9 Months to Live

Prologue: No Pants Dance

AN: I do not own RWBY. I primarily wrote this because with all the depressing shit going down in volume 3 right now, I feel the community could use some laughs. And what better way than at Jaune's expense.

UPDATE 1/31/2019: Well, this is nostalgic. Oh god, the memories, it seems like it's been ages since I wrote this, like some form of first child you'd bring up in a cocaine induced haze that works in a fast food joint. So I decided to add a little more to this chapter. This will be one of the ones I go back and edit, seeing as I've improved (I think) since I wrote this and would like to have something better to show for the first ten or so chapters, as it is kinda of the first thing you read when you click on this. So I have been fixing some of these! Now Peace!

*Jumps out the window backwards, flipping off the editor*

"Come on, just go already!" Nora called out to their blonde leader.

Jaune sighed as he finished putting on his Pumpkin Pete's bunny hoodie over his usual blue t-shirt, sliding it over his slim toned frame, his years at Beacon yielding some muscle on his once scrawny frame. "Do I really have to go this party? I suck at this kind of events. I mostly end up just standing near the punch bowl awkwardly. I would much rather be here, doing something productive."

"I guess Yang can have fun with all those pictures we gave her of you as a kid!" The energetic girl chirped happily. Jaune rolled his eyes. Why did he ever let his mother show those pictures to his team, and better yet, why did she let Nora make copies? "Besides, we haven't been to a single party and it's our senior year here! Why not have a little fun!"

Ren, who'd been preparing the entree (half mini pancakes, the other some of the weird green thing no one had the heart to tell the ninja what they really thought of it) the team was bringing, spoke up from the kitchen "Nora, we're not done with Beacon yet. We still need to care for our-"

"Oh hush Renny! Finales will be coming up and I want us all to have fun before the year is out!"

"We've had fun! What where all those time we played Compost King?" Jaune questioned,

"I think this party would be a lovely idea" Pyrrha interrupted before the conversation could go any farther. "Now we ready to go?"

Ren wrapped up the large stacks of pancakes he prepared and gave a nod. "We are ready to depart."

Jaune, however still pouted over it "Can't just let me be anti social for once? Just stay at the dorm and binge some video games. There's that new sequel out, Blue Dude Bamboozlement 2!"

"Come on Jaune" Pyrrha said optimistically dragging the Arc out by the sleeve of his hoodie.

"I'm sure you're the only one who doesn't want to party tonight." Rens stated as he slapped Nora's hand away from the pancakes.

"But I need to help the gang! They need muneh!" He cried out as he begrudgingly followed after the group, yearning to be at the couch with his console.

"SIS, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THIS" Yelled one Ruby Rose as she held on frantically to her bed, which despite nearly 4 years at Beacon, was still suspended by some rope.

Yang rolled her eyes as she dragged her sister off from her hiding spot "Come on Rubes! You need to go out and have some fun! After all, this is a party hosted by yours truly!"


The rest of team RWBY watched the blonde continue to pry their leader off and to the party.

"Should we help Ruby?" Blake said questioningly, looking up from her book she was reading to pass the time as she waited for them to leave already.

Weiss rolled her eyes "I still think we should leave her. No sense in being late because SOMEONE decided to throw a hissy fit.

The party itself was loud, overcrowded, questionable music taste was blared to an almost unbearable volume with the weirdest looking DJ, as it was some guy with a black and red teddy bear mask on, and everyone else seemed busy doing something else. So Jaune made it his personal goal to detach himself from the crowd as quickly as humanly possible, making a beeline right for the punch bowl when the they entered the party area.

Sure enough, Jaune made his way to the familiar oasis for the socially impaired, and was pleasantly surprised to see Ruby standing near the punch bowl, looking like she would rather be anywhere else. It was comforting to see Ruby here. The two had bonded over the years at these kind of events, because besides getting a chance to do some of the dance moves he learned from his sisters and Ren, Jaune never enjoyed parties, and neither did Ruby for that matter. The concept of being in a room filled with people with loud music blaring just didn't appease them. Hell, the two made it sort of a tradition over the years to meet at the punch bowl and find some way to entertain one another.

"You know, we always seem to end up at the punch bowl at these kind of things" Jaune said, getting a smile from Ruby.


