Episode 028 [2-14]: In A Mind Of Madness
Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV.
Sealab 2021 is property of Williams Street Productions, LLC.
Excuse Me, Excuse Me…
I guess I'll have to be direct
If you're gonna' stand on my neck
Then you'd better check under the sea
Cause that is where you'll find me
Underneath the Sealab!
Underneath the water
At the bottom of the Sea!
Date: Wednesday, January 25th, 2022
Stormy Waters walked slowly through the corridors of Pod 05, searching for a janitor's closet or an equipment room of some kind. Lieutenant Commander Barch and Lieutenant Commander Marquez had both tasked him with retrieving some spare equipment for a series of hallways that were undergoing maintenance in Pod 04. Unfortunately, there was only enough equipment and supplies available in Pod 04 for a third of the section being worked on (and Dr. Virjay refused to allow his spare equipment to be taken from the Med-Bay, since it was very specific and expensive equipment), hence Stormy being sent to another pod to retrieve more supplies.
"Yeah, sure I'll walk around here all by myself for your stuff," Stormy grumbled as he passed by a handful of maintenance workers fixing a series of lights in a corridor. "I wonder... why am I always chosen to get things that are far away from the action?"
"There," said Marco, "It's finished." "And with Stormy far away, we didn't have to worry about getting electrocuted by accident or having our hands crushed by hum dropping something," Janet Barch said. "Nope. That was an excellent lie you came up with," Marco said.
"Well, when you work around simple-minded fools like men, you have to be able to lie to them. They're always planning to take advantage of honesty and use it against someone," Barch said.
"Um... sure," Marco said with a frown.
Stormy opened a door to an unmarked room. "Hmm, I wonder what's in here," he said to himself as he walked inside and turned on a light. He saw a strange door inside the room, and walked over to it. "Another door! It's like a puzzle or something!" he said as he opened the door and stepped inside.
"What's wrong with him?" Dr. Quentin Q. Quinn asked Dr. Virjay. "I am afraid that I do not know the exact cause of his condition," Virjay responded. Stormy was lying on a bed in the infirmary. He'd slipped into a coma for reasons unknown after disappearing in Pod 05.
"Do you think he'll recover?" Marco asked with concern. "I am unsure. Until we can identify the cause of his condition, I cannot say for sure. Tell me, what was he doing in Pod Five?" Dr. Virjay replied. "We sent him to get extra supplies to keep him away long enough for us to finish repairs," Marco replied.
"Why would you send him away if you did not actually need extra supplies?" Dr. Virjay asked him. "Do you remember that incident with the service elevator?" Marco asked him. "I was not really involved in that," Dr. Virjay replied. "I remember," Dr. Quinn said. "I didn't want Stormy causing more problems," Marco explained.
"So... should we just wait for him to come out while we investigate?" Dr. Quinn suggested. "That is probably the only thing that you can do right now," Dr. Virjay replied. "Okay, let's investigate that room he was in. Maybe there was something we overlooked when we found him in there," Marco said.
Date: Thursday, January 26th, 2022
"We've gone over that room in Pod Five centimeter by centimeter, and we still haven't found squat!" Marco exclaimed in frustration. "Remember how someone thought they heard a scream before we investigated Stormy's whereabouts?" Dr. Quinn asked him. "Yeah, you were in the corridor when a maintenance worker told you about it... actually, no, Barch and I weren't in that area when you heard about it," Marco said.
"That's right. Well, I heard a maintenance worker tell me about the scream," Dr. Quinn said. "Yes, you've told me this a few times. Like when Commander Li once went on a rant about someone not wearing a collar that matched regulations," Marco said. "Please don't compare me to her," Dr. Quinn asked him.
"Um, I know this may seem rude," Sparks said, "But why are you guys discussing this here on the bridge?" Dr. Quinn and Marco turned to look at Sparks, who was seated at his station. "Oh please! You're playing card games on that thing instead of doing your job, so where do you get off telling us not to do... things!?" Marco asked him.
"Point taken," Sparks said as he returned his attention to his game of Free Cell. Just then, one of the bridge doors opened, revealing Daria and Jane. "And I have never seen something so strange in my life. I mean, who puts hot mustard on a peanut butter sandwich? Seriously?" Jane asked. "Well, Apparently she does," Daria replied with a hint of disgust in her voice.
