1Edit 11/03/'17: Stupid me has uploaded part of this before, but ow well... further, minor tweaks to the lay out, and another spelling check... yeah...
A.N. I found this in the document I use for writing everything, and thought… well… it's done, why didn't I upload it… then I remembered how short this was, and what I was waiting for…(And then when I were editing all of the other stories, I found a very interesting thing, the first part of the chapter... So, ladies and gentlemen, I, am stupid...) a follow up on this, or a completely different short story to couple it with… So, here you have it, I hope you enjoy, same rules as always. You see something tell me, questions, just ask.
Same disclaimer as always.
("Wait, you use disclaimers?" "When I remember to put them in, yes.")
Student becomes teacher, teacher becomes… dummy?
DADA classroom, Hogwarts.
It was the first DADA lesson of the year, and it had started of great, they got free books that literally said they would not learn a thing in the upcoming year, and when the class pointed this fact out to Umbridge, she decided to take up the good little toa… eh, pardon me, teacher role.
"Using spells? I can't imagine why you would need to use spells in my classroom." The pink clothed professor stated in a matter of fact way whilst keeping the fakest of smiles on her face.
"We're not gonna use magic?" Ron asked after the so called professor's statement.
"you're learning about defensive spells in a secure and risk free way." Umbridge stated again, her smile seemingly changing into a more smug one instead of the fake one she had been carrying till now.
"What use is that if we're gonna be attacked, it won't be risk free." Harry stated just as matter of factly.
"Students will raise their hands when they speak in my class." She snapped at Harry before turning around and walking back to the front of the classroom before continuing. "It is the view of the ministry that a theoretical knowledge would be sufficient to get you through you examinations, which after all, is what school is all about"
"And how is theory supposed to prepare us for what's out there?" Harry shot back getting more than a bit annoyed.
"There is nothing out there, dear. Who'd you imagine would attack children like yourself?" Umbridge said, again in her very fake motherly voice.
"Oh, I don't know, maybe… Lord Voldemort?" This seemed to hit a trigger at the toads brain as she seemed to freeze up, and slowly loose her smile, and for a bit she couldn't find the right words to say.
"Now, let me make this quite plain, you have been told that a certain dark wizard is at large ones again, This. is. a. lie!"
"It's not a lie I fought him, I saw him!" before Harry could go any further Umbridge handed him a detention with her that evening, this, is where our plot changes.
"No." Harry said in a deadly calm voice.
"What did you say mister Potter?" Umbridge asked Harry.
"No, I am not allowing another useless year of defense lessons, I am not allowing to have an entire generation be defenseless when their time is most dire, I am not allowing you to force our hand by handing out detentions for "lying" as you put it. " Harry seethed.
"Mister Potter, you don't talk to a superior like me like you're doing, another week of detention!"
This is where Harry broke.
"Okay, professor, if you won't learn us anything, then I will." Within seconds he was standing and had his wand pointed at the pink clad teacher, before the toad could do anything a full body bind had hit her.
"Someone wants to have target practice?" Harry asked the class, when no one answered, he just stated, "Well then, let's start with the full body bind shall we?"
At the end of the lesson everyone agreed that this had been one of the best defense lessons they had had since professor Lupin had left the school, and before he got there.
Not sure if I will follow this up with something on a later date, but I thought it was pretty fun to write, although a bit tedious as it was my first chapter partly written from already existing footage(the movie) because I couldn't remember what was said in which order and all that(and it would be such a bother to search for it in the book, as I would have to translate it as I have the Dutch versions, which I really don't like as much as the English version…).
The following was a very old idea, by which I mean, I found it last week in my notebook, or… well… the summary(basic idea with nothing extra) of what I thought it would be about… so yeah, I needed a second story before I would allow myself to release it, so here you have it. Enjoy.
The legend of the pink unicorn.
Private room, Hogwarts
It was late in the evening on a terrible night, the wind had picked up during the day and it was an icy cold. The clouds were blocking the full moon from shining down on the castle.
