14Prologue
Awakening
Absolutely everything hurt. As he slowly rose from his sleep, this was the only thing he could say for certain. His senses were pounded by the various aches and searing pains, his eyes winced softly as he became more and more aware. Eventually, as he rose further and further into consciousness, he was vaguely aware of some cloth wrapped around his head which covered his left eye. Judging by how unbelievably blurred his vision was when he opened his eye, it wouldn't have helped for it to be uncovered.
Even as he tried to focus his vision, he still felt like he could fall back into unconsciousness at any moment, his head heavy with an invisible weight as the room spun around him. He tried to move his head back and forth, to shake out the blur in his vision, but was only greeted with some minor pain as his vision remained a field of speckles of indistinct hues. After the pain stilled him again, he simply lied there for a moment and stared out at nothing as he blinked to clear his vision.
Suddenly, amidst the blurs, there were signs of movement about the room. His gaze tried to follow them as best he could, while the confused shapes slowly became clearer as they grew larger in his field of vision. There were now two, both at his side, their movements slow, before one of them leaned forward as a silhouette, coming within a few scant inches of him. His vision cleared and a middle-aged woman emerged from the hazy outline.
One last firm blink and his eye was able to focus on this: by her dress and appearance, this was a woman of the Earth Kingdom, or one within the bounds of Fire Nation territory - it was hard to tell just from looking. His eye swiveled about to get a look at the second figure, and found another woman, considerably younger. They were both dressed simply, making them look common.
But the room around them didn't match the pair: some good bits of finery were up on the walls, the linens beneath him were crisp and clean and the women themselves seemed to be hearty, not something you'd expect of people whose countryside had been ravaged by war.
Something else he noticed was that neither woman was paying any attention to him. They were doing chores around him, all the while they paid him little mind. The young woman removed the linens off of him as the matron lit incense. As the younger of them went to change the sheets, her elder tossed aside the match and grabbed a wet cloth, and finally looked at him as she brought it to his face.
The woman seemed stunned for a moment when her eyes met his eye, her gaze curious as she cautiously raised a hand to his face. The other woman noticed her elder's shock and turned towards the invalid, looking equally surprised. His eye couldn't help but follow her hand as she waved it in front of his face, before the women jumped back in surprise.
"By the spirits, he's awake?!" The young woman shouted, the matron looking over to her.
"We need to get your father!" The older woman said as the two ran out of the room He tried to shout or move his hand towards them, but the effort was too much for him. He slipped back into unconsciousness.
He woke up a bit more smoothly now. Still so horribly sore and tired, his body still throbbed in pain, but he reached lucidity much more quickly this time around. He could hear bits and pieces of a conversation before he opened his eye and tried to get a better look around him.
The room was much the same as before as far as he could tell. The brief glimpses and impressions from his last stint of consciousness were already faded in his mind. What immediately drew his attention were the two people that stood at the foot of the bed.
The first, an older man, whose hair had begun to turn gray and had a deep widow's peak forming along his receded hairline. He was trim, lean and wispy, as far as he could tell. The old man was wearing thick robes, the sleeves of which had been permanently stained with faded, copper specks here and there, and balanced on his long, bony nose was a pair of spectacles.
The older woman from before was stood at the man's side, She carried an air of intelligence as she spoke to the man, though she appeared rustic: her fingernails worn down and encrusted with dirt, and earthy stains along the ends of her sleeves.
He released a pained groan, the old man and the woman turned to look at him.
"Ah, he is awake again," the old man said as he clapped his hands. "Good, good. I was hoping that yesterday's little treat was not a fluke. You couldn't believe how concerned we were to find you unconscious again." The woman gave him a smile, albeit a forced one, as she bowed her head, while the old man walked over to the bedside on his right. "Introductions are in order. I am Hua Tuo and this is my wife Yi Tuo," Hua looked down at him as the he spoke. "Nod your head if you understand what I'm saying."
His body was still incredibly sore, but he did so with a concerted effort.
"Ah, very good, that is what I like to hear. Might you do us the kindness of giving your name?"
'Zuko.'
The name came to the forefront of Zuko's pain addled mind as he looked at the two of them. He was the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation and, up until recently, the captain of a small ship that had looked for the Avatar for well over two years. When he opened his mouth to speak, however, the words died on his lips as he gave them some thought. He didn't know these people. Didn't know why or how he had been brought here. Didn't know their allegiance or their cause. He was in a great deal of pain and could barely move: if these two didn't like the royal family and he revealed himself he could be in a great deal of trouble..
"... Lee..." He said, feebly. It was a terribly common name, but it was the one that came to his mind most immediately. Yet this answer seemed to satisfy Hua, who just gave him a small nod and a grin. It seemed he didn't notice his hesitation..
"Well, Lee, it seems the spirits have smiled quite fondly upon you. My dear wife and I are two of the most skilled physicians whose beach you could washed up on in all the Fire Nation colonies... if I do say so myself." Yi's nervous look gave way to a small smile as her husband spoke with a great deal of mirth, Zuko stared at the two of them before he closed his eye.
