Chapter 29

My First Season III / New Crush?! + Girl Time


Alina stood anxiously near the edge of the dance floor, wringing her hands, waiting for Darcy to come to her for the last dance. The room had fallen silent in anticipation of the waltz. Wherever she looked, ladies fluttered bejeweled fans as gentlemen smirked. She craned her neck, rising up on her toes to scan the crowd better when suddenly she spotted the tall head of her cousin coming towards her.

Darcy, who had always been the slightly awkward but warm hearted and caring Darce seemed radically different. Today, he was Fitzwilliam Darcy, owner of one of the largest estates in the country and one of the most eligible bachelors on the London social scene. She could see the crowd visibly part for him, ladies looking at her in envy, all of them wishing it was them dancing the waltz instead of him.

One of them actually deigned to verbalise it, furtively whispering to her friend, 'Why is he wasting the waltz on his cousin, when he could have danced with any lady of his choice?'

Alina barely stopped herself from rolling her eyes at the slight. They could think of say whatever they wanted, she would be going home with Darcy at night, not them.

Fitz finally gently elbowed an elderly baron out of the way to come stand before her. He seemed a little breathless, his face flushed and his eyes shining.

'Come, Lady Alina', he grinned. 'It's finally time for our waltz.' He bowed to her extravagantly, before placing a feather light kiss on her gloved hand. She liked this Darcy, the one with the carefree air, the twinkling eyes that shone with mirth, the kind smile that betrayed his good humour. I've always loved his smile.

'I'm curious to see what all those practices with Niklaus have taught you', Darcy smiled mischievously, as he led her to the dance floor, his hand covering hers. Had his hand always been so large compared to hers?

'It was one practice', Alina said, crossly. 'And that too, because you chose to run off to the village instead of keeping your commitment to me.'

Darcy helped her up a step to the dance floor and gently turned her to face him. He took her hand and placed it on his shoulder, twining the fingers of his other hand with hers and holding it away from their bodies. When Alina looked away from his face, she was surprised to see the hand that was in his was trembling. He has a pleasing face.

'It seems that I am a tad nervous, Darce', she looked up at him, her brow creased, silently asking for reassurance. Was it because she had never danced the waltz in public before? She had not been allowed to do so in the limited soirees she had attended at home.

'It'll be fine, little dove', Darcy smiled at her, using his old nickname for her, as he squeezed her hand in comfort. 'Though you seem to be more than a tad nervous, you hand is trembling like a lone leaf in a stormy gale.' It had been a long time since he had called her that.

'What sort of gentleman are you, Fitzwilliam Darcy, that you cannot properly comfort a lady in distress-' Alina stopped short suddenly as she felt Darcy place a hand on her waist. It was just his hand, which she had held countless times but on her waist, its warmth seemed to sear her, effortlessly travelling through the layers of cloth she was wearing. This seems much too inappropriate to be allowed in public!

'What happened?' Darcy asked her. 'Are you alright?'

Alina swallowed and took a deep breath to center herself. 'I think I might be a little tired, Darce. This is the first time in my life that I have danced continuously for so long.'

'We don't need to dance if you don't feel up to it, Allie', Darcy said, as he started moving her across the dance floor towards the chairs where the dowagers were sitting.

'No', Alina exclaimed, her raised voice stopping him mid-step. 'I don't want to sit. I want to dance my first waltz.'

'Are you sure you are fine?' Darcy asked, still looking a little reluctant.

'Well, if you don't want to dance with me, you can just say so', Alina groused, frowning at him.

Darcy's worried expression changed to a grin. 'Ah, there she is. My fire cracker of a cousin.' Fire cracker, huh? I like it.

'Shut up and dance, Fitz', Alina pouted as the music began. They began dancing and it flowed much smoother than she had expected - Darcy, for all his awkward, shy and bumbling nature was a dancer of some skill. She couldn't help but glance at her feet occasionally, this dance caused her to be nearer to her partner than the previous ones she had danced that night, and she was afraid that she would step on Darcy's toes. Dear God, please don't let me step on his toes.

