I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters or anything like that. Or Celebrity names. Please don't sue. I'm just another crazy fan with crazy ideas. In other words more pointless insanity is ahead.
Another Night of Philosophical Debate With the Brotherhood
"For the last time Toad," Lance rolled his eyes. "James Scarrey is not a mutant! I don't care what those stupid websites say!"
"I'm telling ya Lance!" Todd pointed to the computer they had set up in the basement. "Rocko X is right about these things over 90% of the time! He's the best rumor guy on the Internet! Hey! He was right about that Enron thing!"
"Big deal he was probably getting a cut!" Lance groaned as he went upstairs.
"Still you gotta admit it's pretty freaky on how he does those imitations!" Todd said as he hopped after him.
"That doesn't make him a mutant!" Lance snapped. He went into the living room where the others were watching TV.
"That doesn't make who a mutant?" Pietro asked, idly flipping through the channels at fifty miles per hour.
"He thinks James Scarrey is a mutant based on a rumor on one of those websites," Lance told him, using his thumb to point at Todd.
"Give it up Toad that is ridiculous," Fred told him. "It's not him…it's the other guy who's a mutant…what's his name? Sncnob Rider. In fact most of the cast of Friday Night Live are mutants!"
"Oh this is the biggest load of bull I have ever heard!" Lance groaned.
"Trying to figure out what celebrities are really mutants," Wanda shook her head. "This is a new low."
"Actually for them this is pretty sophisticated conversation," Pietro told her.
"Hey what about that game show host who was really an assassin?" Fred pointed out. "He could have been a mutant!"
"I stand corrected," Lance rolled his eyes. "That is the biggest load of bull I have ever heard!"
"It is true!" Todd told him. "They had it on that special on the Entertainment channel and everything!"
"Oh yeah there's a reliable source," Lance groaned.
"You gotta admit it does make you think," Pietro said. "I mean what better place to hide your mutant powers than in front of the entire world. Maybe some magicians are really mutants? It could happen."
"You know who probably is a mutant?" Fred asked. "Dick Clark."
"You mean the guy on the radio and that does the New Year's Eve things?" Pietro asked.
"Yeah. I mean have you seen some of the clips of stuff he's done way back in the sixties and stuff?" Fred said. "He looks exactly the same as he does today!"
"Yeah he's right," Todd said.
"I mean come on, look at him!" Fred threw up his hands. "You can't tell me that the guy doesn't have any mutant regeneration powers or nothin'!"
"You know he has a point," Lance said. "If any star has a possibility of being a mutant, it's him."
"What about Michael Jackson?" Todd asked.
"Please he is not a mutant," Fred groaned. "Everybody knows he's really an alien prince from outer space."
"Oh man we are in such trouble if the future of mutant kind rests on these dorks," Pietro groaned. "Can't even figure out who's a mutant!"
"Well we're doing the best we can ya know?" Todd snapped. "I mean it ain't like we got Cerebro or nothin' to help us!"
"Yeah those X-Geeks get the mutants with all the cool powers and what am I stuck with? The Loser Brigade," Pietro grumbled.
"Excuse me?" Wanda snapped.
"Oh…uh…Wanda you know you're an exception right?" Pietro gulped.
"I'd better be!" She snapped.
"Oh that makes us feel so much better," Lance grumbled as he lay back on the couch.
"It would be cool if we did have something like Cerebro," Todd said as he lay back on an empty chair. "Then we could find out for real which stars are really mutants and stuff!"
"Yeah!" Fred nodded. "Then we can go meet them and hang with them in VIP rooms and eat great food and meet girls and stuff! That would be so cool!"
"Yeah that's so much better than finding allies to help us beat the X-Men and help us rule the world," Pietro rolled his eyes.
"Is Father really serious about that?" Wanda asked. "I mean I can understand the fight for survival and to make sure mutants aren't persecuted, but taking over the world? Isn't that a little…crazy?"
"Said the pot to the kettle," Pietro muttered under his breath.
"What did you say?" Wanda snapped.
"I mean…well I mean if you think about it," Pietro started trying to think of a way out of his predicament. "If mutants are in charge we won't be persecuted and stuff."
"Sounds logical to me," Lance shrugged. "Maybe things will get better for mutants."
"Yeah but when is it gonna get better?" Todd asked. "When are humans gonna accept us?"
"Never duh!" Pietro rolled his eyes. "Besides mutants just came out. They haven't even had time to get used to us!"
"He's got a point," Lance said.