"... Don't feel lucky."
"I imagine you don't. You were in quite the state when we found you." Hua rubbed his chin as he pondered something. After a moment, his consternation gave way into a friendly smile as he clapped his hands together. "But enough of that, let's get you sitting up."
With their help, Zuko was able to sit up from the bed, the two then helped scoot Zuko back so that he leaned against the headboard. Hua looked Zuko over for a moment, then turned to address Yi.
"My dear, would you fetch our friend here his tea. The oolong." Yi nodded and quickly exited the room. She returned shortly after Hua made some cursory checks over Zuko's bandages. Yi set aside a cup and poured the oolong, before she carried the cup over to Zuko and brought it to his lips. The young man accepted the offered cup. It was a lot more bitter than his uncle's but he wasn't going to complain; he felt like he was going to die of thirst if he didn't have something.
Hua bent over to give Zuko a kindly smile. "How do you find it?" Zuko swallowed thickly as he nodded.
"It's bitter," Zuko said flatly, before he took another drink. The old man nodded his head before he spoke with mock gravity.
"I find it so too. I fear I have studied too much medicine, and not enough tea," Hua said, his laughter fell into a smile as he waited for Zuko to finish his cup. Before Yi could move to refill it, Hua took hold of the kettle himself.
Hua leaned in to pour Zuko a new cup before he spoke. "Now... I think we need to talk about the extent of your injuries," as Hua said this his smile faded into a frown. "We saved your life, but the fact is that, whatever happened to you, the damage was extensive. Try to keep in mind that we did what we could," Hua said, as he glanced around Zuko's person, a nervous knot formed in Zuko's stomach as he finished his cup of oolong. Hua handed the kettle off to Yi, who poured another cup as Hua leaned forward.
"We'll start with the good news and then... move into the more serious. While you've been unconscious we have monitored your condition, keeping an eye out for any sign that we may have missed any persistent wound that we could not immediately right," Hua said, before he brought his hand to rub his chin. "To date, we have no reason to believe that this is the case - which is, if I may say so, miraculous.
"While the good news is very good, that doesn't change the fact that there is bad news too. For the worst of it, well… despite our best efforts, we could not save your left arm."
Zuko just stared incredulously at Hua.
"That's ridiculous," Zuko croaked, as he readjusted himself against the headboard. "What are you even talking about." Zuko strained as he lifted his left arm.
Zuko's eyes went wide with surprise: it was as good as Hua's word - his hand was not there nor was a good chunk of his arm, strong and muscled in his memory, save for a stump just past his elbow.
'No... No. It's there,' Zuko thought to himself in vain, as he flexed fingers he felt, but could no longer see. 'My... my arm, my hand, it's there! I can feel it! Why can't I see it?! What did they do to me?!'
Zuko began to shake despite himself, all the while he cast a wide-eyed, horrified gaze at Yi and Hua as he tried to shift and roll out of the bed, his mind fallen into a panicked frenzy. Hua quickly reached over and held him down, before he shout something incomprehensible to Yi as the young man struggled.
"Hold down his legs for me, dear, the tea should do its job soon enough."
Zuko's struggle slowly became more and more lethargic, his vision darkened and his mind became hazy. The pain that had thrummed through him before, and that he felt as he struggled against Hua and Yi's surprisingly strong grips, began to fade as well. Soon enough, Zuko slipped away yet again.
Zuko began to stir. Consciousness proved to be far less painful than it had been before, however, his body felt like lead and his head reeled as he tried to open his eye. Zuko groaned as he reached out to stop the spinning in his head with his hands. When he didn't feel his left hand grab at his scalp, he paused before he opened his eye to look at his stump again.
This time, between his drowsiness and with the initial shock gone, Zuko could only stare. Even if he felt his limb was still there, he could see, plainly, that it wasn't. He could feel the faint tingles of motion as he tried to twist the wrist or flex his fingers into a fist, as his right arm mimicked the gestures. Despite all this, empty space still occupied his vision: for all that he felt, rational thought soon conquered irrational panic - his arm was no longer there.
"What you are experiencing, I surmise, is a disconnect between your physical body and your spiritual self." Zuko's head snapped over to where he could see Hua sat to his right, a tea pot and cup next to him. The man took some time to pour out a cup of tea, before he offered it to Zuko.
"Here, I promise this time your dosage isn't quite so... heavy. You are hardly the first young man who would react so poorly to a lost limb, Yi and I needed to be prepared." Zuko stared at him for a long, hard moment, before he sighed and took the cup of tea with his right hand He took a drink of it as he beckoned Hua to keep speaking.
"Whenever a person loses their limb, there is always a chance that their connection to the spiritual world will be severed, even momentarily. The more traumatic the loss of the limb, the more likely this is to happen." Hua folded his hands in his lap as he looked down at Zuko. "Your spirit still considers itself whole. To it, you still have the perfect use of your left arm, even if your physical body sees and knows that that limb is no longer there. It never got the message of what you have lost." As Hua explained this, Zuko turned back to look at his stump of an arm.