"Lieutenant Morgendorffer," Dr. Quinn said. "Dr. Quinn," Daria responded. "Jane," Jane said with a smirk. "So, I've recently heard that Stormy is in a coma," Daria said. "Yeah, and we don't know what caused it," Dr. Quinn said. "Is there any way to find out?" Daria asked him. "No. We've searched every inch of the room that he was in when it happened, and we've already done blood tests to see if there's anything in his system that may have contributed to it," Dr. Quinn replied.
"Have the blood tests shown anything?" Jane asked. "They haven't finished yet," Marco said. "Oh," Jane said. "Hopefully, they'll be done by tomorrow, and then we can find out how to wake him up," Dr. Quinn said. "Well, good luck," Jane said as Dr. Quinn and Marco began walking away.
"Then who's going to help me move stuff around in Cargo Bay Twelve?" Captain Murphy asked. "You'll just have to find someone else," Dr. Quinn replied. "I can spare some of my time to help you," Marco volunteered. "Stupid Stormy, getting into a coma," Murphy muttered. "Okay, well, the first thing I need you to do is help me carry that big crate over to the lift so that we can get it out of here," Murphy said as he pointed to a large crate sitting on a pallet. "Um, could we just use a forklift to move it?" Marco asked.
"Stormy never used a forklift," Murphy said. "Did he have a license?" Marco asked. "I actually don't know," Murphy replied thoughtfully. "Hmm, maybe I should just find some new Stormies to take his place until he wakes up," Murphy said. "What? Where are you going to find a 'replacement' Stormy?" Dr. Quinn asked him.
"So, tell me, um..." Captain Murphy paused, unsure of the boy's name. "Kevin. I'm the QB!" Kevin Thompson said. "Right, Kevin. Can you lift upwards of fifty pounds?" Captain Murphy asked. "Well, I can lift my girlfriend into the air," Kevin said. "Hmm, yes, but how much does she weigh?" Murphy asked him. "Huh, I don't know. I was always told that asking a girl her weight is rude for some reason," Kevin replied with a shrug.
"Yes, they do take offense to that," Murphy said. "Any idea why?" Kevin asked Murphy. "Huh? Uh, no. No idea," Murphy replied. "So, anyway, I need you to be my Replacement Stormy until Stormy comes out of his coma," Murphy said. "Huh... Would I have to stop being the QB?" Kevin asked in reply. "Hmm, I don't think so," Murphy answered.
"Cool!" Kevin exclaimed. "Yes, cool. Now, uh, Replacement Stormy, I need you to sign a little waver first," Murphy said. He handed Kevin a modified version of the liability waver that Dethklok had brought onto the station during their concert. A handful of the forms had been left behind, so Murphy was able to use those as a starting point in case something like this would ever happen.
"Okay, sign there... and here... and here... cursive here... here... and here," Murphy said with a smile. "Okay, just let me make a copy of this and we'll be good to go," Murphy said as he walked away. "Just head on over to Cargo Bay Twelve, I'll meet you there," Murphy called over his shoulder.
"Is there anything we can do at all to wake him up?" Marco asked Quentin. "I don't know. Unless we can figure out what caused it, we may never... wait a minute," Quentin said as the gears turned in his head. "That machine I built two years ago! It might be able to help us," he said. "You've lost me. What machine?" Marco asked him. "Just give me a few hours. I should have it ready by tomorrow," Dr. Quinn said as he rushed toward his lab.
Date: Friday, January 27th, 2022
A large group of people were gathered around Stormy's bed in the infirmary. "So... what does this thing do again?" Daria asked Dr. Quinn as she looked at the strange machine next to Stormy's bedside. "This... is the Mind Explorer!" Dr. Quinn said proudly. "Okay, but what does it do?" Daria asked him again.
"Oh, it allows two or more people to enter someone's mind and explore their inner psyche and stuff. I built it two years ago, but I could never find anyone worth using it on... until you people showed up, but by then I had forgotten about it," Quentin replied. "Right, so is it safe?" Jane asked nervously.