A woman was sat hands in her hair after another day of the torture of teaching at Hogwarts.
"Ugh, I really need a drink…" The woman said before standing up and walking to one of the closet doors in her room. "Let's see… what have I got…"
She opened the door and looked inside. "Wine… Nope, Champagne… Nope, that is for when we arrest Dumbledore and the Potter brad… Beer, why do I even have this? Butterbeer… To mild… "
That is when she noticed the beautiful bottle standing in the back of her closet.
"Oeh, the strongest Vodka of the known world, exactly what I need." She picked the flask up from the shelf and picked up a glass from the shelf underneath it. She did not bother to read what exactly it was, where it came from, or what was in it as the labels were all done in Russian.
So she did not know this was one of those eastern Russian drinks made from quite a few chemicals with which generally weird stuff happened after drinking some of it, but Dolores had long since decided she was in need of the entire bottle.
The next morning.
The woman woke up like every morning, but this time she felt… different. Not as in the "I have drunk too much, and damn do I have a hangover" different, but more a "What have I done last night to make Hogwarts so much more colorful" different.
"Good morning Kevin." A voice said from behind her.
Umbridge turned around, and what she found shocked her quite a bit. A pink unicorn was standing next to her bed. She was unable to get any words out of her mouth from her shock.
"What's wrong Kevin?"
"Wh..Wh… What are you!" The woman finally got out.
"I am the pink unicorn of course, my name is Tom by the way."
It took a while before she reacted again.
"Why… AAGH, this is another joke of those stupid children… Yes… that's it, just a joke…" She started to chuckle, it sounded quite a bit like one of those chuckles that people generally match with psychopaths, but hey, that is not that far off now, is it?
"A joke? You think I'm a joke? Ha! That really would be a good joke Kevin."
"Stop calling me Kevin, my name is Dolores Umbridge! I am the ministry appointed high inquisitor of Hogwarts!"
"Of course Kevin." The unicorn said after blinking twice.
"Argh!" After this Umbridge decided to just ignore the unicorn, and blame Potter for it at Breakfast. she quickly found out every time she entered another room, that he would be with her, this made it very awkward in the shower…
Great hall, half an hour later
Harry, Ron and Hermione were eating their breakfast when they noticed their latest DADA teacher walking into the room.
"Potter! Four months detention! Oh, And tell your little friend to stop following me everywhere I go!" The woman immediately barked at the young savior.
The three looked at each other, back at the woman, and looked around her to find out who was following the woman.
They heard professor McGonagall approach.
"And what, pray tell me Dolores is the reason for this punishment? Who is following you? because I don't see anyone even remotely near you."
"What! How can you not see it, it is standing right there next to you!"
The entire great hall was just staring at her like she was crazy.
"Owkay… So what is it exactly you see next to me?" Professor McGonagall asked the woman who was apparently seeing things.
"You too! AARGH!" The woman screamed. "Shut up you and Don't call me Kevin you one horned monstrosity!" She screamed in shrill voice just to the side of the other professor before picking her wand from one of the pockets of her cardigan.
No one actually knew how to react to this, so all of the hall decided to do the sensible thing and stay quiet and just go back to eating breakfast. The woman wasn't that far from her usual self anyway, so why worry about it?
DADA classroom
She was sitting behind her desk when the 5th year Gryffindor and Slytherin class walked into the room.
The class went quite well for most of it, that is until halfway through the lesson something happened.
The class was reading silently when the silence was broken by a voice from the middle of the room.
"Hello Kevin, why so quiet?" a pink with purple Zebra asked the woman.
This is where the thing over half of the class was waiting for happened, the woman they all despised had gone mad.
The woman had quickly gone for her wand and a bright purple spell was headed at Dean and Seamus.
Harry was the first on his feet and had quickly put a shield charm in front of the two boys. At this point the other DA members were coming to their feet and raising their wands at the woman.
The pink curse shattered against the shield and the woman was starting to throw curses all over the place.
"Parvati, get a teacher!" Harry ordered the girl.
