were unrelated. Sadly, the treatment of the Kakuzawas in feudal Japan and their reaction to it would foreshadow the relations of Humans with the true Diclonii centuries later, including the ironic way the family treated Diclonius individuals in modern times. Chief Kakuzawa also believed that the Diclonius were the Oni (Demons within Japanese Mythology) meant to surpass and replace Humans when their messiah was born. The differences that separate Diclonii from humans are both internal and external. The most obvious difference is their horns on the parietal section of their skulls. Most often, these horns resemble cat ears from certain angles. These horns are a mixture of bone and cartilage. The Diclonii fall into a temporary coma if they lose one of their horns, and would never return from their lethargic state if they lose both horns. However, a Queen can survive without her horns: Kaede's horns grew back twice: within a matter of months for the first time, then over several days the second time. Another notable difference between them and humans are their hair and eye colors. Diclonii possess hair colors of many different shades, from pink to purple to blonde, and most of them possess green eyes (Except for a few, Naruto and Kaede have red eyes, for example.) Inwardly, they differ from humans in relation to their pineal gland. Normally, the pineal body is the size of a pea and located in the center of the brain between the two hemispheres, but for a diclonius, it's the size of an egg and wedged against the frontal lobe. The pineal gland appears to be the source of their vectors. These vectors resemble hands, but cannot be seen, touched, or otherwise acted upon by outside forces aside from other vectors. Vectors spread the Diclonius Virus to humans via touch, and they can manipulate objects, act as shields by decelerating projectiles, and slice through things, giving them the potential to be massively destructive if used offensively. Against humans, they are almost always lethal. Their vectors usually have a limited range of a few meters. Kaede's are able to extend to two meters, later, Kaede's raw power became strong enough to threaten the world towards her death. Ultimately, using her vectors to world-destroying capacity compromised her body's integrity until it literally fell apart. Diclonii have the innate ability to detect one another. Diclonius are extremely intelligent, however they are just as emotional as Humans, often more so. Once they reach the brink of sanity, some hear a voice that claims to be the directing voice of their own DNA, urging them to kill as many Humans as possible. The diclonius race possesses two distinctive castes: Queens and Silpelits. The primary difference between these castes is that one can reproduce and the other cannot. Those that can't breed are called Silpelits. Referred to as "worker bees," they use their vectors to infect Humans with the Diclonius genetic virus on and turn these humans' children into Silpelits when they are born. Silpelits age much faster than humans, with their bodies looking twice as old as their actual age, and their vectors tend to be longer than those of the Queen caste. The Queen caste, of which Kaede is presently the only member, can reproduce sexually. Additionally, they age like normal humans and appear to have shorter vector ranges. However, since Kaede is the only Queen, it's inconclusive if her vectors are short due to her caste or if they're an individual are no male Diclonii aside from Kaede's half-brother, who died and recently, Naruto. Since they weren't Silpelits were capable of reproduction, and male, their places in the hierarchy is unknown. It is said by some in-story that the Diclonii were chosen by God as the new Humanity, born with the instinct to destroy the Human race and repopulate the world. It may be said that the homicidal tendencies are a result of an unstable psyche, itself a result of congenital recessive mutations, aggravated to such high levels by inhumane treatment from Humans. We still don't know if the Diclonii's homicidal tendencies are an inborn drive to eradicate Humans, or if, like any "normal" Human child, they develop this drive in response to years of trauma and abuse. Their homicidal behavior is only ever directed towards normal Humans, as they behave benevolently towards animals. Diclonii tend to be heavily discriminated against (infants are often euthanized on the spot) by other Humans, and it's still unknown whether the often murderous hostility Diclonii show as well is innate or the result of the hatred and contempt shown against them. Researchers at both the Kakuzawa facility and the government-controlled facility believed the Diclonii to be a serious threat to the Human race and kept them in isolation. With Diclonii passing on their DNA to humans, the infected parents have horned children instead of regular humans, which would gradually lead to the Diclonius race replacing humans as the planet's dominant species.

-And here I thought my life at Systems Corp. was horrible...

-After killing countless people, Kaede died. The Shinigami offered her a chance to redeem herself by helping Naruto through his life. And so Kaede accepted to be sealed inside Naruto. But, due to the Kyuubi's chakra, Naruto can overuse his powers without drawbacks unlike Kaede, had an infinite number of vectors with an infinite range. Thanks to the Kyuubi, every offspring of Naruto, directly (Queens) and indirectly (Sipelits) will be able to reproduce. Even Sipelits won't be sterile and will age like any normal human. So Naruto is more of a "Neo-Diclonius". Last year, due to stress, Naruto killed an entire mob who tried to kill him. Naruto discovered his abilities, but the Civilian Council wants him to be placed in the CRA (Clan Restoration Act). The CRA will force him into marrying many women and make sure they are all pregnant. In short, they want to transform Naruto into...

-...A breeding machine? asked 154 with anger.

-Give the man a prize. Minato is struggling to prevent them, but they lastly threatened Minato of overruling him by going to the Daimyo, who have more political power than Minato. Plus Naruto is still a civilian. It doesn't help at all.

-So, what do you want me to do?

-Train Naruto.

-Train a kid to use firearms?

-It's necessary, considering his life.

-It should help me. Naruto will be safe, and I will be safe too. These Systems Corp. runts better watch their backs once I'm back to finish them off.

-You, Naruto, and Kaede have a bright future. Don't let these pricks prevent that from happening...


And so, 154 left for Konoha...

Naruto was doing what he was always doing October 10th...


But he was trapped...

What was worse?

Getting tortured by a mob of crazy villagers?

Captured by theses Chûnins sent by his own mother and getting transformed into a breeding machine?

Getting killed by Iwa-nins?

All of them were horrible.

He wanted it. The power he used last year to kill his pursuers...

He doesn't know how to use it. Last year, it was only due to the stress.

The 5-years old Diclonius was sobbing...

"Why people hate me so much? Why? he said as he kept sobbing.

-Because they're foolish. answered a voice.

