"...A what?"

"A mission! Come on, it'll be fun!" said Ryan, still bearing that goofy grin on his face.

I took a moment to send him my infamous deadpan stare. After a minute or so of him just grinning in all his oblivious glory, I decided to direct my 'fuck you' stare to a different target; namely Kouta.

Collateral damage?

Maybe.

Unnecessary?

Probably.

Did I enjoy doing it?

You bet your sweet ass I did.

Feeling my stare of a thousand no-fucks burning through his skull, Kouta countered it with a raised eyebrow that just screamed "are you kidding me?", thus commencing the most pointless staring contest known to both man and mon. It couldn't have lasted more than a minute and a half but to us, each second of that minute felt like an eternity. Our digimon watched our battle of wills from the sidelines, his with a confused expression on his face and mine…well actually, Demidevimon didn't really look like he gave a shit. Huh, figures.

However, the power of his floating eyebrow was no match for my pan-of-dead, leaving him with no choice but to concede to my awesome power with a sigh usually given out by teachers to students who don't pay attention in class.

'It's like he's known me all my life.' I thought as I bathed in my victory.

"Don't you know anything, rookie?" he said.

Now it was my turn to send my eyebrow to the sky. Rookie? Great, as if 'Kid' wasn't bad enough.

"A mission is a request sent to the Union by people or digimon in need of assistance. The missions are divided depending on type, rank and level of skill needed to complete them," he explained, clearly expecting me to understand every word he just said.

Yep, I'm totally going to have fun screwing with this kid…ah crap, that came out wrong.

"Basically, when someone has a problem, they ask the Union for help and they send us to deal with it," explained Tsukaimon.

"That...sounds like effort," I moaned. I didn't like effort okay. Effort is hard!

"Oh don't be that way," said Ryan because literally no one else would be that enthusiastic about anything. "It'll be fun, I promise. Just us guys, out in the world, solving mysteries…"

"Using leaves as toilet paper," Monodramon continued.

"Sounds like one hell of a time," I said, my tone absolutely dripping with sarcasm- sarcasm that was either ignored or unnoticed by Ryan. Why I expected anything less at this point, I had no idea.

"Great, then let's go!"

"Huh?! Wait wait wait, I was being sar-"

Too late. Despite my protest and many MANY swears, I found myself being dragged away by the lovable dumbass AGAIN!

'I really do hate my life.'


Unknown to our "heroes", a pair of bright green eyes watched on from beneath a black cloak, tracking their every move deeper into the city.

The figure reached under his hood, placing a small device in his ear. Once he were sure it was place it correctly, he activated it before speaking.

"Is it done?" he asked.

"Yep. Just finished actually," said a voice throught the earpiece.

"Good. Head back to HQ. I'll see ya when I'm done here."

"Roger," the voice replied.

It's job done, the figure deactivated the earpiece before removing it from his ear.

"That's who the boss man is so interested in?" said a voice from beneath the figure's hood, not very impressed by what it was seeing.

"Looks like 'em."

"He doesn't look so tough. We could easily take him down right now, what do you say?" said the other voice as it tried to struggle out from beneath the hood.

"Nah ah ah." He lowered his hood further, blocking his companion's escape. "You heard the boss, we're supposed to watch the target. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Then where is he?"

"Huh?" He looked down at the busy city street and sure enough, his target was gone, lost amongst the crowd.

"Well...he...uh...shit."


"Here we are, the mission center!" Ryan announced…for some reason.

The building itself wasn't really all that impressive considering everything I've seen since I've been here - as messed up as "here" is. It looked like the kind of place where cartoon-depicted (I had no idea I knew that word) IPods were made; all unnecessarily futuristic-y and metallic, just like everything else I've seen here so far.

'I think I'm starting to see a pattern here,' I thought, still staring at the building. The only thing that really made it stand out was that it was bigger than most of the other buildings. Well, that and the large sign that said 'Digital Mission Center'.

But that's not important right now.

"Well don't just stand there, let's go in," said Ryan as he walked in with his hands folded behind his head, like he had swag. Ugh, did I really just say that?

I sighed and followed him through the large automatic doors and saw….ah shit.

Lines. Lines fucking everywhere. Well actually there were six of them, each one handled by a different digimon and all pretty long. Which was terrific for me since the first thing I said this morning was: "Gee, I hope I get to stand in a long line today!"

Notice my sarcasm there?

"Oh joy," I said as I stared at the poor souls I was soon to join, waiting in boredom and despair for the jerk in front of them to move so they could get on with their lives.

Yep, this is gonna be a long chapter.

