A/N: It looks like the glitch with the reviews has been fixed. Yay! Thank you so much for your reviews, they keep my plot bunny working hard and I appreciate that you do not let my bunny starve.
Disclaimer: If I write a super fluffy chapter, then can I have ownership of the turtles? Pretty please?
Chapter 4-Settled
Raphael stood up from the cot and limped over to Donatello's desk. His voice was low as he growled his displeasure. "This is stupid."
Leonardo raised an eye ridge, but ignored the comment. He was tired, in pain, and locked in a room alone with Raph for the foreseeable future. The last thing the usually blue clad turtle needed, was to get dragged into an argument as well. After all, arguing with Raphael is what got the two of them into this position in the first place. Leo closed his eyes for a moment, allowing the wave of pain to pass by. Then he shifted on the cot until he was next to the small side table. Leo began to dig inside the box, slowly examining one puzzle piece at a time.
Out of the corner of his eye Raph watched Leonardo shift over to the side table. Then Leo began digging through the box of puzzle pieces. Raph rolled his eyes at his injured brother's actions. Of course Fearless would work on the puzzle. The perfect first born son, disobey one of Master Splinter's orders? Sure, when shell froze over.
Leonardo kept his head down, focused on the task at hand. Leo didn't actually expect Raph to help him. With the way his hot headed brother was glaring at the wall, the best thing Leo could ask for was that Raph would continue to ignore him, until he either cooled down, or simply got bored. If Leo got really lucky, Raph would just fall asleep at some point.
Unfortunately, the sewer fairies were back to their mischievous ways.
Leo continued to select then discard one puzzle piece after another. Raph felt his temper rise along with each passed over bit. The soft sound of parts falling back into the box seemed to raise the level of his anger with every thunk.
Thunk.
Thunk.
Thunk.
Raphael turned his fierce gaze towards his annoying older brother. Raph opened his mouth, ready to yell at Leo for his obedience. The insult sat on the tip of his tongue, prepared to be fired. As was always the case when it came to Leonardo, Raph's venomous words shot out of his mouth without any forethought or consideration to his target's feelings. "You are so pathetic. The star pupil, ya always gotta follow sensei's orders don't ya."
Leo took in a deep breath. He reminded himself that it is a leader's place to stay in control. Just ignore him. Leo continued to dig through the puzzle box. He would not fall for Raphael's baited words.
Unwilling to be ignored, Raph limped closer. The only thing worse than dealing with a brooding Leo, was being locked in a room with one that was ignoring him. Raph tried again to get a rise out of the young leader. "Your life is so boring. Ya really have nuttin betta ta do than ta nag me all tha time. Parade around here actin like Splinta's pet."
Leo felt his eyelid twitch at the insult, but continued with his task. Leo began to chant silently in his head.
I will not lose control.
I will not lose control.
I will not lose control.
Raph took another step closer. He would not be snubbed by this stubborn, self-centered, judgmental brother of his. Raph slapped at the box, causing the puzzle pieces to scatter onto the floor. "I'm talk'in to ya Fearless!"
Sliding off of the cot, Leo growled his complaint. "Why do you always have to attack everything Raph?"
Now on the floor, Leo began grabbing the pieces and roughly tossing them into the box. Raph was just impossible to deal with. How the shell was he ever going to be a good leader when he had to deal with a hot head like Raphael?
A wave of pain radiated down Leo's arm, causing the injured turtle to stop and let out a hiss. Leo clenched his jaw as he tried to breathe through the pain. Even the slightest movement hurt like shell. And sitting on the floor was not helping. Once the throbbing passed, he continued to collect the scattered puzzle pieces, ignoring the heated gaze from Raphael. Leo just did not have the strength to fight with Raph. Not now.
Glancing up from his task, Leo's face was wracked with frustration and something Raph never thought he would see on his older brother's face. Defeat. Leo's voice was soft as he asked. "Why do you always attack me?"