"Your body is being torn between what your physical self knows to be true, and what your spiritual self still perceives to be true. So," Hua waved his hand in the space where Zuko's left hand should've been, which caused the young man to flinch slightly, "your spirit will make you feel that the limb is still there, and your body will respond with the constant pain of its loss."
"... When will it stop?" Zuko asked as he looked over to the old physician. Hua looked the boy in the eye, a sympathetic look to his gaze that was nonetheless stern.
"Sometimes body and spirit are able to return to balance and recognize the loss of the limb together in a month. Sometimes more..." Hua sighed as he gave the news he knew the boy dreaded to hear. "Then, for some, the sensation never goes away, and can only be numbed through medication." Hua nodded at Zuko's cup of tea, which Zuko proceeded to finish in one gulp.
Even the cup of tea wasn't enough to lift Zuko from the pit his mood had fallen into. The information he had taken in over the past couple days: his ship's explosion, being saved by Earth Kingdom healers and the loss of his own arm... it was bad enough when Zhao had taken his crew to the North Pole, having left Zuko with only his ship and his uncle. Zuko's eye widened as he remembered with a start.
"Wherever you found me… did you find another man? He was an older, larger man, with graying hair," Zuko tried to explain, as Hua raised an eyebrow.
"My wife and I found you washed upon the shore of our beach. I'm afraid that we didn't find any other man with you that day," Hua explained carefully, Zuko's expression fell slightly as he heard this. "If you would not mind my asking, because my wife and I have been quite concerned about this ourselves; what exactly happened to you and this other man?"
Zuko bit his lip: these people had treated his injuries and potentially saved his life, and he was greatly concerned about his Uncle Iroh. If he told them what happened, they might know something more. However, he couldn't help but feel worried about the potential consequences of airing out much of his identity to these Earth Kingdom strangers.
In the end, Zuko's worry for his Uncle overrode his concern for his own safety, and he spoke.
"There was a ship we had docked a fair distance away, it… it exploded while I was inside of it and the other man may have been there too." Zuko attempted to keep the exact identity of his ship concealed, lest he identify himself to these people as Fire Nation.
"Ah, the Fire Nation warship," Hua said with a solemn nod. "We thought you may have come from it, but we couldn't be certain." Zuko's eye widened at Hua's offhanded mention of his ship as Fire Nation, his confusion evident.
"Wait... if you suspected I was on that ship, why help me?" He asked, his voice raspy as he spoke.
"To answer your question, it seemed like the right thing to do: given that my wife and I are physicians, we've been quite sought after people in the midst of this whole war. Back when this port was Earth Kingdom territory, we provided our talents to the Earth King's armies who would pass through here. When the Fire Nation claimed it, well, my wife and I were in no position to move while she had a baby on the way.
"We've come to understand that, Fire Nation or Earth Kingdom, underneath the uniforms and armor, men are men, and it is... unconscionable for a people of our trade to turn down any wounded men," Hua said, before he shrugged. "We had heard that Admiral Zhao had emptied that ship of its crew. That was the only reason we had any doubt that you had come from it."
"If that's so, then please, do you know anything about the other man aboard the ship? I need to know if he's alright." The only thing that kept Zuko from going into a full-blown panic was the tea he had already consumed had already dulled him slightly.
The elderly physician rest his hand on Zuko's shoulder. "Worry not. From what I heard from the townsfolk, there was another Fire Nationer at the dock who was helping search through the remains of the ship. He had assisted the port authority in keeping the fires from spreading to all the other buildings," Hua said as he took Zuko's cup and refilled it with the last bit of tea in the pot. "He still lives," he reaffirmed, the young prince relaxed immediately as he let out a small sigh of relief.
"... Any idea where he is now?" The prince asked as he took the cup of tea again. Hua took a moment to think before he answered..
"The man looked for you. Unfortunately, before any of us could make the connection ourselves, he departed... one of my friends at port seemed to find him in quite the ill mood as he boarded a ship," Hua said, as he stroked his chin. "Word had it he was on his way to join Admiral Zhao's fleet at the North Pole."
For Zuko, this bit of news was a wash of emotion. At once, he felt relieved and honored by the news: not only was his uncle alive, but he was on his way to the North Pole as they spoke. Surely Iroh, former general that he was, had the same suspicion Zuko had: that Zhao had attempted to take his life to end the threat to Zhao's chances to capture the Avatar. Iroh could only be on his way to the North Pole if he sought to confront Zhao for his attempted murder.
He also couldn't help but sink further into despair and melancholy. He was a banished prince, dishonored by his own father and not allowed to return home. His only hope of doing so was at the North Pole, likely being found or killed by Zhao, and even if the Avatar managed to turn his amazing luck against Zhao, Zuko was no longer in any condition to pursue the Avatar and return him back to the Fire Nation. Even if uncle had left to avenge him, it still meant that Zuko was without the only family to have stuck by him for these past several years.
