Hello everyone. I'm not really sure what happened, but 5.13 affected my writing mood.. and well. I can't seem to write happy or fluffy just yet. I watched the movie 'Love, Rosie' yesterday and OMG.. the ship.. is painful, really if you think Darvey is a lost cause, watch this and you'll have hope again. It did however inspire this one shot. I hope you like it anyway, maybe leave a review? x
"Do you think I'm making a mistake?" she whispers as her eyes meet those of her bridesmaids in the mirror. "Donna," Rachel whispers, "He loves you and if you love him then -"
"I invited Harvey to the wedding," she mumbles then her eyes falling down to the dressing room table in front of her. Her fingers playing with the silver engagement ring. "Donn," the brunette whispers, "why? I thought you two barely talked." She swallow, "I don't know," she mumbles, " I.. I just kept wondering what if.."
"Donn, every bride gets cold feet.. It's normal," the younger woman smiles. "Is it? Did you?" she whispers. "I did," she confirms, "with everything honing on.. I questioned it so many times, but.." she pauses as she lets her hand rub over her prominent stomach, "best thing I did," she whispers and Donna looks at her friend. Swallowing away the memories of him as she nods, "you're probably right."
He lets out a sigh as his eyes open, his chest moving up and down with heavy breaths. He feels some droplets of sweat running down the side of his head and he turns his head towards the left. Another breath escaping his lips, including her name as he sees the empty spot besides him. "It was a dream," he mumbles out loud as his hand moves through his hair.
He thought those days were over, nights to be more specific. Nights he kept dreaming about her, after everything he thought he was over her. But ever since he saw the invite for her wedding, the dreams were back. "Wedding.. shit," he mumbles this time as his eyes fall on the alarm clock next to his bed.
His fingers tap on the arm rest of the door or the black Lexus, the car not driving fast enough for his liking. His eyes constantly switching from the traffic outside to the picture of her on his phone and the indirectly the clock. Minutes ticking away while he's stuck. Something he feels like having been for the past years. Stuck.
His eyes fall on the picture again, those words of her on repeat in his head. "Love me how?" The three words that changed everything and yet, more than a year later, therapy for god sake, he still can't really answer that question. Because how are you going to tell the one you can't afford yourself to lose the one thing that can drive her away. Irony has it that not telling her, drove her away not once but twice.
He also knows he should have never tried to explain it with words, but should have shown her. He always thought he had. The time he got her out of the intent to commit fraud charges and even saving her father should have shown her that when it comes to her he'd do anything. Almost anything, he corrects himself, because fully risking his heart is the one thing he never did.
He never took that one shot, that one chance and there's nothing he regrets more in life than letting her walk away. Cause even if he can't find the words to tell her how, he knows that when he told her he needed her. He didn't just mean at the firm, but in life. He needed, no needs her in his life. In every possible way. "Donna.." he whispers again as he lets his head rest against the car window.
She looks at him, her eyes tearing up as she hears him talk. His vows, his words about her being his best friend. The one he trusts, the one he'd do anything for. The one he loves, will love for the rest of his life. Her eyes close for second as she tries to push away the thoughts. The thoughts of him, of Harvey. How the words she heard Mitchell say are the ones she once used to describe Harvey.
She opens her eyes again, a small smile on her lips as she looks at her soon husband to be. She loves him, she really does, but somehow she can't help but wonder what would happen if Harvey would run inside the church right now. What would happen if he'd said something, anything.
Her head turning towards the priest as she hears him say those words. "If anyone has their objections, let them speak now or forever hold their peace." She swallows as she nervously follows Mitchell's lead as he looks at the entire crowd. Her eyes falling on the wooden door at the end of the aisle. Somehow her heart aching for it to swing open, for him to run in. Like Jackson did for April in Grey's Anatomy, the thought somehow crosses her mind, but she's brought back to reality as she feels him squeeze her hand.
"No one," he smiles and she lets out a silent breath, her head nodding at him as she pushes away those doubts. She loves him, she loves this man that's standing in front of her and for once it's her moment. Her moment to shine, her chance to live her life. Her lips curling up a bit further as her hazel eyes lock with his big blue eyes.
The big wooden doors of the church open, his breath faltering as he sees her walking towards him. The slightly off white dress hugging her every curve. The bouquet of roses she's holding, the sparkling diamond jewellery she's wearing. His lips curling up in a smile as his eyes trace her frame, her auburn locks framing her delicate face. Her skin seems to be glowing. She looks perfect.