"Um... it should be," Dr. Quinn said. "Should isn't the same as being," Daria said with a frown. "Well, it's still our best shot at helping Stormy," Dr. Quinn responded. "Okay, so who's going to use it?" Jane asked him. Everyone in the room mumbled and looked at each other. "I'll go," Daria volunteered. "That's one person, and the other?" Dr. Quinn asked. "Wait, you aren't going in?" Jane asked him.
"No, I have to stay out here and make sure that nothing happens. I'm the only person who knows how it works," Dr. Quinn replied. "Um... sure you don't wanna teach a few other people how to use it?" Jane asked him. "Maybe later. Right now, though, we need to get ready for a journey into Stormy's mind.
"Hmm, you know, maybe I'll go along as well," Captain Shanks volunteered. "Wait, aren't you in charge of pods eighteen through thirty-six? Why are you over here in the first place?" Marco asked him. "That's a good question," Shanks said. Marco waited.
"Well, aren't you gonna give me an answer?" Marco asked him. "Uh, maybe by the end of the episode," Shanks said. "Episode? What are you talking about? Do you have a TV show being recorded around here somewhere?" Marco asked him. Everyone else looked at Captain Shanks in confusion.
"Uh, never mind," Shanks said while slowly shaking his head. "Hey, where's Captain Murphy?" Jane asked. "Oh, he's busy with Replacement Stormy right now," Marco explained. "Replacement Stormy?" Jane asked. "Uh-huh. He even found a Replacement Quinn too, although I think he's just training Replacement Quinn for the future," Marco replied.
"Um, wait, what?" Jane asked him. "Yep," Marco replied.
"This thing is really heavy!" Kevin/Replacement Stormy whined. "Quit complaining! Stormy didn't complain... much," Captain Murphy said. "Um, Captain, are you sure this is safe?" Mack/Future Replacement Quinn asked. "Uh, no. No, I am not sure, but I also don't care," Captain Murphy said as he watched Kevin lift up a 180 pound container. "Ow, my foot!" he cried after dropping it.
"Great! Not only did you drop the container, but you also busted your foot!" Murphy exclaimed. "Can't you do anything right!?" he asked condescendingly. "I wanna go home!" Kevin whined. "Not until you get that crate off your foot! Now come on, lift!"
"I'm sure they're fine," Marco said with a smile and a shrug. "So, who else wants to volunteer?" Dr. Quinn asked. "Jane?" he asked. "Sorry, but I've been having trouble with machinery lately. Electrical equipment doesn't seem to like me very much for some reason," Jane responded. "Okay, Commander DeMartino?" Dr. Quinn asked. "Very well. It would NOT be RESPONSIBLE for me to allow a fellow crew member to enter a potentially DANGEROUS situation without some form of help," DeMartino said.
"Alright, let's begin!" Dr. Quinn announced as he led the two over to a pair of beds with nodes and things. Quinn spent ten minutes setting them up. "Okay, now, let's see what's in Stormy's mind," he said as he flipped a switch.
Daria opened her eyes and looked around a vast, empty hangar. Commander DeMartino was standing next to her. "Um... so, this is Stormy's mind," Daria said. "It certainly explains his idiocy," Commander DeMartino said. He walked over to a crate with drawings of pinup girls on it. He pressed against it with a finger, and it jumped into the air, giggling. "No touchy!" the crate laughed before flying away.
"The hell?" DeMartino asked. "Hello," said a flat voice. Daria and DeMartino turned around to see another Daria. "Oh come on, haven't we had enough of these?" DeMartino muttered under his breath. "Hello. I am Daria. I like to hang out on the bridge with Sparks. Sparks is an asshole, but I do not mind because he is a cripple," Stormy Daria said.
"What? He isn't crippled! He's just lazy," Daria retorted. "I do not know about that. Also, I am okay with him because he is banging my mom, who is also somehow my aunt, even though she looks just like me. Maybe I am a clone of her?" Stormy Daria said before taking off her glasses to wipe them, revealing that she had no eyes underneath.
Daria felt one of her eyes begin to twitch. "Do we really need to have Stormy come out of a coma that badly?" Daria asked DeMartino. "Lieutenant Morgendorffer, I will not condone potential homicide simply because Lieutenant Waters is an idiot. That is no reason for him to die," DeMartino said reluctantly.