Thankfully, Ryan (bless his big heart and tiny brain) put my worries to rest. "You guys wait here while I go check out the board. Come on, Mono."

As brunette tamer and purple dragon made their way towards a line being handled by - I shit you not - a giant chicken, I took the time to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet that soon followed. After all, with all that's been happening to me lately - waking up in a weird forest, nearly being killed by a giant bug and regretting meeting every girl that I've laid eyes on since I got here - I think Demidevimon and I deserve some down time.

'...and I'm bored now.'

Seeing as there was nothing better to do (and I had to progress this story somehow), I decided to take a look around. All around me were people and digimon of all shapes and sizes, all waiting in line to receive a mission...or you know, to grow old and die already. Anything to get out of standing in line.

"Geeze, it's like the Rainbow Nation and the DMV had a lovechild, eh Demidevimon?" I got no response which, if you've been paying attention to the previous chapters, you'd know is a worrying fact all on its own. I looked at the little bat digimon who was now on my shoulder. He looked kinda….troubled. Like he had a lot on his mind.

"Demidevimon?"

"Huh, what now?" He blinked, looking like he was just snapped out of a daydream, and looked at me. "What's up?"

I raised an eyebrow. Now I know some weird shit is up. "You okay, Buddy? Ya kinda spaced on me for second."

"Yeah I'm good. I'm just thinking about those jerks from earlier."

"Demidevimon, please," I exclaimed before continuing in a hushed tone. "Kouta and Tsukaimon are right there."

"I heard that!" The midget yelled, not that Demidevimon and I noticed….or cared. Man I'm starting to understand why I don't have many friends.

I'm too good looking!

"No, I mean the other jerks," Said Demidevimon.

Oh. Well that's an easy one.

"Mikaela and Candlemon?"

"The other other jerks."

I stroked my chin in thought. How many jerks do I know? A lot. Which ones did I see today? A lot. Wow this was a lot harder than it should be. Why the hell do I know so many jerks?

'I wonder if normal people have this problem…'

"Hhmmm...you?"

"I mean the three jerks we met earlier!" he snapped.

"Oh yeah. They were my next guess." I looked at Kouta, who was busy petting Tsukaimon. "Who were those turd-monkeys anyway?"

"Squad seven," he growled in obvious irritation. Wow, even when I'm not trying, I'm pissin' this kid off. I'm just that good.

"So I'm guessing they're not exactly on your friend-list," I said, receiving an annoyed glare in response. I guess he's not in the mood for my trolling anymore.

Sucks to be him then!

"What they are is bunch of pricks who think they're better than everyone just because they're gold tamers when, really, they're just lowly pieces of -"

"Woah woah woah! Hold up a sec," I interrupted. "Those jerks were gold tamers? Even the guy with the bug?"

"Pretty much," he concurred. Ugh, there's a word I hope to never use again. "As for the disgusting pest, his name is Kenny. The bug's name is DoKunemon."

'I see what you did there!' I thought, not bothering to suppress my amused chuckle. This midget was actually pretty funny when he wanted to be.

"Which reminds me, you might want to watch out for him. He doesn't take kindly to people talking back to him, especially bronze tamers."

'Wow, first day on the job and I'm already making enemies. Just like high school.'

"Alright, that's one douche out of the way. What about Goldilocks and the Crimson-Hoe?" I asked.

"The blonde guy with the overdone hair is Chad and his partner is ToyAgumon. They're annoying at best though. One splash of water on Chad's hair usually shuts them up," he explained.

"A blonde pussy and his toy. Got it. Next!" I exclaimed, making him snort with laughter. I'm not sure which is weirder; the fact Tiny Evil and I were actually having a (semi-)civilised conversion or that an eight-year old knew what pussy was.

Maybe this should be an M-rated story.

"The girl and the cat are Amy and Tobucatmon, the thugs of the group. What they lack in brains, they make up for in brawns."

Tsukaimon decided that this was a good time to cut in. "She's also kind of a…"

"A bitch?" asked Demidevimon.

"Meanie. I was gonna say meanie." Huh, I guess hamsters can't swear. Too bad, that would've been cute.

"Great, as if the women here weren't scary enough," I groaned, the memories of my last encounters with females making me shudder. I swear, it's like everything with boobs just hates me.

'And speaking of boobs,' I thought as I saw Ryan and Monodramon return with a piece of paper.

"Took you long enough," said the ever so jolly elf. You'd think someone who worked with Santa for as long as he did would be a little bit nicer.

I took the paper from his hand and inspected it. The writing was barely readable but I'm no master writer either so I managed.

To any and all tamers.

