A/N: Okay, so in this Fili and Kili are younger. Fili's probably the equivalent of 15 in Dwarf years and Kili is obviously the appropriate amount of years younger than that. Also, I apologize if some of the language or phrasing is a little off at times, this entire thing was inspired by a conversation my sister and I actually had through texts, because we're dorks… *sigh* Well that's about it, I hope you get a laugh out of this because that is all this is for, enjoyment!
Playful shouting pierced the ever peaceful vail of silence that accompanied dawn's early awakening. If not for the disruption, it would have been a perfect morning. A fresh scent clung to the air, as it always did after a large storm. The first few rays of the rising sun sparkled and reflected off the wet dew drops adorning the shrubs and bushes in the slightly concealed clearing where a quaint little house was located.
Wooden toys, bruised by years of wear and tear, littered the yard, and a tree whose branches had once stood proudly was now almost bare, the lower branches bent and broken from continued use as a climbing tool.
"Silence yourself Kili. I am the oldest, therefore I am always right!" The shout echoed off the surrounding hills and caused the younger of the two dwarves to laugh mockingly.
"No, no you are not! I will not be silenced, for the sake of all the oppressed younger siblings in the world!"
The older sibling rolled his eyes in mock annoyance before lunging forward, mere inches from grasping his opponent's fur coat. "I am going to give you the wedgie of your life when I catch you, for the sake of all the unappreciated older siblings in the world."
Kili's dark eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he thought about what his brother had said. "How will that help any of the older siblings in the world? And who says they're unappreciated? They get all the credit, which is why I am protesting!"
Kili swiftly dodged another of his brother's attacks, smug smirk adorning his sun-burned face.
Fili blew his bangs out of his sparkling eyes, a smile capturing his lips as their mock duel began to take shape. "They get written off by all the younger siblings who think they know better!" Fili lunged forward again, a cry of terror fused with glee escaping Kili's throat as he was almost caught. Fili released a frustrated huff. "And it will help because it will teach you not to underestimate me! Or, maybe it will just make me feel better."
The triumphant smile that captured Kili's lips resembled that of a man who had just discovered an abandoned dragon's hoard of gold. "Ha, see? I knew it, ulterior motives! You do not care about the older siblings out there, you care only about yourself! Well I will not be wedgied today, or any other day! Your tyrannous reign older sibling, is at its end!"
As his motives were called into question Fili stood straighter, jaw jutting out proudly. "I do care about the other older siblings, and I will help them, one wedgie at a time. And it may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but one day when you are not expecting it, the wedgie will come! One small wedgie for you, one giant wedgie for all older siblings!"
"You are a fool if you think you could ever get the upper hand on me! I am far swifter and lighter on my feet." As if to prove his point Kili leapt easily up to the lowest branch of the beaten tree. "I will defend not only my honor, but the honor of all repressed younger siblings out there, proving you older siblings can be defeated, one failed wedgie at a time!"
Fili shook his head with a mocking laugh, "Oh dear young one, it is you who are the fool if you think you stand a chance of winning. As if your battle was not lost before it began. You may be swifter, but I am smarter. In a game of chess it is not speed that matters, dear sibling, but skill."
"Aye, but we are not playing chess, dear sibling. We are engaged in battle, and in battle, swiftness always beats smartness. Your skillfulness at a mere child's game could hardly count for less and it does nothing to deter my spirit!" Kili crossed his arms over his chest defiantly, feet teetering dangerously on the edge of the tree branch.
Fili mirrored his younger brother's stance, a cocky grin spreading across his face. "Ah, but a battle is one small part of a war. And what is war but chess on a larger scale? Soldiers may win battles with swiftness but commanders win wars with intelligence and cunning."
"But you need soldiers to win said battles, or how could you ever possibly win the war?" Kili shot back smartly.
"And I have my soldiers, but I am a commander, so I outrank you." Fili retorted immediately, a smug expression on his face.
Kili heaved a sigh of annoyance, shoulders sagging as he gave up his proper stance for one of obvious impatience. "We've already figured that out, like ages ago. You're older therefore you outrank me." Suddenly Kili's body snapped to attention, right hand gripping a higher branch tightly so as not to fall. "But no one can ever underestimate the little guys, 'cause we will always sneak up to bite you in the butt. A measure of rank will do nothing to save you the loss of battle you will surely feel as we finally engage each other with more than words sibling!" Kili finished his little speech shouting, his hand gave an elegant flourish before he smiled down at his annoyed brother.
Fili just shook his head slowly, as if contemplating something deeply. "Fine," He stated, a hint of something slightly more sinister overtaking his once smiling eyes. "You wish to engage in battle? I shall make the first move against my enemy!" Without any warning Fili lunged forward and shoved his brother in the stomach, hard.
Kili released a cry of surprise as he lost his grip on the branch and feel backwards, colliding with the ground with a loud thud before he lay motionless in the grass, groaning into his arms.
Fili's heart sank to the pit of his stomach, he had never intended to harm his brother. "Kili?" He questioned quietly, taking a hesitant step toward his fallen sibling.
"Ow, ow, ow." Kili cried, eyes scrunched up tight in pain.
"Oh Kili!" Fili dashed to his brother's side, kneeling in the thick grass next to the crumpled form of his sibling. "I'm so sorry, where does it hurt?"
"You-" Kili gasped before falling silent, burrowing his face in his sleeves, his shoulders beginning to shake.
"Yes I know, I shoved you. I shouldn't have done that Kili and I am very sorry. Tell me where it hurts so that I can- are you laughing?" Fili suddenly stopped talking as the gasps that had once sounded painful changed completely.
Kili rolled his totally unharmed body over, a large smile adorning his face. He curled his legs up to his chest as his whole body shook with laughter. "And that is why a younger sibling shall always best an older in a fight. You are far too gullible!"
Fili released an embarrassed growl, shoving Kili back to the ground as he attempted to sit up. "See if I help you next time." He grumbled to himself as he attempted to hide the crimson shade of his tan cheeks.
"Oh but you will help me next time, and the time after that, and the time after that-"
"Yes I believe I understand your point."
"No wait, I have a few more times!"
Fili stood and stalked toward the house but a mischievous grin capture Kili's lips. "And the time after that!" He sung at Fili's retreating form.
Fili's shoulders sagged in defeat as he realized that Kili was right, he would never not be there for his sibling. He just didn't have to alert Kili of that fact.