Jaune raised a glass of punch "To the Socially Awkward" He said, Ruby raising her glass as the two toasted, and took a large sip of the liquid. However, it tasted a little...off.

"Does this punch taste off to you?" Jaune questioned as it seemed to kind of leave a sort of burn in his throat. Not an unpleasant one per say, but still…

"Kinda? Maybe Yang bought the off brand kind to save some cash. She has been looking at some new parts for Bumblebee." Ruby shrugged, taking another sip.

Nora and Yang grinned as they looked over their handiwork with a sense of pride. "You know, it was a real shame we weren't able to get that booze." Yang said, winking.

"Yup, real shame." Nora replied with no sense of disappointment in her voice. "Now I'm gonna be with my man."

"Does Ren know this?" Yang said slyly.

The ginger grinned "Nope, and that's half the fun, Silly! Surprises are how life gets interesting!" She said as she slinked off to find her silent prey.

Yang shrugged, and brought a glass up "Well, reap what you sow, time to have some fun!" and with that, the blonde brawler drained the entire cup and then crushed it against her head "WHOOOO!"

Ruby was giggling like an idiot as Jaune and her exchanged various misadventures with their teams, almost all of Jaune's involving Nora doing something and the rest having to respond the best they can.

"and then-then- *Hic* Nora smasheddddddd the ursa after making us ride it for an hour" Jaune slurred out, making large hand gestures to describe it.

"Reminds me of the time...the time... Yang.. *hic* did a thing! Weiss was pissed!" Ruby replied. "Hey, do you still like Weiss?"

Jaune spat out some of the punch he was drinking. "What? No! I mean, I guess she just kinda lost her *hic* appeal to me. She's like the awkward first crush you'd get, ya know?"

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, you and Pyrrha are together now." Ruby remarked as she swayed side to side, a feeling of slight bitterness in her.

"What?" Jaune looked at her like she grown a third eye.

"Yeah, you and Pyrrha?"

"Nononono Noooooo." Jaune slurred. "I mean, there was a moment freshman year, but after all that stuff at the Vytal festival, we decided we worked best as friends."

Ruby grinned like a maniac at that statement as an idea crossed her. "Oh. Well than, I guess you'll have no qualms with this."

"With what-" Jaune was cut off as the silver eyed huntress smashed her lips against his, and everything seemed to blur until it was nothing but her and him.

Jaune groaned as the light hit his eyes. He felt a killer hangover, and hardly remember what happened last night. The only thing he remembered was Yang bringing out several kegs of beer, that she claimed she "borrowed" from her uncle, and the rest of the night was a blur. Finally getting up, Jaune was shocked by his lack of clothes. The man was completely naked. This left the Arc wondering through his alcohol induced headache. He always went to bed in his onesie. Heck, he remembered one time he found it on fire in the middle of the cafeteria, but fortunately (much to the demise of his scheming friends) he still had several spares. He looked around the room, seeing his pants and some red and black female undergarments scattered throughout the room. Jaune began to fear for the worst. His mother had gave him death threats if something like what this looked like happened. Did he actually…


Jaune froze as he turned to see the source of the yawn next to him. There, in nothing but her birthday suit, was Ruby, laying down in the same bed as Jaune.

Ruby shot up out of the bed, bringing the covers up over her as a girly scream broke through the room. She turned to see a naked Jaune cowering in the corner, muttering something about the her sister and the end of the Arc crown jewels.

"Um Jaune...did we…" Ruby asked meekly.

Jaune nodded, his cheeks flushing red. "I mean, I don't remember anything other than Yang and booze, but um, we woke up naked in the same same bed, so…" He stuttered "I mean I don't remember anything, not that you would be forgettable, I mean-"

"Jaune, please shut up"


Ruby let out a yelp "YANG! She can't ever know! She will literally kill you!"

Jaune shuddered as a crippling chill crossed down his spine. "Trust me, your sister would do more than just kill me if she found out. Speaking of which, do you have ANY idea exactly WHAT happened last night?"

"I don't know, as we can see, last night got pretty crazy" The Reaper shrugged. "Let's get dressed and go look for them...IN SEPARATE ROOMS JAUNE!" She yelled, throwing a pillow at the knight as he started putting on his pants. Jaune, ran out into the bathroom, embarrassed and silently praying to Oum nothing bad would come from the previous night.