-Who are you? Please don't kill me! he yelled, crying.

-Don't worry, it's okay kid. I won't do anything. said the man as he revealed himself. He wears a black shirt, black pants, black trench coat and black boots. His hair long and black. His brown eyes showed kindness, patience and he couldn't feel any KI (killing intent).

-Re-Really? he asked, incredulous.

-Sure, kiddo." The man said as he hugged him in a fatherly embrace.

A whizzing noise was heard, causing 154 to hit the deck on a large tree branch with Naruto in his arms. Boy was 154 glad that he did hear that sound, because when he turned around, he finds a large shuriken embedded on the trunk of the tree that they stood on. He then puts Naruto down, and has the boy hide someplace safe while he dealt with the assailant. 154 turns around to see his attacker, a Chûnin.

"Watch out, man! You could have killed us! 154 said as he drew his 2 Beretta 92FS.

-Hand over the boy and you won't get hurt. Ķoharu-sama needs him to be put in the CRA.

-Well, see he isn't interested in the CRA, so back off." 154 said as he shot the Chûnin in the heart, resulting in his death.

"There is approximately 30 people remaining." 154 said as he drew his Steyr TMP and killed the mob, the remaining Iwa-nins and the remaining Chûnins.

He didn't noticed that Naruto was temporarily left without a protector, and an Iwa-nin attacked Naruto from behind, ready to snap his neck.

"I want power to fight back...I don't want anyone to save me and getting hurt in the same time."Naruto thought.

He didn't noticed that he accidentally used a vector to rip off the Iwa-nin's left lung, leaving him to die from blood loss. He passed out just after...

***Meanwhile, in Naruto's mind...***

Kaede was trapped...

...trapped inside of a little kid...

She thought she was going to be alone...

Unfortunately, her naive perverted personality, Nyuu was trapped as well...

And she's got a nine-tailed furball as roommate too.

As Kaede was thinking about Kouta, she heard a voice:

"Where am I? First second, I am in training ground 44, next second, I am in a sewer? What the hell?

-You're in your own mindscape, Naruto, Kaede said.

-I don't remember my mind being a sewer. But who are you?

-I am...Kaede.

-Nyu! I am Nyuu! Kaede's idiotic personality said.

-I am the mighty Kyuubi no Yoko. Our favorite furball said.

-For the Kyuubi, I know. I'm born October 10th, day of the Kyuubi's attack. Plus, these idiotic villagers keep calling me a demon. But, I'm still wondering what Kaede and Nyuu are doing here..." Naruto said, unsurprised. And Kaede explained her entire life, her encounter with Kouta, and later Aiko, her life in Chief Kakuzawa facility, her death and how the Shinigami offered her a chance of redeeming herself by helping Naruto.

At the end of Kaede and Nyuu's story, Kyuubi gritted his teeth in anger and Naruto lowered his head down in sadness:

"'re like me...bullied just because of something you hadn't any control over it...people nearly, or managed to hurt or kill your loved ones...your mother...raped by that Kakuzawa rapist...your dog...killed by these bullies...Aiko...killed by the Chief Kurama who tried his best to save her just after...Kouta...nearly killed...dattebayo...

-Such foolishness is unheard of! That Kakuzawa jerk! He wanted to manipulate you, nothing more. Even that Chief Kurama actually considered you as someone. What's worse, was that Chief Kakuzawa was the one responsible for your escape and by so, killed many of his own henchmen. He's nothing but a fool. Now, the Kakuzawa clan is next to the Uchiha clan in my hit list." Kyuubi spat in anger.

-Still, Kurama was a good guy, but I hurt his loved ones just because I wanted revenge on him for Aiko's death. I want to apologize, but it's too late...Kaede said.

-Once you will be definitely dead, you might have a chance, don't worry. Naruto said.

-Thanks Naruto. Someone is waiting for you. Wake up.



***Meanwhile, in the hospital***

"Naruto, wake up.

-D...Dad? What happened?

-That guy brought you in the hospital after you passed out. When you were unconscious, he decided to adopt you. Since the papers are already signed, plus they were signed in private, neither the Civilian Council or the Elders will be able to do anything. Their faces will be priceless once they will know. Minato said, grinning.

-So, what happened next?

-He said he was going to take you in a training trip. Cool, huh? And Obito, Rin and Kakashi will come too.

-Daddy, THANK YOU SO MUCH! Naruto yelled as he hugged his father.

-Anytime my son, anytime.

-And who is that guy?

-The one who saved you in Training Ground 44. He is waiting for you at Konoha's North Gate alongside Obito, Rin and Kakashi. Pack your things. Until next time, Naruto.

-Okay, I'm gonna thank him! Until next time, daddy! Naruto said as he left the room.

-Sorry, Naruto. I couldn't be a good father for you. 154, you promised. Protect him." Minato muttered.


"So, you were pursued by an entire corporation because you were too dangerous and they didn't wanted to lose too much money in your creation? Those greedy jerks. Rin muttered.

-Yeah. Still, Naruto, Obito and Kakashi aren't here.

-Obito-koi and Kakashi are always late. Naruto must be still in the... She hadn't the time to finish her sentence as she heard a yell.

-MAN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAVING ME! It was Naruto, who hugged 154.

-Anytime, kiddo. You know about what happened...154 said as he hugged back.

-Yeah, you adopted me. You're pretty much my second father now. Thank you for everything.

-You're welcome, Naruto.

-So, we're waiting for Obito-nii and Kakashi-nii? They are always late.

-AM I AT TIME, YOU GUYS? It was Obito.

-No, Obito-koi. You're late. Rin said in response, smiling.

-It was the groceries! I swear!

-Don't worry, at least you've got good excuses, unlike some masked pervert. She growled as Kakashi appeared.

-Sorry, I'm late. I found Tora, but the Daimyo's wife wasn't in Konoha, so I had to look around for 3 hours. Tora escaped once again when I found the Daimyo's wife who recently arrived and I had to retrieve it again. I was exhausted because I had to use the Sharingan to catch him, so I walked slowly because I hadn't much chakra due to the Sharingan, and here I am.