In one single moment, Zuko was aware of just how hopeless his cause was. How he would never go home. How his life was, for all intents and purposes, over.
As if to interrupt Zuko's internal spiral, Hua coughed into his hand to regain Zuko's attention.
"Now, while your left arm is by far the worst damage done to you, it isn't the end of your injuries." Hua's eye seemed to twitch up to the left side of Zuko's face, Zuko just inwardly sighed as he figured he meant his scar, before Hua moved to carefully unwrap the bandages around Zuko's head.
"The scar didn't come from the explosion, if that's what you mean. It's an old injury," Zuko replied stiffly, the physician just nodded his head softly as he continued to unwind the bandages.
"I could tell, young man. The burns around your left eye are quite old. The major concern for now is whether or not our healing helped to spare the sight in your left eye. You were, after all, standing in the midst of a rather devastating explosion: no telling what damage could have been done to an already bad eye," Hua said simply as the nervous knot returned to Zuko's stomach. He hadn't truly considered whether or not his left eye could get any worse after what his father had done. In no time at all, Hua had finished with Zuko's head bandages.
Freed from the bandage, Zuko slowly opened his eye and blinked it experimentally. At first, there was a moment of horror as the prince found he could barely see out of it, a slight film obfuscated his vision. Hua leaned over and took a cloth to his left eye, Zuko flinched for just a second before he allowed the man to continue.
"We've been keeping your eye closed and applying some salves to the surrounding area to help encourage healing and discourage potential infection. Give yourself the benefit of a few minutes to see," Hua said patiently as he removed the cloth from his left eye. Zuko once again opened it and found that some degree of vision had returned. There was no denying it however: his sight out of his left eye was even worse than before.
"I don't need to be a doctor to know that look," Hua said as he gently pat Zuko on the shoulder. The young man just frowned as he blinked and shifted his eye around in some vain attempt to get his vision to clear further. After a moment, Hua brought over a mirror for Zuko to take. Zuko grabbed the mirror with his right hand, and hesitated for a moment before he turned to gaze at the mirror.
Zuko started with the familiar, and focused first on his Agni Kai scar. It was still there, with some fresh skin growing around it, likely from minor burns suffered during the explosion. Zuko took a small breath, grateful that the scar didn't seem like it was going to get even bigger, but his face was now a roadmap of minor scars and cuts. Some would heal, he knew, but some wouldn't. These would be new scars to add to his old one.
The menagerie of cuts and scars lead him up his face to a newly growing hairline: his ponytail had been cut off and his hair allowed to grow back for however long he had been out. A few weeks, perhaps, judging by the few inches of hair now adorning his head.
"I'm sorry for your loss. It is always so hard to see this happen to anyone, but someone your age? No boy should have to go without one of his own limbs. Shouldn't bear the scars of battle you all do," Hua sighed as he ran his other hand through his hair. Hua looked down at Zuko, who only continued to stare dead ahead at the mirror held in his hand. "However, with enough time and effort, you should be able to live something of a normal life again in absolutely no-"
"Stop..." Zuko finally spoke out in a throaty voice, as he just stared at Hua with a lost, vacant look in his eyes. "Just... leave me alone.."
Hua sat there in silence for a moment, before the old physician sighed and made for the exit of the room, having left the mirror with Zuko. Hua stopped at the door and turned his head to look at Zuko. "Get some rest. We'll see about getting you up and on your feet tomorrow now that you're up."
It hardly seemed as if Zuko had taken notice of either his departure or his words. The young man only continued to stare at his reflection in the mirror, his eyes momentarily darting to his left stump from time to time, before he eventually set it aside. From then until he fell back asleep, the prince just stared forlornly at the ceiling.
The next week was agonizing for everyone involved. Despite having done what they could to keep Zuko fit while he was unconscious, the force of the blast, his time in the sea and the exhaustion wrought by his treatment left Zuko weaker than he had ever been before. Hua, Yi and their daughter did what they could to get the young man motivated for his therapy, the old physician having guaranteed the young man that if he put in the effort, he could be up and about in no time.
Yet, that was the problem for both sides. It wasn't that Zuko was physically unable to put his steadfast determination to work. The problem was that Zuko wasn't there mentally and it showed. His eyes were dark and lifeless as he just stared on ahead. His movements were sluggish and unenergetic, lethargy generally defined his therapy. His inner-fire had been extinguished, which left him as little more than a husk of his previous self.
To Zuko that was just about right. He was a shadow of the prince who had known he would capture the Avatar and return home one day. Zuko didn't want to go through with this therapy, didn't want this family's attentions. He wanted to be left in a bed to rot away, like the dishonorable, broken wretch he was. The weight of his despair clouded his thoughts, and weighed heavily on his body. If Zuko truly felt anything, it was frustration that these people simply wouldn't let him fade away.