Not expecting an answer, Leo shook his head as he broke the gaze with his temperamental sibling. Right now, he just wanted to collect these damn puzzle pieces and be left the shell alone.
Raph felt himself freeze at the hurt beneath Leonardo's question. The haze of anger began to recede, allowing Raph to examine Leonardo for the first time since entering the laboratory that morning.
His fearless leader sat alone. On the floor. Maskless. With one arm wrapped in gauze and placed within a sling. The normally blue clad turtle winced every time he accidentally moved his arm. It was clear from Leonardo's motions that his injuries were causing him pain. Injuries that Leonardo had sustained, because he had rescued Raphael during the cave-in.
Guilt began to settle in the place of Raph's earlier rage. The only reason that cave-in happened was because of him. Leonardo was in pain, because of him. If he hadn't left the lair, Leo would never have followed him. And then they never would have fallen in that cavern.
Raph's breath caught in his throat.
This was all his fault.
Leo continued to collect the fallen puzzle pieces as Raph stared at his sibling. It wasn't just the physical injuries that had captured Raph's attention. It was Leo's face as well. A face Raph had not seen in a very long time. When Leo looked at Raphael, it wasn't just his blue mask that had been missing. Leo's leader mask was gone as well. In its place was the Leonardo no one ever saw anymore. The Leonardo whose face displayed raw emotion. The Leonardo who hurt just like his brothers hurt. Who loved just like his brothers loved. Who felt alone just like Raph often felt alone.
Raph suddenly felt a heavy weight settle upon his chest as he licked his lips. He wanted to punch himself for his stupidity. How could he have been so blind? All of this time. All of the fighting. Leo's words back in the cavern. The hurt look on Leo's face now. Raph had been lashing out at Leo because he had felt abandoned, ever since Leonardo became the team leader. And yet here Leonardo sat, feeling just like Raph did all along.
Frustrated.
Left out.
Alone.
And just like Raphael, Leonardo never said anything to anyone. He simply bottled it up.
That was one of the many things the two eldest siblings had in common. Leo and Raph spent a lot of their time struggling with their emotions and attempts at self-control. For Raphael, he released it out on his punching bag, busting heads with Casey, or through chasing Mikey around. For Leonardo, he internalized it through meditation and self-reflection.
As Raph looked upon his older sibling he no longer saw the confident, stoic, self-sacrificing leader turtle. Instead he saw an injured brother who needed comfort, reassurance, and love.
Raph shuffled over and lowered himself to the floor. He began to add puzzle pieces to the box.
Breaking the silence in the lab, Raph said. "Lonely."
Leonardo stopped and looked at his brother. He raised an eyeridge, questioning the unexpected comment. "What?"
Raph took in a deep breath before he answered. "Ya asked why I give ya a hard time. I'm lonely."
Leo leaned back on his heels, a puzzled look on his face. "I'm always here for you Raph. So are the others. You know that."
Raph shook his head. "No, ya don't understand. I miss you Leo."
Leo recoiled at the remark, insulted. He could not recall a time when he had not been there for his brothers, and that included Raphael.
Raph's eyes narrowed in frustration. Leo just wasn't getting what he was trying to say. Raph's voice was thick with emotion. "Look, back when Mast'a Splinta made ya tha leader. Well, ya always had extra train'n, or study'n, or meditat'n. We stopped hang'n out. Ya moved on."
Finally catching on, Leo finished Raph's thought. "And you thought that I left you behind."
Raph nodded. Yes. "I don't try ta give ya a hard time cuz I don't believe in ya bro. I do it cuz I wanna support ya in this goal of yurs. Ta make ya a betta leader."
For a moment, Raph looked at the wall, gathering his courage to say the next sentence. "I wanna make sure that ya don't forgetta bout me."
