I'm so stupid. Why did I do that? How could I? What's wrong with me? Now they'll surely kill me and Peeta. We won't even have a chance.
I have time to make it out of the elevator and bolt to my room before I start sobbing into my blankets.
Because of my disrespectful manners and short temper I most likely won't even make it out of the blood bath. And they might just kill Peeta too because he's associated with me.
Forget about me though. What will they do to my family? They'll probably kill them. Or maybe just kill me, put my mother in the prison, and force Prim into the community home.
They allow me ten minutes before they start pounding on the door. Well till Haymitch pounds and Effie daintily brushes her nuckles against the door.
I don't even know what I said. It was all just a blobbery mess of me yelling at them and eventually leaving.
I expect Peacekeepers to come haul me away but none come and for a while I'm left alone.
Then I hear a soft knock on my door and know it's Peetas. I don't want to see him. I can't. I probably just promised his death. How can I even look him in the eye.
"Go away!" I scream at the door.
"Katniss. It's me." Peeta tries to use a soothing voice. "Please let me in... You can tell me what happened... Or not and we can sit... Please. Don't shut me out."
By now I've almost given in. But the stubborn and guilty part of me talks first. I sound like I'm a little child. "Please... Peeta just go."
I hear a moan and hear the door groan in protest in what can only be Peeta sliding down to wait.
"Katniss. I made a promise to you when we were eight years old. I'm sorry. But I will never leave you. I'll never leave you. And I'm certainly not going to start now when you need me. Even if you won't admit it."
I let out a deep sigh because I know eventually I'll give in anyways. I toss the conforter over me and grudgingly walk to the door.
As I open the door Peeta practically falls into my room.
Hes laying down in front of me with a cheeky grin on his face. "You know I don't think I've seen you from this angle before."
I'm about to slam the door when he jumps up and hurredly says, "I'm sorry katniss. I was trying to lightin the mood.. Do you want to talk about it?"
No. I don't. I just garanteed both of our deaths. I didnt even think I could look him in the eye let alone till him what I did.
What I want. Deep inside is for him to hug me and tell me every thing is going to be alright. But I can't let that happen. I need to drop whatever connection we have. And lying to myself isn't going to help either.
"Peeta, I just don't feel like talking right now-"
"Don't do this." Peeta cuts me off. Before I have time to respond he has me already enveloped in a hug. "Katniss. I'm begging you. Don't shut me out." I can hear the pleading tone in his voice. The only thing that is helping me from completely cracking is not having to stair into his eyes. His gorgeous blue eyes that bore into my dull grey ones. The eyes that can make me say anything.
For a long moment the only thing I can hear is his heartbeat.
"Say something."
"I shot an arrow at the Gamemakers."
"Oh"
"Oh? Oh? I've been thinking of different ways they're going to kill me, you, and my family for about half an hour and the only thing you can say is oh?" I'm pissed. It's like he could careless. Where did my Peeta go?
"Sorry. Maybe that seemed a bit insencere bu-"
"Ya think?"
"You didn't let me finish." Peeta states. "I said 'Oh' because well first you didn't give me the whole story, sec-"
"Would you like to hear it?" I interrupt him.
"Of course."
I start with a sigh, "Well you know how they were. All bored and lazy and couldn't even give me 15 minutes of their time to have a fighting chance. They were so wrapped up in that damn pig most of them didn't even see me shooting!"
"So you shot at them?"
"No! Well not exactly. I shot at that dumb apple in the pig's mouth! They were so infuriating I couldn't handle it anymore, so after I shot at the pig I stormed out without being dismissed."
I look up at Peeta and the look he's giving me makes me feel uncomfortable. He's smiling, shaking his head. Then he mumbles something and I only get the words "Why," "Fell" and "love"
"What?" I ask.
"Nothing. katniss. They're not going to do anything. It's going to be hell to replace a tribute this far into it. And for me well whatever happens to you I'll be by your side every step of the way. If you'll allow it."
"What do you mean?" I say confused.
"Do you want to be in an alliance?" He asks tenderly, stroking my cheek.
I need to pull away. I need to push him out of my room and shut the door and not come out until I have to. I need to stop caving every time he makes any physical contact with me. I need to stop sharing a bed with him. I need to completely stop my emotions from growing.
But the other part of me needs him. Needs his touch, needs his big arms to wrap around me and make me feel protected, I need the scent of cinnamon every time he hugs me, but then again my logical part of me usually wins.
I'm about to tell him no. But then it hits me. We'll have to be allies. How will I keep him safe if not being right next to him?
But it's not the emotional thinking or the logical thinking that seals the deal. It's his eyes. It always is.
There's so much hope and sincerity in them that I cant help but say yes. Only to make his eyes sparkle and the lopsided grin to take over his face and his dimples to practically touch his eyes. Just to see his eyes crinkle. Because sooner rather than later. I won't ever see that again. So why not make the best of it as I can?
"I thought that you said you'd never leave me." I joke.
"So yes?"
"Obviously."
What I don't expect is him to completely lift me off the ground and spin me in a circle, laughing giddily. It's the small things that matter. Like the gentle way he sets me down and tucks a strand of loose hair behind my ear.
"You know. I'm glad. No matter what happens. I'm happy I get to spend my last days with you."