30Monty - you know, Monty Python?
With a bag full of jangling coins and multiple sheaths of parchment clutched in his hands, Harry Potter left the bank a very happy boy. Professor McGonagall, however, was less pleased.
"Mr. Potter, we only have one day in which to acquire all of your equipment. Could you please refrain from delaying us any further for the remainder of this trip?"
"But Professor!" Harry protested. "Surely as a teacher you can understand my scholarly curiosity into the inner workings of England's only Wizarding bank? It's also quite important that I have up to date records of my monetary, property and shared holdings after all. Or perhaps I took too long discussing the causes of the rift between goblins and humans? I admit, the recount of Urg the Unclean was a tad too long even for me…"
He winked up at her cheekily as she pursed her lips in frustration – reminding him entirely too much of his horse faced Aunt. There was, however, a curious smile tugging slightly at the corner of her lips before she wheeled him around and marched them both towards the first shop.
"I will leave you here for a moment to collect your uniform – Madame Malkin will know what you need. I will pick up your potions equipment to speed things up a bit; if you finish before I am back you are to wait here." She gave him a stern look as she handed him some of the coins from Gringotts and shooed him towards the door.
"Professor, I didn't know you cared!" He made a show of straightening up his oversized scruffy jeans before strutting into 'Madame Malkins' Robes for all Occasions.'
The inside of the shop was warm and welcoming. Light brown hues lined the interior walls and soft candlelight flickered merrily in brass sconces. Harry suspected magic was also involved in the lighting, as there was no way those small flames had so much of an effect.
Ready-made black robes hung on racks all around him waiting to be tailored to individual sizes, though further in he could see larger outfits in every colour imaginable. There were fuchsia pink undercoats and lilac cloaks with caramel piping, sunshine yellow skirts and spring green overalls. He saw magenta, crimson, cobalt, teal, sepia, jade, indigo, navy, lemon and it almost felt like his head was starting to spin out of control until- "Ow!"
"It's best not to stare at the shelves dear, they have a habit of blinding new customers."
Harry rubbed his arm where the elderly woman had swatted it, staring determinedly at the boring black school attire waiting innocently in front of him.
"We normally keep them covered up, but I just had a wonderful young man in here looking for something to help him… 'stand out' as it were." She sighed fondly, Harry almost thought he could see hearts in her eyes.
The woman blinked out of her trance and waved her personal brown stick; causing large, cream curtains to glide down the aisle and drape themselves lovingly over the offensive shelves.
"Now, how may I help you? Hogwarts I assume?"
"No, I'm clean. I was just looking for some school robes."
She blinked at him, he blinked back. She blinked again, so he decided to take matters into his own hands, drifting over to the hang rails to examine all the different shades of black.
"I'd like… this one!" He decided, picking a rather handsome looking outfit from among identical onyx robes and rolling soft cotton between his calloused fingers.
Shaking herself, the woman tutted at him; bustling over and shooing him off to stand on a footstall in the middle of the floor. She encouraged a tape measure out of a small wicker basket (poking at it with her fingers until it finally decided to unravel) and began recording as the tape flexed its way around various parts of his body. After only a few minutes, she flicked it away again and summoned a swathe of black cloth from the rack. The cloak snapped itself smartly around his shoulders and encircled the length of his body – reaching down an inch or two beneath his elevated feet. The woman eyed him critically and deft flicked her wrist, shearing off pieces of the fabric before hemming the bottom with some fancy diagonal wiggles.
He glanced over her head as the shop bell jangled merrily; perking up when he saw a boy his own age creeping uncertainly across the welcome mat which – quite literally – looked happy to see him.
"If you just hop on that stool next to us dear, I won't be long." The Madame threw a kind smile over her shoulder before turning back to her work. It wasn't until she started shrinking the waist that Harry realised Monty was no longer with him. He was sure the snake had been curled around his torso when he'd walked through the door, so where…?
He was distracted from his thoughts when the cloak pulled itself back off of his shoulders; folding neatly on top of a pile of shirts and a pair of trousers waiting at the desk. A pointed hat jumped on top to complete the outfit.
"That's you done dear, is there anything else you would like?" The old lady gave him an expectant smile as she started towards the till. Harry thought for a moment – he had never been given the opportunity to wear proper clothes in the past, which left him slightly unsure as to what he might need. Before he could think of anything however, the boy behind him started panicking.