A small group of thieves has escaped custody and are reeking havoc on small towns. The group was last reported to be seen in Bit Jungle, near Gōremu village. Speak to the village elder for further details.

Rank: D

Reward: 800 bits

From Noel Strife of Digi-City W.

"Noel Strife?!" Kouta yelled before suddenly grabbing the note out of my - wait, did I read that out loud? "This signature…. It is him!"

"And just who is Noel Strife?" I asked despite knowing I'd immediately regret it.

"Whose Noel Strife?! Do you live under a rock or something?!"

See what I mean?

"Noel Strife is one of the most famous tamers in the digital world. By the time he was my age, he had already reached gold tamer! He's ranked four of the digital world's top ten tamers and-"

"Yeah I'm gonna have to stop you right there," I cut in, holding up the universal hand sign for "stop...hammer time!". What? It's a catchy song. "See, we've already wasted one hundred and thirty six words on that pseudo staring contest earlier and we really don't need the extra dialogue right now. So why don't you just give me the short version so we can all get on with our fictional lives, okay? Okay."

Oh man. That glare. It was so stuffed with hate that I swear I could see some of it leaking out from his tear ducts.

'Yeah, welcome to the rest of your life, kid.'

Monodramon, seeing that Kouta was too busy trying to burn a hole through my forehead- better men have tried -decided to take the metaphorical wheel before I said something that would really piss the toddler off.

Oh well. There's always next time.

"Basically, he's a really famous tamer." he explained. Not sure why they didn't just say that in the first place.

"He's super strong too. His partner, Susanoomon, is like a freaking one mon thunderstorm!" Ryan exclaimed, much to my relief. I've only known the guy for two days and already I find it unnerving for him to be silent. You just never know what's going on in that brain of his.

"If they're so famous then how come I've never heard of em'," asked Demidevimon.

"Probably you're too busy causing trouble around town to pick up a newspaper," Kouta angrily growled, receiving no response from the bat digimon.

I looked at Demidevimon with a raised eyebrow but he just shrugged.

"Hey, when he's right, he's right," he said.

I….couldn't argue with that actually, not that I'd actually waste my energy arguing with an eight-year old but still, points to you, kid. There was one thing that bothered me though….

"So wait, if this guy's so tough, what's he doing sending out rank D missions instead of doing them himself?" I asked.

He shrugged. "He's probably got more important things to deal with."

"Or maybe he's just on the toilet ," said Ryan. "But enough about that - we've got a mission to do. To the digiport!"

With that being said, he made his way to the exit with gusto, followed by his purple partner in crime. Kouta just sighed at his enthusiasm before following, leaving me and Demidevimon to our own devices.

"Our first job as model citizens. Yay…" groaned Demidevimon, clearly not expecting much out of this.

"I don't know, maybe this could be a good thing," I said in an uncharacteristically serious tone. "A new path has been set for us. A chance for us to be moulded into the good, model citizens we've always dreamed of being but never had the chance to become."

We looked each other with blank expressions for a moment before bursting with laughter, earning odd looks from the other tamers and their digimon.

"Oh man….you almost had me for a second!" Demidevimon exclaimed as he wiped a stray tear of eye.

"Hehehe….I know...oh man, I slay me." I sighed as I made my out of the building. "Now let's go troll the shit out of this chapter."

Demidevimon jumped off my shoulder and perched himself on my head. "Right behind ya, pal."


"How long does it take to register a criminal…."

Ave tore her eyes away from her holographic screen (not something she did very often) to address her partner. "No need to worry, Mastemon, I wouldn't have sent them if I wasn't sure that they could handle it." She smirked. "Or perhaps…. are you a little too eager for results?"

"I'm eager to know if we've finally caught her."

Ave scoffed. "I doubt it. She's always been a slippery one."

"How can you be so calm?"

Before she could respond, the doors opened. Two tamers walked in, followed by their digimon. They stopped and saluted and did nothing else. They were practically statues.

Ave sent her partner another smirk. "See what I mean?" she asked, before turning to the tamers. "Ah. Alice, Craig, how was the mission?"

They relaxed immediately. "The mission was...a failure," said Alice, a young girl with dark brown shoulder length hair, her dark blue eyes narrowing in self-disappointment. Feeling a tug on her jeans, she looked down and saw her partner, Lunamon, staring up at her with a sweet smile and bright eyes.

"Don't worry, Ally, we'll get her next time."

Staring down at her partner's adorable smile, added with her appearance that almost made her look like an innocent child, Alice couldn't stop the small smile possessing her lips even if she tried.