Absolutely perfect except for the fact she's holding another man's arm. Her husband's, he reminds himself as his smile fades away. The reality hitting him like a punch in the stomach. He's too late, like always. He's too late.
He closes his eyes, his fists balling until his knuckles turn white. The sound of her laughter making him look up again and his eyes meet hers. She feels her breath being taken away, her mouth feeling dry and she swallows as she can't stop but look at him. She sees him do the same and both of them nod, a unspoken conversation that maybe it's for the best.
His shoulders hang low, his hands buried in the pocket of his pants. He's not sure why he's still here, but somehow he needs to stay. If this will be the last time he sees her, he's not ready to say goodbye just yet. He paces through the hallway then, his eyes catching a glimpse of her wedding dress and her name leaves his lips in a whisper.
She turns around, a small smile on her lips as she faces him. She doesn't speak, she wouldn't even know what to say. Not after all this time and he notices it. The way she's holding back. "I'm happy for you, Donna," he whispers, a smile on his lips. It's the exact same thing he said when she first told him about Mitchell.
"Harv," she whispers, her eyes searching for hers. Something she can't seem to shake. Even if she wants it to. He crooks his head, his eyes locking with hers just like all those years ago. "Really Donna, I am," he confirms, putting up his best smirk.
She nods, placing a kiss on his cheek. A simple gesture she would have never done before, but now it's all they can do. It's too late. He wraps his arms around her shoulders, pulling her closer in a hug. It's the first and at the same time probably the last time they hug. "You deserve to be happy," he mumbles before letting her go; telling her to enjoy the rest of her big day.
He lets out a sigh as he takes another sip from his champagne glass. His eyes automatically searching for her, but when he finds her the only thing he sees is her, with him. You've got to stop doing this. He scans the room again, his gaze now landing on the best man. He's making a speech, but none of the words the bald older man is saying register. All he can do is look at her from afar. It's all he's ever done, it's all he's allowed to do.
He hears the sound of knife ticking on the glass, followed by the voice of a woman he knows all too well, but like Donna hasn't seen in a very long time. He looks at the pregnant brunette and for a second he wonders if his protégé is here too, but he doesn't bother to find him. His eyes landing on Donna once more.
He tries to listen to Rachel's words, watching the bride's face for her reaction. But all he sees is disappointment when the pregnant woman tears up for the third time in five minutes. He swallows, not even realizing he's doing it, but his knife now hits the champagne glass that was still in his hand. His knees bending as he's getting up.
His mouth opens, not even sure what he's going to say, but a cough to clear his throat makes her look around. His eyes meeting hers once more and somehow words start to flow. "Uhm.. hello everyone…" he pauses for a second, "I'd.. I'd like to say a few words. Donna.." he sighs, ".. I.. We've known each other for over a decade.. Twelve years.. and ..uhm.. Mitchell a word of advice, you. .you uhm probably know how she always says 'I'm Donna.. I know' …" he smiles looking at her.
"Well.. don't make the mistake to think she knows everything. I can tell from experience that that's not the case, that silently showing sometimes isn't enough. That some things really need to be said. With words, and explanations. A why. A How."
"Choosing a…" he mumbles, letting out a sigh, "choosing the person that you want to share your life with is one of the most important decisions any of us makes. Ever.. and even though I .. I uhm.. never married, I do know what it's like to make such a decision and how it feels when you lose that person," he swallows. "Because sometimes.." he closes his eyes, "sometimes you don't even notice until you wake up one morning and realize that years have gone by. "
"Donna, you were never just a secretary to me. You're a friend, a.." he pauses swallowing in a word or two, "your friendship Donna, your friendship has brought colour to my life. Red like a fire, you were the light. You've been there for me, even in the darkest of times.. and I realize now that I am the luckiest person alive for that. I hope you know I never meant to take you for granted, but I'm afraid I have and I'm sorry for that."
She swallows looking at him as he seems to bite his lip. She presses her lips together, he head slightly crooked and she sees him nod. It was this unspoken sign between the two of them to continue to talk. To explain and she's not even sure why she did that, but she feels the need to hear it. To hear all of it.
"I'm sorry," he continues again, "because sometimes you don't see that the best thing that's even happened to you is sitting there. Right under your nose. Twelve feet away…" he presses his lips together in a thin line. "And I guess that's fine too.. It really is, because one thing… One thing I'm sure of is that no matter where you are, who you work for or who you're with.. is.. I will always love you."