'Look at me, Allie', he commanded suddenly. 'The harpies will think that you're half in love with me if you persist in staring at the floor and blushing.' Had he always sounded so commanding?

Her cheeks flushed at his teasing as she raised her head to meet his eyes. 'Darce!'

He couldn't contain his amusement. 'You have not the slightest idea of how gratifying it is to be amused at your expense. It's usually the other way round.' And for good reason!

Alina looked at him mutinously.

'Fine, I won't tease you', Darcy pouted. 'You never let me enjoy my victories. Since you won't let me savour my win, at least answer my question from earlier. Has anyone caught your eye so far?' No, I cannot think right now with your hand on my waist, Darce.

Alina hesitated. Darcy raised his eyebrows, 'So there is someone, isn't there? I hope it is not Lauderdale, is it?' He looked at her beseechingly, as if Lauderdale catching her eye would be a personal offence. I have half a mind to propose to Lauderdale myself now!

'You make it seem like you think that I couldn't possibly be worthy of being courted by him. You said something similar this morning too. You're reminding me of Aunt Catherine.' Alina glared at him. He can be so dense at times.

Darcy was immediately contrite. 'I apologise for my thoughtless words. I promise you, I didn't mean that you weren't good enough to be courted by him. He's famously reclusive and not on the hunt for a wife, from what I know. I truly believe that his intentions are not dishonourable but his interest is of a purely scientific nature-' Yes, that certainly makes me feel better.

'It still sounds like you mean that I'm not good enough to attract his notice, unless it is of a scientific nature', she scowled. Does he want to die?

'Fix your expression, please', Darcy pleaded. He didn't want to invite any gossip about why women scowled when they danced with him. It had been happening rather frequently as of late.'I don't think anyone can attract his notice. They call him the silent Scot for a reason - he doesn't engage in conversation with anyone, be it a gentleman or a lady, unless it is about his scientific interests, of course.' Hah, well it would please you to know-

'Well, it would please you to know that we talked about a lot apart from his scientific interests when we were seated together at dinner', Alina said haughtily. She mentally crossed her arms across her chest in satisfaction.

'That is certainly admirable', Darcy said nervously, afraid of saying something wrong again. 'You could be the exception to the rule, of course.' Damn, right!

'I could', Alina said proudly.

'Do you think him a prospect then?' Darcy ventured hesitantly. Now he's hesitating?!

'It's too early to say. One day is hardly enough to take a person's measure.'

'Of course', Darcy nodded. 'How was your evening apart from your time with Lord Lauderdale? I saw you dancing with a lot of our classmates.' I know right, I was positively the belle of the ball!

'Niklaus introduced us', Alina explained. 'But he seemed a little disgruntled when they asked me to dance. Are they a bad sort?' I don't care, they were all very handsome.

'No, they are not', Darcy grinned suddenly. 'They are high spirited and extremely mischievous but not a bad sort. However you must never take anything they claim seriously. They play a lot of jokes and we wouldn't want you to be on the receiving end of one, would we?' Obviously, why would anyone be interested in me apart from wanting to trick me?

'You must think I have no brains of my own', Alina smiled dangerously. At Darcy's crestfallen expression at having put his foot in his mouth once again, she took pity on him and changed the topic. He always manages to get away with everything with his forlorn expression.

'I'm honestly happy that I danced all the dances and none of my partners seemed to be fortune hunters or reprobates.'

'Were you expecting something different?' Darcy was curious. Yes, haven't you noticed that I am a social pariah?

'To tell you the truth, I was contemplating bringing a book with me because I was sure that no one apart from you, Robert and Niklaus would ask me to dance', Alina admitted. 'But my reticule was much too small for a book and Mother would have a fit if I strapped a book to my leg and whipped it out at a ball? Or worse, what if it fell out while I was dancing with a suitor?' Now, that would be a sight indeed, Alina chortled inwardly.

