What Do I Do?
This can't be happening.
That was my first thought as I stared at the little blue cross. A hiccup welled in my throat but I swallowed it down, I wouldn't start to cry because then, everything would become even more real. Maybe I could just make myself believe it was all a dream, a horrible nightmare that I could wake up from at a moment's notice.
But it's not. That's what my brain told me- insisted actually. It kept repeating over and over again that this is real and my parents were going to be disappointed in me. That's when the tears started to fall. Silent sobs and hiccups and gasps escaped my lips and no amount of wiping would stop the stream of snot and tears. Oh god help me.
Throwing the test across the room, I slid down the tiled bathroom wall and pulled my legs to my chest, my head fell onto my knees, the fabric soaking in the salty water.
About a month ago, Judar and I had a few too many beers to drink at Kouha's party and ended up going at it like rabbits in the back seat of his car, unprotected. When our thoughts were coherent enough to form the both of us freaked out before I mentioned that I was on birth control so everything was alright. He dropped me off at home and didn't talk too me for a while after that. I don't know when I noticed but I started noticing little things,eating weird combinations of food, certain smells throwing me off- almost to the point of puking, my breasts hurt occasionally and more than once I had to run too the bathroom and vomit. It didn't hit me as a possible pregnancy until I missed my period. Then I started to freak. What would Mom and Dad do? How would I tell Judar? Would I want to keep it? Would he? Circling around and around in my head until I braved it and bought a pregnancy test.
It took me ages to actually try the damn thing, I continuously lost my nerve when ever I so much as looked at the bloody box.
And now here I am with a positive test and anxiety pulling hard on my chest.
"Aladdin?" My head flew up at the sound of my Mom's voice.
Sniffling a little, I answered. "Y-Yea Mom?" My voice was shaky and not as nonchalant as I would have liked.
There was a knock at the door. "Are you okay Sweetheart?"
"Yea. Eve-" A lump formed in my throat. "Everything's fine."
The doorknob rattled. "Honey, open the door."
"I'll be out in a minute."
"Open the door Aladdin." It rattled again.
I wiped my eyes and nose."Mom, I will be out in a minute."
Mom's voice was rising in pitch along with her concern. I knew I should open the door but I wasn't ready to yet. "Aladdin Solomon Abraham, you open this door right this second young lady. You aren't as convincing as you think."
I swallowed hard. I was about to open the door when my eyes found the test. I shot over too it and wrapped it up in toilet paper and threw it in the trash bin. I was about to open the door when it swung open and smashed into the wall hard enough to dent the wall. I jumped too my feet -and out of the doors way- Yelling "Mom!" at the top of my lungs.
"Aladdin. Why are you." She suddenly went very quiet for some reason, her pink eyes wide and staring at something behind me. I turned around in confusion and immediately knew what she was looking at. The pregnancy test box. I had left it on the counter in plane view.
I turned back and noticed she was significantly more pale than before. My hands went to my mouth and the tears started once again. "I'm sorry." I whispered. I found myself on the floor again, this time my legs gave out, my mother was holding me in her arms and petting my hair. She was consoling me with sweet words and promises in a soft voice.
My tears turned into loud sobs and I heard her tell someone to go away and shut the door. I think at some point I fell asleep in the warm, comforting embrace because just like that I was opening my eyes too the familiar sight of my bedroom ceiling. I rubbed the grit from my eyes and sat up groggily. Looking around large room I realized that it was completely dark, meaning that I was out for quite a while and my door was open just a crack so that it let a sliver of light through from the hallway and I could hear voices talking quietly.
I slid to the edge of my bed and went to stand when two familiar silhouettes walked in . The shorter of the two froze with a soft 'oh' and proceeded too my side with a shake of her head. They both sat down on either side of me, Mom on my left, Dad on my right. Mom flicked on the light that sat on my bedside table while Dad pulled me so I was leaning on him with his arm across my shoulder.
"Hey kiddo." He kissed the top of my head. "You okay now?"
I nodded, not trusting my voice all too much.
"Do you want to tell us what happened?" Mom started to rub my back
I suspected they already knew but I didn't want to tell them.
They both sighed." Aladdin."
"Yea Dad?" I asked quietly figuring it was as good of a time as any to start talking.
"I'm." He took a deep breath. "I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not disappointed that you and Judar weren't as safe as you two could have been, but I want you to know that I will stand by you with anything you choose to do. I love you and I will try my hardest to help you get through this if that is what you wish." Mom slapped him. "And I won't try to mortally wound and/or kill Judar." He mumbled.
"Okay." It was my worse nightmare come true, they were disappointed in me and I almost wish they would yell and kick me out on the streets rather than talk, because maybe then it would be easier to handle.
Next it was mom's turn. "Does he know?" her question knocked the breath out of my lungs. No Judar didn't know. How would he react? Would he throw a tantrum and demand me to get rid of it? Does he want me too keep it? Would he stay if I did? Would he still love me?
"Hey honey, come on. Take a deep breath. Everything's going to be fine." I hadn't realized until that moment, that my breathing was quickening too the point of almost gasping. I took a deep breath and let it out in a loud 'whoosh'
"That's my girl."
"I don't know what to do mom."
"Oh honey," She pulled me into her arms. "We'll figure something out. Okay?" I nodded against her chest. "But you should probably tell Judar, he does have a right to know."
"I know." I buried my head into my mother's shirt. "I'm scared." I whispered against the fabric.
