(A/N So... Yeah. It's 3:18 AM, my sister ran away a week ago today (well, Wednesday), the few people I trusted in the world died... I guess it was maybe 4 years ago? Maybe 5. It's hard to look back to those times. I'll never forget that night.
Look, I know some people want me to talk about it, but I just don't feel comfortable talking about what happened - most people would think I've lost my mind. Enjoy, I guess)
"Lost in the darkness.. silence surrounds you. Once there was morning. Now, endless night... I will find the answer, I'll never desert you. I promise you this. Till the day that I die..."
Tears stream silent down my face as I listen to the song from Jekyll and Hyde over and over again. Mum, Dad, and now Tadashi... At least when Mum and Dad died, he was there for me. At least I had a shoulder to cry on, someone who really cared. Now... I have no one left. Aunt Cass? Pfft, I barely know her, even after all these years. She cares more about the bakery than anything else, other than Tadashi. Tadashi this, Tadashi that. He was the goody two shoes, the one who always did the right thing, said what he was supposed to. Tadashi went to college, Tadashi made a healthcare robot that would change the world.
I slam my fist into the desk, sinking into the desk. I glance up briefly at the clock. 3:32 AM. Four minutes lost to my worthless thoughts. Stupid brain can't even work properly to sleep. Wasted years, wasted talents. Why waste it all on botfighting? Because it's one of the few things I do well. But what is that worth if I can't even make use of this "brainpower." What is a supercomputer worth if you never use it for anything? I glance at Megabot, reaching for it. Slumping back down I let my hand fall against the sharp edge of the metal desk. Hissing in surprise, I jerking up, flipping my arm to see a small tear across the heel of my palm. Pain, but... pleasure. Cautiously I press against the wound with my other hand, smiling slightly at the slight burning sensation. There it is again. And a slight metallic taste in the air. I wonder... Going to the bathroom, I fetch Tadashi's razor from his shelf and use tweezers to extract one of the blades.
I glance at the wall clock. 3:43. Another worthless eleven minutes. Wait, do I really want to do this? A simple accident with my hand would be easy enough to explain, but this? Sliding down my boxers, I look in the mirror. Scrawny. Pathetic. Weak. Scars from bot fights. Worthless. Waste of time. Averting my gaze, I find a spot on my upper thigh where no one would dare to look. I huff, not even the nerds girls like me, much less in that way. Taking a deep breath, I slowly let the air gush out as blood starts to seep from my leg. It feels... good. The pain reminds me I'm alive. Do I want to be, though? The pain in my head... Suddenly, it's hard to breathe. My throat swells as tears start anew. I almost drop the blade, but what's the point of this anyways? Wouldn't it just be better to give up, to slice so that they wouldn't be able to sew it up in time? Hmph, if they even cared to do something if they even found me.
I watch my reflection in the blade for a few minutes before putting it back into the razor. 3:57. Too late to go back to bed, too early to get up. I look at the razor again but decide I'm not worth the effort right now. I wrap my thigh in gauze as a precaution and put a plaster on my wrist before slipping back into bed. Maybe crying will finally put me to sleep. It always has. My watch beeps softly. 4:00 AM.
(A/N updates will not be regular. I'll add to this as I need to)