"You know what I think?" Fred narrowed his eyes. "I think the guy who invented Pixy Sticks was probably a mutant."
"Oh for crying out loud Freddy we're off that topic!" Pietro slapped his head. "Try to keep up will ya?"
"Well think about it, a lot of mutants burn off sugar faster than normal humans, it's the perfect food for us!" Fred said. "Who else but a mutant would create it?"
"Pietro refresh my memory," Wanda asked. "Why am I living here again?"
"Don't look at me," Pietro groaned. "I haven't a clue myself why I'm here!"
"Oh I remember!" Fred said energetically. "Magneto sent you to help us prepare to get into his gang and beat the X-Men."
"It's gonna take a miracle for us to beat them with you clowns!" Pietro groaned.
"That's why we gotta figure out which celebrities are mutants yo!" Todd piped up. "I still say James Scarrey is our best bet!"
"Take me now Lord," Pietro moaned. "I'm ready!"
"Hey speaking of which you wanna go rent a movie or something?" Fred asked.
"Might as well," Wanda got up. "I could go for a James Scarrey movie now. Anything to take my mind off of living with you clowns!"
"Why not?" Pietro got up and grabbed Lance's keys. "Its not like I have anything else to do today. Apart with trying to figure out a plan to beat up the X-Geeks and impress my father."
"Well maybe you'll get an idea at the video store?" Todd hopped after him. "You never know!"
"That is a stupid idea," Pietro said. "But since it's the only thing we can think of we might as well try it."
"Oh I hate squeezing into the back seat!" Wanda groaned.
"You can always sit on my lap Poopsie," Todd grinned and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"I'm sitting in the front," Wanda shoved him aside.
"Pietro it's my jeep! I drive!" Lance snapped.
"No way! I'm the leader! I drive! Besides my driving isn't that bad!" Pietro puffed.
"Quicksilver…Toad drives better than you," Fred pointed out.
"It's true, he does," Lance nodded.
"Toad drives?" Pietro asked. "I thought the only thing he drove was Wanda crazy?"
"Ha. Ha. Funnyman. Lance has been teaching me!" Todd said proudly. He grinned again at Wanda. "Just say the word and I'll drive you anywhere you want to go Cuddlebumps. Just call me your Chauffeur of Love!"
"How about you drive over a cliff or something?" Wanda groaned. "Okay we are going to take turns driving! Lance you start first. Something tells me that I might want to be dead by the end of the evening anyway so Pietro can drive later."
"Hey I resent you guys criticizing my driving!" Pietro snapped as they pulled out of the driveway.
"Well we could always criticize your leadership skills," Lance growled.
"Or your ego," Wanda said.
"Or how you have way too many clothes in your closet," Todd remarked.
"Or…" Fred began.
"ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I GET THE POINT!" Pietro snapped. "What is this? 'Pick on Quicksilver Day'?"
"If only," Lance muttered underneath his breath as they pulled into a video store. "Here we are."
"All right!" Todd hopped out. "Hey! Let's get a whole bunch of movies! I wanna see some comedy!"
"I wanna see the latest action movies," Lance said as they walked in.
"Anything with horror's fine with me," Wanda said. "How about, 'Revenge of the Wronged Women from the Dark Dimension'?"
"How about 'Triple XYZ'?" Lance asked.
"I wanna see 'Fall Down and Go Boom!'" Todd picked up a video jacket. "It's Scarrey's latest! See it's about this hapless construction guy whose specialty is demolition but he and his crazy buds are accidentally hired to remodel a mansion and then he falls in love with this millionaire's daughter…"
"Nah, how about 'He Spits On Your Grave'?" Pietro picked up another jacket. "A classic if I do say so myself."
"Oooh! Classics! I wanna see 'Singing in the Rain'!" Fred called out cheerfully. The others looked at him. "Hey I like musicals okay?" Fred folded his arms defensively. "Got a problem with that?"
"Not me," Todd took the movie.
"What is it with you and musicals?" Lance asked.
"I just like singing that's all," Fred said. "Hey who are you to complain. You saw Moulin Rouge and liked it and that's a musical!"
"That was not a musical," Lance told him.
"Hello! They were singing throughout the entire movie!" Fred told him.
"Hey look they got candy over there!" Todd pointed out. "Want some Wanda?"
"Why not?" She sighed as she went over to the candy section. Pietro decided to amuse himself while Lance and Fred argued.
"Freddy just because they were singing a lot does not make it a musical," Lance said.
"All right Mr. Smart Guy, how would you define a musical?" Fred asked.