For Hua and Yi, who by profession wished to be able to help people as best they could, and their daughter who had inherited her parent's caring attitude, it was terrible to see the attitude of the young man, to see him give up before he had even put up a fight to recover. Zuko knew this too: knew he was a disappointment them. Really, they were just another group of people on the long, long list of people whom Zuko had let down, whom he had embarrassed, whom he had made ashamed of him.
Then, as the week drew to a close, news had arrived.
The day had started off the same as any other for Zuko: wake up, drink medicinal tea, apathetically pick at breakfast and eat some of it, stare at ceiling. Zuko's listlessness, his apathy, had become like a rehearsed routine by the beginning of his second week awake. Zuko waited and hoped today would be the day that he'd finally just be left alone. An hour passed after breakfast and Hua and his family didn't disturb him. He had vaguely heard someone knock on the door earlier, and the family descended into hushed discussions soon after, but aside from that he was aware of very little noise or movement coming from the rest of the house.
He closed his eyes with a sigh, fully intent on just going back to sleep, before the door slid open. The prince opened his eyes and saw Hua slowly enter the room. Somewhere, Zuko distantly felt annoyance with this kindly old physician, but said annoyance was quashed when he got a good look at the man. His expression was dour, to say the least, as he looked at the young prince.
"News has been spreading from the North Pole," Hua said as he walked into the room. His hands wrung together nervously as he smacked his lips slightly. Zuko was taken aback when he recognized this as of yet unseen expression on Hua's face: nervousness and uncertainty.
"It seems Admiral Zhao's gamble didn't pay off... and in fact turned quite decisively against his fleet," as the old physician said this, Zuko blinked in surprise. In a very distant way, he felt satisfied. Zhao had been shown up, his ambition quashed and his invasion thwarted. Petty as it was, Zuko couldn't help but feel-
"All but four ships of the fleet sent to the North Pole have sunk. Apparently, the Avatar summoned a wave that washed them either into the ocean or far from the Northern Water Tribe."
Horrified.
Zuko's mouth went agape and he stared point blank at Hua. That couldn't be true - it couldn't be. He had seen the Avatar, had fought him. He was just a twelve year old kid. Despite months spent in a fruitless attempt to catch him, his crew hadn't suffered a single casualty to this child. He ducked, evaded and ran away and, infuriatingly, he was extremely good at all three. He was the sort of naive kid who, after Zuko got him out of Zhao's prison, asked if they could've been friends without the war...
And he had inflicted devastating losses upon the entire fleet. Those who would've been his subjects, his countrymen. All those ships. All those sailors.
His crew.
Zuko felt ill as the thought struck him. Zhao had taken his crew north to lay waste to the Northern Water Tribe. With such crushing losses, the odds were good that most of them were dead in the frigid waters of the north.
Hua coughed into his fist, his gaze fell to meet Zuko's as he measured out his response.
"Zhao survived the affair," Hua hesitated, as he knit his brow together. "They say that former-General Iroh has been executed for betraying the siege and leading to its defeat," He hesitated again as he looked Zuko in the eyes. "They say he and the former crown prince had turned against the Fire Nation during the prince's exile."
Zuko stared at Hua for a long, hard moment as he tried to find a sign of a lie. That couldn't be the end of it: Zhao couldn't get away with having tried to assassinate him, couldn't have destroyed the lives of so many soldiers and sailors, his own crew, ultimately failed in the Siege of The North and killed Uncle and then gotten away with it all by having lied about his and Iroh's loyalty to the Fire Nation... he couldn't.
As Hua took a step back, having delivered this horrible news, the prince knew that was the end of it. As far as everyone was concerned Zhao had killed both himself and Uncle Iroh for treason. Zuko knew that if Iroh had confronted Zhao, the battle would only end when one of them died… and it had been Iroh.
Zuko's gaze practically died right then and there, a vacant stare as he allowed his head to roll back into the center of the pillow. He didn't hear Hua's condolences. He didn't pay any mind to the old man sad sighs or his exit from the room.
For a while after he was told, Zuko just felt dead inside. The Agni Kai had instilled in him a fear of shows of weakness, a desire to seem every bit the strong prince that would make his father proud when he returned. At this point, any show of emotion would break that bitterly won persona. He couldn't think about this, didn't want to think about it.
Yet, despite himself, Zuko couldn't help but think about it. All of it. How Iroh had always stood behind and beside him, even when Zuko tried to push him away, even when Iroh didn't have to deal with his misplaced anger. How his crew stuck with him for over two years, despite his brash behavior, his screams, the amount of anger he threw to them, at their plights and their concerns. How they had finally come together during the storm.
Tears finally fell and Zuko raised his arms to try to cradle his face as he was overwhelmed by his innumerable losses. His mother, his honor, his home, his throne, his crew, his ship, his uncle...
When he didn't feel his left hand against his face, Zuko pulled his stump and his right hand away to look at it through his tears.
... His arm.