"What about when we find the-" "HELLO! I am COMMANDER DEMARTINO! I am ALWAYS ANGRY and I TALK funny! Nobody LIKES ME!" Stormy DeMartino exclaimed. "Is this really how Stormy VIEWS US!?" Commander DeMartino asked rhetorically. "Maybe," Daria said.
"Hey, um, you wouldn't happen to know how to wake up Stormy, would you?" Daria asked the Stormy version of DeMartino. "NO! I do NOT! I know NOTHING except YELLING WEIRDLY!" Stormy DeMartino exclaimed. One of his eyes began bulging and spittle flew from his mouth. As he continued his rant, his head began to slowly circle clockwise before eventually realigning itself.
"Perhaps I can be of assistance." Daria and DeMartino turned around to see a tiger with Brittany's head on it. "Follow me!" Tiger Brittany said as she jumped into the air and flew in the direction of a door. Several pipes with frowny faces drawn on them began to rise from the floor and shake angrily.
"Let's follow the, um, let's follow her!" DeMartino exclaimed as he and Daria ran after Tiger Brittany. After entering the door, they found themselves in a space filled with clouds and pink lighting and cotton candy and blue globs of... blue stuff floating in the air. "I am so confused right now," DeMartino said.
Soon, the disembodied head of Angela Li appeared before them, hovering in the air. "I am the great Llliiiiii! Security is security! I keep everything of mine locked away in a secret drawer marked secret! I also steal money from the Sealab Budget to pay for my vibrators and useless security equipment that never works properly!"
"Huh... this one ain't that different from the real thing," Daria said. "Obey ME!" Stormy Li shouted maniacally as she chomped down on the cloud, causing Daria and DeMartino to fall forward. "Quickly," DeMartino began, "Get on the clouds and run!" "Yay! Follow me! Follow Me!" Tiger Brittany exclaimed happily as she turned around and bounded toward a large floating island.
Soon, meatballs began raining from the sky. Daria winced as several balls hit her in the face. "What the hell is wrong with Stormy's head!?" DeMartino cried.
"My feet hurt," Kevin said tiredly. "My arms hurt," Mack said. "My ears hurt from listening to you two babies whining!" Captain Murphy said. "Now come on! This giant cupcake maker isn't gonna' build itself!" "Captain, come on, we aren't official crew members! Please, just let us go!" Mack pleaded. "Shut up, Future Replacement Quinn!" Murphy snapped at him.
"But I don't want to replace Dr. Quinn!" Mack exclaimed. "Well tooooooo bad! You're gonna replace Dr. Quinn one day, and you're gonna like it!" Murphy retorted sassily. "And then, one day, you're gonna build me a robot body. It'll be an Adrienne Barbeau-bot, with D-Cups full of justice!" Murphy said with a smile.
"Aw, you guys look tired!" Tiger Brittany said with a frown as DeMartino and Daria collaped onto their knees and took deep breaths. They had finally reached the island, and Floating Head Li had flown away somewhere. "I know what'll get you guys moving!" Tiger Brittany said with a smile. Daria heard a plopping sound and looked up to see something she had never wanted to see.
Small, brightly colored balls fell out of Tiger Brittany's ass. "I can poop candy!" Tiger Brittany exclaimed happily. Daria looked over at DeMartino, who had a look of shock, disgust, and disbelief on his face. "I can't take this," he said to himself. "Are we sure that we didn't enter Captain Murphy's head by mistake?" Daria asked.
"I don't wanna know what goes on in that man's head," DeMartino said. "Did someone call my name?" Daria and DeMartino both frowned at the booming voice that came from over a hill. They looked up, and saw the floating head of Captain Murphy, with an army of small cupcakes on the ground.
"Eat me, great one!" one of the cupcakes cried. Stormy Murphy opened his mouth and his tongue snaked out and went down to the ground, traveling several meters before wrapping around the cupcake and bringing it into his mouth. "Yay!" the cupcake cried before it was devoured. "Mm, yes," Stormy Murphy said sensually.