"You know all these movies are positioned wrong," Pietro looked around and rubbed his hands. "I can fix that!"
"A musical Freddy is a kiddy movie with lots of singing," Lance told him. "It's always some G rated crap with people in old clothes prancing around on mountaintops or something. There's nothing in there that would appeal to anyone with half a brain over the age of 12."
"Hey they got jumbo Snickers bars!" Todd munched down on one, wrapper and all. "Want one sweetheart?"
"I've lost my appetite thank you," Wanda groaned. "Hey are those Pixie Sticks?"
"Come to papa!" Todd reached out to grab them.
"Keep your grubby little webbed hands off of the Pixie Sticks!" Wanda shoved him out of the way.
"Oh yeah? Ever hear of a little musical called 'Gypsy'?" Fred said. They were oblivious to the insanity around them. By now Pietro was re-arranging every movie title in the store while the clerks tried to stop him.
"What? Some dumb musical about a guy wearing a bandana and an earring you call an adult classic?" Lance asked.
"Don't you know nothin'?" Fred asked, exasperated. "Gypsy's about Gypsy Rose Lee…a stripper!"
"What? You mean to tell me there's an R rated musical about a stripper?" Lance's eyes rose.
"Well technically it doesn't really have a rating. It was made in the sixties," Fred scratched his head.
"And this goes over here," Pietro kept playing with the tapes. "And this goes here! And here! And this goes over here! Oh this movie sucks. Let's get rid of it!"
"STOP THAT CRAZY KID!" The clerk was chasing him around.
"I can't!" The manager shouted. "I'm trying to stop these two!"
"Come back with my candy Toad!" Wanda was chasing him all over the store.
Lance and Fred were still arguing. "So you see Lance, a musical can deal with a wide variety of topics. They're not just for kids."
Lance still wasn't convinced. "Yeah well maybe. But most stupid musicals ain't like that. They all have these dumb happy songs like 'Everything's Coming Up Roses' or something like that!"
"Everything's Coming Up Roses is from Gypsy!" Fred told him.
"Really? Then I gotta be thinking of another song. I got it, it's…Wherever we go or something…"
"Together Wherever We Go," Fred told him. "That's from Gypsy too."
"SOMEBODY HELP ME!" The poor clerk hopped about the store, tied up with videotape. "That crazy kid is wrecking half the store!"
"And these nuts are wrecking the other half!" The manager ran for dear life, trying to keep the Pixie sticks away from Todd and Wanda. "AGGHH! I'VE BEEN SLIMED!"
"Oh wait, I know what song it is," Lance said. "All I Need Is the Girl."
"That's also from Gypsy you nimrod!" Fred rolled his eyes.
"You know for somebody whose job was just to take her clothes off this Gypsy character had a lot to say," Lance snapped.
"She was a real person, duh!" Fred snapped. "And you guys call me dumb?"
"And this goes here! And this goes way over here! Oh let's just throw these movies out!" Pietro was zipping around the store.
"THE CANDY IS MINE! MUHAHAH!" Wanda shouted with glee.
That's when objects started flying around the store, prompting the remaining Brotherhood members to stop what they were doing and watch. "Oh great," Pietro groaned. "My sister is on a sugar rush! This is not good!"
Ten minutes and several shouting matches later the Brotherhood emerged from the store. "Well there's another place the Brotherhood is banned from," Pietro said.
"I wasn't the one who tied up the clerk," Wanda pointed out.
"Only the Brotherhood could get thrown out of a third rate video store," Lance groaned.
"Hey at least I got some movies," Todd held up a few of tapes he had sneaked out. "And best of all we don't have to return 'em!"
"Sweet! What'd you get?" Fred asked.
"I got 'Fall Down and Go Boom, Frog Lords From Outer Space, He Spits On Your Grave Again, and something called Gypsy. Must be about a guy in a bandana or something."
"All right! Gypsy!" Fred crowed.
"It figures," Lance groaned. "Pietro!" Pietro had grabbed his keys and taken the driving position in the car.
"My turn!" Pietro wagged his finger.
"Fine," Lance grumbled as he got into the back seat with Todd and Fred. "Great, if I don't get killed by Pietro's driving I'll get smushed to death back here!"
"And away we go!" Pietro sped out of the driveway, tires squealing.
"Hey this ain't the way back to the Brotherhood House yo!" Todd noticed.
"Where are we going now?" Lance asked. "AND WATCH THE ROAD!"
"Relax," Pietro waved as he barely collided with another car. "I know what I'm doing!"
"Since when?" Wanda asked. "WATCH YOUR HANDS TOAD!"