Fortunately for the two leaders, They managed to locate the rest of their teams pretty easily. Ren and Nora were found in the middle of the forest, most notable the giant tree fort that Nora had built to "establish her kingdom" and Ren hanging from a stray tree with Nora's lipstick covering the poor man's face. Blake was found on Campus, stuck in a tree, which she refused to speak about and had the two swear secrecy on the matter. Weiss was also easy to find, and a funny one too. She had the words Ice Bitch written on her forehead in permanent marker. When she asked why Jaune and Ruby were giggling when they found her, the two merely replied that she should just warm up to them. Pyrrha was found in the arena, surrounded by destroyed cereal boxes and remains of the sugary breakfast in her hair.

However, Yang proved to be the most difficult to track down. No one of the gang seemed to remember much from last night, and had no idea where the blonde brawler was. Ruby rushed around the school, using her semblance to cover as much ground as possible. She couldn't find Yang anywhere. The closest thing she found was Cardin, collapsed on the floor of the gym with his crotch plate crushed. Jaune paled at the sight of this, recognizing the work of Ruby's scary older sister. The Arc feared for his sword, and not the one his ancestors used.

After hours of fruitless searching, Ruby seemed distraught. She wasn't worried about Yang, she was worried about those foolish enough to be near her when she's under a hangover.

However her thoughts were interrupted by an announcement on the school speakers.

Would the Leader of team RWBY report to my Office? Ozpin's voice rang through the halls. Ruby's mind immediately began to run through the worse case scenario. Was Yang in trouble? Did Glynda final get her wish and finally got the authority to expel Ruby from Beacon? Did Ozpin find out about Ruby's theft of the school's cookie supply last week? She was not a crook.

Finally making it up to Ozpin's office, the man himself seemed hardly different, drinking coffee from his mug and had the same mysterious smile. "Hello Ms Rose, I'm sure you and your friends had an...interesting night to say" The headmaster stated as he took a sip from coffee.


"Do not worry Ms Rose, your sister is currently lying down recovering from a massive hangover in your dorm room. However, I must recommend you have your team avoid Glynda." Ozpin said calmly

"Why do we need to avoid Glynda?" Ruby asked

"I think its best if I just showed you what your sister did last night while following in your Uncle's footsteps" Ozpin said, getting up from his chair and pulling open the curtains of the tower. There, burned across the entire Beacon front yard, was a giant dick

"GOD DAMN IT YANG!" Taiyang shouted out with rage in the middle of his lecture on the importance of weapon maintenance to the class at Signal. All of his students looked at the elder blonde brawler strangely.

"Oh. Um...Sorry about that class, just had a weird sneeze...don't tell your parents." He shrugged sheepishly. His thoughts wandered to his eldest daughter, and the man had a feeling Yang did something really...Yang-like.

"Alright Mr Church!" Shouted one his students, a...special student named Michael who had been stuck in his class...for three years now.

Taiyang rubbed his brow, a migraine beginning to brew. "Mr Caboose, for the last time, My name is TAIYANG!"



Ozpin closed the curtain. "Now onto more important matters at hand. Beacon normally deals with this kind of debauchery with a strict zero tolerance policy." He said, Glynda following with a fierce nod. "However, I have a feeling that you've all learned your lesson from the hangovers your fellow students are suffering from right now."

Ruby couldn't believe what she was hearing. (Nor could Glynda judging by the fact that it seemed she was slightly foaming at the mouth) Not only was Yang okay (Sorta) but Ozpin was gonna keep the whole night a secret and let them off with a warning.

"ThankYouSoMuchMrOzpinYouWon'tRegretItSir!" Ruby fired off as she rocketed out of the office. Ozpin merely let out a sigh, and went back to his coffee. "Sometimes I think you're the only one who understands me" The headmaster said as he looked at his mug with tired eyes.

Jaune was glad to hear back from Ruby. He was a little creeped out that Professor Ozpin knew EVERYTHING that happened last night, including them, but agreed to secrecy as long as the leaders prevented anymore crazy drinking parties. He couldn't help it as he grinned like a madman as he walked the hallways of Beacon. Sure, he had done something with Ruby. But they could work it out right? The two always where good friends, surely something like this wouldn't get between their friendship? I mean, what could possibly go wrong?