This is wrong, I tell myself.
She can't be dead. She just can't.
I had this dream several times since the past few days. I do not know why but it feels so real…
Like every night, I get up and drink a glass of water. Then I go back to my room in The Training Center. But I can't sleep no matter how hard I try. So I decide to go see her. I walk through the corridor and knock her room's door.
I slowly open the door an look inside the room but nobody is here. This is wrong, I tell myself again. She is not here. Where is she? It's three in the morning. Where the hell is she?
I walk to the mirror that is next to her bed. Look at myself. There are so many differences between this pale, perfect, blonde, blue-eyed boy and the guy that was only wishing to kill a few days ago. That boy had his skin full of training scars but this one that is looking at me now has perfect skin, scar-less pale skin. Just like hers.
And then this question again, Where is she?
And then I feel afraid. Afraid that that wasn't just a nightmare. But it can't be true. Sha can't be dead, or can she? No, no, no, no. I refuse to belive it.
In my nightmare I was in the arena. She was by my side, knifes in hand. We were sitting next to a big tree and were talking about aour families back home. She told me her younger brother began his training for the Games last year. I told her my younger, sixteen-year-old sister is pregnant. And that that was the reason why I volunteered: to give them a better life. We laughed at stories about days in training eventhough we are in separate groups since she is fifteen and I'm eighteen. We keep laughing for a while but then she fell asleep, her head resting on my chest. I hugged her and kissed her forehead softly. Because that was the real reason I volunteered, to save her because I love her. I don't know why but I do.
The sound of the cannon woke her up next morning. And we knew Lover Boy was not a problem anymore since we took District 12's backpack at the feast, which contained medicine for his leg wound. I killed Thresh there. Katniss escaped as well the District 5's red-headed girl did. Another cannon sounded that evening. The most possible option was that District 5 was dead. I were right.
The Game Makers sent mutts to chase us and join us with Katniss at the Cornucopia. It was a two-vs-one battle but something was wrong. She did not look afraid. She thought she could defeat us. Katniss tried to shoot me but she saved me. I saved her. And then Fire Girl had only one arrow left. She could take down only one of us.
Katniss decided to kill me. But knew that she was as dangerous as me. I could see it in her eyes.
Then something odd happened: she dropped the arrow. I don´t really know why. Maybe because it didn´t matter which one of the two of us she killed first, the other one would killer her eventually. And I owed to her for not kill me when she had the chance. I couldn´t kill her. But she could.
Without hesitation, she threw the knife cutting the bowstring. Fire Girl was taken by surprise an then the fifteen-year-old girl run towards her, knife in hand. They fought for a few minutes but I was still. I didn´t know what to do. Both of the girls fought with knifes. My partner walked away from her opponet, I was facing her back. She was breathing quickly. She stopped a few meters away from Fire Girl and threw her knife at Katniss´ head. It didn´t miss.
Fire Girl´s cannon sounded instantly. And then she turned to face me, tears in her beautiful green eyes. She fell to her knees, her arms around her waist. And then I saw it. A perfect big knife burried in her chest. Blood painting her shirt. She was trying to breath normally
"Clove!" I screamed her name with a mix of terror, fear and concern in my voice.
I run towards her and knelt beside her. Held her in my arms, hold her cold, fragile hand, tears threatening me. "I´m sorry" she whispered, tears in the corners of her eyes. "Don´t you ever say that" I told her, knowing that I couldn´t save her. "And don´t you dare close your beautiful eyes. Just hang on, you´ll be fine" She smiled a little at me and that broke my soul "Don´t lie. You know better than anyone that I know that a knife to the heart is a fatal hit" Then she coughed a little blood that run down her small, pale lip. Still holding her hand, I wipe away the red liquid from her perfect skin with my thumb. "Don´t. You can´t do it, you can´t leave me alone" She just stared at me, breathing weakly while I began cying. She tried to lift up her hand but could not make it. I hold it tighter and take it to my cheek. She wipes away my tears. "Tell... your... nephews and your sister and... your friends they are... damm lucky to have you in their lives" she whispered with a smirk. "You too are in my life" I tell her "But I already know... that. And I keep asking... myself... what did I do... to deserve you in my life" I can barely hear her say the next words: "I love you" "I love you too" I answered. She smirked again and looked at me in the eye. Her chest fell and her hand goes limp. The cannon sounded.