The hold on me tightened. Gentle fingers found their way under my chin and lifted my head so that my blue eyes were staring into pink orbs. "You have every right to be scared Aladdin. Hell I wouldn't know what to do if you weren't," She laughed. "But just know, like your father said earlier, we will be by your side no matter what path you choose."
"Okay." Mom hugged me tightly and after a few seconds I felt my father join in. We stayed like that for a while not saying a thing. I felt safe in their arms, safe but not secure. My thoughts drifted to the choices I had and the consequences of each. If I kept the child, I would have to drop out of school and most likely lose a vast majority of my friends and most likely Judar but I would have the support of my family and I would have a hand in bringing something great into the world. My second option was abortion, I wouldn't have to go through the pregnancy and I would more than likely be depressed after a while but I would still be able to go to school without ridicule and no one would ever know. The third was have the baby but give it up for adoption. I stopped that notion in it's tracks as I realized that I didn't want to have this baby, I didn't want to go through a pregnancy and the horrors of childbirth at the age of 16.
Suddenly the family hug felt to claustrophobic and I started wiggling. Dad let go first, then mom. "I know what I'm going to do."
"Do you want to tell us, or do you want us to wait until you tell Judar."
"Can I tell him first?"
"Yes sweetheart." I reached for my phone while dad got on his feet and stretched, walking too the door, dragging mother behind him. "Call us if you need anything." He said as they reached the door.
I was in the middle of dialing when I called. "Hey dad, how come you're so calm? You to mom?"
They shared a look. "Well at first we weren't. Your father here was yelling and screaming at how he was going to kill Judar, I'm actually surprised it didn't wake you up. But then we talked it over and realized that you needed us to be strong and supportive. You see, your grandparents didn't take it to. Pleasantly when we told them about you and well, we don't want you to feel the same as we did back then." They both shared a smile and walked out of the doorway. Closing the door behind them.
"I love you." I told them and thank you.
My thumb hovered over the 'call' button. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and hit it before I could chicken out. It took a few rings but he answered. "What do you want Chibi?" There was something strange coming from the background.
"Hey Jugemu. Can you come over, please?"
"Now Chibi? I'm kinda in the middle of something." Irritation was clear in his voice.
"I really need to talk to you. It-It's important."
There was silence, then a sighed. "I'll be right over."
"Thank you. How far away are you?"
Shuffling sounded through the small speaker. "20 minutes, give or take."
So he was at Hakuryuu's house. "Okay. See you soon."
"Yea." He hung up. I fell back on my bed exhausted, all I wanted was to curl up in my bed covers and hide from the world. Unfortunately that wasn't an option. I closed my eyes and pulled my knees to my chest, listening to the sounds coming from the rooms below. It sounded like my parents were making dinner or putting dishes away. I listened to the sounds of incoherent conversation and the clinking of glass and silverware. Then the doorbell rang and I curled up even tighter, the kitchen sounds stopped and someone answered the door. Sound of feet padding up stairs made my chest feel tight.
A knock resounded, followed by the door opening with a creak. "Oi Chibi. Why is it so damned dark in here?" He flicked on the light switch, which gained a hiss from me.
Judar sighed when I didn't sit up and padded over to my bed, flopping down so that he was facing me. I glanced into his crimson eyes and then quickly looked away. Earning another sigh from the man.
"I'm here, now what was so damned important that I needed to stop sparring with Hakuryuu and get my ass over here for?"
I scooched over and wrapped my arm around him, hiding my face from view I whispered 'sorry' over and over again.
Judars body tensed in shock before he awkwardly pulled me into him more. "Why are you sorry Chibi?" He asked when I stopped.
I sat up and he followed. I couldn't meet his eyes when I told him. "I'm pregnant."
My statement was met with complete silence. I bit my lip and looked up. Judars eyes were wide and his already pale features were ghostly so.
"Judar?" I squeaked
"That night at the party. I think."
That seemed to shake him out of it. "Shit."
I nodded and looked at my messed up bed sheets. "Do you know what you're going to do with it?" His words were surprisingly gentle.
He leaned over and pulled my braid over my shoulder. "What?"
I bit my lip again, afraid of his reaction. Sighing in exasperation he grabbed me around the middle and pulled me so that my back was too him and I was leaning against his front. His chin resting on the top of my head. "I'll stick with you y'know." The weight of his head left me and his breath ghosted over my ear.
"Whatever you choose, I'm okay with."
"Iwannagetridofit." I said in a rush.
"Uh. One more time but slower please."
"I don't want it." I waited for him to blow up, for him too tell me that I had too keep it. I was prepared for an argument. What I wasn't prepared for was for him to lay his head on my shoulder and hug me like I was his lifeline.
"Alright." He breathed. Air wouldn't move in my body. "If that's what you want, then okay."
I relaxed fully into his arms and gave a big sigh of relief. "Thank you Jugemu." He turned my head and kissed me long and hard. "I love you, Chibi."
"I love you to." I smiled, it was small but it was real.
"Do your parents know your decision?"
"Let's go tell them then. Hopefully your Dad won't hurt me to much."
I laughed. "Don't worry, he promised Mom and I that he wouldn't."
"Good to know." He nudged me forward and got off the bed,I followed slowly. Judar took my hand in a surprisingly gentle hold and tugged me downstairs when we told my parents that I wanted an abortion.
All they did was smile and ask if I wanted this and when I said yes, they asked me if I wanted them to look online for the nearest clinic.
A/N: Has anyone noticed that when someone writes a pregnancy fic, they ALWAYS have to keep the baby, there's no option or at least in all the ones I've read. But I wrote this because of that reason. Please review and tell me how it is. Tokyo10 is outta here and going to sleep