"She slipped right through our fingers," said Craig, a tanned boy with very short black hair. He wore a dark red shirt and blue jeans. His partner, Kunemon, sat on his shoulder.

"I see. Anything else to report?"

"No ma'am. That's pretty much it."

"Very well then. Your reward will be at the mission center. Dismissed."

They saluted and left, leaving Ave and Mastemon alone once more.

"Looks like your were right," said Mastemon.

"You sound surprised." she raised an eyebrow as she turned back to her screen. "It's like I said; slippery."

Mastemon scoffed. "Know it all…"

"I heard that."


It was simple. All they had to do was find a digiport, teleport to Bit Jungle and finish the mission. It was so easy, any idiot could do it.

"What do you mean the digiport isn't working?!"

Apparently, our "heroes" were special idiots.

Liam facepalmed as Kouta continued to argue with the mechanic- some emo-looking guy wearing a creepy skull shirt and fingerless gloves. He had a tall, slender build which which only confirmed Liam's emo theory. Part of him wanted to be a dick (everyone needs a hobby, right?) and say "Watch out guys, we got a badass over here!", but considering the guy had a terrifying robot standing right next to him (and that the only form of protection he had was a small bat who was more likely to sell him for lunch money than actually protect him) he decided that it would be in his best interest to shut his trap.

'Oh well, there's always next year.'

The mechanic- he decided to call him 'Emochanic' for now -stared down at Kouta with an extremely bored look in his eyes, like he couldn't be bothered to really put up an argument.

"Look, kid, I don't know what else to tell you. Something's wrong with the tracking system of all the digiports in the city. So unless you hate this place so much that you don't want to come back, I suggest you make a plan because this thing ain't porting crap right now," he said cooly, his expression forever bored. He turned back to the digiport, and retrieved his tool box from his partner before getting back to work.

Liam sighed as Kouta began to argue with the mechanic. This wasn't going his way at all. All he wanted was a nice semi-quiet day of lounging around, gorging himself on snack foods and maybe trolling Mikaela for an hour or two. Was that so wrong?

Apparently it was, and very much so if his inability to sit for the next few days was anything to go by.

'Fuck you too, universe.'

"Hey, kid, look at that." He turned to his partner who was now perched on his shoulder. He sent him a questioning glance, but the bat digimon's attention was elsewhere. Following his stare, Liam saw a large crowd gathering not far off - and increasing in size by the second.

"Think we should check it out?" asked Demidevimon.

Liam stared at the crowd for a moment before turning to his teammates. Kouta wa still "talking" with emochanic and Ryan was trying to score some random girl's number. He must've been doing something right because she was giggling and - wait, nevermind. She just slapped him.

Liam cringed. And they thought he was the weirdo of the team.

"Might as well. We're uh...not much use here anyway," he replied. "Besides, I doubt they'll notice we're gone for a few minutes." He watched as Ryan walked up to another girl.

"...or hours."

With that, he made his way to the ever growing crowd, ignoring the loud snap of skin-on-skin contact. As they got closer to a cluster of men and mon, the sounds of cheering and laughter invaded their ears. He raised an eyebrow at the joyous sounds. The only time he ever heard sounds like that back home was when someone was getting the ever-loving crap beaten out of them. The thought made him walk faster.

It didn't take long to reach the crowed. The sounds of cheer were practically deafening at this point. It probably would've damaged his eardrums, were it not for the many years sitting alone in his room, with full-blast headphones, he had under his belt.

...It's not sad.

They made no move toward the crowed. They simply stood there, looking for an opening in the sea of arms, legs and….other appendages. Liam could've sworn he saw a tentacle in there somewhere. Under normal circumstances, he'd have no problem simply shoving his way through the crowd, not caring about the many enemies he'd no doubt make in the process. However, that plan not only went out the window, but drank a whole bottle of cyanide before taking the jump when Liam noticed that half the digimon in the crowed were large enough to pick him out of their teeth.

Okay, maybe he was exaggerating a bit there, but they were freaking huge! He nearly shat houses when he saw a giant flaming bird hovering over a giant orange T-rex. And if that wasn't already enough nightmare fuel to last a few life times, then what happened next nearly gave him a heart attack. They must've sensed his stare or something because they both suddenly turned and stared at him. For the second time that day, Liam found himself in a staring contest with a really odd opponent. That's when it happened.

They smiled at him.

Fucking smiled!

The already-high amount of holy shits going through the boy's head only increased at the sight of their ass-shreddingly sharp teeth. If his earlier trip to the hospital had not left his own ass in the middle of vicegrip impossible, he probably would've needed some new pants.