"Oh no!" He groaned in worry.
The woman looked over in concern, giving Harry his chance to quietly hiss: 'Monty!'
"I've lost Trevor! –my toad." He added, seeing the question in her eyes.
Toad…. Harry froze. He wouldn't… But then again, he was a snake.
"Did you walk in with him dear?" The woman asked kindly.
"I- I think so?"
The boy posed it like a question. Harry wondered how many times Trevor had managed to get away before.
"Then we'll find him in a jiffy – don't worry!" Raising her wand, the woman called out: "Accio Trevor the toad!"
Harry heard the disgruntled hiss as a terrified looking toad zoomed out from behind a shelf. He sincerely hoped the amphibian wasn't about to croak from fear.
"There, see? Right as reign. Now, just let me finish with this young man and we'll get you sorted; here you are."
She gently handed over the toad and turned back to the till, just managing to miss the black tail that flicked under Harry's shirt as he hissed furiously at Monty. Coughing slightly to cover up the exchange he said;
"That's all I need thanks – I've still got a lot to buy." Quickly recalling the currency values he'd learned at Gringott's, he handed over the necessary coins and picked up his bundle.
"It was nice meeting you!" He waved jauntily to the chubby boy standing awkwardly on his stool as he skipped out of the shop.
Once outside, he looked down at the beady eyes peering up through the neckline of his baggy shirt.
"Ok, new rule: No Eating Random Animals. Not until we know what kinds of things are pets and what aren't, capiche? I'll buy you some hoppers or something – as long as you don't leave dead ones lying on my floor!"
Monty wrinkled his scaled nose at the notion, pouting for all he was worth.
"I don't like those nasty little creatures." He hissed petulantly. "What about my rats?"
"Pfft, gorge yourself. No one would keep a rat as a pet."
"Mmmmmm…"
He looked around for the professor but couldn't see her waiting anywhere in the street. He'd fully intended to be a good kid and wait for her to come back – even going so far as to kick up his foot and recline back against the wall – when he suddenly had the distinct feeling he was being stared at.
Now, this wasn't the first time he had felt this way. All the while he and the professor had been walking through the streets he'd been aware of random people eyeing him with a range of emotions, from amazement to pity, and even a strange, creepy expression that he really didn't want to name. Right at that moment he could in fact feel several pair of eyes on him, though he knew that wasn't what he was feeling. No, there was a very specific – very intense – gaze being directed upon his person.
He flicked his eyes about discreetly, trying to spot the guilty persons without making eye contact with any of his apparent fans. He looked up and down the street with no luck and was prepared to ask for Monty's opinion when-
"Is that owl staring at us?"
"Owl…?"
Harry looked up above the heads of the bustling shoppers into an arched window, just to the right of a sign that read: 'Eeylops Owl Emporium' in bold, golden letters. Sitting on a gnarled perch just behind the glass pane was a snowy white owl, beady orange eyes boring unnervingly into his own.
"Umm… maybe she wants to say hi!"
Without giving it a second though, Harry kicked off of the wall and headed straight for the emporium door.
"Woah, NO! No way, uh-uh. Get me away from that shop!"
Harry barely missed a step, hushing Monty quietly when one little girl ran away from the disembodied hissing in terror. Thankfully, no one else seemed to have noticed.
"Stop being such a wuss. If you keep quiet they won't even know you're there."
"You don't understand! Those filthy creatures always know."
Harry looked down sceptically at the pleading eyes, peering up at him from the shadows underneath his shirt. "Nonsense." He replied, pushing open the door with a merry jingle.
Professor McGonagall wasted no time collecting the pewter cauldron and brass scales from their respective shelves. She briskly gathered glass vials, funnels and a stirring rod – pausing briefly to add in a couple of sheaves of filter paper. She had just finished laying all of the items on the counter when a tall, sour faced man emerged from the basement.
He showed the barest hint of surprise at seeing her there, giving her a polite nod as he brushed motes of dust from his dark work robes.
"Severus! I didn't expect to see you down here – restocking so soon?"
"Just that."
Knowing that waiting for volunteered information was an exercise in futility she asked; "Did you not have conferences scheduled for this week? Have they been cancelled?"