Her mouth drops as she hears him say those words again, her eyes still locked with his and she's pretty sure she has the same expression on her face as that one night at her place. That one night that should have changed it all, and did, but not in the way she had hoped. A cough from one of Mitchell's friends makes her wake up from her thoughts, looking away for a second.
"Like a .." he mumbles trying to recover what's left of his speech, "a sister or a cousin you're happy to see on Christmas day. Like a friend loves a friend and I'll always be your friend. You've been there for me all these years, helping me make my dream come true. Please know I will always be there to help you reach yours, Donna. No matter what," he pauses his eyes falling on the champagne glass again. "So please, everyone," he continues lifting his arm, "join me in a toast. To the bride and groom."
He nods at her raising his glass once more as the five last words of his speech are repeated by the rest of the people in the room. She feels her hand being squeezed, her head turning to the right as she feels his lips pressing against hers. "To us," Mitchell whispers on her lips and she nods, repeating the words before she looks at the room again. Seeing Harvey walk away from the corner of her eye.
She looks around the restaurant again, of all restaurants Rachel had chosen Del Posto and she now couldn't help but wish she hadn't agreed to it. That she had told her best friend that that wasn't such a good idea, but it was too late for that now. She swallows not sure what to do as she smiles at Mitchell again, but he's busy talking to his best man. Her head turns into the other direction searching for her friend.
Both Mike and Rachel stare at her with big eyes, and she simply nods looking at them as the brunette mouths she should do something. But she can't. She doesn't know what to do, all she knows is that she can't draw attention to her. She can't run off now, she can't follow Harvey. Even if she wanted to.
She always liked being in the spotlight, but not anymore.
A song starts playing and Mitchells fingers fall around her wrist. He drags her to the dancefloor, spinning her around until she falls in his arms, her arms around his neck as her chin rests on his shoulder. She closes her eyes as she feels his arms around her. Holding her close, but it feels nothing like how he felt. How it felt when Harvey held her, just an hour ago.
She bites her lip as she watches her father come closer towards them. James taps Mitchell's shoulder, asking for a dance with his daughter and the man agrees, letting go of his wife as he hands her to her old man.
"Donna," James whispers as he hold her in his arms, "is everything okay?" he asks caringly. She closes her eyes again. For a moment cursing the fact that that talent was something she got from him. "I think I made a mistake," she whispers softly.
Her father hears a soft sob escape her lips and he pulls her closer. "We've all made mistakes, Donna," he whispers, "and even though the timing is awful it's never too late to fix them." She pulls back from their hug, looking in her father's eyes as he nods. "I think he went upstairs," she hears him mumble, her head automatically turning up. Following the spiralling stairs until her gaze falls on that one table.
That one table they had dinner at all those years at the exact same day. She swallows as she sees his silhouette appear and a tear runs down her cheek now. Donna faces her father again and he gives her a smile, is thumb wiping away the tear. "Go," he mumbles, "go." She nods again, giving him a small kiss on his cheek as James lets go of his daughter. Watching her walk towards the stairs, her pace increasing with every step she's taking.
She lets out a breath as she's at the top of the stairs, her arms falling around her own chest as she's gasping for air now. Her eyes searching for him again. For Harvey, but all she sees is him walking away. "Harv," she mumbles, not even able to fully pronounce his name. "Harvey," she calls him again, louder this time.
He lets the white rose trace his lips before he places it down on the table. Their table, his and Donna's. Shivers being send down his spine as he hears her voice and he freezes on the spot, until he hears her calling for him once more. "Harvey," she whispers.
"Donna," he breathes turning around. His watery eyes mirroring hers as they lock. "Harvey," she whispers again stepping closer and he swallows. "Donna.. I.." he stutters and she's lost for words now. There are a million questions running through her mind, but all she can think about now is how she misses his embrace. "Dance with me," she whispers.
"Donna," he mumbles in shock, his eyes searching for an explanation but all he hears is her begging a please and it's enough to make him give in. He extends his hand, his fingers falling around her wrist and he's not sure if he's projecting the way his heartrate increases on her, or he can really feel it. But the thought leaves as soon as it comes as he moves closer, his other arm falling around her back as her arm slips around his neck. He moves her around, her head resting against his chest as they dance right in front of their table.
He absentmindedly lets his thumb caress the palm of her hand as his eyes are closed, trying to remember every single detail of this moment, because he knows it will be their last. That this is it. "That.. .that speech," she mumbles breaking the silence and he swallows, nodding his head even though she can't see it. "I'm sorry," he whispers, "I'm so sorry, Donna."