"Uh sorry," Fred apologized. "That was me. You're sitting on a package of gummy worms."
"It figures!" Wanda put her head in her hands.
"Come on guys! Let's party a little!" Pietro said. "The night is young!"
They pulled into a popular restaurant where ice cream was usually served. "Ice cream's on me!" Pietro said.
"You're paying for it?" Lance asked.
"Actually the good people from the video store are," Pietro snickered as he hopped out. "Let's eat!"
"That's the best plan you ever came up with Pietro," Fred said. They walked into the restaurant. "Oh no!"
Seated in the corner were several X-Men. They glared at the Brotherhood as soon as they walked in. "Just what we needed," Lance grumbled. "X-Geeks!"
Sure enough, sitting at a booth right there were Scott, Jean, Bobby, Kurt and Amara. "What are they doing here?" Scott grumbled.
Pietro overheard this. "We're judging a Miss America Pageant. What do you think we're doing here Shades?"
"Wanda what are you doing with the Brotherhood?" Jean asked. "I thought you hated your brother?"
"Depends on my mood," Wanda told her.
"Yeah but weren't you…" Jean started to ask.
"Oh look over there," Pietro grabbed Wanda and steered her away. "They've got all those colored sprinkles you like! Let's get some ice cream!" They went to order something to eat.
"What's all that about?" Kurt asked.
"Um…I wouldn't bring up the family situation if I were you," Lance told him. "Let's just leave it at that, for all our sakes!"
"Wait a minute, Wanda's back with the Brotherhood now?" Amara asked.
"She never really left," Todd said. "That's our story and we're sticking with it!"
"What is this? A mutie hangout?" A very large jock growled nearby. He was sitting with his friends.
"Hey it's the latest trend, get with the times," Fred snapped at him.
"You think I should be scared of you mutie?" The Jock stood up with his friends and stood in front of Lance.
"If you had half a brain you would be!" Lance snapped.
"Knock it off Lance!" Scott said. "Hey we're not looking for a fight here. Just settle down. We don't want any trouble."
"You freaks better not cause any trouble!" The Jock snapped.
"Look we're sorry if we disturbed you or anything," Jean apologized.
"We are not sorry for anything!" Fred snapped. "Especially since we didn't do nothin'!"
"Why are you letting him talk to you like that?" Lance snapped. "I know you're a wuss Summers but even for you this is too much!"
"You dumb muties think you can just push people around don't you?" The Jock growled.
"Dumb?" Pietro zipped back up with Wanda. "The ape-boy here is calling us dumb? Listen pal, it's you so-called norms that are the ones that are always picking fights with mutants! I mean we're the ones with the powers and you wanna fight with us? How smart is that?" He lightly rapped him on the head.
"Lance! Pietro no!" Amara shouted.
"Don't use your powers to fight them!" Jean shouted.
"Fine I won't use my powers," Lance grabbed an ice cream sundae off the table and smashed it in the jock's face. "Satisfied?"
"GET 'EM!" The Jock screamed as he and his buddies charged at the mutants. Of course, this resulted in Wanda zapping them into a wall.
"Idiots!" She shook her head. "Hey!" She dodged a blast from Scott's eyes.
"Oh you wanna start a fight with us now?" Lance snapped. "Bring it on!"
"You maniacs have about ten seconds to get out of here…" Scott snapped.
"Chill out Summers!" Todd threw an ice cream at him only to have it reflected back at him by Jean's powers.
"THAT'S IT!" Wanda snapped throwing a hex bolt at Jean. "IT'S WAR NOW!"
"Food fight!" Fred shouted as he chucked some pies at them. The X-Men of course retaliated. Soon there was a huge skirmish going on.
The manager ran out screaming, "WHAT'S GOING ON?" He ended up getting hit with a pie in the face.
Ten minutes after that the Brotherhood and the X-Men marched out of the building covered in food. Seconds later there was a huge sign in the restaurant window saying: NO MUTANTS ALLOWED!
"Thanks a lot you jerks!" Scott snapped. "Now we're all banned from that restaurant!"
"Yeah and they had great pizza too!" Bobby snapped.
"The Brotherhood gets into a fight with the X-Men and banned from a video store and a restaurant all in one night," Wanda grumbled. "How do we do it?"
"It's a slow night," Pietro shrugged.
"Why did you maniacs end up here in the first place?" Scott asked.
"Because Toad thought that James Scarrey was a mutant," Fred told him.
The X-Men looked at each other. "Ask a stupid question…" Scott groaned.