As Zuko stared somewhere deep inside his being, a seed was sown. A seed enriched by the ashes of his former life, his loss. His thoughts turned from his grief, to those who had taken it all from him. The seed grew quickly, a burning sensation filled Zuko's gut, heart and mind as he clenched his right hand and his phantom sensations into tight fists.
Zhao had taken his arm and deadened his eye, had tried to kill for the crime of having tried to go home, having tried to fulfill the terms of his banishment and had taken away his crew. All because that rotten piece of garbage wanted another medal, another accolade to add to his ego. Zhao had killed Iroh, the man who had stood beside him through thick and thin, showed the greatest loyalty and honor family could.
Zuko could feel something hot tickling the back of his throat as he grit his teeth, his brow furrowed, as his gaze reflected how enraged he felt. This wrath that welled up inside of him had been the most he had felt of any emotion in all these past several days. As he obsessed over his loss the emotion burst forth, as Zuko finally knew and embraced it.
Hatred.
At that moment, the former Prince of The Fire Nation snapped. He roared out, his voice still raspy as flames shot forth from his mouth. His weakness kept them from the ceiling, but nonetheless allowed for a great surge of sparks, fire and smoke as he felt the hatred boil over within him.
He wanted it all back. He wanted everything that was taken from him back. Yet even in his furor, his frothing anger and hatred, Zuko knew that it was all beyond his reach.
There was only one thing left for him. The only thing he could take that would make this pain go away.
Revenge.
It took some time for Zuko to calm himself, his screams slowly died down as his eyes eased into a more calm stare. Even then, he could feel his anger in the pit of his stomach, kindling for his inner fire. Zuko could feel the clarity it gave him, the purpose. If he was going to make these thoughts anything more than the ramblings of a man who lost everything, he'd need that going forward. With a short sigh, a gout of flame flew from his mouth as he did so, Zuko made to get out of bed.
It was a somewhat awkward ordeal without Yi or Hua there to help him, as they had during the past week. However, they had been nothing if not persistent with his therapy, and the results were already apparent. With but a slight stumble as he found his footing, Zuko stood on his own two feet. With a firm nod, he made for the door to go join the family.
They were sat in what Zuko had learned to be a dining area. The young girl had spoken in an excited whisper to her father and mother, before she noticed Zuko stalk into the room. She clammed up and looked at him, which drew her parent's gaze to him. Yi, as ever, looked cautious and careful, her gaze narrow as she evaluated him. Hua, on the other hand, looked at him with raised eyebrows, a wrapped, long package held carefully under his arm.
"Hmmm, I have to admit, after the... state my news left you in, I didn't think we'd hear anything from you today... much less see you walk to meet us after only an hour."
He had spent an hour in that state after Hua told him? He grimaced: that was pathetic.
Still, that he could feel sick of his apathy was a good sign.
"I thought that maybe if I got out of bed, you'd stop bringing me bad news with my tea." Zuko grimaced when he said that. He had meant for that to sound a bit more profound than it did, something his uncle had been better at, in retrospect. Hua stood up and walked over to him, his gaze stern as he evaluated him. He stopped just to Zuko's right side, having nodded with a small smile, pleased with what he saw..
"Good, good. Much easier to rehabilitate a patient when they're actually willing to work with you." Hua chuckled a bit as Zuko just nodded. Hua then handed the package he had been carrying to Zuko. "Today was the day we were moving forward to the next step of your recovery, after all.
"I used to know a rather... eclectic man back in the day. He was talented with machines, big and small, although that talent did cost him a few fingers here and there." Hua chuckled as helped Zuko unwrap the package. "He left some time ago with his son. He had gotten the attention of the Fire Nation, which can be a good or bad thing for men in his position depending on how they choose to act. Before he ran off though, he did invent something to help with his fingers, and spun that off into something that could help soldiers who've suffered like you have."
As Hua finished with the wrapping around the package, Zuko's eyes widened a bit. The general shape was familiar enough that Zuko could see what it represented a facsimile of: a forearm and hand. The 'hand' in question was a hook, but it was closed off, a bit of metal slid up into the end of it. As Hua fiddled with some straps connected to the prosthesis, the metal bit slid up and down the hook.
"We'll be getting you used to wearing and using this along with your other rehabilitation," Hua stated flatly, as he gestured to a series of straps and harnesses that was attached to the forearm of the prosthetic. "Before he disappeared, the Mechanist named this little invention a 'prosthesis', and if you get used to it, you'll find that it'll do fine as a replacement."
Zuko stared long and hard at it, before he turned his gaze towards Hua. "What exactly did this cost you?" Zuko asked, Hua gave a laugh as he pat the boy on the shoulder.
"Nothing: we just had the old thing laying around. One of the previous soldiers who had tried to adjust to it just couldn't get used to it." Hua gave Zuko a rueful grin. "I'm sure you'll be able to handle it, though."
Despite himself, Zuko couldn't help but smile.