-Liar... 154, Rin, Obito and Naruto muttered at the same time.

-Man, what is your name? Naruto asked to 154.

-I have no name. 154 muttered, but Naruto heard him.

-Then, I'm gonna call you Jin. It's okay?

-Yeah, It's okay, kid. 154, now named Jin said, as he really liked the name.

-So, Jin-Tou-san, as you are my second Tou-san, where are we going first?

-You will see, kid, you will see...Jin said as he, Obito, Rin and Kakashi walked out of Konoha.

"WAIT, DOBE-HIME!" It was Sasuke.

"Sasuke-teme, I'm a boy, so stop calling me that!

-Dobe-hime, I heard that you were on a training trip, huh?

-Yeah, why?

-I just wanted to say goodbye to my best friend! Anyway, come back stronger so I can kick your ass harder.

-Sure, teme.

-Until next time, Dobe-Hime.

-Until next time, teme, and...STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Naruto yelled as Sasuke ran away to avoid a beating.

***Timeskip: 7 years later...***

We see the two "Eternal Chuunins" Izumo and Kotetsu, guarding the gates of the village, but are absolutely bored out of their minds. They then noticed five figures walking towards the gate; One of them is Kakashi, who is wearing his ANBU outfit, alongside black boots, blue socks, a grey gun holster and on his back is a scroll containing firearms. another one is Jin, the who stopped the ROOT ANBU from transforming into a breeding stock their favorite demon container. The next figure is Obito, who has obtained a second (yet robotic) eye, thanks to the Systems Corp. supplies Jin had stolen when he escaped from their clutches. He is now wearing a black trench coat with an ammo belt around it like a sash, a blue t-shirt with the Uchiha crest on it, a pair of blue sneakers, orange socks, black jeans, a blue gun holster, a scroll containing firearms strapped on his back and black gloves with metal plates on it. He is still covering his robotic eye with his headband, through. Another figure is Rin. She is wearing a black t-shirt, a white jacket, a brown dress, black boots, white socks and on her back is a scroll containing firearms and medical supplies. The last figure is Naruto himself, now with a dramatic change in appearance. He is now wearing a black trench coat with an ammo belt around it like a sash, a white t-shirt, in addition to a pair of orange jeans, his pink hair was longer, in addition, he was wearing to a black gun holster and a holster for shuriken and kunai. On his feet, he wears a pair of black sneakers, orange socks and on his back is a scroll containing firearms. The two chuunin welcomed the five back into the village, as they are then escorted to the Hokage's office. When they made it there, they still saw the ridiculous amounts of paperwork sent in mostly by the civilian council, but not as much as seven years ago.

Jin greets the Yellow Flash, "We're back, dude, and Naruto's ready to kick some major ass at the academy!" Minato himself smiled back, "Ah, welcome back you five," as he finds himself caught in a friendly embrace by his son, who asks with a smirk, "So, have the civilians been giving you trouble as always, daddy?" The Hokage nodded, as he replies, "Unfortunately, yes. The best thing was when I revealed to them that Jin adopted you, and that the adoption papers were done in private, their faces were priceless! I had an ANBU photographing the whole thing! It was so funny! Obviously, they demanded that I send Hunter Ninjas to track the both of you down. However, I finally asserted my authority, and reminded them about their place on the council. I was also informed, thanks to my ANBU spies, Danzô and his ROOT spies, that certain members of the Civilian Council were corrupt, and I had them stripped of their ill-gained political power and arrested and most of them executed on charges of treason by selling information to enemy villages, money embezzlement, corruption of both ninjas and civilians and bribery among other acts of corruption. It serves them right. I still have to deal with paperwork, only it's less severe than seven years prior, thankfully, but still, the other remaining members of the Civilian Council proved to be real pains in the neck at times. The only downside was Kushina-hime. She send me in the hospital twice. The first time, when I revealed that Jin adopted you. The second time when I refused to send Hunter Nins after you." He then asks his students, "And how had Naruto's training in the ninja arts went?" Kakashi reports, "Naruto absorbs knowledge like a sponge, and paid a lot of attention to the lessons we gave him. In short, he did excellent, Sensei. He surpassed me in kenjutsu. I can't believe it! " Obito added: "Plus, he created an awesome Kekkei Tota. What was it's name?

-The Nuclear Release. Naruto said.

-Yes, the Nuclear Release. It use chakra to modify the reactions between both the atoms and the molecules, and so, he can mutate or disintegrate anything. IT'S SO AWESOME, SENSEI!

-He surpassed me in both chakra control and medical jutsu. Using his Nuclear Release, he even created a medical jutsu that can surpass EVERY MEDICAL JUTSU! Rin finished, her eyes sparkling.

-Daddy, you know how to defeat paperwork? Naruto asked with a smirk.


-Kage Bunshin." Naruto said, having learned the Kage Bunshin during his training trip. Minato was smashing his head on the desk, while muttering "Stupid Minato, stupid, stupid, stupid.", before telling Naruto:

"Naruto, you completed a worldwide SS-Rank mission. I will transfer the money on your account.

-Thanks, daddy. First, I received a bounty of an Iwa-nin I accidentally killed, now I'm gonna receive the money of an SS-rank mission?

-Anyway, Naruto, you've got a roommate. She was saved from Oto-nins by Gaï and his student Rock Lee when they were in a C-Rank mission. She is sweet, gentle and polite. She is a year older than you, but she asked to graduate at the same time as you so she could learn about you more, and be placed in the same team. She really want to meet you Minato said, but Naruto could feel the irony behind "sweet, gentle and polite".

-Yeah, sure. Naruto muttered, suddenly shaking in fear.

He was damn right...


As Naruto walked in his apartment, he was greeted by her roommate, a girl with long, untamed red hair and brown eyes. She talked to him in a rather...colorful language:

"Who the fuck are you? She asked.

-I am your roommate, Naruto Namikaze.

-My fuckin' roommate is a boy, from what Hokage-sama told me.

