Given what happens in Battle of Gods along with Toriyama's comments about Yamcha & Ox-King being the best cooks in the universe, not making this into a story would feel so, so very wrong. So, here it is! Beerus' strike puts Goku down for the count, meaning he can't jump in to save the day, luckily, someone else just might,...

He was so sure it would work. So assured in his own, clever little plan to trick the latest in a long line of strong guys in the universe to threaten his home. But as he stared at the scene around him, Yamcha knew he really messed up again and this time everyone was gonna pay for it. Not just him.

The two people deciding the fate of the Earth stood at opposite end of the pool situated in the backyard of Capsule Corps headquarters. One a skinny, purple-skinned and fur-less cat-like known as Beerus. An unexpected visitor to Bulma's 45th birthday party, which she didn't mention, with enough power to effortlessly beat down everyone from Tenshinhan to Gohan!

His last opponent is a stocky, shape-shifting, man-pig, who's perversions are rivaled only by Master Roshi, Oolong. One of Yamcha's oldest friends and one of the first members of this strange group of friends and family forming their inner circle.

Beerus gave them a single, simple condition to save their planet, if Oolong beat him in a game of paper, rock, scissors the Earth survives. If not, he'll destroy it. Yamcha thought he was being so clever when he and Puar goaded their pal into it a minute ago. He was so super sure it would work, but now? He was only sure of something completely different.

We're all going to die...

"You fools," Beerus called them as they all, in unison looked on at Oolong's paper losing to Beerus' scissors shock and horror. "Don't you see my ears? I heard your whole plan!"

Of course! Yamcha screamed when Beerus started flying up. I should've told Oolong telepathically! At least, then it might've worked! Oh man... I've really screwed up this time!

Stopping just a few feet off the ground, a massive, sun-like ball of energy slowly surrounded Beerus' entire body, causing the ground beneath their feet to shake with his growing energy. Everyone there took a few steps back with Piccolo and Dende in particular shaking and sweating considerably at the display of power.

We're all going to die... And it's all my fault!

The sun-ball aura stopped spreading, its size now dwarfing that of the entire Capsule Corp headquarters and towering over the group of Earthling's, aliens and animal-Earthling's underneath it.

Do something damn it! Yamcha shouted at himself. You got everyone into this mess so figure out a way to get em out of it!

Inside the orb of fiery energy, Beerus looked down on party-goers and pointed the palm of his right hand towards them, his body glowing with a purple glow.

How'd it even get this crazy?! He wondered at this insane turn of events. Everything was going fine! Everyone was eating, drinking, hanging out, even Beerus was having a helluva time until Boo ticked him off!... Wait a minute...

Momentarily forgetting the newest the destruction of Earth, Yamcha tried remembering everything that happened at the party, fast. Beerus showed up, got introduced to everyone, chowed down on the food, drank some juice, asked Boo for something... Damn it! What was it!

While the ex-bandit tried to find the cause of this in hopes of calming down their destructive, uninvited guest, the other party-goers stood next to one another in the shadow of the make-shift sun-ball looming ominously over them.

"People of Earth!" Beerus' voice echoed from inside the sun-ball. "The moment of your destruction is nigh. If you have any last words tell one another, now's the time to do it!"

"Don't be so sure of yourself!" Tenshinhan shouted back. "Every time a someone like you has tried to destroy our planet, they've gotten more than they bargained for!"

"Yeah!" Chiaotzu backed him up. "When Goku gets here you'll be sorry you ever came here!"

Beerus gave them a toothy grin. "The Saiyan I bested on North Kaio's planet? I left him in a sorry state with a simple push to the neck. Even that ridiculously spiky haired form did him little good."

"He... doesn't mean Super Saiyan 3... does he...?" Krillin stammered out, looking all over the group next to him. "... Guys?"

"Now say your goodbyes so I can be on my way! This isn't the only planet that needs destroying you know!"

"Well, at least, I got to see Bulma's full-package before biting the bullet," Roshi giggled with a slight blush to accompany it, the ten shots of sake still doing their job on him.

"Speaking of which..." Oolong gave the woman-in-question a sideways glance with a wicked grin slowly spreading across his face. Nudging himself closer and closer towards her as she helped her wounded, and tired husband on his feet. "Ooooohhhhhh Bbbbuuuuulllllmmmaaaa-"

"Try anything pig, and I'll make sure you're the first one of us to go!" Vegeta growled at the shapeshifter, coupling it with a single-eyed glare and sending him practically squealing to the other side of the group.

"Of all the times to pull something like that-" A quick peck on the cheek from Bulma calms him down.

"What was that for?" He asked her.

"For being my hero twice today," She answered him with a warm smile. "A girl always loves being appreciated."

"Hmph," He scoffed before suddenly wincing in pain from something grabbing his leg. He looked down to find his son, smiling and hugging him tightly.

"Mom's right dad!" Trunks proudly agreed with his mother's sentiment. "Seeing you beat this guy up was awesome! I bet Mister Goku didn't do half-as-good as you!"

Despite their predicament and the open show of affection he usually disliked acknowledging out in public, Vegeta couldn't resist rubbing the top of Trunks' head and reward his praise with a genuine smile. "Thanks, boy."

Overhearing his friends and Beerus' comment about his father, Goten lowered his head in worry, hoping that he'll fly in at any moment and prove them both wrong.

"Don't worry dear," He noticed his mother kneeling next to him, giving him a hug and reassuring smile. "Your fathers never missed a chance for a good fight! He'll be here any second now!"

"It won't do us any good even if he does," Piccolo interjected, his expression as pale as can be given his usual, green skin-color. "The rest of you can't sense it, but this... Beerus, his power is... " He gulped just being in the God of Destructions vicinity. "It's frighteningly overwhelming, even after everything I've faced in my life, none of us even compares to him. Not even Goku."