Leo couldn't help but stare at his younger brother. It was no secret that Raphael was an emotional turtle. But the open display of vulnerability on Raph's face now, was not something Leo had seen on his brother's face in a very long time. Leo hesitated for a moment before shuffling closer. He used his uninjured arm to give Raph an awkward side hug. Leo's voice was soft. "I would never forget about you Raphie."
Raph shrugged out of Leo's hold. "Leo, back in the cavern."
Noticing Leo tensing up at the remark, Raph blurted out. "Wait, just here me out. Ya said that ya was weighed down by responsibility. Tha lack of freedom. Tha loneliness. Ya neva told me none of tha before Leo. Why?"
This time it was Leo's turn to shrug. Outwardly, he winced with the gesture, but inside, Leo felt his stomach sink. This was exactly the discussion he had hoped to avoid, and the one that Master Splinter had wanted the two eldest turtles to have. But talking about himself, sharing his feelings, well it always made Leo feel exposed and vulnerable.
Leo made the mistake of looking at Raph's earnest expression. It was the final blow necessary to cause the last remains of Leo's inner resolve to crumble away.
"I don't know Raph." Leo said. "I guess it's because. Well I mean that." Leo winced as he shrugged again.
Raphael displayed a rare moment of patience as he waited for Leo to find the right words. Finally Leo blurted out in a rush. "I'm supposed to be the leader. Keep you guys safe. Protect this family. Make sure that everybody is happy. It's pointless to dwell on what could have been."
Raph shook his head in protest as he countered. "And what about ya feelin's?"
Leo looked over Raph's shoulder, a far-away look in his eyes. "They don't matter."
Reaching out, Raph gripped Leo's uninjured shoulder tightly, forcing the eldest to look at him. "They matta ta me. And ta Donnie an Mikey too."
Leo started to shake his head, but Raph cut him off. "No bro. Don't shut me out. This goes both ways. Ya always there for us. Let us be there for ya too."
Leo's eye shifted downwards as he processed Raph's thoughts.
Raph rose to his feet. He tugged on Leo's uninjured arm, forcing him to rise as well. "Come on, let's get ya back onto tha cot."
Protesting Leo said. "But what about the puzzle?"
Raph shook his head. "Forgetta bout it. Ya need ta rest."
Leo allowed Raph to help him sit on the cot. He began to absently pick at the lint on the sheets, while Raph finished collecting the scattered puzzle pieces from the mess on the floor.
Sensing that his brooding brother would never be the one to speak first Raphael decided to break the awkward silence. "So what's the plan now Fearless?"
Startled out of his self-reverie, Leonardo looked up from the sheets beneath him as he asked. "What?"
Raphael shrugged. Leonardo was always the turtle with a plan. He just automatically assumed that Leo would have one now too, like he always did.
Leo's voice was soft. "I don't know Raph."
Finished, Raph placed the box onto the side table. He moved across the room and leaned against Donnie's desk. Crossing his arms over his plastron, Raph glared at the laboratory door. He couldn't remember the last time Leo and he sat alone in a room together and didn't get into an argument. Or the last time both of them had spoken this freely and it wasn't during a fight. The events of the past few days ran through his mind. Arguing with Leo. Mikey getting hurt. The cave-in. Their own injuries. The confessions now.
Raph rubbed a hand over his face. "Shell, we really messed up didn't we Leo?"
Leo attempted to shrug, but ended up wincing at the pain the movement caused in his shoulder.
The move did not go unnoticed by his hot headed sibling. With a roll of his eyes, Raph limped over to the desk. He gathered a couple of pills and handed them to Leo.
Bewildered Leo looked up from his inspection of the sheets. "Raph?"
Raph grabbed Leo's hand, and forced it open. He placed the pills into Leo's palm.
"But I already took meds from Donnie." Leo protested as he shook his head. The movement caused him to wince, again.
Raph growled. "And now ya are gonna take more. Don't try and deny that ya are still in pain Leo. Every time ya move, ya cringe."
It was Leo's turn to growl. "Fine." He grabbed the glass of water and downed the pills.
