19AN: Inspired by Adele's "Hello". I have many song-inspired songs running through my head, likely because I always have music playing wherever I am.
The character Joe belongs to Janet Evanovich and the lyrics are Adele's and cited at the bottom.
I picked up my work phone, hoping that Cupcake would answer. I knew for a fact that she wouldn't answer if she saw my cell phone number. Damn caller ID. The phone rang repeatedly until her voicemail picked up.
"This is Stephanie Mañoso's phone. I can't answer right now, but I promise I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Well, maybe. Unless you're a stalker or crazy. You get my drift. Oh shit! Did I say that aloud? Crap! I'm recording. How do I fix this? Hey guys! Where's Hector? I need his help…. Ugh! Just leave me a message." BEEP!
I had to smile at her voicemail recording – even if she has a different last name. It epitomized my Cupcake. Well, I guess she wasn't my Cupcake anymore. She hadn't been for years. Five seconds later I realized I hadn't said a word. I was lost in my memories. I started leaving her a message.
Hello, it's me
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal ya, but I ain't done much healing
If only she would answer her phone just once. If only she'd talk to me. I desperately wanted to apologize. I know. Strange. Morelli men don't apologize. We drink, fuck around on our women, yell, and communicate passionately with our hands. I realize what I did though. Unfortunately, it took three years, my last girlfriend turning the table on me to realize what I had done, and joining AA to understand. I needed to apologize for my royal fuck-up.
Hello, can you hear me?
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet
There's such a difference between us
And a million miles
Ever since I was eight years old I thought we'd be together forever. Crazy. I know. In my eyes Cupcake was the ultimate prize, but I was young and dumb. I didn't realize I had to work to keep what we had strong. I viewed Steph as a trophy – pretty to look at and show off. I didn't take into account her feelings and needs. I didn't even consider the fact that her ex-husband, Dickie, cheated on her. I should have treated her better than that royal asshole. Unfortunately, I was no better than him when we were dating.
Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home
I needed to apologize, preferably in person or on the phone. Voicemail just doesn't cut it. I needed to tell her that I finally understand. I was such a selfish, disrespectful bastard to her. I left her to train at Quantico without so much as a word until I called her a month into the training program. Then, for her to come visit me and find me in bed with Becca…I was lucky that they hadn't let her on Quantico's campus with her weapons. Otherwise, I'd likely be a eunuch and that would be a tragedy. I was and still am pretty attached to my boys.
I'm sure I'm still a jackass, but damn it, I'm trying to be a better man. I hope that one day I'll be a good enough person that Steph can forgive me and maybe let me back into her life a little. I miss her friendship; her ability to understand what I was thinking and feeling at any given moment. I miss the familiarity of her. I miss eating Pino's, drinking beer, and watching Rangers games. I miss her yelling obscenities at the TV when she didn't agree with a penalty. I missed her, but that is the price I have to pay.
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart
Anymore
I stared at last month's wedding announcements on the Trenton Times online. My mom told me that she got married, but I couldn't get up the nerve to look at it until now. She looked radiant. Hell, even Ranger was smiling.
Now that I got partial access to his service record when I was working on a joint taskforce between the FBI and the CIA, I know a lot of what he has done for our country…. Well, let's just say that even I think he deserves Steph. And maybe a little happiness. Besides, nobody else was as well-equipped to handle the all the crazies that seem to flock to her.
Maybe my fuck-up, both literal and figurative, worked out for the best. At least for Cupcake. She looked happier and healthier in that picture than I had ever seen her. As long as she was happy for the rest of her life, maybe I could learn to forgive myself.
GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
The past is long gone. I won't repeat the mistakes I made with Stephanie. I will be a better man.
Adele Adkins, Gregory Kurstin. "Hello." 25. Emi April Music Inc., Kurstin Music. 2015.