-But I'm a boy!

-You, a boy, my unfucked virgin ass! You're too damn pretty! And too cute. She said. Naruto lifted his t-shirt in response, revealing a muscular body instead of breasts. Naruto's roommate was drooling, her nose bleeding.

-You believe me, now? Naruto said, putting on his t-shirt, receiving a groan from his roommate.

-Y..Yeah...You're the prettiest guy ever. Come in. She said as Naruto walked in his apartment.

-So...what's your name?

-I am Tayuya Kurama Uzumaki. She said.

-You're both from the Kurama clan and the Uzumaki clan? Naruto asked in disbelief. After all, a chakra powerhouse like an Uzumaki combined with a genjutsu master like a Kurama could be someone dangerous...

-My father is a Konoha nukenin and is from the Kurama clan, while my mother was an Uzumaki from Uzushio. They met at Iwa and they were married in Iwa. They died 7 years ago during a S-rank mission in Konoha. My mother was killed by some strange weapon and my father...had his left lung ripped off and died from blood loss. Both of them died in Konoha's training ground 44. Their bodies were returned to Iwa.

-Holy shit... Naruto muttered.

-What the fuck is wrong, fucktard?


-Holy shitty Kami. Something fucking is wrong with you.

-If you say so...

-Fucktard, where's the other fucking roommate, you know, your adoptive father and now my adoptive father? (Since Jin was going to live with Naruto and Tayuya, he adopted Tayuya as well.)

-Oh, Jin-Tou-san? He must be dealing with the Council, and kicking their asses at the same time.

-I'M FREEEEEEEEEEE! A voice was heard, coming from Kiri.

-Who the fuck was yelling?

-Must be a Kage or a village leader.

-What the fuck do you mean?

-I defeated paperwork.

-It fucking means...

-MINATO, YOUR SON IS GOD'S GIFT TO THE KAGE! This one was from Kumo.


-Shit! If they don't shut the fuck up, I'm gonna rip off their balls and feed them to the Inuzuka dogs! Tayuya yelled in anger.


-It's official. One day I'm gonna fucking destroy the Elemental Nations. And I'm starting with you, because you're the one who made them like that, fucktard!" Tayuya said as she lunged to Naruto, who dodged and chopped her on the neck, knocking her out.

Other yells of happiness were heard in the Elemental Nations, Tayuya was tied up in the house to prevent her from going in a rampage and killing everyone. And Jin was still dealing with the Council...

***What happened between Jin and the Council...***

Jin walked through the hallways of the tower, before coming into the meeting chamber. Sitting on one side is the Shinobi Council, consisting of the heads of the various shinobi clans residing in the village, alongside many well-known shinobis, from both civilian families and clans. One the other side of the chamber are the members of the Civilian Council, made up of the village's merchants, business owners, and nobles. And then, there are the Elders, consisting of Homura Mitokado, Koharu Utatane, the Sandaime Hokage Hiruzen Sarutobi and lastly, the war-hawk Danzo Shimura, identified by his bandages and grim expression. Homura and Koharu act as his advisors, yet providing the Civilian Council the means to override the Hokage's authority.

Jin made a look of contempt on his face toward Homura, Koharu and the Civilian Council, having known of them because of Minato, who then took his seat as he declared:

"This council meeting has come into session. As you may know, my biological son Naruto Namikaze was sent on a seven years-training trip with Kakashi Hatake, Rin Nohara, Obito Uchiha and this man, his adoptive father." pointing to Jin "Identified as Jin, no surname."

At this, a fat councilman yelled to Jin, "The village needs to be cleansed of the demon's taint! If the prophecy is true, he's gonna kill us all! We need to deal with him before he does!" Jin replies in a growling voice, "I don't know what kind of crap you're talking about, fatso. What I'm hearing from you is nothing but fucking bullshit! The only thing I'm seeing is that of a bunch of greedy fuckers wanting more and more power for their useless asses! Besides, prophecy doesn't mean future, scumbag!"

Enraged at being called names by the hardened warrior, the councilman foolishly attempts to rush Jin with a sharp knife, but was harshly grabbed by the collar of his robes and tossed aside like trash into a wall, and with only one arm at that! Koharu was about to order the ANBU hidden in the room to kill the bio-weapon, but was stopped by the Hokage, who warned, "Koharu-san, don't. You do not wish to provoke Jin-san. Besides, he had the right to have done that, and didn't even come from this village, or any village anyways," before turning to Jin, "You don't mind show us one of the weapons you used to train Naruto?"

Jin sighs in annoyance, "At least have someone bring in a bull's-eye target to demonstrate it with, unless one of you want to be used as target practice, which means also a VIP place in the morgue." before turning to Kushina, Jiraya, Tsunade, Homura, Koharu and the Civilians, "Now listen here, bullshits, I don't want you getting any ideas about what you're going to see, YOU GOT THAT?!" The civilians nodded fearfully, gulping nervously at the super-soldier's tone, while Kushina, Jiraya, Tsunade, Homura and Koharu kept a straight face, even if Homura and Koharu were sweating bullets. The Hokage orders the ANBU to bring in a bull's-eye target, which they did, as Jin brings out his XM-435 Super Mag. The council gasped at the appearance of the weapon, as Jin loaded a magazine into it, cocked it, and took aim at the bull's-eye. He pulled the trigger, and with one loud bang, the Super Mag fired a single round at the bull's-eye, hitting it dead center with a small explosion, before firing the other rounds in the clip, decimating the target.

It is then that Hiruzen Sarutobi, head of the Sarutobi Clan, Sandaime Hokage and a member of the Shinobi Council, remarks, "This weapon looks powerful. From what I could make out, it is based on the concept of a handheld cannon.