"I should've brought Sparks in here," Daria said. Stormy Murphy gasped and frowned. "I do not like Sparks. He is a jerk. One time, he found a room full of pipes and became the biggest bitch afterwards, declaring himself the pipe master!" Stormy Murphy said.
"Um... okay," Daria said flatly. "So, where is Sparks at?" Daria asked him. "He is currently off somewhere... probably banging that woman who who is both your mother and your aunt at the same time because she looks like you," Stormy Murphy said. "I'm getting really tired of this," Daria muttered.
"Although, she does keep him occupied so that he isn't mean to the great Stormy," Stormy Murphy said thoughtfully. "Um... why do people keep talking about either their own or other people's sex lives in front of me?" DeMartino asked. "The Great Stormy. Um, do you know where he is?" Daria asked Stormy Murphy. "Sure! He's hiding somewhere because he found the horrifying thing!"
"The horrifying thing?" Daria asked him. "Yes! It is a thing of much horror... and... stuff," Stormy Murphy said before snaking out his tongue to grab another cupcake and devour it. "Was it Commander Li naked?" DeMartino asked. "No! If it were that, then Stormy would simply sit in his room crying and drinking! No, this was something different!" Stormy Murphy exclaimed.
"Still, do you know how to find him?" Daria asked. "Um... not really," Stormy Murphy replied in a contemplative tone. "Do you know of anyone who might know how to find him?" Daria asked. "Uh... Quinn might know," Stormy Murphy said. "Quinn?" Daria asked, unsure of whether Stormy Murphy was referring to Dr. Quinn or her sister.
"Yes! The smart guy!" Stormy Murphy exclaimed. "Please let the Dr. Quinn in Stormy's head be like the real one," DeMartino whispered. "I can take you to him," Stormy Murphy said before devouring another cupcake. "No, let me take them to him!" Tiger Brittany exclaimed.
"Hmm... okay!" Stormy Murphy said in agreement before flying away with his cupcake minions following beneath his shadow. "Well, get on my back!" Tiger Brittany said as she walked over to Daria and DeMartino. "Um... something just feels wrong about this whole thing," DeMartino said as he climbed onto Tiger Brittany's back. "After we get out of here, let us never speak of this again," Daria said. "Agreed," DeMartino said.
"Here we gooooooo!" Tiger Brittany yelled happily as she shot forward through the forest. As she ran, Daria looked down and saw a rainbow-colored trail appearing underneath Tiger Brittany's paws. DeMartino looked around as the trees and bushes blurred by, soon seeing swirling colors in the sky and gigantic nuts and bolts floating in the air.
Always, I want to be with you, and make believe with you! And live in harmony, harmony, oh love!
Tiger Brittany leapt over a log with a happy shout as she continued forward. "I think... I'm going... to throw up," DeMartino said queasily. "Don't puke on me," Daria said. DeMartino turned his head and puked over the side as Tiger Brittany continued running, before eventually slowing down as they entered a clearing. There were bushes and trees made out of pipes and candy, along with large sunflowers with smiley faces on them.
"Hello!" the sunflowers sang cheerfully. Brittany soon came to a stop in front of a British police box. DeMartino fell over to the side and finished emptying his stomach onto the ground while Daria dismounted Tiger Brittany and slowly walked forward. "Is he inside?" Daria asked Tiger Brittany. "Usually. Sometimes he leaves to go dancing at the big room!" Tiger Brittany chirped in response.
"Uh-huh," Daria replied slowly. She hesitantly brought up a fist and gently tapped on the door of the police box. After three more knocks, the door opened and the Stormy version of Dr. Quentin Q. Quinn stepped out. He was wearing a frock coat and a long multi-colored scarf. "Hello, I'm Doctor Q, and you are?" he asked. "I'm Daria," Daria replied. "Oh my, another one? Oh, and a strange version of DeMartino," Dr. Q said.
"Um, look, can you just tell us how to find Stormy and help him wake up from his coma?" Daria asked Dr. Q. "Hmm... possibly," Dr. Q replied thoughtfully while scratching his chin. Daria raised an eyebrow at his response.
