First up just wanted to clear some stuff up. I know it's been a year and a half since I last updated this fic. Rest assure I'm not going to leave leave First Sight up in the smoke as I still have every damn intention to complete it.
College, career opportunities, and personal stuff have kept me busy and my time on Fanfiction itself increasingly sporadic. But this is only a part of why I haven't been up to date with this story of mine in this site.
This will be a long explanation, please bear with me.
My goal in life has always been to be a writer for stories that can captivate, and leave a lasting impression an audience. However I never took a chance to actually write until I found Fanfiction. Started off as a reader before all else, and finally mustered up the confidence to contribute something in this place.
How do I put this...it's nice having something to invest your time and worth in. I thought by investing my hours in this site here with its various communities I could build myself up as a writer. I was sorely mistaken on this regard. Like everyone we are naturally drawn to things that we feel like we need to be identified with, just to distract ourselves from life for a bit. I've done this for six years now, constantly hopping from one fandom to another that fancies my eye or speaks to my values just for the sake of squeezing out the hours as best as I could just to feel identified with these works of art and the communities there. It was a fun distraction, a distraction that I've cultivated into a habit that I didn't realize mentally drained me while I already handling actual things in real life that required me to step forth and perform my dues. As a result I grew lax, I became unmotivated and disinterested in things in life that I should have been paying attention to in order to better myself.
It was only a matter of time before I could acknowledge that this habit could continue on no longer. I was growing up, my perspective on my future and my values have changed. I had things that I actually felt and knew were objectively more important to do rather than this. I realized that I no longer had this urge to constantly feel identified with these groups over the Internet just because of a similar interest me and a bunch of strangers shared for some piece of entertainment. I've even had a friend who has unfortunately dropped out from this site permanently because of the same issue, albeit under different circumstances that I won't go into detail for the sake of privacy.
I understand how it's not easy writing, especially for the sake of entertainment. Hell it's not easy doing stuff alone because there are numerous factors that come into play as a writer, and you want to give your audience the best of what you can do for their time. I don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to writing fanfiction, much less original pieces of fictional work. Inconsistency and a lack of direction is a constant factor of my failures because I never set out a proper mission statement for my writing efforts, and due to my own insecurities of writing in general to the point where I keep giving up before trying harder than I should. My first failed contribution of this site was the initial bump in the road I should have recognized ages ago, but I fell into the pit again because I made this error again with unconscious effect, which left me feeling depressed, and doubtful of myself as a writer. It was then I no longer had the motivation to continue writing for any of my projects, fanfiction and otherwise, because I've spent too much time trying to involve myself and feel validated in these communities, burgeoning myself with reading and reviewing other fan made works, rather than build and actually improve myself as a writer.
I want to make it clear I would quit doing and reading fanfiction per se bu that is a decision that I would not rule out if circumstances change for me. I just needed to rediscover myself and go back to my roots as to why I wanted to pick up writing to begin with. Fanfiction, for all intents and purposes, is only a platform for recreation and fun, and I cannot linger on it forever to reach the real goal in mind.
So I decided to take a temporary excursion from this site to refocus on life and clear my head. Pick up reading books once more, learn music, a new skill, etc. Anything but read or write any fanfiction or associate myself in a fandom again. Honestly it was liberating. I felt a lot better than I had in months.
As you can see in my profile here that I have a new ongoing project on this site that's been active since last year. Since late 2017, I decided to join a community of writers who shared an interest that I have long identified with on an intimate basis since I was a child, but I was afraid of repeating the same mistake so I was initially hesitant, but after chatting and getting to know with some of the members of this community. I slowly came out of my imposed hiatus, and subsequently joined them a few months later.
It's thanks to this community, I took a chance to produce a new fan made project with their backing. As a result of their help and support, this new project has gained some significant traction in this new fandom I'm currently allocating a small part of time in. It reignited that familiar feeling of seeing that people enjoyed what I...no, rather what me and a group of like minded individuals could provide for them for the sake of entertainment. But it was different this time. I have the backing of a bunch of people who are willing to criticize and praise my work where they see fit and guide me when needed. I now have a clear vision and mission for this new project. I was actually confident in being able to write something I can feel proud of making for the community I was in.
My time with this particular group has taught me alot, namely that being with a bunch of people who can understand how you feel and think, and be comfortable enough to able to actually talk things with them just as regular people you'd laugh and smile with, and support you in your times of trouble is something very special. Despite the fact they too go through their own hardships, worries and goals in their respective lives, they are able to stay together on their feet because they are united by a common goal as writers. It's not a stretch to say that joining this community has helped me reaffirm my ambition and to form better relationships with like minded people in the process. I know I still have a lot of things to learn as a writer, but being able to do it with people who share your goals and are able to help me along the journey while we utilize our collective talents for a creative outlet we're proud to contribute to for just a momentary part in our lives makes it really gratifying and a wonderful experience. It makes me feel like my dream can still be realized.
Back to the topic of this post. Not continuing First Sight doesn't sit well with me. Makes me sad even, considering I envisioned it being something great. The reason why this update was even posted in this fic is because it is a personal goal of mine to see this one through to the end.
However I will no longer be approaching this story with the mindset I had before my hiatus. I want to actually write something borne from my ideas regardless of how much I may divert from the canon. There are a lot of things I will be altering in the process to achieve that. Could I be changing the plot? The motivations of these characters? I don't really know myself. I have to reevaluate what I first thought of this story and what I can actually be doing with it as a writer before all else.
For now I'll be doing some readjustments to the chapters to fix the flawed prose, maybe add a scene or take one out, for the sake of making this more presentable. If time and my creative mind is on my side I will do my best update this sooner than later, as well as my other works in progress in the future. But I will do it with a much clearer vision in my head, and hopefully in a way that I can be proud to be say as a worthwhile distraction for the communities I've invested a majority of my life in.
- Shawn Raven