Many things happened next. They announced me as the Victor of the 74° Annual Hunger Games. The Capitol´s doctors healed all my wound and no scar was left. Caesar enterviewed me a couple of times and it never stopped until this night.
And then it hits me: it is not a nightmare. This is all damm real. I´m the Victor, I´m alive... and Clove is dead. She is dead, because of me. If I weren´t alive, she would be here, breathing, presenting herself as the Victor. And like thet night, I cry. Harder this time. She is not with me. She will never be.
Apparently, I cry so loud that I wake up Clove´s mentor, Lyme. She sees me crying and tries to calm me dow with empty words. "She is dead. Clove is dead" I tell her between sobs. I burry my face in my hand while saying this. "What would she say to you if she sees you like this" Lyme asks me softly. "She would tell me I´m weak" I answer "because I am" "You are not weak, you are just heart-broken. But if you try, you will be able to go on" The mentor says and I shake my head. "If you are not then, think of the last thing she asked you. Because I understand that you would do anything for her, wright?" I nod and say, "She asked me to tell my family and frined that they are lucky to have me in their lives" "Do it then. For her"
And then she leaves me alone. I am alone now and I will always be alone. But she is wright, I have to do it for Clove.
One month has passed since she died in my arms. I can barely stand it.
I have a big house but I live alone. If she were here, we could live together. The house is two small for only one person. My sister refused to live in the house because she thinks tha Capitol gave it to me because I deserve it and she doesn´t. I disagree but she wouldn´t give up in the argument so I spend my money in building a house were she, her boyfriend and their baby would live comfortable. My friends, who know my sister´s boyfriend, and I spent the whole month building it but we finished and we are satisfied with our work. So is my sister.
Lyme told me I was keeping my promise.
Now, that I´m holding my niece for the first time, I´m crying. She is a innocent and beautiful little person forced to live in this horrible, sadistic world. She doesn´t deserve it. "What´s her name?" I ask my sister trying to pull the thoughts away. She hesitates but then answers "If it was a boy we were going to put him Cato after you but as it´s a girl, we named her Clove in her honor. We want her to be as strong as she was" I can only nod and then I go. When I reach my house, I cry.
The next two keeks are too painful. Little Clove is too sweet to ignore but too strong to not say she reminds me of the original Clove. If mi niece gets hurt, she doesn´t cry, she remains silent, strong.
"If something happens to me, I want to be burried next to her" I told my sister yesterday and she promised me that she would make my wish true. That´s why I am sure to do it now. Clove´s token was a locket. Her younger brother brought it to me when I got back. Inside, there was a note. I did no want to read it but today I will.
If you get this old locket an this note, that means I´m dead. I know you will get this stupid little paper and maybe you don´t even care about what I have to tell you. But if you do, I want to tell you you´re special for me. Really. I don´t know why but you are. You are more than a District parter for me. You are more than a friend. I think I love you eventhough I don´t know what love is or how it feels. Strange, I know. But that´s why I want you to have my favourite knife. My brother has it so just ask him for it. And even if you don´t care, I will always be there calm you when you are on your rampages and wipe away your tears. Even if I´m not directly there to do it. Just remember I love you.
She still loves me. And I still love her. She gave me her favourite knife. I would do anything for her. I need her. I kept my promise. This are the reasons why I burry her knife in my heart.
"I love you too, Clove"
And then I am with her.
A|N: Hey there. First of all is the first time I´m writing in English so if you see something with bad spelling or something, please let me know in the comments (Just like YouTubers say, haha). Second of all I´m truly sorry about the OOC Cato but I couldn´t help but write him this way. And Clove is also OOC... Sorry. I will write something better I promise! And I would love reviews. I don´t care if they are good or bad.
Have a great day!