-I guess you could say that, old man. This is what we call a handgun, which fires metal projectiles by explosive action. You pull the trigger, and a hammer strikes the primer of the loaded cartridge, which holds the propellant and the projectile. When the primer is struck by a hammer in the weapon, the propellant is ignited, the force of which fires the bullet through a rifled barrel. The distance and speed that the projectile travels at depends on the muzzle velocity of the weapon that fires it. This handgun, of the pistol sub-type, is the semi-automatic XM-435 Super Mag. It fires specialized .435 caliber explosive rounds that detonate on impact." Jin said in response. Looking at the weapon, Kushina, Jiraya and Tsunade were drooling at the aspect of training Natsumi in how using firearms.

"You trained my son, right, Jin-san? Kushina asked, saying the word "son" with a sneer.

-Yes, why, miss?

-Then, I demand you to train my daughter, Natsumi Uzumaki-Namikaze. She is extremely skilled, and she needs to be powerful enough to fulfill her destiny as the Child of the Prophecy, 'ttebane. She said, with Jiraya and Tsunade nodding.

-No way in hell, bitch! Jin said, knowing about how Natsumi treated Naruto and Kushina's secret hate for her own son.

-What. Did. You. Said? Kushina asked in a dangerous low voice, her long red hair flowing behind, like Kyuubi's tails. Minato gulped.

-I said "No way in hell, bitch!"! Jin repeated without a hint of fear in his voice. Before Kushina could snap, Homura stood up.

-Jin, by the power of the Civilian Council, I, Homura Mitokado, Koharu Utatane, Kushina Uzumaki, Jiraya of the Sannin and Tsunade Senju of the Sannin, you WILL train Natsumi Uzumaki Namikaze, or else...

-SHUT THE FUCK UP!That brat is nothing but arrogant, pampered and spoiled. I won't train her! Prophecy doesn't mean future, you power-hungry jerks! At Jin's remarks, Kushina snapped and rushed Jin, ready to pummel him into submission. Jin jumped out of the way, before grabbing Kushina by the throat and punching her on the stomach, knocking her out, to everyone's surprise. Even Tsunade immediately calmed down, not wanting to become Jin's target practice.

A merchant, thinking about how much money he could earn by selling firearms, remarks:"I propose that we ask Jin's permission to borrow the weapon for reverse-engineering and mass-production. Our enemies would not see this one coming!" Some civilians grinned, they could still sell to Natsumi these weapons.

At this, the super-soldier retorts with narrowed eyes, "No way in Hell, civilian-fucker! What if a ninja from another village or a nukenin gets his/her hand on this weapon, then what?!

-I agree. What if an opposing village gets their hands on this weapon? We cannot put at risk Konoha's safety just because of power-hungry, greedy people." Danzô said, agreeing with Jin, to everyone's shock.

The bio-weapon then asks the Hokage, "Now, may I leave? I'm not willing to waste anymore of my breath here having to put up with the spoiled babies in grown-ups' bodies known as the Civilian Council!" Minato nods, as he unleashes some KI (killing intent) to silence the Civilians before they could react to the bio-weapon having called them that.

***At the academy...***

Meanwhile, at the Ninja Academy, we see Chûnin-ranked instructors Iruka Umino and Mizuki getting ready for the Genin Exams. They hear knocking on the door, as Iruka replies, "Come in." In came Naruto Namikaze himself, as he hands the scarred instructor a note from the Hokage. "Alright," Iruka started, "We have a new student joining us for the Genin Exams with permission from the Hokage, his biological father. The note also said that he had been on an extended training trip for seven years alongside his adoptive father and the Hokage's students. Please welcome, Naruto Namikaze." This got some reactions, some excited, some irritable, and others motivated by…erm, fan girl/boy-ness.


"It's the g-girl wh-who s-saved me f-from the-these m-mean b-bullies, 7 years ago." A blue-haired Hyūga girl thought.

"Hey, we spent a few years through this academy, and she gets to come in, without even having gone through the lectures. So unfair! Anyway, Natsumi-chan's gonna kick her ass, like she kicked Satsuki and Sasuke's asses, despite Sasuke being the Rookie of the year!" An Inuzuka said, as his companion, a white little dog, barked in agreement.

"Hey, stop complaining, Kiba! If she's truly gone on such a long training trip, then she doesn't even need to go through them. And who knows, she might defeat Natsumi!"

"Fuck. The fucktard is here and it looks like he means fucking business! Who knows..."

"I'd *munch-munch-munch* pay to see what she *munch-munch* might do in these exams!"

"So onee-chan, you're back...I'm gonna show you the results of my training! You won't believe it!" Natsumi thought, still mocking her brother's androgynous apparence.

"Troublesome girl...Iruka-sensei, she looks pretty feminine, so why did you said "he"?

-Because I'm a boy, lazy moron." Naruto responded. Most of the boys were baffled, while a few ones thought about going gay on him.

"A boy...he looks powerful! Wait...he's Sasuke-otouto's best friend! Yeah, It's him! I heard he was in a training trip! If I can seduce him and use him to restore the Uchiha clan, I'm gonna restore an Uchiha clan even better than the previous one. And the Nara...can't forget about him. Too smart to forgot him. But first, kill Itachi." A raven-haired Uchiha girl thought, licking her lips in excitement.

"...This guy clearly means business, my insects can tell." An Aburame said.


"YEAH! SASUKE-KUN IS THE BEST, SO GET LOST, YOU FREAK!" A blonde gossip queen yelled in agreement.

But said Sasuke-kun cried tears of joy seeing his best friend back before going completely OOC: "DOBE-HIME! YOU'RE FINALLY BACK! I'M FREE!

-Sas-Gay-Teme, good to see you...AND I'M A BOY SO STOP CALLING ME THAT, SAS-GAY-TEME!


-...I feel sorry for you, Sas-Gay-Teme.


-When you will stop calling me Dobe-hime.

-NEVER!" Everyone looked at them like they were aliens. Sasuke's Fan-Club cheered, discovering that Sasuke wasn't half as icy as they thought. They had still a chance. No one dared say anything during 10 minutes, until:

"Now that everything calmed down, we can start class." Iruka said, in a good mood since he didn't had to use the "Big Head No Jutsu".

"We're going to start the Genin Exams. First, the written portion of the exams," Iruka said as he motions for Mizuki to pass out the worksheets.