"Hi, Doctor Q!" Tiger Brittany called out. "Hello, Brittany," Dr. Q replied with a smile as he waved at her. "Yes, now, Stormy's coma?" Daria asked Dr. Q. "Right, yes, hmm, indeed, interesting, affirmative, undoubtedly, very much so," Dr. Q said thoughtfully. "And yet... you're still the least insane person in here," Daria said with a sigh.
"Hmm, Charles! Hesh!" Dr. Q shouted. Daria watched as two sumo wrestlers with the heads of Upchuck and Hesh on them walked out of the police box. "I am Charles!" "And I am Hesh!" "And we are going... to help you out!" the both said in unison. DeMartino's face fell as he began whimpering at the madness around him.
"Something's wrong!" Dr. Quinn exclaimed as DeMartino began convulsing. "We need to stabilize him!" Marco shouted as he rushed over to the table. Jane and Tom tried grabbing DeMartino's arms to hold him down. DeMartino's eyes began to flutter open and he starting grunting in pain. "N-No! No more!" he began screaming as he started to wake up.
"Do NOT Waaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnttt!" DeMartnio shouted as he jolted awake. He began gasping for breath as he put a hand to his chest. "No more, please!" he pleaded. "My god... what happened in there?" Dr. Quinn asked him. Debbie Dupree splashed water on DeMartino's face to help him. "Cut that OUT!" he exclaimed.
"What happened?" Marco asked him. "I've... seen things! Horrible things!" DeMartino began sobbing. "Did you see Commander Li naked?" Marco asked him with a shudder. "No, but it was still pretty bad," DeMartino replied. "And now Lieutenant Morgendorffer is in there by herself. Dear God! What chance does she have!?" Dr. Quinn exclaimed in horror.
"I'm alone in here," Daria whispered to herself after DeMartino disappeared. "Hmm... okay," Dr. Q said. "But... Doctor Q, I need you to help me wake up Stormy," Daria said firmly. "Uh, sure," Dr. Q agreed. "Do you know what the horrible thing was that he saw?" she asked him.
"Ah, that. Well, it wasn't just seeing, but hearing as well," Dr. Q stated. "Wait, say what?" Daria asked him, not liking where this was going. "Here, allow me to show you some fragments of what had transpired," Dr. Q said as he led Daria inside his police box, which was a gigantic room on the inside. He walked over to a screen and turned it on. "There, Stormy had just entered a room within a room to see... well, I guess this part has been repressed too much for me to show you. You'll have to travel to the memory lounge to find it, although that place has been all topsy turvy since then," Dr. Q said.
"Okay, then let's get going," Daria said. "Sorry, but I'm afraid that I can't go with you," Dr. Q said. "Why not?" Daria asked him. "I don't know, I just can't," he replied. "Can't... or won't?" Daria asked him. "Won't," he replied with a smile.
"Okay, can you at least tell me how to get there?" she asked him. "Sure, just take this map. It's one of the few things here that's straight-forward," Dr. Q said as he handed Daria a map. "Um, thanks, I guess," Daria said. "You're welcome, now I have to get ready for Debbie's arrival. She and I are going to shag all night long," Dr. Q said as a disco ball descended into the center of the room behind him.
"Can I take the Sumo guys with me?" Daria asked him. "No, Debbie likes them. She takes a bat and swings it at their faces, which always makes her smile. I like seeing her smile. I like cheese," Dr. Q said with a grin. "Um... right. Well, I'll be on my way," Daria said as she left the police box. "Hey, Brittany, let's go," Daria said. "Okay!" Tiger Brittany exclaimed happily as Daria mounted her.
"Where are we going?" Tiger Brittany asked her. "Um... we're going to the Memory Lounge," Daria said. "Yay! Let's go!" Tiger Brittany cheered before taking off at a high speed.
"I can't... feel my hands," Mack said tiredly as he finished tightening the last bolt of the Giant Cupcake Maker. "Good work, Future Replacement Quinn!" Captain Murphy said proudly.
"Thank you. Now... may I please go?" Mack asked him. "Not yet. We need to add the ingredients to test it!" Captain Murphy replied. "Nooo!" Kevin shouted. "Yes!" Murphy shouted back maniacally. "Oh, wait, we need to find a power source for it!" Murphy exclaimed after smacking himself in the forehead.