Darcy didn't know whether to be horrified or to be amused.

'I'm glad you didn't bring a book with you', he finally managed. 'It is not good form to bring your own entertainment to parties. It implies that your host is not capable of providing adequate diversions and that is not done at all.' Of course, I wouldn't! This idiot wouldn't know a joke if it hit him on the head.

'Well then, they should allow one to visit the library during the balls', Alina offered. 'Each dance lasts around half an hour, what is one supposed to do with oneself for that long if not asked to dance?' Ha, this was fun.

'Please do not visit the library during parties and balls, unless accompanied by a relative', Darcy's brow furrowed anxiously. 'The library is a hotbed of inappropriate activity that can get one compromised faster than you can say the word.' He's flustered. He makes it too easy.

'This is not at all how I imagined my first waltz to go', Alina sighed heavily. 'I had imagined a man sweeping me off my feet, instead you are wiping the floor with me, so to speak.' Take that!

Darcy scowled at her. 'Thank you so much for the glowing feedback, Cousin.'

'A skilled conversationalist you are not', Alina teased. 'I'm surprised why women flock to you in such large numbers. You clearly cannot flirt to save your life.' He really cannot.

'I can flirt, thank you very much', Darcy shot back. 'And women cannot help but be charmed by my handsome countenance. I have been told that I have soulful eyes, a strong jaw and very appealing lips.' His eyes widened at his last words, he had not meant to let that slip. He suddenly seemed to find whatever was happening over Alina's shoulder very interesting because he kept his gaze resolutely fixed there. Appealing lips?!

Alina, on the other hand, couldn't stop her eyes from flickering to his lips when he said that. She had never paid much attention to his lips before. Whoever had said that was right - his lips, full and pink, were extremely kissable. He was clean shaven and that seemed to emphasise his mouth even more. She looked away quickly, her cheeks burning. Dear God, am I really staring at Darcy's lips?

'I'm sure there must be some women who find your pathetic calf eyes attractive', she joked, but her voice shook just a little. 'Pemberly could make even an ogre seem handsome.' I am entirely powerless before those calf eyes but I'd rather die than admitting it.

'Are you calling me an ogre?' Darcy seemed amused.

'Your words, not mine', Alina said airily. She couldn't avoid looking at him anymore and when she finally raised her eyes to meet his, she felt an unfamiliar fluttering sensation in her heart.

Did my heart just flutter because of Darcy?

She removed her hand from Darcy's shoulder and clutched at the bodice of her dress in alarm. What was happening to her?

'Alina, are you well?' Darcy sounded worried, but his voice was strangely warbled, as if it was reaching her ears through water. She couldn't bring herself to pay much attention to him, too caught up in the strange things happening inside her chest.

Why does it feel like a dozen butterflies have taken up residence in my body?

He touched her shoulder in concern, and when she felt a shiver go up her spine in response, Alina felt like her world had tilted on its axis.

Am I attracted to Darcy?

'Fitz', she said shakily, 'I feel like I am going to faint. I want to go home.'

'Of course', Darcy agreed immediately. These crowded, sweltering hot ballrooms had reduced many a maiden to swooning. 'Can you walk or do you want me to carry you?'

'Don't be ridiculous', Alina snapped. 'Of course, I can walk.'

Darcy nodded, but he put an arm around her waist and held her other hand in hers as he guided her from the dance floor.

'What happened?' Alexandra asked worriedly as she saw the flushed face and vacant gaze of her daughter.

'She feels light headed', Darcy explained, as he helped Alina sit in a chair nearby. 'She wants to go home.'

Alexandra looked about for Robert worriedly, but she couldn't seem to find him. 'I cannot find Robert, William. What do we do?'

'I don't think we'll be able to find him quickly in this crush. Let me take you home and we can inform Lady Harrington of the circumstances', Darcy took command of the situation. 'Niklaus and Robert can accompany her and Michelle home.'