'Since when do birds have teeth?!'

"So, uh, I guess yoloing this bitch is out of the question," said Liam, gulping the lump of fear down his throat as he turned to his partner. "Any ideas?"

Demidevimon was silent as he stared at the crowd, his wing stroking his chin in thought. "Just one." Spreading his wings and jumping off Liam's shoulder, the bat digimon wasted no time in leaving his partner staring at him in disbelief as he made his way over to the center of the crowd.

"Hey, what about me?!" the boy yelled. His partner yelled something that might have been a response, were it not drowned out by the cheers of the crowd. However, he did manage to catch the words "screw" and "yourself".

"Screw you, you flying rat!" he yelled angrily at the bat's retreating form. After taking a moment to calm himself via deep breaths and a boatload of curses, he turned his attention back to the crowd. It might have been the fear of being trampled by lots of pissed off digimon, but somehow, it looked even larger and more compact than before. Both man and mon were pushing and shoving each other in hopes of getting a better view of…whatever was going.

Seeing no other way in there and getting pretty sick of just standing there, he let out a defeated sigh. Looks like he was yoloing this after all.

'The things I do for plot development.'

Taking a moment to recall all the self help videos he'd seen on Youtube™ , he faced the crowd again, took a deep breath and…

"LEEEEROOOYYY JEEENNNKINNNS!"

With his war cry echoing loud and clear, he closed his eye and charged into the crowd in a blind fury. Like Moses splitting the ocean in two, he crashed, pushed and shoved a path, all the while screaming his war cry that sound like a scream of fear to the ears of everyone else. He wasn't sure how long it was before he finally worked up the courage to open his eyes, but when he did, he caught a brief glimpse of dark brown hair before his vision was overcome with white.

This caused him to stop in his tracks. It was not a white flash of blinding light. Just….white. Even stranger, he actually felt it impact with his face, followed by the sounds of laughter. As all of this was going on, Liam found himself repeating a recurring thought that had haunted him since the day he woke up in this messed up world of talking bats and angry candle girls.

'What. The. Fuck.' It wasn't so much a question of his current situation, but rather a quick summary of it in a few simple well put words. He was still trying to make head or tail of what was going on when the 'white' suddenly began to slide off his face, allowing the sunlight to enter his vision once more. Once the last of the dull colour had fallen from his face, landing with a 'thud', he quickly became aware of his surroundings again- specifically, the crowd of people and digimon (the digimon who had them) laughing their asses off. Looking down, he saw a tin of pie slathered with white cream. Said cream now hosted a very handsome dent at it's center.

Well, that explained why he smelled lemon cream. For a minute there he thought he died and old Grimmy was trying out some new perfume.

He found himself smirking despite his current situation. 'Lemony Death, for men. I'd totally market that.'

Turning his attention back to the crowd of laughing jerks, he saw what could only be described as a purple imp walking towards him, a clean towel in one hand and a megaphone as big as his head in the other. The site was oddly adorable in a weird "I'm not alright in the head"-way.

'Then again, I did just get bit in the head with a pie so…' He let that thought trail off as the imp-thing now stood in front of him.

It smiled at Liam as it held out the towel in its three-fingered hand. "You okay, kid? You took quite the hit there."

It took all of Liam's willpower not to facepalm and let out a whole plethora of swears at the familiar nickname, and even then he still muttered a quick "sonofabitch," as he accepted the towel. Just how many people were going to call him that?

'I'm eighteen dammit!'

"Trust me, I've taken worse things to the head…and other places." He muttered the last part, the memory of a certain doctor and her pet spider coming to mind. He quickly shook away the image- he had enough nightmares for one day, thank you.

"Hey that's great, kid." That time he did facepalm as the imp turned to the crowd and began speaking through the megaphone. "How about a hand for our surprise volunteer, folks?!"

Suddenly, the crowd erupted with applause. The sound was nearly deafening, but thankfully he still had some pie in his ears to help soften the blow. Some individuals even gave him a pat on the back- a few of them forgetting that they had claws.

'My spine!'

The little imp just laughed at his pained expression before readdressing the crowed. "Alright, folks, that's all we legally have time for today. Come back tomorrow and we'll show you how easy it is to fit a human body into a tiny box."

And just like that, the crowd began to dissipate, leaving a cream covered teen and an imp holding a megaphone.

'It's senior prom all over again,' he thought as he wiped the last bits of cream off his face.

"That was hilarious!" yelled a familiar voice. Feeling a sudden pressure on his shoulder, Liam looked to his left and saw Demidevimon now perched on his shoulder. The little jerk was struggling to speak between bouts of laughter. "Man, talk about taking it like a pro. Then again, you've been doing that a lot today haven't you?"