Zuko woke with a small start as the sun's rays began to pour into the room and regret it immediately as his myriad aches began to set in. Despite the leftover soreness that wracked his body, the prince could say that he'd made progress on his recovery. Though bitter that his initial reluctance had cost him time, the prince's drive had seen to it that he'd more than made up for it by the second week.
"Just had to dust off the cobwebs, boy," was how Hua had put it just yesterday.
As Zuko prepared to put on his light robe and go out to meet Hua and his family again, he noticed something that was new in the room: a stool had been set at the end of his bed, a pile of clothes and his prosthesis set atop of it.
Zuko stared for but a moment before he got to work. It was tricky at first, getting the harnesses and straps on for his prosthetic arm. For the first couple days, Hua or his wife would help him set everything up, the two having taken the time to show him specifically where to put each strap to make sure that the prosthetic would actually work; since it had to go on the shoulder opposite his missing arm, it was a difficult task for Zuko to do by himself. However, by the third day this much was expected of him: after all, Hua and his family wouldn't always be around to help him.
Sliding the prosthetic on, Zuko took stock of the clothes: they were a bit old and musty, but were recently washed and, judging by the stitching, patched up very recently. They were your typical Earth Kingdom colors: various shades of browns and greens.
As Zuko dressed, he heard the door to his room slide open, he whipped around and saw Hua's daughter peek her head inside, the girl staring at him for a moment before working past her nerves to speak.
"Father told me to tell you to meet him outside when you woke up, said he'd be working in the garden," she said softly.
The door slid open behind Hua as he dug through the dirt of his garden. He heard the young man's footsteps stomp up to his side, their owner then waited for Hua to turn and address him. After he dealt with a particularly nasty bit of violet weed he took a satisfied breath and turned to look at the young man with a smile. The boy looked like any other common man of the Earth Kingdom, save for a certain haughtiness and his disfiguration. A simple tunic under some traveling clothes might not have been much, but they'd offer something from the elements. They were some of Hua's old clothes that hadn't seen use since the aging physician's younger years of travel across the Earth Kingdom and colonies.
As he stood up from his herb garden, Hua dusted himself off and nodded at the young man.
"You know the bindings for your arms I put in there aren't meant to go under the sleeve. Normally travelers tuck the remaining bits of his tunic in underneath them, keep the sleeves from flapping about." He noticed that Zuko did have some of the wraps on his right arm, but the rest were obscured under loose sleeves.
Zuko, for his part, looked slightly embarrassed as he looked off to the side, his eyes fixated on his left arm. Hua gave a small grunt of understanding.
"Suppose it's your choice," Hua shrugged as Zuko walked up beside him. Zuko kept quiet, yet he was clearly anxious as he wondered just what Hua wanted exactly.
"So, when I let you go, you got any actual plans for living, or was all that fire and vigor just because?" Hua couldn't help but cackle a bit, especially when the boy seemed to stay stock serious. Zuko seemed to think carefully before he spoke his mind..
"I need to track down the Avatar and his companions."
Hua seemed to be listening intently as he awaited the rest of Zuko's answer. Zuko took a deep breath, then exhaled through his nostrils as he underwent some internal struggle.
"I can't keep serving the Fire Nation, not with what they've done, not with what they've so callously sacrificed for their own gain," Zuko said as he looked down at his prosthetic arm and frowned. "Not after everything that's been lost. If I went back to being a member of the same military as Zhao, I wouldn't be able to look at myself in a mirror."
At this, Hua seemed to be quite exuberant. A smile lit up on his face as the old man cackled.
"You're making a good decision here, boy." Hua said, as Zuko nodded.
"I know. If there's one place I can expect him to be, it's following the Avatar."
"... Say what now?" Hua asked, confused, as he looked at the young man.
"If the losses at the Siege of The North are as horrible as you say, then Zhao's walking on thin ice. Even if he's managed to salvage some of his honor by killing Iroh and Zuko," the ex-prince grimaced as he referred to himself and his uncle so casually, but fought through it. "There's only one way Zhao can maintain his position in the Fire Nation: he needs to capture the Avatar.
"If I can track the Avatar, keep just a few paces behind him, I can be sure that I'll eventually run into Zhao." Zuko clenched the prosthesis shut as he dropped his arm back to his side and looked up towards the horizon. "Then... then I can take from him what he's taken from my crewmates and I. I can get revenge - for us," Zuko stumbled at the end.
Hua's eyes seemed to narrow a bit as he spoke in a cold manner. "So... it's to be all for revenge, then?" to which Zuko only nodded. "And after you've managed to kill Zhao?" Hua prodded with another question before the boy sighed.
"I'll find a way to get back to the Fire Nation and extend that courtesy to my father ." He said flatly, as the physician just stared at him.
"How, how do you plan on getting there? How do you think you, you of all people, will kill the Fire Lord?" Hua seemed to grow more agitated as Zuko continued speaking, which surprised Zuko as it came from the previously jovial and kindly physician.