Never had competency seemed so attractive.

Alina buried her head in her hands in despair. Alexandra and Darcy looked at her in alarm.

'Let's leave Aunt', Darcy said. 'Waiting for the carriage in fresh air might help her.'

'Come, Allie', he said gently, putting an arm around her to help her. 'Up you get.'

Alina leaned heavily on Darcy as she got up. He didn't let go, his arm firmly around her waist, even when Alina suggested that she was quite capable of standing on her own two feet, thank you very much.

'Humour me', he said, pleasantly. 'We cannot afford to have you lose your balance and get injured so early into the season. A lady should only get injured when she has collected a bevy of admirers who can be at her neck and call.'

Alina, who was now feeling lightheaded in reality, merely grimaced in response. Darcy looked at her worriedly, subtly adjusting her so that he was carrying most of her weight. As soon as they were out of the cloying ballroom, he heaved Alina into his arms, taking care to smooth her dress over the back of her knees so that it did not gape and expose her legs.

Alina was too weak to protest. She merely nestled her head into his chest.

Dear God, he smells so good.


Earlier in the evening,

'At the risk of sounding ungentlemanly, I might need you to fetch me some lemonade, Allie', Robert said as they whirled to a stop.

Lady Brown, who had called this particular dance, had chosen a fast temporary for their reel and Alina and Robert both felt that they had had their breath knocked out of them.

'Robbie', Alina gasped. 'How do you do this for days on end? I feel like I have exhausted years' worth of energy in a single evening.'

'You get used to it', Robert panted. He took a deep breath and turned to look at her with a serious expression.

'I saw you dancing with George Byron', he said. 'Did someone introduce you to him?'

'No', Alina replied. She paused, deliberating whether to confide in her brother about the uncomfortable interaction. 'Actually, Robert, he introduced himself to me and made some cryptic remarks-'

'What sort of remarks?' Robert interrupted angrily.

Alina drew back a little at the fury in his tone. 'He said something about having had a Fitzwilliam and loving to try another in the name of variety.'

As she said it aloud, she realised what he had meant and she felt embers of fury ignite inside her.

'Did he mean what I think he meant?' she asked Robert, her voice hard.

'Yes, he did', Robert snarled. 'Don't worry, I'll set that bloody bastard right. You did good by telling me.'

Alina nodded, pleased by the anger on Robert's face. He would make sure that the slight to her and their family wouldn't go unpunished.

Few hours later

Robert had finally cornered the dandy in a little used receiving room of Lowe Manor.

'I thought we were finished, Lord Milton', Byron said, casually, his arms crossed across his chest. 'You made it quite clear the last we saw each other.'

'If you know this', Robert said, moving towards Byron, until he had crowded him against the wall. 'Why did you approach my sister?'

'What choice did I have, Robert?' Byron cried. 'You won't respond to my letters, you avoid me in public, you are never at home when I call and you turn and go in the opposite direction when I approach you at gatherings. I did what I had to do to secure an audience with you.'

'You crossed a line by approaching my sister', Robert growled. 'She's too good for the likes of you.'

'She's practically spoilt goods already, my dear Robbie', Byron smirked, pleased to see Robert pale. 'Being associated with you, a known deviant and then apparently being cursed on top of it, has already sealed her fate. You're a fool to think anything else.'

'Is this why you called me here?' Robert said, quietly. 'To demean my sister and to force me to call you out?'

'No, I didn't', Byron cried. 'You know why I called you. I cannot live without you, Robert. I need you, Robert.'

'No, you don't', Robert turned away from him. 'If you did, you wouldn't have done what you did.'

Byron grasped his arm with both of his hands and pulled him back to face him.

'I made a mistake', he said. 'I know I did, I admit to that, but surely you must know that she meant nothing to me. I was in my cups and she was there, I hadn't seen you for weeks..It was a weak moment. I'm sorry, Robert, more than words can express, for my actions-'

'I hadn't seen you in weeks either', Robert spat out furiously. 'But I didn't fall into bed with someone else. And the fact that she meant very little to you only hurts me more. You risked what we had, what we meant to each other, for nothing!'