Liam's eye left twitched. He shakily raised his arms, getting ready to lunge at the bat-digimon.

"That was amazing!"

Liam turned to the direction of the voice, aiming to give the owner a few choice words about throwing pies when...

'Oh….my….gah….'

To say his jaw nearly hit the floor would've been an understatement. It was more like it dislocated itself and hopped away. He could hardly believe what he was seeing, and who could blame him? After all, it isn't everyday you see a girl dressed in a jester outfit, riding a unicycle and juggling three cream pies and a flaming knife!

"That was our best show yet!" cheered the jester as she wheeled herself over, never stopping her juggling. Her outfit was skin tight and consisted of red and black squares, four on each part of her body. Despite the tightness of the outfit, her act remained unaffected. Her curly dark brown hair- which Liam would've mistaken for black were she not standing, um, wheeling in the sunlight -swayed from side to side as she juggled. The blade of the knife somehow never touched her skin, no matter at what angle it fell. She just continued to catch it by the handle and toss it in the air, in a demonstration of skill Liam had only seen by professionals and con artists.

And it was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

"Sorry about the pie to the face. I lost my grip on one of the pies and...well, you know the rest." She was right in front of him now, about an arm's length away. At this distance, he couldn't help but notice that her eyes were the same brown as her hair.

'Sexy….clown...lady,' he thought, eyes wide and face red.

"Uhm, Harley?" the imp called, jostling Liam out of his thoughts. Harley? The name fit perfectly in his opinion, but he couldn't help but feel like he'd heard it somewhere before.

Harley turned her attention to the imp, head cocking to the side with an adorable "Hmm?"

"You're still juggling," the imp pointed out.

"Huh?" She looked at her arms and was shocked to see that she was, indeed, still juggling. "Woopsie. Just give me a second."

Liam would never forget what happened next.

In a display of masterful acrobatics, she suddenly threw the pies and flaming knife into the air before back flipping off her unicycle. She pulled off three successful air flips before landing perfectly with her feet together and her arms held out by her sides. Not a second later, all three pies landed in her hand, perfectly stacked without a drop of cream landing on her. As if that wasn't enough, the knife landed in the center of the final pie, blade first and still flaming.

For the first time in his life, Liam was speechless.

Demidevimon whistled at the impressive display. "Impressive, but I bet you can't do that blindfolded."

The jester smiled, her eyes sparkling with wonder and excitement. "Challenge accepted! Impmon, get the blindfold!"

"No!" Liam shouted, finally finding his voice. He was not about to have the death of a sexy clown lady on his head. A male clown, sure (with pleasure in fact), but not a sexy female one. He didn't think the world could handle such a loss.

He found himself feeling slightly guilty when she looked at him with sad eyes and let out a sad yet adorable "Aww…."

"Uh, I mean, why don't you save that for the next show? You know, when there's a bigger crowed and all that jazz," he added quickly, earning an odd look from his partner.

Her frown quickly turned upside down. "That's a great idea!" she exclaimed as she threw the pies off in some random direction. He wasn't sure where they disappeared to, but he could've sworn he heard a muffled explosion followed by someone yelling "My leg!"

'It's weird how that doesn't even make it on the 'Weird things I've seen in the one and a half days I've been here' list,' He thought.

Feeling a tugging on his pant leg, he looked down and saw the little purple imp from earlier- Impmon if he remembered correctly. The little devil was holding a hat that was practically overflowing with what looked like silver computer chips.

'I've seen those before, haven't I?' he thought, raising a questioning eyebrow. Then it hit him. Those were the chips he saw Ryan use to pay for their food the day they met. 'So they use computer chips as money here. Good to know.'

Impmon either didn't notice his thoughtful expression or chose to ignore it. He simply reached into the hat and scoped up a handful of chips, not bothering to count them before offering them to the boy. Liam stared at the weird money with a blank expression before looking the imp digimon in the eye and deadpanning. "If you're looking for some service, you're gonna have to cough up a lot more than that, pal. I mean, do you see this ass?"

He was expecting a negative reaction. An awkward silence, a slap, a remark of how inappropriate he was being, all things he had grown more than used to. So it shouldn't be too hard to imagine his surprise when they actually laughed. Not the usual sarcastic "ha ha, very funny" but a genuine, honest to Bieber laugh- one being an adorable (and slightly creepy) giggle, the other being a loud and obnoxious "HA!".

