A/N: School ran me over like a truck and I was the poor, tiny creature that became road kill. And then I got to fly back home for Winter Break and suddenly had time. And did I use this to write more for my chapter fics? No, of course not. Thanks, Muse.

Still, have a fic for the Non-denominaitonal Gift Giving Season.

Warnings: Slight language and bashing of the American school system as I have experienced it. Mostly because Heaven knows I didn't learn grammar in English class.

I also have no idea how they teach ESL classes, so please take that portion with a block of salt and correct me if I'm wrong, please.

Dedication: To all those who went abroad or grew up in a home speaking a different language and were faced with the reality that writing was so much harder because you could speak the other language...but it's a bit different, using it in a setting beyond conversations.

Okay, Kagami knows that he lived in the US, spoke English at school for years, and that all this means something.

It just doesn't mean what everyone thinks it should mean.

Yeah, he can speak fluent English and knows English (or at least LA) slang, but for the life of him he can't tell you what the conjugation of a verb is in English (do they even conjugate verbs in English?). Can't really do that in Japanese either, but at least they've been teaching them that in school instead of just going "oh, you had decent scored in your English classes, you'll be fine!"

Like hell!

He's pretty sure that a good portion of his class didn't even know what nouns were by the time he left and that was at the end of middle school!

Because English class was always show up, read a book, discuss said book, move on. Study for the standardized tests that were a pain and a half to deal with, and which are supposed to test if you can string a sentence together and if following directions was something you could do. Could you bubble in letters with the best of them? And if you could that was great, you got a good grade.

(Coming back to realize that, yeah, he was still technically in middle school, was not a happy realization. Especially when he thought about the basketball situation back then.)

Obviously, none of his stellar English teachers bothered to sit him down and explain what the heck an infinitive was. Isn't that like infinity? Buzz Lightyear and Toy Story, right?

"Bakagami! Are you even listening?"

Coach whacks him with a book.

"Ow! Yeah I am! Stop abusing your players! That's illegal!"

"If you were listening, then tell me about the subjunctive case!"

"What?" No, seriously, what the hell?

"Aha! You WERE'NT listening!"

"The fuck is the subjunctive case?"


Like, thanks guys, make him feel so much better.


"Is that the only thing you learned there?!" The team collectively asks in exasperated disappointment. Kagami can practically see the large sweat-drops forming on their heads.

"No! But even in ESL, you know, English as a Second Language, they didn't really talk about the different functions of shit cuz they were trying to make sure that we were able to communicate and read and stuff! And then after that it's not like it helped that much and I could just bug Tatsuya if I needed an explanation because he would actually explain it.

"And my actual English teachers were talking about plot and character development and shit like that and Hamburger essays. Like what the hell were those supposed to teach us anyways? It just made me hungry!"

Kagami really should take to keeping a pin in his bag to test the whole "you could hear a pin drop" thing between Kuroko's random info bombs and now this. Missed opportunities, he mourns them so.

(Ok, so mostly it's a bet that he made with Tatsuya ages ago and he's not even sure Tatsuya remembers, but he's going to win this one damn it.)

"Okay, Kagami-kun. Do you know what a 'noun' is?" Coach asks, while Captain takes Izuki out with an elbow to the side before more puns can come up and further derail the study session.

"'A noun is a person, place, or thing.'"

Thank you twenty questions and School House Rock, saviors of his understanding of the English language.

At least the team stops harassing him about his English grade, how he should be doing so much better, and how can he not know grammar….Instead he gets super remedial lessons, so he's not sure they're all that much better.

But, at least the team knows where he's coming from now.

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PSA: More fics should be updated while I'm on break - however I shall be on an actual vacation for a week before returning to school, so if I suddenly disappear again, that's why. But this also means that I'll be writing stuff to type up while at school, so actual posting schedules will be things for a short time again!