Raphael accepted the empty glass with a triumphant smirk. After returning the glass to its spot on the table, Raph limped back over to Leo's cot. The normally red masked turtle noticed that his brother was trying to hide his shivering.
Raph ordered. "Move ovah."
Leo let out a very unleaderlike yelp of surprise as Raph nudged Leo's body and seated his bulk onto the cot.
The normally blue masked turtle couldn't hide the fact that he was freezing. And Raph was always the hottest out of the four of them. Leo shifted over, allowing Raph greater access to the bed. Growing up poor, in the cold, dark, damp sewers of New York City, the four brothers were quite familiar with the need to huddle together for warmth.
Leo gratefully cuddled up against his younger sibling, seeking his body heat. After covering their legs with a blanket, Raph reached over and began assembling a few random puzzle pieces. The two turtles remained silent, simply enjoying each other's company.
Leo felt the pills start to kick in. As the drowsy-ness began to settle he said. "I'm sorry Raph."
Raph opened his mouth to reply, but Leo wasn't finished. "Back in the tunnels. For arguing with you. Always fighting with you. Leaving you alone all of this time."
Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Raph turned and looked at his sleepy brother. "Now you listen ta me Fearless an'you lis'n good. It's both ova faults for fight'n. We're tha same like that. It's jus how we are."
In a rare sign of affection, Leo nuzzled his brother's plastron. Raph had to bite back a laugh. Clearly the drugs were breaking down Leo's self-imposed walls. Mikey would taunt his two eldest brothers for days if he managed to catch a glimpse of them right now.
As his muscles relaxed from Raph's heat, Leo's mind wandered back to when they were turtle tots. To the time when Master Splinter had shouldered him with the responsibility of being the leader. Inadvertently taking away the remainder of Leonardo's childhood in the process. Raph's presence and warmth felt good. It was comforting. With his brother near, Leonardo no longer felt like he was all alone.
Quickly losing the battle against sleep, Leo mumbled. "Thanks for always being there Raphie."
Raph turned his attention away from the puzzle. He shifted, allowing his only older brother to snuggle closer. Raph's mind wandered back to the last time that Leo sought out physical comfort like this. Back to the time when they were turtle tots and were often forced to huddle together for warmth. Leo had been his best friend. Raph couldn't recall them ever fighting when they were younger. Raph could always cheer Leo up when he was down, just like Leo always did for him. It was only after Leonardo had become appointed as team leader, pulling himself away from his family, attempting to bottle up his emotions as he shouldered the burden alone, that was when Leo and Raph started fighting. When Raph began to feel like he had been cast aside, left all alone.
Raph gently traced the outline of the gauze on Leo's arm. But Leonardo was here now, seeking comfort and warmth from his younger brother. "I'll always be there for ya Fearless. Ya don't have ta always shoulder tha burden of lead'n this team by yaself. Ya jus need ta rememba ta let me in once in a while."
Leo hummed in response. It could have been the drugs, but right now, Raph was making a whole lot of sense.
Raph knew he was losing Leo fast, but he chanced it. "So what are we gonna do bout the puzzle?"
Leo's mumbled reply made Raph grin. "Master Splinter got the idea from Donatello. The next time Mikey ruins one of Donnie's experiments, we lock them together in the lab for a little while."
Shifting, Leo completed his thought. "With a ten thousand piece puzzle."
Raph closed his eyes, a grin plastered on his face.
Leave it to ol' Fearless leader ta always come up with a plan.
A/N: This was the fourth and final chapter for my little Leo and Raph tale. Did you need a tissue from all the fluff? Yes? No? Well I tried anyway. Once again, thanks to Yukio87 for the plot bunny suggestion. And thank you for reading and taking the time to review. Virtual donut of your choice (I'm partial to sour cream or maple myself) for your review. Reviews keep me motivated and I'm already working on a Leo and Usagi story that I hope to start posting soon.