Unfortunately, Mizuki is one of the few shinobi who hated Naruto, thinking he's the Kyuubi in human skin. Not wanting Naruto to become a ninja, he replaced Naruto's test with a Jonin-level written test and added a Genjutsu on it. Unfortunately for him, not only Naruto dispelled the Genjutsu, but played Mizuki's game and wrote the correct answers on the paper.

When the time came for the test papers to be turned in, Iruka gathered them, and graded each one. He was surprised when he graded Naruto's worksheet, not only Mizuki accidentally gave to Naruto a Jonin-level written test, but for all of the answers on it are absolutely correct, being on par with Sasuke and narrowly beating Natsumi and Satsuki, who respectively only got one answer wrong and two answers wrong.

When he announced the grades for the test papers, the Uzumaki's fan-boys fumed that a newcomer was upstaging their idol, among them all, a mutt named Kiba Inuzuka, the son of Tsume Inuzuka, clan head of the Inuzuka clan, accuses Naruto of cheating, only to be silenced by said Diclonius with a smidge of KI while pointing at him an UDP 10mm, a semi-automatic handgun firing 10mm rounds. The Uchiha's fan-girls still cheered for their idol, since he had a perfect score. Sasuke smirked, his best friend not only came back, but already kicked ass. Natsumi and Satsuki were seething: "How he managed to do that? How dare he surpass me? I'm gonna uncover his secrets and then, I'll take them for myself!"

"Follow us for the Shuriken part of the exams." Iruka said, with Mizuki and the rest of the class following him.

After several students, including Sasuke, Satsuki and Natsumi, performed their target practice tests, Naruto was next.

The blonde Uzumaki, after hitting 9 out of 10 targets, said smugly to Naruto, "Don't fail, onee-chan." The pink-haired jinchuuriki replies, "Oh, I never said anything about failing, imouto-teme!" before turning to Iruka, "Say, Iruka-sensei. You said that ANY kind of weapon could be used to hit the targets, right?" The dark-skinned Chûnin nods, before noticing Naruto reaching into and pulling out something from his "Firearms" scroll: a PANCOR Jackhammer! Everyone gasped as Naruto loaded the magazines onto the weapon, charges the gun, and takes aim at a target. He holds the down the trigger for a brief moment, firing at the target, leaving a hole at the head area. He did the same with the other targets, hitting them dead on the center. The students were awestruck by the destructive potential of the rifle, but Mizuki was seething that Naruto is passing the target practice test with flying colors with this strange weapon. However, there is still the taijutsu and the ninjutsu portion, so there may still be a chance that his plan to use the "Kyuubi" to steal the Forbidden Scroll and giving it to the biggest S-Ranked Konoha nukenin may still work.

As Naruto blew the smoke from his gun's barrels with Iruka passing him, he noticed his sister approaching him. He asks, "What do you want, imouto-teme?" at which Natsumi replies, "I want that weapon that you've used just now. As an Uzumaki and the Hokage's daughter, I demand that you hand it over," at which Kiba said, "She's right! You should give that weapon to Natsumi-chan! She obviously deserves to use it more than you do, loser!" with Akamaru barking in agreement. Naruto only said in response "How" Everyone looked both in pity and fear at Naruto. The last guy who refused something to Natsumi was sent in the hospital (In an emergency room) by Kushina herself. Sasuke snickered and said "Dobe-hime, you're kicking her ass like it was butter!". Naruto smirked, "Correction: her ass is butter so it's easy to kick.". Everyone laughed at this (Except for a few ***cough cough Natsumi Kiba cough cough***) Everyone either looked at Naruto in anger (Natsumi, Kiba, Akamaru, Satsuki, the Natsumi-fan club) or in awe and happiness (Sasuke, Sakura, Ino, Tayuya, Shino, the Sasuke fan-club, Hinata, Shikamaru, Chouji.)

After Ino passed the target practice test, Iruka said "Now, we're going to do the Taijutsu part of the exams. You're going to face either me or Mizuki and we're going to evaluate your katas and skills. Aburame Shino, please step up."

After several students, including Sasuke, Satsuki and Natsumi, performed their taijutsu tests, Naruto was next, facing Mizuki.

Iruka said: "Hajime!"

Mizuki tried to punch Naruto, but was suddenly held in place by something he didn't see. Like invisible arms. The Chûnin instructor yelled"I can't move!" Naruto half-lied "Due to a genetic disease, I've got a Kekkei Genkai: the vectors. It is invisible arms with an infinite range and it can break metal like it is nothing but wet paper."

Mizuki asked in shock "How many vectors do you have?" at which Naruto replies sheepishly "I don't have enough fingers to count, but I can tell you infinite number!" Everyone gaped, their jaws on the ground. Iruka said sheepishly "Naruto, you're excused from that part of the test since it would be a waste of time for you." as Naruto released Mizuki. But no one noticed Satsuki's angered look changed into a lustful one "Invisible arms + Sharingan...MUST! HAVE! HIM!" She thought.

After Ino passed the Taijutsu part, Mizuki said "To end the test, we're going to do the Ninjutsu part! After that, if you pass, you will be Genin!"

After several students, including Sasuke, Satsuki and Natsumi, came out of the room with their Hitai-ates, Naruto was next.

"Now, Naruto, if you want to pass, you will have to perform the Henge, the Kawarimi and the Bunshin no Jutsu." Mizuki said.

Naruto performed a Kawarimi and substituted with Mizuki, surprising both Chûnins, using Kawarimi on a living being was harder than a normal Kawarimi. The Diclonius proceeded by Henge-ing into Jin and finished with the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu.

"Naruto, excellent job. You've got the highest score in the Elemental Nations' history. But you don't mind if I ask you who was the boy you Henge-d into?

-My adoptive father. He was the one who trained me in the usage of firearms, the weapon I used during the target practice test included.

-I see. Please tell Ino Yamanaka to come here." Iruka said as he gave a Hitai-ate with a black cloth to Naruto.

