This is a glimpse of inside Bellatrix's mind and a perhaps even a reason as to why she turned out the way she did.

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The usual disclaimer still applies: The characters and canon situations in this story belong solely to JK Rowling and any company affiliated with her. If needed any other item belonging to another will be copyrighted at the end of the chapter. The plot however is solely mine. This is unbeta-ed so any mistakes are mine and I apologize for them.


Bitterness


She did not grow up acting like this or even feeling this hatred, Bellatrix thought as she crucio-ed yet another muggle. Her dark eyes watched with a dulled interest as her victim pleaded through choked gasps for her to stop. Begging never worked on her, she had learned to have no mercy from the tender age of five. If one could not handle the pain then they should be removed from the playing field—only the strong needed to be on this battlefield. Somewhere between her childhood and adulthood, her compassion flitted away entirely.

At one point in time, Bellatrix use to have a heart, a compassionate one. But as she grew up her heart turned bitter; unable to keep up with all the betrayals. She grew tired of being the strong one; the one to go to when the parents were too harsh, when friends were too cruel, when the stress of being perfect just got to be too much. She would coo her comforting words, rocking whoever—usually Andy or Cissa—needed it until their sobs faded away.

She had been the protector for as long as she could remember; causing trouble in front of her parents to save Cissa from admitting to breaking a family vase or Andy from voicing her outspoken thoughts. She had always been the one to provide the distractions, to take the hexes for the sheer reason that she was the older sister. And because she was the older sister, Bellatrix needed to protect her siblings, even from their own parents. When Andy and Cissa were old enough, she would be their shield from the horrors of the world; the lying friends who wanted the prestige of being 'friends' with a Black, the family who would play a game of chess with its own members—needlessly sacrificing if the case needed—and all of the bits in between.

She had been the one to cry to, never the one to cry.

And perhaps that was where the mistake laid; she never shed a tear, at least not since her sisters were born. How could she when she had to be their example? Of course apparently being a good example did not work very well, Bellatrix thought idly; glaring at the muggle who no longer begged for the pain to end, but instead to just be dead. Andy went off and married one of the blasted spawns—after all Bella tried to do to keep her from it. Her younger, cherished sister turned her back on the family, on Bella for a muggleborn boy more timid than a bloody mouse. No explanations. No apologies. Nothing.

Bellatrix did not understand it. How could someone ever leave their family, their flesh and blood for some stranger they think they love? Did she not realize how much her family loved her? How much her sisters would miss her? It didn't matter now because it was in the past and could never be changed. Bellatrix withstood hexes, curses, and hours of pain trying to protect her sister from the harsh world they lived in, the family they were born into, and the expectations that were thrusted upon them.

And Andy did not even bother to leave her a bloody note. Some people might suggest that Bellatrix held some bitterness over that small act from years ago.

Looking at the muggle she currently tortured and seeing them barely moving—just the occasional twitching of a finger—and not even begging anymore, Bellatrix silently agreed as she sent an Avada Kedavra at the motionless body.

Definitely still bitter.


Tell me what you think please! Those looking for AP updates, help me get my muse back by reviewing what you might want to see-either on here or in the Always Pure.

Like I said earlier, want to see another character or another emotion? Review and let me know. I'm trying to regain my muse for AP and more ideas. Life has been hectic and I'm trying to find some peace throughout all the mess, so updates might be sporadic but something is better than nothing right? Having these short, random chapters to make are a lot less stressful than 5K chapters for AP.