The man's sallow face twisted into a sneer. It was clearly a subjected which annoyed him a great deal.
"They have decided to push this summer's events back a few weeks, as if I wasn't busy enough as it is… and someone keeps trying to thin the bottoms of gold cauldrons to save on manufacturing costs. I have just been telling Mr Pontine that I will not accept his offer unless he obtains decent quality stock"
Although the volume of his voice barely rose throughout his explanation, Mr Pontine – who had just emerged from stairway after him – flinched nervously and muttered "I didn't make the blasted things…"
"And yet you were perfectly happy to sell them to me, were you not?"
The man's face turned red in embarrassment as he busied himself behind the counter, wrapping up Minerva's purchases.
"Buying for a student are we?" Severus raised a curious eyebrow at her items.
"Indeed. I left him to buy his uniform; we're running slightly later than I would have hoped. Has there been any trouble with the other cauldrons do you know?" She cast a worried eye at the pewter cauldron currently being wrapped up in brown paper.
"Pewter is a cheap enough material as it is. They wouldn't bother themselves with the hassle."
She asked after the rest of his summer as she collected her baggage. The man was always far too tense during the school year to hold much of a pleasant conversation, but after a couple of weeks break he was usually much more relaxed and open – though his conversational skills still left much to be desired.
She'd lost track of how long they'd been chatting, but was brought back to the present as a strange, squawking sound reached her ears.
"What in merlin's name…" Severus murmured. She saw his eyes narrow curiously at something behind her. She glanced back… and almost fainted at the scene across the street.
Harry had barely gotten two steps into the shop before all hell broke loose. One hissed curse from Monty set all of the owls off. He was immediately hounded by great feathery bodies and sharp beaks, all pecking at him from every angle in attempts to get at the snake. He crossed his arms over his head to try and protect his eyes, stumbling backwards as he tried to find the door again.
'Harry, help!'
He saw long grey talons rip through his shirt and back peddled quickly.
'Oh no you don't!' Unknowingly reacting to Monty's Parseltongue with his own, Harry brought his arms down to bat at the most daring birds.
"OI! What's goin' on over 'ere?"
The shop keeper ran over in a panic, trying to wave the crazy birds away from Harry. "Ge' out lad!"
'Don't need to tell me twice' Harry thought, as he finally felt the uncomfortable protrusion of a doorknob against his backside. He turned quickly – dislodging an owl that had caught itself in his unruly hair – and yanked the door open, dashing out onto the street. A few of the animals managed to follow him, and were still tugging at his clothes and hair.
"What on earth- Mr Potter!"
Harry sighed – part in relief, part dread – as he heard the voice of his future transfiguration professor. He just knew she'd pin this one on him. Not that it wasn't entirely his fault…
He felt some kind of pulse travel through him and was grateful to feel the absence of big flapping birds immediately surrounding his person. All bar one.
He looked up, slightly surprised to see beady orange eyes and a yellow beak meeting his nose half way up. He stared into curiously intelligent pupils as the owl stared back at him, twitching her head this way and that, as if to say, "Well? What are you waiting for?"
"Hi." Harry said.
The owl hooted in reply.
"Mr Potter!"
He lowered his head towards the sharp voice, grimacing as he met the wild, shocked eyes of his guide.
"How… I leave you alone for 5 minutes- what did you do?!"
The shop keeper hurried over, a few owls landing on her outstretched arms as she did so.
"Wha' was tha' lad, eh? You upset me poor birds somethin' awful! I ain't never seen 'em in such a state."
Harry looked from one adult to another, the owl on his head adjusting its weight as he did so. "I, er… um." He met the eyes of the only man in the group. Though he had no idea who he was, the man was staring at him with such contempt Harry found his body automatically tensing defensively; remembering uncle Vernon at his worst.
"It wasn't my fault!" The words burst out of Harry before he could stop them. Although he might not mind telling Professor McGonagall about Monty in pure confidence, he had no idea who the other two people were – and he certainly didn't want to go spilling his secrets to complete strangers.
"All I did was walk in – they're the ones who attacked me."
"Well you must'a done somethin' to frighten the poor things li' tha' – they don' scare easy, my birds."
The owl on her right arm hooted haughtily and glared down at the slight bulge under Harry's top.