He looked at Demidevimon, as if to make sure he wasn't that only one seeing this; that he hadn't just gone crazy(er) from recent events. But the bat digimon looked just as surprised as he was.

"No no! This is your share of money," he said once he finally found his voice. "After all, if there's one thing we've learned in this business, it's that you never get cream on your face without expecting some cash for your trouble."

An awkward silence hung in the air for second.

But only for a second.

"Pffft-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" At that moment, Liam was sure he attracted some odd looks and the attention of some therapist (he swore he could feel Lourdes eyeing him like a piece of meat), but he was also more than sure he didn't care (not like it's the first time that's happened). He didn't blame them of course. After all, a boy and a harlequin hugging their stomachs as they howled with laughter, a bat digimon falling off the boy's shoulder, rolling on the floor and struggling to breath through bouts of laughter, while an imp digimon tried really hard not to do the same. That ain't shit you see everyday.

"Oh….oh man, I….I can't breath," Liam wheezed as he tried stand up straight, only to grab his stomach again and begin the process anew. "Perverted humour….classic!"

"I know, right?" she replied, though just barely. She took a moment to catch her breath before speaking again. "I'm Harley, Melia Harley, and this is my partner, Impmon."

"Hi there," Impmon greeted.

Liam raised an eyebrow. 'Melia? Isn't that….?'

"Your name is 'Ash Tree'?" he quipped, earning a giggle from the jester, along with a playful punch for no extra cost.

"Shut up! We can't all have super star names."

"Never said it wasn't. 'Ash Tree the Jester' sounds pretty fabulous to me."

"Oh yeah? Well what's YOUR name?"

"Liam Darks, at your service," He performed a mock bow, lifting up Demidevimon as he came up. "And this little flying jerk is Demidevimon."

"Nice to meet ya, Ash Tree!"

"Aww, you're so cute," she cooed, leaning forward to pet Demidevimon's head, giving Liam a generous view of her cleavage.

'Clown cleavage, there truly is no substitute,' he thought.

"But you can just call me Harley," she continued, either ignoring or not noticing the direction of Liam's stare. "After all, everyone else does."

"Really? Everyone calls me Miley Cyrus."

She cocked her head to the right in confusion. It was so adorable, he nearly cringed. "Why would they call you that?"

He smirked. He was hoping she'd ask that.

"Well you see, it's because…."


"How the heck do we lose a person," The cloaked figure asked himself as he jumped to the next roof, something he normally wouldn't do in broad daylight as a black shadow Jumping from rooftop to rooftop was easily noticeable during such time, but, thankfully, the people in this city didn't tend to look up very often.

His partner shifted a bit under his cloak. "Well, you take them to the woods and-"

"Quiet you!" he snapped. "This whole mess is your fault to begin with!"

"Me?! You're the one who lost him!"

"Because you distracted me!" he said as he landed on the roof of a local restaurant. Making his way to the ledge, he scanned the city streets for his targets, hoping to find them among the seemingly endless sea of people and digimon. "Do you know how hard it's going to be to find them again? They could very well be out of the city by now! We could be here for hours or-"

"I BREAK THE FOURTH WALL LIKE A WREEEAAAAKING BAAALLL!"

The rest of his sentence died in his throat, no doubt committing suicide so it wouldn't have to listening to…whatever that was. The boy shook his head, trying to get his bearings straight after such a fierce audio assault. His partner peeked at the street and spotted their targets talking to….

"...Is that a clown?"


If I could see my own face, I'm sure I would've seen a shit eating grin take over my lips. I waited for the inevitable (at least in my opinion) laughter, but all I got was awkward silence. And not the usual awkward silence I enjoy causing, usually through the power of troll. This was more like the awkward silence that follows an attempt to impress someone, only to fall flat on your ass and make a complete….well, ass of yourself.

"I don't get it."

See what I mean?

I was sure I heard a record scratching (cause what awkward moment would be complete without that?) as I went from Joker-grin to disappointed frown in two seconds flat. Harley was still smiling at me, something I can't imagine her not doing, given her attire and all, but it was more out of politeness than any actual humour.

'Eh, I'll take what I can get.'

Harley tilted her to the right this time as she asked the obvious question. "So do I call you Miley or…?"

"No no, uh, just...just Liam will do," I said with a miserable sigh. Part of me wanted to suggest a comical nickname, but I figured I already made enough of a fool of myself today.

'Oh well, there's always tomorrow.'

Her head shot back up again and her smile renewed to its former glory. "Okay! We really gotta go now. Got important clown business to take care of, you know."

"No, I really don't," I deadpanned.