"Harv," she whispers and he lets go of her then. "I shouldn't" he excuses looking away, "I shouldn't have said anything," he adds. "Harvey," she mumbles again, taking a step towards him, tears now streaming down her face. He looks at her. Her crying still having the same effect on him as always and he lets his head drop for a second. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ruined your big day. You… You deserve to be happy."
"I do," she answers then. "And I hate you.. I hate you so much right now," she cries pushing down her arms, but somehow she falls in his. Her fists slapping against his chest as he just hold her. Trying to make her stop. "I hate you," she breathes, "you.. you don't get to not say anything for all these years.. and," she sobs again, "and tell me all of this now."
"Donna," he sighs, his arms still wrapped around her shoulders. His hand moving over her head. "I really want you to be happy.. I do." His words causing her to let out a nervous laugh then, breaking out of his embrace as she takes a step back. "You really don't get it, do you!"
He swallows, looking at her confused. "You," she cries, shaking her head, "you.. you were always the one that could make me happy." His closes his eyes, her words making his shoulders hang down. "Donna, I.."
"Why," she interrupts him. "Why now?" she asks, "why tell me this on my wedding day.. after I've gotten.." unable to pronounce the rest of the words. "I.. I.." he mumbles, "I wanted to tell you before.. before you got married, but I.. I was too late," he sighs, "I.. shouldn't have –"
"Yeah," she sighs again, looking away. "About twelve years too late, Specter," she mumbles then. "I know.." he shakes his head, "I .. I know, but I.. I do love you."
"Look, Donna," he continues as she doesn't respond, "I know I'm too late. I'm always too late when it comes to you. If we.. If we'd just gotten a chance."
"I.." she swallows, wiping away a tear. "I can't do this, Harvey," she adds, her hands in the air, her head shaking no and he nods. Closing his eyes to fight his own tears. "Donna, I'm so sorry," he whispers again, making her nod this time.
"I am too, Harvey," she replies turning around. She can't look at him anymore, she's feeling too weak. Her knees give in and she falls to the wooden floor. Bringing her hands up to cover her face, tears uncontrollably running down her cheeks.
Harvey swallows, not sure what to do, but he takes a step towards her non the less. "Should I .."he starts, now standing by her side like she had always stood beside his. "Should I get your dad.. or Mitchell?" he asks, his words making her look up at him again. Her hand grabbing his wrist. "No," she answers, "don't."
"Donna," he turns towards her, helping her on her feet again. "I don't know what to do then," he confesses and she looks at him. Her hands resting on his arms. "That makes two of us," she whispers. He just looks at her for a second, the way she's standing right there in front of him, a small smile on his lips. "What do you mean?" he inquires.
She shakes her head, not being able to think straight. His cologne still being the only thing she smells. His hands on her waist the only thing she feels and his dark brown eyes the only thing she sees. She lifts herself on her toes then. Bringing her lips towards his, but she stops just millimetres in front of him. Closing her eyes as she can't help but think about his mother and what she'd done to his father. She can't be this woman.
He can nearly feel her lips on his, but she stopped and he closes his eyes in the same time. He wants nothing more than to close that distance between them, but she's married now. He's too late and he knows he shouldn't, but the words leave his lips before his brain registers them. "Kiss me," he whispers on her lips, "please.. Just one last – "
"Time," she breathes her lips finding his as another tear runs down her face. He's taken aback for a second, that she answered his request, but he kisses her back. Her lips feeling warm on his, exactly like the other time. He pulls her closer, his lips savouring hers until he comes to his senses.
She's married now.
"Donna," he whispers, letting his head rest against hers. "You're making a mistake," he offers her way out. "No," she breathes, "no I don't. I've already made my mistake," she adds closing her eyes. She lets her head rest in the crook of his neck as she still holds onto him. "I married the wrong man," she whispers as he presses his lips against her temple, his hand caressing her head. "Donna.."
"I.. I did, Harvey," she continues. "I shouldn't… I never should have tried to find someone who could make me forget about the man I loved for all those years, because I can't forget, Harvey."
Her words making him close his eyes as he holds her even tighter. "I shouldn't have put you in a position to do so," he whispers placing another kiss on top of her head. "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too, Harvey," she whispers.
I hope you made it till the end, please leave a review if it made you feel something/anything. The speech is partially from the book/movie but adjusted a bit to make it Darvey. I had a hard time ending this, but I kinda felt like I could leave things open.. We all have our ideas on how this would end. I really wanted to add and epilogue, Cece .. I did.. but I couldn't right now. So maybe, in the future.. this one shot will get an epilogue.