"Here we are!" Tiger Brittany said as she and Daria stopped at a train terminal. "Um, this isn't the Memory Lounge," Daria pointed out. "I know! This is the terminal that will take us there!" Tiger Brittany chirped happily. "Um... okay. Do we need tickets?" Daria asked. "Huh? No, of course not," Tiger Brittany replied.
Soon, a train pulled into a stop and the doors opened. Daria and Tiger Brittany stepped inside before the doors closed and they took their seats. Daria looked across the aisle and saw someone reading a newspaper. The headline on the front page was "TOILET PAPER SUPPLIES LOW IN POD SIX. THOSE JERKS DESERVE THEIR FATE."
Daria shrugged her shoulders at the line. The newspaper was soon folded and placed in a lap as Daria gasped at seeing a familiar face. "Hello, beautiful," said Elsie Sloane, without a voice modulator. "Elsie, what are you doing here?" Daria asked her. "Oh, wait, you're the Stormy version of Elsie," Daria said.
"Yes... and no. I'm an echo of the previous times Stormy has encountered me," Elsie said. "An echo? What does that mean?" Daria asked her. The sky outside the train had turned orange and the light filtered into the train car. "It means that I am here and everywhere," Elsie said.
"Stormy's coma will not be permanent, but it will last a while. You, however, need to leave soon," Echo Elsie said. "I'm not following," Daria stated, confused. Echo Elsie sighed. "Daria, darling, I am the reason for Stormy's coma. He saw something that only Captain Shanks could withstand, and to protect him while his brain healed, I placed him into a coma," Echo Elsie said.
"I'm still confused," Daria said flatly. "You see, the individual truth of a single person is not always aligned or uniform with the fundamental truth of the universe. The flow and ebb of fate can always clash with free will, but sometimes they must act together. Do you understand?" Elsie asked her.
Daria stared at Elsie and blinked a couple of times. "No. I haven't got a clue what you're talking about, not a fucking clue," Daria replied. "The truths we hold dear to ourselves can always last if they do not conflict with the truth of reality, but if our personal truths do not-" "Please start making sense," Daria interjected.
Elsie sighed. "Very well, let me show you a universal truth that your mind can comprehend," Elsie said as the train car vanished from around them. They were now standing on clouds. Soon, the clouds became two dimensional sketches, and they were all on a white piece of paper. "What the fuck!?" Daria exclaimed.
They were now inside a room, and on a drawing board table. Soon, a door opened and a man walked inside. "Hey, whats' going on!?" Daria cried out. The man's eyes widened and he cried out in fear before running away. Elsie soon snapped her fingers and she and Daria returned to the clouds. "Do you now understand the source of Stormy's terror? That from which I had to shield him?" Elsie asked.
"I don't understand," Daria replied. "Stormy isn't strong enough to accept the fact that we are all fictional characters in a crossover fan fiction," Elsie said. "Elsie... what in the seven hells are you talking about? We're in Stormy's head! That's why nothing makes sense here, not us being fictional characters or some bullshit," Daria exclaimed.
"Oh yeah, then read this," Elsie said as she handed Daria a piece of paper. "Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV?" Daria read aloud in disbelief. "E-Elsie... what is this?" Daria asked with a hitch in her voice. "Here, watch this as well," Elsie said before a TV magically appeared, and the first episode of MTV's Daria began playing. "Did we move?"
"W-What is this!?" Daria asked, horrified. "And check out some of this," Elsie said with a sadistic smile. "I kissed your boyfriend. I kissed Tom." Daria began to curl up into a ball and cry as she watched Jane walked away from her on the TV. "Come back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Daria continued crying as she felt a soothing hand run down her back.
"Shh, there, there. It's okay," Elsie whispered to the whimpering Daria. "Please, make it stop," Daria pleaded. "I can't. I do not have the power to remake the world anymore. Not until the end of the third season," Elsie said. "Please, stop talking like that," Daria begged.
They were soon standing on clouds. "What the hell!?" Daria cried out. "Daria, relax," Elsie said. Soon, multiple people began appearing in a circle around them. "Congratulations," said Amy. "Congratulations," said Dr. Quinn. "Congratulations," said Quinn Morgendorffer. "Way to go, Amiga!" said Marco. "Hey, are you gonna return that rock CD you borrowed from me any time soon?" Sparks asked her. "Congratulations," Commander DeMartino said. "Congratulations," said Upchuck. "Hesh wishes to congratulate you!" Hesh said.
