This is redo of the first two chapters. A reviewer by the name of Righteosham gave me remarkable insight on what was wrong with my work. Thanks to Righteosham and Silver Lion Inc., for their help.
This is an updated version of chapter 1. More context and better portrayals of the characters, in my opinion in this version than the previous.
The main characters of this story will be Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Ashoka Tano, General Grevious, Count Dooku, Asajj Ventress and tons of OCs varying from gender and race.
I will have more character info on Arturo Carroll in my author profile. Basically, Arturo is a hoodlum from Lianos, living with a tight financial belt and though he is only 16, he feels pressure to provide for his family.
I will have more character info on Arturo Carroll in my author profile. Basically, Arturo is a hoodlum from Lianos, living with a tight financial belt and though he is only 16, he feels pressure to provide for his family
Kerry Klingston worked on her techpad, monitoring the workers heart rates to make sure they weren't overworked. Most bosses didn't care for the workers well beings, but Kerry took pity on the men dragged into such hard labor. Dooku trusted her with to break ground for energy resources to power the droids. For what she could not fully comprehend. Being drafted to fight alongside an infamous warlord didn't give you allot of chances to get context. When Grievous or Dooku told her to do something she made sure to do it.
Her red hair matched the fire burning right behind her, she had freckles on her cheeks and dawned a black cap with the Separatist insignia on it.
"Ms. Klingston." A droid walked up to her. It was one of those tin cans that were easier to cut through than butter. "General Grievous would like to speak to you." The droid said in a buzzing, high pitched wheeze that bothered Kerry so much.
"Ready my communications port." Kerry said, not expecting the ball to be dropped. The droid cowered a bit. Kerry always wondered how droids were capable of acting like they had emotions. "What is it?" She said, getting impatient.
"It's just, General Grevious is here." Kerry's eyes widened, a pit in her stomach opened up. She gathered herself and changed the look on her face back to expressionless. "Take me to him." She marched to meet the mad general that Count Dooku employed to oversee this project that will be the final nail in the coffin of the Galactic Republic.
She seen General Grievous looking at the yellow light, almost hypnotized by its glow. "Uh, general?" The droid took the other droid out of its concentration and stared at the young woman. "Hello, Klingston." He mock bowed. "I trust our operation here is running smoothly?" He asked. Grievous looked like a reptile in a robot suit, yet his robotic arms and legs made him more threatening. His yellow eyes poked through his T shaped masked like from out of the dark.
"Yes, General of course. Count Dooku would be most pleased to hear of our process." Kerry hid the fear in her voice, the fear of Grevious killing her right then and there for what ever reason. "We should be ready for testing in two standard weeks." Kerry promised.
Grevious' neck wiggled back and fourth a bit, before settling. He coughed in his metal claw. "Ah, yes, my Master.." Grevious coughed again. "Will be pleased indeed." He turned away, his black and red cape flowing a little from the momentum. "I have spoken to him and he wants me to head up this operation. You will be working under me now, Ms. Klingston."
Kerry was taken back. That doesn't sound like Dooku to just randomly change leadership in a blink of an eye without notifying her. "Why?" She asked. When Grevious didn't answer, she raised her voice. "Why!?" Just before she could get the last letter out, the general shot right up and picked her off the ground. His claw digging into her neck, making her bleed.
His yellow Beady menacing eyes staring right into her horrified blue gems. "I don't need explain myself to the likes of you!" He struggled to say through his respirator. Grevious threw Kerry into the glass, her back being hurt from the impact, unable to stand. Grevious didn't even look at her, just walked right out of the room and started running the show.
As Kerry rubbed her hand across her bloodied neck, her mind came to a unanimous conclusion: she had a bad feeling about this.
Jedi Temple Hanger Bay
Anakin exited the ship, holding his right leg. A tear in his dirtied black tunic, revealing his black leggings that usually hid under the tunic. He struggled to walk down the bridge, feeling his knee lock up, only able to shuffle it slowly down the ramp. Burn marks on his non-prosthesis arm and face, gave Anakin the impression the flesh was melting off his bones.
"Hey, Master!" His Togruta Padawan ran up to meet her mentor. Recently turning 18, the student dawned the same old attire for two-years. Ashoka's physical features changed since Anakin left for the three-month campaign, her lekku reaching her chest; growing as she aged. Noticing his limp, Ashoka helped him off the ship. "Thanks, Snips." He said gratefully.
Walking through the Temple, the two soldiered on to the medical ward. "I heard what happened on Christophsis." Ashoka said, a little miffed The Council didn't let her go along with him. Anakin wiped the dirt from his black tunic on to the shining white floors of the Temple, his slobbish nature drew mild attention from people walking by.
"You didn't miss much, 'Soka," He assured her. "Just a bunch of boring political talk." He wasn't even trying to lie to her. He chuckled, as did she. Some dust landed on her velvet tunic; she didn't care; it was a souvenir from Christophsis.