The bluntness of his statement earned the Super Namekian a number of reactions, none of them good and all of them going seemingly ignored by him. Goten and Videl lowered their heads in worry, Chi-Chi shot him a disapproving glare while Dende glanced from him to Videl. The young Earth girls hand never leaving her belly.

This isn't good for her, The young guardian of Earth looked at her with a heavy heart. Especially with her condition.

He reached out to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder only for Gohan to prove himself the quicker of the two. Placing her in a tight embrace despite the pair of broken ribs awarded to him courtesy of Beerus.

"Don't worry Videl," He hugged her just a bit tighter. "My dad isn't going to let Beerus blow everything up. He's probably over at Old Kaioshin's getting the Potara so he can fuse with one us and beat this guy."

"I want to believe that Gohan, I do but-"

"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL CREATION!" Beerus roared at the top of his lungs, the force behind his very voice feeling like an instantaneous tornado smashing against them all. "When I told you to say your goodbyes I meant something short and to the point! Certainly not the downright disturbing relationship between Vegeta's wife and the old man!"

With the exception of the drunk and giggling Roshi, most of the party-goers just stared at him, some of them even shaking in place.

"And where the blazes is Whis?!" Turning 90 degrees to his left inside the sun-ball, Beerus' left eye twitched at the sight of Whis still sitting at a nearby food stand, still partaking in various delicacies of Earth. "Damn it Whis! Will you quit stuffing your face and get over here so we can get this over with?!"

"Coming Lord Beerus!" Whis bumbled out from a full mouth.

Feeling a migraine setting in, Beerus pinched the bridge of his nose as he almost considered putting an end to everything and merely joining him in the dishes of Earth. But a God of Destruction must stand behind his decision to destroy a planet, and nothing can stand in the way of that.


Hearing the voice of the foolish Earthling who thought himself clever enough to fool a being of his caliber, Beerus turned around to find the one called Yamcha standing there with an attitude completely different from all the others. The same attitude he displayed when he whispered his plan to the pig-man.

"It was pudding, wasn't it Lord Beerus?" Yamcha asked, taking a few steps forward while everyone looks at him as if he'd lost his mind. "Boo didn't share his pudding and now you're mad at us!"

"Congratulations Earthling," Beerus commended him with sarcasm oozing from every word. "Your ability to barely grasp what the others did long ago is astounding. What is exactly your point with this?"

"My point, Lord Beerus, is that you're obviously a man who wants, no, deserves respect and my friend here didn't give it to you. What if he apologized for it?"

"It would do you, little good Earthling," Beerus eyed the blob in question with malice. "It would require something truly substantial for me to spare your planet now."

"What if we made you an incredible dish, Lord Beerus? And I'm not talking something great or amazing, I'm talking top five meals you've ever tasted good."

Beerus stared at him for a moment before snickering. "Among the best meals I've ever tasted? Don't get me wrong Earthling, the dishes of your world are nothing short of exceptional, but I've lived for millions of years, visited countless worlds with cultures and cuisines that would make your head spin. Do you honestly believe someone on this planet could produce one to rival the finest I've had the pleasure in partaking in?"

Without a hint of hesitation, Yamcha looked him right in the eye with a smirk and said. "I do."

The two of them stared at one another while the others silently watched the conversation. Some of them still too shocked to grasp what was happening, a few actually hopeful about this working out and the rest very, very doubtful about this not blowing up in their faces.

To everyone's relief, though Beerus lowered his hand, his sun-ball, and aura vanishing as he landed back on the ground.

"Very well, Earthling," The cat-god walked up towards Yamcha who stood casual and calm in front of him. "I shouldn't do this, but even if there's the faintest chance of an exceptional dish hidden away somewhere on this little world, then I can't pass it up."

"And if I'm right, and this dish knocks your socks off, you won't destroy the Earth?"

"Of course, a God of Destruction always keeps his promises," Beerus leaned in a bit closer to Yamcha, his voice becoming quieter as he narrowed his eyes at the smirking, ex-bandit. "Just don't start beginning for another chance if you botch the meal, I won't give it to you."

Yamcha's smirk grew into a full-blown smile, he extended his hand out to the cat deity. "You got yourself a deal."

Beerus responded with the same kind of smile of his own took the hand. "I eagerly await to see what you can come up with."

"Yeah, wait till you see what the chef Bulma brought can do-" The ex-bandits froze. "Wait, what do you mean?"

"You're the one who boasted of Earth's culinary achievements, Yamcha, now is the time for you to prove it."

Yamcha didn't do anything for a little while, besides staring blanky at Beerus. Then, his brain started working again and he felt more afraid than ever in his entire life.

"No... No, no, no, no, no, no!" He tried to pull his hand back only to find it tightly in the grip of the smiling, satisfied at once again fooling him again, Beerus. No matter how hard he pulled, though, Beerus' hand wouldn't budge. Yamcha couldn't do a thing besides let his arm forcibly get shaken, sealing the deal.

"Don't worry, I'm not entirely unreasonable!" Beerus assured him with a coy tone to his voice. "A meal of this importance requires the presence of an assistant to the chef," He leaned closer towards the terrified Yamcha. "So choose wisely!"

With his hand let go of in mid jerk, Yamcha found himself spinning against the ground before smacking the back of his head next to a nearby palm tree. Rubbing his throbbing head, Yamcha noticed everyone staring at him with all sorts of reactions, hope, fear, anger,... almost as varied as the people making up their weird group.

For Yamcha himself, however, only a single thought came to mind.

We're all going to die...