'Robert, please!' Byron cried out, beating at Robert's chest with his fists. 'Please tell me what I can do to make this better. What will it take for you to forgive me and for things to go back to how they were between us?'

'There is no us anymore, George', Robert bit out. He grasped George's hands in his and calmly removed them from his person. 'Stay away from my sister. Or one word from me to the scandal sheets about the various salacious anecdotes you have told me, and you'll have a horde of angry aristocrats at your door.'

He grabbed the shorter man's chin and jerked his face up to meet his eyes. 'Some will call you out, others will send their men to beat you within an inch of your life', he tightened his grip on Byron's face. 'Some will destroy your lines of credit and have you thrown in debtor's prison and others will convince your patrons to drop you like a hot stone.'

Abruptly, he released Byron's chin, only to grasp his collar and lift him from the ground. Robert knocked him into the wall hard. 'You come after my sister, Byron', he threatened. 'And I'll destroy you so completely, you'll be hiding in a small, pastoral town abroad for the rest of your life. Do you understand?'

'I thought you loved me, Robert', Byron sobbed.

'I did', Robert said, his composure finally cracking to show the waves of hurt beneath his hard exterior. 'I loved you madly, only to learn that the man I love doesn't even exist.'

He scoffed in disgust at Byron's tearstained face and left the room. He had walked only a few steps when he ran into Darcy carrying the prone form of his sister.

'What happened?' he yelled, as he ran towards them, his heart in his throat. Had Byron done something to her? He froze in place, unable to decide whether to go to his sister or to go back and pummel the life out of George Byron.

'She felt faint towards the end of our dance', Darcy explained and Robert felt himself move towards him, towards his sister and away from the man he had once loved, and perhaps still did. 'So, we're taking her home.'

'I'm fine, Robert', Alina mumbled into Darcy's chest. 'Just a little light headed.'

Robert sighed in relief and then laughed. 'Can we even call it a London ball if atleast one young miss doesn't swoon?'

'Shut up, Robert', said three cross voices in unison and Robert grunted at them, no trace of the emotional turmoil inside him on his face.


Instead of being out and about in London the next evening, the Fitzwilliams and their friends were gathered in their private drawing room for some scrumptious snacks, tea and gossip.

'Why are we spending our evening at home?' Aunt Vasilisa said wistfully. 'We could have watched a play at the Royal, enjoyed a performance at the Opera or even attended that odious Lady Grimm's soiree.'

'The theatre burned down in September', Robert replied, speaking around the copious amount of shortbread in his mouth. 'So I cannot make that dream come true for you, my dear Aunt.'

'We're lucky I wasn't here in September or some scandal sheet would have found a way to blame it on me', Alina grumbled.

'You could use this to your advantage', Vasilisa replied. 'Glare malevolently at anyone who wrongs you and mumble random Latin sentences under your breath. Nobody would dare cross you after that.'

'Are you trying to get her killed, Aunt?' Alexandra said crossly. 'If they suspect her of practising witchcraft, she will be excommunicated from the church, declared a witch and then burnt at the stake-'

'The last such death was in 1727', Robert interrupted. 'The law has changed as well, they impose fines and punishment instead of burning people at the stake.'

'Why do you know this?' Darcy asked curiously.

'As a future member of the parliament and the older brother of a girl who has a propensity for attracting trouble, I make it a point to study the laws that affect women in particular', Robert said officiously.

'So you did contemplate the possibility that I would be accused of witchcraft?' Alina glared at him.

'Since we have Aunt Catherine in our family, and she doesn't like you very much on the best of days, I'm afraid it is quite possible', Robert answered seriously. He looked around at all of them, sprawled comfortably on sofas and chairs, with a table, heavily laden with sweet and savoury treats of all kinds and a substantial amount of tea, between them.