"Look – I'm sorry, ok? Whatever I did, I apologise. Can I just say I won't come back in and we call it a day?"
The woman sniffed, glaring as she scrutinised him – or more likely, his intentions.
"Well, ye'll 'ave to pay fer tha' one anyhow, she's settled with yeh an' all."
She pointed her chin at the snowy owl nestled comfortably in his hair.
"Uhhh…really? I mean, I wasn't really looking for an owl- but, I mean, yeah." He changed his tune quickly as she scowled at him threateningly. "I love owls, I'll take good care of him - ouch! – her" he amended quickly as the owl dug its claws into his scalp, "honest."
He gave his best innocent smile, sneaking a pleading glance over to his – now slightly amused – professor, who thankfully took the hint and pulled some coins out of the cloth bag she was looking after for him.
"You have my sincere apologies". She told the woman as money quickly changed hands. "And Mr Potter's too, I'm sure." He nodded his head quickly at her meaningful glare.
"Jus' make sure 'ee doesn't step foot in me shop again, not with tha' menace in tow."
The woman turned back into her shop, leaving Harry to gape after her in horror – his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.
"… that menace, Mr Potter?"
He gulped.
"Mr Potter, what on earth did you do to instigate such a commotion?"
He could see the professor had lost some of her composure, it was actually quite amusing to see such a stern woman come apart slightly at the seams. He was quite proud of himself for having managed it – even though it technically wasn't his fault… sort of.
"Well, you see-" he stopped as his eyes drifted sideways to the imposing, ebony haired man towering over the both of them and he only just managed not to flinch at the unexpected ice in the man's glare; surely his little escapade hadn't been that much of an inconvenience?
"This is professor Snape," McGonagall introduced him impatiently. "He is our potions master and will be instructing you when you begin school. Now will you kindly tell me what you were doing back there when I had asked you to wait outside Madame Malkins?"
"I did wait! But then this wierdo –" he raised his eyes towards the owl on his head- "was glaring at me, so I went in to see what her problem was and…" He hesitated
"Yes, Mr. Potter?"
Whilst by this point he had no particular inhibitions telling Professor McGonagall about Monty (he hadn't even really meant to hide the snake in the first place, pets were apparently encouraged at this school) he felt no inclination to let the greasy haired Harry hater in on the secret! The man's apparent dislike of him reminded him too much of his uncle Vernon – who would undoubtedly go berserk if he realised he shared his living space with a poisonous reptile.
"Well, I only tried to say hi and she ordered her evil minions to peck me to death!" A comment for which he received an affectionate nip on the ear.
"That bird clearly decided to bond with you Potter, not attempt murder." The sour faced teacher impatiently shot down his story, narrowing his coal black eyes in annoyance. "I suggest you tell the truth now - if I have to spend the next 7 years dealing with your cheek, you will find yourself scrubbing cauldrons in detention for the rest of your miserable life."
Harry stared at him, a flash of anger burning down his neck even as his eyes turned cold. This man was supposed to be a teacher – a professional in his field, but there was no professionalism in his twisted sneer. If he wasn't going to act his age, then neither would Harry.
"I'd thank you to not judge me before you've even met me – as you so clearly have. You hated me from the first glance, and I don't even know you! Tell me, is it my personal history that displeases you so? Or perhaps you had a quarry with a relative of mine?"
A flash of fury lit up dark eyes and the sneer marring the man's face disappeared in a heartbeat.
"A relative then? I can understand if it is due to the dursley's, I rather hate them myself…"
There was a hint of disgust in the way the pale nose wrinkled slightly at the edges, but not the reaction he was looking for. A deceased relative then…
"My parents perhaps? Was my mother a catty woman at school?"
He was starting to find himself honestly curious by this point – perhaps he would have a chance to discover a side of his parents during their childhood.
A flinch, a slight drift of the eyes – a sign of guilt.
"No… my father?"
"Enough!" the man snapped, causing the corner of Harry's mouth to slight up in amusement.
"Mr Potter, I think-"
"I'm sorry professor." He said, cutting off McGonagall's interference. "But regardless of what my father, or any other relatives, might have been like; I am not them. There may be a lot of credence to the theory of personality inheritance but like most things, it is still only theoretical and cannot be counted for a fact.