With a quick nod the girl ran out of the door to the closest classroom which happened to be the transfiguration classroom.
All over the classroom shields went up to protect themselves from the rapid firing mad witch in front of the classroom.
"Well, this is turning out as a good lesson…" Dean said slightly shaken from the spell that just had been fired at him seconds before.
"Yeah, how to protect yourself from a mad banshee." Ron said slightly smirking.
For five minutes this went on like that, in the meantime the Zebra and unicorn were just appearing all over the classroom whilst the toad was trying to kill them with stronger and stronger curses.
After the five minute mark multiple shields had shattered and the students were losing ground moving farther back and quite a few students had left the classroom by now(mostly Slytherins).
Things changed after another 2 shields went down and 2 Gryffindor and a Slytherin were hit by yellow and poisonous green spells. They quickly were picked up by Neville, Seamus and Theodore Nott before quickly being brought to the medical wing.
"Okay, that's it, disable her!" Harry ordered the rest of the group and he and Malfoy were the first to drop their shields and started casting disarming and stunning spells at the woman.
The woman held out surprisingly well even though she was surrounded by over a dozen students who were firing spell after spell at her.
Not a minute later their saving grace entered the classroom followed by a shaking and panting Parvati.
The spell fire stopped for a few seconds as the class looked at their newcomer. Or at least, everyone but two who instead put up two giant shields up before looking back at the stern woman standing in the door opening of the room.
Umbridge was still peppering them with spells, and did not seem to notice professor McGonagall had entered the room and stood now in between the slytherin and Gryffindor that were shielding their classmates.
"So, what exactly is it that happened here Mr. Potter?"
"I'm not sure madam, all of us were just reading and suddenly she stood firing spells at Seamus and Dean. I put up a shield for them and well, everyone able to put up a shield did it after that, and after some shields went down three students were wounded so we decided to go on the offensive and well, you can see the good it did, she is still standing, I don't even know what is going on right now. She seems not to notice us, or even when you came in, even now she hasn't noticed it seems…" Harry answered the stern woman.
"Well then Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy, shall we try again then, don't just go for stunners though, that is too easy to block, try a few non-lethal charms and curses that can affect the body in a bit more painful manor"
The boys looked at each other before bringing down their shields again and together with their teacher reopened the offensive on the mad woman.
McGonagall used the occasion to teach the practicalities of transfiguration in combat to the student in the room by transfiguring tables into concrete walls which could be used for cover and creating some attack dogs from the chairs which charged the mad woman who was still standing strong.
Another 5 minutes later when the woman was still standing Harry had had enough of the little duel, another three students were hit by spells and brought to the Hospital wing,
"Okay, I have had enough of this shit! Reducto, reducto, bombarda, incendio, incendio!"
None of the spells actually hit the woman, but the two incendios put the floor around the woman on fire, limiting the woman's movement area to a far smaller one, whilst the reductos hit the roof were it created quite large cracks and the bombarda landed behind the woman blowing up the back wall into the woman's office and blowing Umbridge farther from the place where there once was a wall..
Not a second later Professor Dumbledore appeared in the doorway shocked to see the classroom in such disarray. None of the students, nor the teachers paid him any mind.
Within a second though he had the woman floating in the air, stunned and her wand in his hands.
"Professor, please take everyone to the hospital wing, when you are there call for a few more people from saint Mungo's, I will take Madam Umbridge here to my office and from there to the mental ward of the hospital, This was the last time Umbridge ever stepped foot outside of said ward.
"Oh, and 50 points to both Slytherin and Gryffindor for inter house cooperation and protection of your fellow students, and of course quick thinking and leadership in the time of , get to the hospital wing, all of you, before I have to take points for ignoring an order." All students just looked at each other and big grins started spreading on all of their faces as they walked out of the room
This became so much longer than I actually expected, but hey, I find it quite an agreeable chapter.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and you know the drill, if you have questions, just ask, and do you see something that does not seem right, or any mistakes, please tell me, I check all of this myself, so I may miss some mistakes.