'We should make a tradition out of this', he declared. 'Gather for tea and snacks each week and closely dissect the social events we have attended that particular week.'

'Planning to start your own scandal sheet, are you?' Michelle teased.

'No', Robert leaned forward, moving his hands excitedly as he began to explain. 'We can review the gentlemen you girls danced with, who called on you the next morning, the degree of interest they have shown and assess their suitability as a husband. We can even strategize for the coming balls-'

'You clearly missed your calling, boy', Vasilisa said admiringly. 'You should have been a general in the army or a mama on the marriage mart.'

'Err..I thank you, I suppose', Robert said incredulously, surprised at such an assessment of his skills. 'So, Alina, would you like to share your observations with the rest of us?'

Alina blanched at being put on the spot in front of everyone. 'I don't know enough to make judgements about anyone I have met so far.'

'There must be something you noticed', Robert persisted.

'Well', Alina sighed. 'I think most of the people I met were more interested in gawking at my eyes than anything I had to say.'

'That's just men for you, my darling', Aunt Vasilisa sniped. 'They're always more interested in our physical attributes than what is inside our heads and our hearts.'

'Aunt Vasilisa!' Niklaus exclaimed. 'I, for one, am always interested in what is going on in your head.' He winked at her, muttering under his breath, 'Because you are completely and utterly unhinged.'

'Are you?' Vasilisa said silkily, wagging her eyebrows at him playfully. She looked at Darcy next and he flushed in embarrassment.

'I yield to your superior wisdom and experience in all things, madam', he raised his hands in mock surrender.

'Ah, a smart man', Vasilisa smirked. 'A rarity, I tell you, Linochka and Misha, perhaps you can toss a coin for him.'

Alina felt her face turning red against her will. 'He's not a toy to be won in a game', she spluttered. 'He's a human being with feelings, Aunt Vasya and he can choose the woman he wants to marry himself.'

She got up from her seat on the sofa and left the room as if the devil himself was on her heels. All of them stared after her in shock, surprised by her uncharacteristic behaviour.

'Let me take care of it', Michelle said, waving Alexandra, who had half risen from her seat to follow her obviously disturbed daughter, to sit. 'I'll help her with whatever it is that is bothering her.'

She left the room, but not before filling a plate with treats for the both of them to munch on while talking.


Michelle had roamed around the whole house but Alina was nowhere to be found. She finally sighed to herself and made her way outside to the gardens. It was a cold day, the wind biting at her exposed face and hands as soon as she left the sanctuary of the house.

'Alina', she called out to her friend, who was pacing in the cold and muttering to herself. 'Let's deal with whatever is bothering you inside, where we're both less likely to die from the cold.'

Alina turned to her and scowled at her before coming towards her. 'Why are you out in the cold? Richard will kill me if something happens to you.'

'Have you finally told him that you know about us?' Michelle smiled shyly at her.

'Of course, I have', Alina slung an arm around her friend, steering them both back towards the house. 'You best believe that he got an earful for hiding a secret of such magnitude from me, his beloved sister for so long. But I have no option other than forgiving you both - I don't exactly have a lot of friends and brothers lying around.'

'So you're only forgiving me because you don't have any other friends?' Michelle breathed a sigh of relief as they finally entered the warm confines of the house. She paused for a minute to pick up the tray of treats from a side table and then the girls continued on their merry way to Alina's room.

'Yes', Alina smiled at her best friend. 'I am too old to go looking for a replacement now.'

'Too old she says', Michelle chortled. 'You're only seventeen, Alina. You have your whole life ahead of yourself.'

Alina sighed and plopped inelegantly on her bed. She suddenly looked up at Michelle beseechingly, 'Mich, can one like more than one man at a time?'

Michelle's eyes widened. 'What brought this on, Allie?'