After Naruto walked out of the room and said to Ino to go inside, he noticed a shy-looking girl, Hinata Hyūga, sitting by herself, twiddling her pointer fingers. Her most distinctive feature is the two white eyes with a shade of lavender. Naruto recognizes her to come from the well-known Hyūga Clan, known for their "Jûken" fighting style and a Dôjutsu known as the Byakûgan, which allows the user to see through solid surfaces and in every direction, as well as seeing the chakra points, or Tenketsu, of opposing ninjas. He also noticed that she's looking rather lonely, so he decided to sit next to her to keep her company. Naruto gently taps her shoulder to get her attention, which he did, albeit startling her a little. She turned to the androgynous male Diclonius smiling at her, at which she blushed.

"It's been a long time, huh, Hinata, since the last time.

-Y-Yeah. Ho-How w-was yo-your tra-training tr-trip?

-Really good. I learned a lot of things.

-G-Good fo-for y-you, Naruto-kun.

-And you're a lot stronger than the last time. If you do your best, never give up and keep going, you will be stronger.

-Th-Thanks, Na-Naruto-kun.

-Besides, who knows? Perhaps you could have done better than me during the Genin Exams!" That praise was too much for the Hyūga girl, who fainted. But since class was finished, Naruto dragged her to her home before continuing with Tayuya towards their apartment.


We see Naruto and Tayuya walking towards their home as Tayuya went a little OOC and asked a lot of questions to Naruto "Holy Shit! You kicked ass in the Genin Exams, fucktard! How was your shitty training trip? What was that fucking weapon in the target practice test? And how come your fucking clones were solid?" At that, Naruto responded sheepishly "Whoa, whoa! Easy! For the weapon, it was a PANCOR Jackhammer. A futuristic assault rifle with 20 shots a clip and an extremely fast fire rate alongside an extremely high DPS!The only downside is the reload time. Quite slow, dattebayo! My training trip? Really good! Created something new, but I won't tell you until I can trust you! For the clones, I used the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu! Far more useful than the shitty Bunshin no Jutsu! Solid clones who can attack, after a Kage Bunshin is dispelled, his memory is transferred to the original! So you can learn something quickly! Thanks to my...tenant, I can create a thousand of clones!" After these descriptions, Tayuya's jaw hit the ground hard. "'re god incarnate or what, fucktard?" she muttered.

As they finally came home, they were greeted by Jin. "So you're Tayuya Kurama Uzumaki, our roommate, right?" She nodded. "And who the fuck are you?" "I'm Jin, a.k.a Gamma-Class Bio-Weapon Project #154, Naruto's adoptive father, and now your adoptive father too. At least I'm now aware of your polite and colorful language." "What the fuck is a Gamma-Class Bio-Weapon?" Tayuya asked. Jin proceeded by telling Tayuya his story. She was rather...angry after that. "THESE FUCKING JERKS OF SYSTEMS CORP! TRYING TO KILL YOU BECAUSE THEY DON'T LIKE PUPPETS WITHOUT STRINGS! IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT DIMENSION SHIT, I WOULD CASTRATE THEIR CEO AND PLACE HIM IN THE WORST GENJUTSU EVER!" while Naruto sighed "Great. When Jin-Tou-san is pissed off, he swears a lot and now with Tayu-onee around, it won't help at all...WAIT! Did I called her Tayu-onee?" the pink-haired jinchuriki thought. As Naruto left to the training grounds, an ANBU appeared "Namikaze Naruto, the council request a meeting with you. It's about your progress, your weapons and the powers you acquired during the training trip." Naruto nods, before picking up a cat that followed Jin when he went to the Elemental Nations, Fuzzy McFluffenstein, one of Systems Corp's experiments. "Hey, Fuzzy, wanna go with me?" The cat jumped happily on Naruto's head, before the ANBU Shunshin-ed away with Naruto and Fuzzy.

***During the meeting...***

As Naruto and Fuzzy entered the council chamber, he noticed Kakashi, Rin, Obito, Natsumi, Iruka, Satsuki and Sasuke. Seems like Naruto's performance during the Genin Exams dragged them here as well.

Minato spoke : "This council meeting has come into session. As you may know, my biological son Naruto Namikaze was sent on a seven years-training trip with Kakashi Hatake, Rin Nohara, Obito Uchiha and Jin."

Naruto replied "We all know that. But why I am here, daddy?"

The fat councilman from earlier replies "We're here to evaluate your skills, since you managed to obtain the highest score in the Elemental Nations' history, thanks to some strange weapons. Plus, you've managed to master your Kekkei Genkai, apparently invisible arms called vectors, plus that "Nuclear Release". Am I wrong?" Naruto answered "You're right..." Already, he noticed the civilians' drooling looks, they were already thinking about placing Naruto in the CRA. "...but you old fags cannot place me in the CRA anymore, since I'm a shinobi now." He finished with a smirk. Obito, Rin, Kakashi, Sasuke, Minato, Hiruzen, Iruka, the entire Shinobi Council and even a few people from the Civilian Council erupted in laughter. To everyone's surprise, even Danzô was chuckling like a maniac.

"Do you think you can show us your actuals skills, please?" Mebuki Haruno, after recovering from her laughter, asked kindly. Naruto nods, before using a vector to lift himself up, like he was flying. Everyone gasped. Using his vectors, he pulled all his weapons from the scroll (Except for the Mask of Loki, and his Artifact 23, too dangerous.) his UDP 10mm, an FN P90 PDW, his PANCOR Jackhammer and finally his Il Duce, to everyone's shock.

"Awesome..." Rin and Obito muttered.

"What the hell..." Danzô, Minato and Hiruzen muttered.

"Kami blessed Konoha..." Hiashi said.

"Is that Naruto or Kami incarnate?" The Ino-Shika-Cho trio asked.

"Definitely a worthy mate for the Uchiha clan's rebirth. But first, kill Itachi." Satsuki thought.

"Damn you, onee-chan! I'll kill you, then your weapons will be MINE!" Natsumi thought, clenching her fists in anger.