Daria wiped away her tears and smiled. "Thank you all," she said, before they all disappeared and she and Elsie were alone again on the cloud. "Now, Daria, I need you to wake up. You must return to the proper state of being, and to the universal truth that you hold dear. I will always be with you. I mean, I'm still technically there anyway," Elsie said. She then brought Daria's mouth towards hers in a gentle kiss. "Now, wake up," Elsie said.
"Daria, you're back!" Jane exclaimed as she rushed over and hugged Daria, who hugged her back with equal fervor. Daria grabbed Jane and kissed her hard before resting her chin on Jane's shoulder. "So, did you find out what caused Stormy's coma?" Dr. Quinn asked her.
"I don't remember. I can't remember a damn thing after entering that train car with Tiger Brittany," Daria said. "Aw, damn it," Dr. Quinn said.
Meanwhile, in the reactor room, Captain Murphy plugged in the power cord of his Giant Cupcake Maker. Hesh and Upchuck were tied up in ropes with gags over their mouths, shaking their heads. "Aha! Now we can power this thing on properly!"
Ten minutes later, Sealab exploded.
Ending Line Break
Ending Theme: Fly Me To The Moon, By Bart Howard, Symphony Version from Evangelion Symphony by Shiro Sagisu.
Alternate Ending Theme: Always [aka, the Robot Unicorn Attack song], by Erasure.
Character Alter Egos:
Daria Morgendorffer as Catwoman.
Jane Lane as Alice from Alice in Wonderland.
Marco Marquez as John J. Rambo.
Anthony DeMartino as Walker, Texas Ranger.
Kevin Thompson as Scooby Doo.
Mack McKenzie as Dr. Quentin Q. Quinn.
Brittany Taylor as Darth Maul.
Angela Li as a head in a jar.
Diane Bennett as a mad scientist.
Helen and Jake Morgendorffer as Ghostbusters.
Quinn Morgendorffer as Sleeping Beauty.
Stacey Rowe as Gadget, from Chip N' Dale Rescue Rangers.
Tiffany Blumdeckler as Faye Valentine.
Jessie Moreno as... a smelly hobo.
Trent Lane as the Pope.
Timothy O'Neill as Magnum P.I.
David Van Driessen as Nathan Explosion.
Debbie Dupree as a Gumby Brain Specialist
Hesh Hepplewhite as a lumberjack.
Charles "Upchuck" Ruttheimer III as a photographer at a porn set.
Andrea as Charles Foster Offdensen.
Dolphin Boy as... a pinata, getting hit with a stick.
Debbie Love as Shaft.
Jodene Sparks as a Blofeld.
Amy Barksdale as Indiana Jones.
Elsie Sloane as Motoko Kusanagi.
Tom Sloane as an MIB agent.
Kay Sloane as Princess Leia (Return of the Jedi, Rebel Uniform).
Captain Bellerophon Shanks as Han Solo (The Force Awakens).
Captain Hank Murphy as Red Forman.
Dr. Quentin Q. Quinn as a fighter pilot.
Dr. Illad Virjay as James Bond.
Val (from VAL Magazine) as a vegetable in a hospital bed. (Yep, she's still there.)
Dr. Rockso as Dr. Gonzo.
Toki Wartooth as Raoul Duke.
Charles Foster Offdensen as a used car salesman.
William Murderface as an elementary school teacher. (Yeah, just think about that one)
Pickles as a rocket scientist.
Skwisgar as a cowboy.
Jodie Landon as Taarna.
Sandi Griffin as a Slimer, from Ghostbusters.
Claire Defoe as a cyborg.
Janet Barch as a bikini model (Yes, scream in horror at the thought!)
There you have it; the final episode of Lawndale 2021 Season 02. At this time, I have begun working on Season 03 of Lawndale 2021, but it will not be posted on FFN until after I have already posted the entirety of it on PPMB. I hope that whoever reads this has fun as I had while writing it. Let me know what you think of the madness with reviews or whatever.