'I, well, ever since last night', Alina's shoulders drooped and she wouldn't meet Michelle's eyes. 'I have been having these thoughts about Cousin Darcy. And I'm positively mortified by it, Michelle. He is my Cousin!'

'That hasn't stopped the royal family', Michelle muttered, grinning. 'Don't make a mountain of a molehill, maybe you just finally noticed how attractive your cousin is.'

'Michelle', Alina exclaimed at Michelle's expression. 'You liked Darcy?'

'Alina', Michelle rolled her eyes. 'Any girl who knows Darcy has had a crush on him at least once in her life. He's handsome, he's rich and he's so sweet to Georgiana. And you, of course.'

'Yes, he is', Alina fell back onto the bed and sighed, as if the weight of the world itself was on her shoulders. 'I'm just worried that my feelings will be visible on my face, and I will lose him as I have Niklaus.'

'Well, fortunately for you, my dear', Michelle perched on the bed, next to Alina. 'Your cousin Darcy is more oblivious than most and is not at all likely to notice your so-called newfound feelings for him. I still think that seeing him at a ball, decked in all his finery and being chased by the mamas has finally opened your eyes to his eligible your cousin is.'

'So you don't think I am attracted to him?' Alina asked hopefully.

'No, I don't', Michelle giggled. 'You're much too infatuated with Niklaus to look at another man.'

'I don't want to, Michelle', Alina said sadly. 'I don't want to love someone who doesn't love me back-'

'He does love you, Allie', Michelle interrupted.

'Not enough then', Alina shot back. 'You know that he will always choose that odious Lady Susan over me in a heartbeat. Does she really stay there often?'

'She comes and goes', Michelle shrugged noncommittally. 'Mother and I are not really privy to the happenings at Stanway House.'

'So she's there a lot', Alina threw an arm over her face. 'You're just trying to spare my feelings.'

'I'm sorry, Allie', Michelle lay a hand on her shoulder. 'I'm sure you'll find a man who loves you completely.'

'Let's hope', Alina mumbled. She removed her arm, and rose a little on her shoulders to look at Michelle. 'How are you doing, Michelle? I know it cannot be easy to live as you do, living on tenterhooks until you get news of Richard.'

'Sometimes, I do feel very burdened', Michelle said quietly. 'But I do not know what to do, it's not like my worrying will bring him back quicker but I don't know how to stop worrying either.'

'Have you tried crying?' Alina said curiously. 'I have been at this game longer than you have, and trust me, crying helps a lot. I always feel very sleepy and relaxed afterwards.'

'Crying?' Michelle asked bemusedly. 'That is your solution? No long winded speech about how we're meant to be together and fate will find a way to bring us together?'

'That too', Alina waved her hand dismissively. 'But platitudes rarely help as much as crying does. Try it once and then you'll thank me.'

Michelle giggled again and nodded.

'Also, Michelle', Alina waggled her eyebrows playfully. 'Your admirer, Tommy Darlington, has been asking for you. He even asked me which gentleman had caught your eye this season.'

'That's not an appropriate topic of conversation at all', Michelle grimaced.

'When has that ever stopped Tommy?' Alina shrugged in defeat. 'I don't mind because I know he doesn't mean it in a lecherous way, unlike many men of our acquaintance, and I'd rather not lose one of the few decent dance partners I have by calling him out on it. Do you know he called me his wife in front of Lauderdale?'

'His wife?! Surely, you jest', Michelle's eyes were as big as saucers. 'Why would he call you his wife?' 'I thought he liked me', she added in an undertone.

'Because I have been his wife', Alina giggled at Michelle's uncomprehending look. 'Remember I always had to play his wife in the Christmas plays we put up because you would always refuse?'

'And I appreciate your sacrifice, my dearest, loveliest friend', Michelle flopped onto the bed too, turning to face Alina, her hands tucked beneath her chin. 'So what did Lauderdale say?'

'He chastised Tommy for flirting outrageously with me, his dinner partner and asked him to leave me alone', Alina giggled. 'It was nice to see a man not related to me standing up for me.'