"I'll burn that bridge when I come to it." This only seemed to cause even more irritation for Hua, as he brought his hands up to rub his forehead.
"'Burn that bridge when you come to it'... honestly, the number of times I've heard young men charge off with that as their war cry," Hua said with great frustration, as Zuko's surprise gave way to irritation, more confused than angered by Hua's outburst.
"I will. I've got to! My crew-crewmates," Zuko stammered a bit at the mention of his crew, before correcting himself, "died because Zhao decided to throw them against the walls of the North Pole, for no reason beyond his own glory. The Fire Lord and his generals have never cared about sending people to their death if it advanced their own needs. I-"
Hua snapped as brought up his hand to point an accusatory finger at Zuko's face. "Maybe you really do feel like you've 'got to' go run headlong into Zhao and the Fire Lord in order to avenge your people, but you're going about it in the most hot-headed way possible! You're going to jump into another huge, pointless chase just after you got put down from the last one by an explosion!"
At this, Hua suddenly clammed up, Zuko turned his gaze upon Hua with a stunned expression. Suspicions that Zuko had buried came back all at once as he considered Hua's outburst. He narrowed his gaze as he looked at Hua.
"I didn't just randomly wash up on your shore, did I?" Zuko demanded as Hua just looked to the side. "However I got here, you knew who I was and took me in. Why?" Zuko demanded, brow furrowed as he took a long, hard look at Hua. The physician stood there, his gaze fixed on Zuko for a moment as he seemed to rattle his mind for something, anything to say. Finally, the man sighed as he gave up.
"You didn't just wash up on my family's shore… your uncle, Iroh, brought you here," Zuko's eyes flared open at Hua as the physician spoke, the old man grimaced as he saw the anger that built in Zuko. "We'd… met previously, while I was working as a physician in one of his armies. He was a good man to me then and, well, when he brought you to me from that mess at the docks, I couldn't say no to him… and, I'll admit, I was curious.
"I had heard of the Fire Nation Prince, banished by his own father, to search the world for the Avatar, from then until he either succeeded or died," Hua said with a frown, a glint of sympathy in his eyes. "I had also heard that General Iroh was to accompany this young man, help him out on his journey.
"I wanted to see what kind of man you were myself. After what Zhao did and then having him be thanked by your father, I wanted to see what kind of man you were. If you were more like Iroh or if you were more like your father, Ozai. I had to figure someone that Iroh would willingly spend so much time around couldn't be a terrible person, couldn't do something so stupid as run head first into Zhao and Ozai first chance he got-"
"My uncle did the same for me! He went up to the North Pole to avenge me and our crew for Zhao's actions! It's the least I can do for him in turn, especially now that my crew is dead too!" Zuko shouted back at Hua, who only grumbled.
"I don't know why exactly Iroh went to the North Pole, but from what I knew of the man, he wouldn't do so without some plan or idea, or a purpose beyond simple revenge. It wasn't the kind of man he was."
Zuko's rage flared as he got in Hua's face "And how would you know that, huh?!" Zuko barked back, to which Hua just scoffed, which only further angered the young prince. "I'm going to do what my uncle did for me, and I'm going to get him and my crew the revenge they deserve, that we deserve." Zuko said flatly, as he took a step back from Hua. The old physician just stared at the young man for a long, hard moment, before he sighed.
"I swear, the youth these days..." Hua muttered to himself, before continuing. "You're ready to head out if that's your heart's desire. With you putting some actual effort into your rehabilitation it's gone by as well as could be hoped. You're free to go off and get yourself blown up by Zhao and his men again, if you're so dead set on it." Zuko and Hua stared at each other for a long moment, before the young man tensely bowed his head.
"Thank you for treating me... goodbye," he said, before he turned on his heel to walk off. He only managed a few steps before he heard a loud sigh.
"Spirits help me, wait." Zuko turned back to look at Hua, surprised to see the expression on his face had softened. "I... suppose that you are helping the Avatar, even if it is only indirectly. You're doing it for the wrong reasons, but you'll still move attention from the Avatar," Hua said as he rubbed his forehead softly. "Your uncle wouldn't have wanted us to send you off with nothing, either... Yi!"
At that moment, Yi came around the house, a small glower on her face as she approached and a pair of travel bags slung over her shoulders.
"Food and water to last you a few weeks, as well as some medicine for your pain. You'll find instructions in how to make it into a tea or in how to inhale it, as well as the list of ingredients." Yi handed the bags over to Zuko, who swung them over his shoulder as he offered them another nod.
"We hoped to give these to you under better circumstances," Yi said, somewhat bitterly, as she leveled a hard stare at Zuko..
"... Thank you." Zuko said with barely managed deference.
Hua just sighed and waved his hand "Yes, yes. Now go, before I think better of sending you off." Hua and his wife turned to walk back to their house, leaving Zuko alone and in silence. The young prince watched on for a moment before he took to the road.
Ahead waited Zhao, and behind burned his ship, his crew, his uncle and his old life.