"...Interesting..." Shibi said.

"It should belong to Natsumi-chan, 'ttebane!" Kushina thought.

"With him around, research will be harder!" Jiraya said, only to be sent flying by Tsunade, who mumbled something about "shameless perverts".

"Dobe-hime, is that you?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah, it's me, and stop calling me that, or else I'm gonna rip off your balls and feed them to the Inuzuka dogs with you watching!" Naruto yelled in response. Sasuke paled, even Tsunade felt bad for him, "Note to self: NEVER, EVER, piss him off. Anko looks like a lost puppy in comparison.", while said crazy snake lady was watching the whole thing from a window, and writing something on a notebook called "How to traumatize perverts" "I've got a new friend!" she thought happily.

"CHA! AWESOME!" Mebuki screeched, and many ears were bleeding.

"CHA! GOD BLESS US!" Inner Mebuki screeched.

"My ears are bleeding, Inner." Outer Mebuki said.

"A: This said from the one who made everyone's ears bleeding. B: This is YOUR FUCKING MINDSCAPE! HOW YOUR EARS CAN BE BLEEDING!?" Inner Mebuki screeched in response.

"You guys, are you okay?" Naruto mentally asked.

"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Kaede yelled in response.

"NYUU! CAN'T HEAR YOU! NYUU!" Nyuu yelled.

"How foolish. This is your mindscape, how come you can't hear him?" Kurama pointed out.

After recovering from Mebuki's screeching, Natsumi demanded: "I want all of your weapons, onee-chan!"

"How" Naruto responded. Kushina was already as red as her hair "Naruto, give her your weapons, or else, face your punishment!" as she cracked her knuckles. Everyone gulped. Fuzzy growled, attracting attention to him.

"This is my cat, Fuzzy McFluffenstein. He can be extremely bloodthirsty and enraged when someone threatened his friends, so I would be highly against threatening me. Plus, Tora looks like a lost kitty in comparison." Naruto said, smirking.

"CUTE!" Mebuki screeched, before pulling Fuzzy in a death hug, followed by Tsunade, Rin, hell, even Natsumi, Satsuki and Kushina hugged him.

"Can you let go of Fuzzy? He's turning blue. Besides, he is still recovering from Rin, who nearly transformed him into a Smurf! He was so blue!" Naruto pointed out. Everyone let go of the cat.



And even more silence...

"It was really a council meeting? It looked more like a comedy club." Naruto pointed out. Everyone laughed at this, even Danzô and Shibi.

"Let's go back to business. Uzumaki-sama and the Uchiha twins actually wants your weapons. The Civilian Council, I, Homura Mitokado, one of the Hokage's advisors, Koharu Utatane, another one of the Hokage's advisors and Kushina Uzumaki demands you to give your weapons to Natsumi Uzumaki-Namikaze, Sasuke Uchiha and Satsuki Uchiha immediately, or else, you will be forcefully placed in the Clan Restoration Act." Homura ordered, with Koharu, Kushina, Satsuki and Natsumi grinning and Sasuke frowning at his sister.

"A: I'm a shinobi now. So consider the Civilian Council out of it.

B: I'm still a genin and I am under the care of Jin-Tou-san. So you need his approval for placing me under the CRA.

C: Don't try to do a vote. Only my biological mother asked for it, alongside the advisors, the Civilian Council doesn't count." Naruto said with a smirk.

"D: I asked for your weapons, Do..Naruto. It's your choice whether you want to give me your weapons or not. It's my sister who went overboard." Sasuke finished with a smirk.

Before anyone could say or something that would get him ripped into pieces by Naruto, or worse, Fuzzy, Minato warns sternly, "Don't try my patience, or his either for that matter! He may potentially had the capacity to take down entire armies," before calming down and turning to the two gunmen, "Forgive me for having wasted your time like that, Naruto, Obito, Sasuke, Rin, Kakashi. You may leave now."

The Yellow Flash then turned to the elders and civilian council, "Listen to me, and listen well. I will not tolerate you people trying to undermine my authority and steal what isn't yours and giving it to 2 pampered children and Naruto's best friend. Sasuke Uchiha, Natsumi Uzumaki-Namikaze and Satsuki Uchiha are under my jurisdiction, not yours, not anymore. This meeting was a waste of time, as well. It is adjourned!"

He then turned to his daughter and Satsuki:

"You must deal with the fact that people are different from you and not always try to steal what isn't yours. Naruto isn't your brother anymore, Natsumi. Satsuki, try to obtain power by yourself instead of always stealing it. Am I clear?" Minato received reluctant nods in response.

***With Naruto...***

As Naruto and Fuzzy continued to their home, they spotted Mizuki running and carrying with him a large scroll. Intrigued, they decided to follow the instructor.

Reaching a forest, Mizuki finally noticed the Diclinius Jinchuuriki and instantly paled and shivered in fear.

"Yo, Mizuki-sensei! What's that scroll?"

"Naruto, I'm busy. I've been sent in a mission!" Mizuki said, not wanting to anger the Diclonius.

"Really? That would explain why you were running from Dad's house. And Daddy was in a council meeting. I know, because I was summoned."

"Well, I received the mission yesterday and I forgot that scroll."

"Why there is written "Forbidden Scroll" on it? Isn't it dangerous to steal it?" Mizuki paled even more.

"You know what, Mizuki-sensei? I'm going to leave you alive, but only if you return the scroll right now. If you do not comply, I'm gonna use these babies called vectors and Fuzzy to torture you in a way even Ibiki and Anko will be jealous." The Chûnin instructor nodded fearfully.

"I'm going to explain everything. Orochimaru gave me a Cursed Seal and wanted me to steal the Forbidden Scroll for him. If you make sure I'm not imprisoned, I'm going to come back here and now. If you cannot, please kill me!" Mizuki said, wanting to keep his job.

"I knew we could have an agreement, dattebayo!" Naruto answered happily.

A/N: End of the chapter. Constructive reviews, please. Flamers will be visited by Lucy.