"I give you this challenge professor: forget what you know about my heritage and learn who I am. If you still find yourself disliking me that is fine, provided it is me you dislike."
"Not that that's particularly hard, I don't think he'll have any trouble with that." Clearly bored of being left out, Monty twisted his way out of Harry's top and draped himself unconcernedly around skinny shoulders (though Harry did not miss the furtive glance he sent up at the snowy owl teasing him from above).
"You're one to talk! I'm not the one who keeps switching all the socks around so no one has a matching pair!" Harry huffed with a scowl, as he crossed his arms over his recently vacated torso.
"Oh yeah? Well who was it that knotted all the shoe laces around the rack? That oaf actually snapped the things trying to yank his stupid foot wear off." Both of them failed to hold back a snort at the memory. They had been in the middle of a week-long prank war on the run up to Christmas.
Potter!" Harry snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at the greasy haired professor, not expecting the shocked and horrified looks on the faces of the adults in front of him.
"Yes sir?"
The man didn't even seem to notice the sarcasm in his voice, staring warily at Monty's pearly white fangs and his small pink tongue, which flicked out against Harry's neck every few seconds to taste the air.
"Oh him? This is Monty – my good friend and occasional roommate. He didn't think it was fair that I was going on an adventure without him so he just had to tag along.
"Monty?" Professor McGonagall asked faintly.
Harry nodded at her, glancing wryly down into topaz eyes as he said, "Yeah you know, like Monty Python? He's not a python, but he's a bit of a drama queen and makes for good entertainment."
'What are you saying pest?! If you're introducing me you should tell them I am an intelligent, awe inspiring, handsome reptile."
"You're a pain in the arse – especially in winter."
"That's my hibernation period! It isn't my fault you moronic humans are too stupid to stay warm in cold weather!"
"Hide from it you mean." Harry quipped back, smirking.
"You realise I hope that snakes are not accepted pets within the school? The letter clearly specifies that a student may bring either an owl, a cat or a toad." Harry looked up into the – slightly triumphant looking – face of his future potions teacher, calming himself down by imagining the multitude of pranks he and Monty could play on the man with nearly 11 months of shared living space.
"Likewise, I hope you realise that the letter does not explicitly forbid any other form of animal. I have an owl do I not? There is nothing to say I may not bring a snake also. Monty and I go together, or not at all."
His eyes were steady as he held the other man's glare.
"Well, I think we can arrange-"
"Thank you Severus, I think we've dawdled long enough don't you? I wouldn't want to keep you from your errands any longer – Mr Potter and I are also running slightly behind our original schedule. I hope they don't push the conference back any further, I would hate for you to have to miss it."
Severus met her stern, pointed look for a brief moment before inclining his head slightly in her direction and turning on his heel; giving Harry and Monty a derisive – yet also somewhat calculating – sneer as he left.
Casual shoppers wondered by them as they simply stood for a moment, watching as his tall dark visage stalked its way back towards the potions store.
"Well," said Harry, after he felt the pause had dragged out too long. "It can't all be sunshine and rainbows I suppose; though I fear to ask what your average potions grades are if he's the sole teacher."
Professor McGonagall pursed her lips at him as though she wanted to say something in his defence, but knew it wouldn't be well received following the previous conversation.
"We still have much to buy Mr Potter. Shall we try to finish this trip with no further delays? Although…"
She trailed off, looking uncertainly down at Monty who was lazily resting his head on Harry's collar bone.
"What, him? He wouldn't hurt… well, anyone I didn't ask him to anyway. I wasn't joking professor – I really wouldn't go anywhere without him regardless of the consequences."
She looked for a moment as though she had swallowed a sour lemon but eventually let the matter drop. He was quite glad of this – from what he had seen today so far the opportunities of magic were just too good to pass up.
It was with a slightly awkward silence that they eventually returned to their shop, though this didn't last long with all the questions Harry had thought up on wizarding culture, politics and legislation.
AU: Sorry for the wait - it's dissertation year so I (sadly) have more important things to write. This chapter has been sitting around mostly written for a while so I thought I might as well finish it off before things get hectic again! I had planned to completely finish Diagon alley but it seemed to break quite naturally here, so I decided to go along with it. I hope you enjoyed it!