ENJOY ~

(DIPPER PINES):

Located in Gravity Falls Oregon is The Mystery Shack, a tourist attraction that was also a tourist trap. Lucky for the guy that was running the place, unlucky for the people who ended up with empty pockets.

It was late afternoon. Almost closing time.

I got saddled with sweeping duty in the gift shop. Not that I was complaining. I had help, but the help was utterly useless sometimes. They were suppose to be doing inventory and organize the merchandise. Instead they threw a random dance party every other ten minutes. I'd blame the teenaged girl at the cashier counter, but it's expected from her. Wendy tends to slack off every chance she got, but my annoying twin sister Mabel, & our friendly handy man, Soos, severely encouraged her to do so. I didn't want to say anything fear that I'd be a total buzz kill, but if my Grunkle (Great Uncle) Stan shows up in a bad mood . . . well then CRUD. That usually leaves him kicking everyone out & leaving me stacked with all the chores.

Oddly enough, that didn't happen.

What did happen, was Stan told everyone off, saying that he'd cut their paychecks if they didn't go back to work. Which was kind funny because none of us got paid either way. Stan then angrily disappeared in his office. Wendy went back to the cashier counter instantly becoming bored.. Soos went to fix a leaky pipe somewhere in the Shack, & Mabel's two friends showed up squealing about something on the cover of some magazine running off to the back porch. As for me. Well. I half heartedly continued sweeping the floors of the gift shop. Feeling awkward because it was just Wendy and me. All I heard was the tapping of her fingertips on her phone. I gradually stared at her at her when she wasn't looking. I liked the way she would always make herself comfortable. Leaning on her seat, throwing her feet up next to the cash register, & the way her long red hair complimented her green flannel shirt. Wendy caught me gawking at her and waved. Like an idiot, I fumbled over my words. Before I could even form a sentence . . .

. . . somebody abruptly bursted into the scene.

Someone very abrasive. Very deranged. And VERY vulgar. Those words were carefully chosen to describe the old guy stumbling into the Mystery Shack.

He was rather tall, thin, somewhat pale, & rawboned, with wild stringy hair sticking all over the place. His eyes were very haggard, dark, & dilated. He looked like a crazy scientist who had one too many of his experiments gone wrong, wearing white lab coat that reached down to his knees decked with burnt holes of all sizes. I can't even begin to explain the thick mixture of smells he gave off. It was either cigarette smoke, motor oil, possibly bad breath or alcohol.

He distinctly reminded me of my Grunkle Stan. Only without the big belly & sappy jokes. The lanky old guy was a lot louder, though. Seriously obnoxious, & extremely rude. He spat out very foul language every chance he got. No. Really! Like. Right out in the open! Most of his sentences consisted of dropping the F bomb. That, & most things mothers would seriously wash your mouth out with soap. He also had this constant stutter to his speech. Which made me wonder if it was a possible effect from being severely intoxicated with a heavy alcoholic beverage, or if he had an actual condition, like a tic, or something.

The old guy thrashes every little thing as he lurchingly steps forward, he almost topples over the cashier counter. He broke a glass jar with a fake brain spilling out. Practically terrorizing my friend Wendy. He slobbered gibberish nonsense demanding to see somebody.

"Y-You . . . RED!" He savagely grunts. Only to let out a low nasty belch. "Wh-Where the hell is he, red? Tell that son of a bitch to get his ass down here. I-I mean NOW!"

Wendy reluctantly glances at my direction. I only shrugged clutching the broom very tightly as I continued sweeping.

"Um." Was all Wendy could manage. She knitted a perfectly good eyebrow at the old man, who apparently started to dribble a long string of drool. "Are you okay, dude?" Wendy cautiously asked. The guy went perfectly still for a good five long minutes.

Then his demeanor totally changes as he suddenly seized Wendy by her upper arms. This caused her to yell, & drop her cellphone to the floor. The old guy violently started to shake her. Yelling, "Y-YOU TELL ME WHERE THAT BASTARD IS. OR I'LL . . . I-I'LL," He eructed another digusting belch.

"HEY!" I yelled back, prepared to gut the guy with the plastic end of the broom. "LET HER GO YOU FREAK!"

He got the better of me after I lunged forward. Somehow, some way, the old guy managed to break the broom in two with a single foot, then snatches me, as he brought me to a headlock with both of his bony arms.

Agile. Who'd of thought?

He continued by shouting again, "I-I'll strangle this damn kid with my bare arms. I SWEAR TO GOD RED! I-I'll choke him!"

Just to prove he wasn't joking he gave my neck a good tight squeeze. Forcing me to make this gargled sound that was really uncomfortable.

Wendy cries again. "OH MY GOSH. DIPPER!"

"Where the hell is he red? W-WHERE IS HE?"

"I don't know man! Who are you talking about-"

"Uh-oh! D-Do you hear that red?" Silence. Then another nauseating burp.

It takes a person to faint around thirteen to fourteen seconds in a chokehold. Seven to eight seconds to see dark spots. That was when I began to feeling extremely lightheaded, as I began to go limp.

I could hear the old guy again.

"Me neither. B-Best be looking for the guy I want, red." He burps. "B-Before I decide to stop this kid's blood flowing to his head, red! Y-You HEAR me, red?"

Wendy yells at her loudest this time. Quickly trailing off with a, "MR. PINES! MR. PINES!" But then I hear her take in a sharp breath.

There was a solid silence before a heavy calm voice fills the air. "Rick Sanchez. Let go of my nephew. THIS. INSTANT."

NOTE: This story goes to all the people who have written a GRAVITY FALLS/RICK & MORTY crossover. I really don't mean to offend anyone when I finish this sentence. BUT! Ready? Okay.

Here it goes.

YOU GUYS SUCK AT WRITING A RICK & MORTY STORY! (RAGES LIKE A TRIANGLE DREAM DEMON ON A REALLY BAD DAY) -HUFFS-

There. I wrote it. I can't take it back. I couldn't find ONE decent RICK & MORTY crossover. Think you readers can find one for me? Send me a link or something. One that has Rick IN character. One that has an actual PLOT. One that has DETAILS, & one that doesn't send me, or anyone for that matter, snoozing. All right? GOOD. Feel free to criticize my work. Just be gentle. I have feelings too, you know. I think I'm gonna lay down now.

COMMENT, FAVORITE, FOLLOW, SHARE, or WHATEVER. It doesn't really matter, but it'll be GREATLLY appreciated. THANKS FOR READING!