Of course, my statement was ignored as she continued. "But if you're ever in the area, I'd love for you to join my act again. Maybe next time I'll throw more than just pies at ya."

I let out a small laugh before replying with an honest smile despite the obvious sarcasm in my voice. "Well, here's hoping."

She didn't respond verbally. She nodded before picking up Impmon, who was still holding the hat full of chips, and placing him under her arm much like one would hold a football. Impmon didn't seem to mind, in fact he look quite comfortable there. They gave us one last smile, which we returned, before skipping away.

No seriously, she actually skipped away. The clinking of chips could be heard for miles with each skip, somehow never spilling out of the hat. I watched with an eyebrow raised in amusement and well-natured disbelief until they skipped around the corner.

Once I was sure they were gone, I voiced the obvious. "What. The. Fu-"

"There you are!"

I groaned in annoyance and exhaustion as the sound of tiny footsteps reached my ears, and I'm not talking about the digimon. Turning around, I came face to face with a very upset looking elf with a bat-hamster-thing sitting on it's head. He was glaring at me, clearly upset that I had wandered off, but all he did was make me smile. Not my fault though. I mean, have you seen an angry eight year old? It's freaking adorable! He even had his cheeks puffed up and everything!

I opened my mouth to comment on this but fell silent when I saw Ryan. Poor guy looked like he had seen better days. His face was covered in painful looking handprints to the point that I saw more red and pink than his actual skin colour. His hair was an absolute mess and his glasses were askew. Oh and let's not forget that his right cheek was starting to swell. Yet despite all this, he still wore that same dopey smile on his face, as if he didn't look like he just came from his first mosh pit.

'Either this guy can seriously take a hit or I've underestimated the power of obvious weed intake.' Normally I'd laugh at him or at least make a joke at his expense. I decided to make an exception though as I was too busy cringing to properly shoot at his hubris.

Demidevimon however, had no problem sniping it out. "Looks like you had fun."

I don't know how, but Ryan's smile actually got bigger, causing me to cringe even harder as the handprints visibly protested against this action. He said nothing, only nodding his head and doing the most cliché hero thumbs up I had ever seen, and I watch anime so that's saying something.

"Yeesh, how many times did she slap you?" I asked.

Since his partner's cheek was still swollen, it was up to Monodramon to answer in his place. "Only once actually."

"Then why is he…?"

"She had sisters."

"Ah, that explains it." I turned to Kouta, wanting to focus on something less….cringe-worthy. "So how did the chat with emochanic go? We doing this mission or not?"

The toddler sighed in frustration, whether it was at me or our situation I'm not too sure. "Well according to Drake, the-"

I decided to cut him off with the obvious question. "Wait, Drake? Who the fuck is Drake?"

"The mechanic with the Guardromon," said Tsukaimon, his squeaky voice as adorable as ever (not that I'd admit that).

'Ooooooh, so that's his name,' I thought. 'Eh, I like Emochanic better.'

Kouta rolled his eyes as he continued. "Anyway, according to Drake, it will take about a week before the digiports are up and running again. Until then we have no choice but to use the Digibeetle."

"Digibeetle? What the heck is a digibeetle?" I asked, my confusion clear as day.

"I'll explain on the way to the armoury," he said as he walked past me, beckoning me to follow. "But first we'll need to get some supplies. It's likely to be a long trip and I don't want to be unprepared for any….complications."

"Well aren't you an organized little elf?" I quipped as I followed. With him having such tiny legs, it wasn't very hard to keep up. "Then again, someone had to make sure those toys were delivered."

He grumbled something I couldn't hear (no doubt a few swears), but didn't saying anything else on the matter as we continued on our way.


Drake watched them leave, waiting until he was sure they were out of earshot before extending his hand out, palm up to Guardromon. The metal behemoth pressed a button on his arm, opening a small compartment, and removing a small earpiece and placing in his partner's hand. He nodded in thanks before placing the device in his ear and activating it.

There was moment of static before a voice broke through. "Did it work?"

"Yeah, they're heading to the armoury right now. Don't loose sight of them, Cheshire."

The voice on the other end chuckled responding in a cocky tone. "Don't worry, it's me you're talking here."

Drake smirked while Gaurdromon let out a small laugh. "That's perfectly good reason to worry."

Devilish laughter could be heard on the other end, followed by a shush before he responded. "Yeah well screw you. Over and out."

There was another moment of static, and the device shut off. Removing the ear piece, he handed it to his partner before getting back to work on removing the bug he had placed in the digiport.


Drake is owned by Driver X

Alice is owned by Geogrey95

Cheshire is owned by Fear Ripper

Pm me if you have any OCs for me to use