Michelle nodded. 'You're annoyed at the boys aren't you?'

'Not annoyed at the boys, precisely', Alina mused. 'I'm more irritated at my helplessness. Why do I have to sit back and watch as they solve my problems for me? Why can't I solve them myself?'

'Well, Allie', Michelle tapped Alina on the nose. 'You could look at this way, you are quite privileged to have so many people looking out for you and willing to help with your problems. However much it pains me to admit it, the world is not a very friendly place for women and we need the protection of men to survive.'

Alina glared at Michelle at that. Michelle held up her hands in surrender - 'You know it's true, Allie.'

'I don't want it to be', she sniffed.

'Well, what do you think of Lauderdale?' Michelle asked, rolling over to rest her chin on her elbows. 'Did you think him handsome?'

'Yes, he is not exactly difficult to look at', Alina mused. 'But I am half convinced that he is interacting with me solely because of my eyes.'

'Hmm, let's remove his name from consideration then', Michelle replied. 'What about Niklaus' friends?'

'St. Vincent was certainly handsome', Alina giggled. 'I liked Lord Grantham best, he seemed staid at first glance, but he has quite a sly sense of humour. One of his observations almost had lemonade coming out of my nose, he made me laugh so hard.'

Michelle smiled at Alina. 'That's good, isn't it? That he makes you laugh?'

Alina smiled back at her. 'That's good indeed. I'm so happy I have you by my side as we navigate our first season. I couldn't imagine dealing with this rigmarole without you.'

She placed her hand on Michelle's and squeezed it affectionately.

'Yes, me too', Michelle squeezed her hand back. 'I'm so glad to have you, Allie.'

They both lay there, lost in their own thoughts, comforted by each other's presence alone until Alexandra came to call them for dinner.

Alexandra smiled as she looked at them lying together peacefully. 'Thank you for sending her friend, Dora', she whispered as she looked up at the ceiling, seeing the sky and stars beyond, in her mind. 'Thank you.'


Milton House

London

18th December 1808

My dearest friend, Charlotte,

If you haven't relegated this missive to the fire without reading it - as you would be well within your rights to - I thank you for giving this idiotic man a chance. I hope this humble missive of mine finds you in the best of health and spirits.

Charlotte, I am deeply sorry for how I conducted myself at our last meeting. My behaviour was absolutely deplorable and you would be absolutely justified in your behaviour if you made a doll that bore a passing resemblance to me out of stuffing and stuck pins in it and cursed my name to your heart's content. I deserve every single bit of censure that you throw my way.

I am sorry for my dubious intentions when I initially introduced myself to you in Meryton. I'm sorry for writing to you for almost a year without making my position clear. I'm sorry for disappearing on you for weeks when you rightly asked me to declare my intentions. I'm sorry for the way I told you the truth. I'm sorry I didn't respect you enough to trust you with the truth sooner. I'm sorry for causing you to worry, for hurting you and for breaking your heart.

I am sorry for a lot of things that I have done throughout our friendship, but I cannot bring myself to regret writing to you. In you, I have found a true friend and try as I might, I cannot regret that. You are more precious to me than words can express. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Charlotte, I did mean what I said that day in the Park. I couldn't deceive you into marriage in good conscience, but now that you know the truth in all its ugly glory, I want to revise my decision. I very much do want to marry you, Charlotte. I cannot offer you love, but I can offer you warmth and friendship, respect, companionship - a meeting of minds if you will. I intend to continue writing to you as before. I don't expect you to write back to me and if my letters are unwelcome, please tell your friend Elizabeth to convey the same to my sister in her letters and the message shall reach me post haste, I assure you.

My best wishes for your health and happiness,

I remain,

Your devoted friend,

Robbie


Whew, a 6.5k word update I have been working on intermittenly for the last two months. Sorry for the late update, life got in the way. I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Do leave a review with your thoughts.

Love, A