After Anakin was admitted into the medical ward, Ashoka and a medical droid helped ease the Knight on his bed. "Careful, Master." Ashoka said, cringing a bit as he groaned in pain. "Yes, careful, Mr. Skywalker." The droid said in that monotone, vibrat-y voice that scared the pants of Anakin.
"Another day at the office, huh?" Anakin said with another hearty laugh, after being laid down on the bed. Ashoka rolled her eyes and proceeded to remove her Masters boots and give him an extra pillow.
"Master Skywalker is currently suffering from a lower right foot injury, may I suggest amputation?" The droid said out of nowhere, despite not doing any prior research on the patient. Anakin, of course, not suffering from that much pain was shocked at the utter stupidity being displayed. The two just looked at each other mildly amused. "It's broken." They both said in unison. Ashoka left the room and looked out in the hallway. "Hey, we need a new medical droid!" She shouted from the doorway. "This one's busted!" She tried again, but no answer.
"I'm going to go look for a droid, okay?" Ashoka told Anakin, leaving him to deal with the wonky "doctor". "Open wide, Skywalker." Droid said in a motherly tone, tempting Anakin to use his lightsaber to cut the droid in half.
Ashoka traversed through the Temple and could not find a droid anywhere. Odd, considering the place is usually crawling with them. Sometimes it's more likelier to run into a droid at the Jedi Temple than a Jedi. Placing her hands on her hips. Ashoka pondered where could have they gone.
Obi-Wan Kenobi walked to the young apprentice. "I see you're looking for a medical droid; and on a related note, Anakin is in the medical ward, again i see." Ashoka nodded and bowed to her superior. Obi-Wan smiled a little at how forced that all felt.
"All the medical droids are in the Halls of Healing." Obi-Wan instructed Ashoka to take Anakin there.
Ashoka walked back to Anakin's hospital room, where he was already asleep. Obi-Wan walked over to his former apprentice, snapping his fingers in his faces. "Wake up, Anakin!" He said with an annoyed sign. Anakin's eyes fluttered open. "We're taking you to the Halls of Healing. There are no more droids here anymore." Obi-Wan grabbed a Power Chair from the other side of the room and began easing the wounded Knight in it. "You feeling better?" He asked, patronizingly as he wheeled him out.
The Halls of Healing were cluttered with injured Jedi, some young, some old; the old, forwent treatment in favor of the younger Jedi's. Ashoka was taken back at the sight. "I never knew it was this bad." Anakin wasn't aware either, not being able to look at all the wounded. Some missing limbs or even organs, lying waste in the overcrowded medial ward. Was all Anakin could comment on, hiding a tear forming in his eye.
"Everybody that is under the age of 45 standard years, you will be admitted, if you are over the required age, please sign here and you will be placed on our waiting list." A medical droid said. The supplies were so short that Jedi's resorted to healing their blaster wounds; lightsaber wounds with the force or just to numb the pain of having no right arm, as there was no much Nullicaine left.
"So many great men, brought down by the savagery of war." Obi-Wan commented. "Dooku may not know it, but he has the Republic on its knees at the moment." Obi-Wan's face looked grave and grey; Anakin's looked the same. Ashoka was beginning to understand why her Master didn't want to bring her on a month long siege of the Separatist Droid foundries.
Sitting in the middle of the hospital room, Anakin nodded off again, if that shoddy medical droid did one thing right, it was shooting Anakin up with pain killers.
"Ashoka, did Anakin say anything about the siege on Christophsis?" Obi-Wan wondered if in his former apprentices haze, did he squeal necessary information, before telling The Jedi Council. Ashoka shook her head. "No, Master." She said. "I did hear over the HoloNet, the casualty totals, over 15,000."
Obi-Wan held his head down, stroking his chin. "Dooku let us get use to outsmarting dim witted Tactical Droids, before unleashing his a actual being to join his cause. We never planned on Dooku using anything, but droids to fight and lead." Obi-Wan said. The nurse came out of the room and called for Anakin to be admitted. They rolled him in, hooking him up the Bacta Tanks to help him with his burns.
"Master, is the war in jeopardy?" Ashoka asked the question on everybody's mind. She had friends in the field she worried about losing like Barriss.
"I don't know. But what I do know is we need a massive overhaul in how we've been orchestrating this war." Obi-Wan said, clutching tightly to his right breast pocket, making sure whatever he had in there was still in its compartment. "And I think I know how we can do that." He said confidently.
Neither of them could imagine marching Anakin back into battle just a few weeks after Christophsis, but with the number of Jedi so scarce in numbers that might be the case.
That is the first chapter in the books. A little short, I know, but I don't intend for all of my chapters to be barley over 1,600 words, I just wanted to give a good detailed description of what is the current state of both the Republic and Separatist sides.