4One Thing Left to Save
Chapter 1: Walpurgis Eve
Before Homura can talk to Madoka, Junko has a few things of her own to talk about.
This story came about when, one day, I was struck by the thought that, after the train station in timeline 3, Madoka would not be okay. Also, one of my favorite scenes in the series is in episode 11, when Madoka visits Homura. So, I wanted to do several things at once: Pay tribute to a great show, fully develop my own headcanon on what happened between the train station incident and...that scene, and do a little role reversal of when Madoka visited Homura to hopefully make that scene even more meaningful.
It probably says something when the single longest story I've written to date is also the first real not-using-my-own-characters fanfic I've written since...high school (circa early 2000s).
It wasn't late yet, but the sky had been dark with thick, fast-moving black clouds for hours. The rain had only just started, a few drops falling here and there before the deluge began. The wind was following suit, a breeze now but picking up strength. Add in the rumbling of thunder, and all of Mitakihara's usual beauty was overshadowed by the building storm. As bad as the weather was, a dark-haired girl walking down the street knew that whoever survived what else was coming would barely remember the storm at all. She had seen that for herself...twice...and the second time was even worse than the first.
Homura kept her head bowed as she went down sidewalks that would soon turn into rivers. Her gaze was unfocused and at the same time intense, as if she had withdrawn into her own world, a world that happened to be very much like the stormy, ominous weather itself. Despite her efforts to stay in control and focus on what mattered most, her thoughts kept ramming into each other as one thing on her mind would assert dominance, then another would knock it aside to be at her attention, and then still another would take over, and the cycle would repeat itself.
But while she wanted to review her plans, the thing she was coming to dwell on the most within the last two days was just how much her plans had gone to Hell. The first time she had relived this month was like living a dream: Mami got to be the cool mentor to not one but two students, Madoka got to be the heroine she always wanted to be, and Homura got to protect Madoka just like she wished to happen. Everything was going according to plan.
Then she found out that she wasn't the only one with plans, and everything she thought was true about magical girls being symbols of hope, light, and good suddenly died and became a twisted lie before her eyes, right along with her friend.
This time, and there was never supposed to be a "this time," things began with the walls closing in on her, and that justified paranoia only got worse as time went on. Even if they defeated Walpurgisnacht, Kyubey still had them in the palm of its hand. Homura refused to give up; there had to be some way to stop this, something they could do if they worked together. But none of them believed her, not even Madoka. Kyubey had also conveniently made itself scarce after she told the other girls...maybe she had given away too much with how she acted around witches and Kyubey before she actually told the girls anything. Nothing went how it was supposed to, and it came to a head when she found out that overusing magic wasn't the only way for a witch to be born. In that one night, it all fell apart, leaving her and a traumatized Madoka alone.
That was two nights ago, with Walpurgisnacht now due to arrive in about twelve hours.
Homura shook her head, a half-worried, half-focused scowl on her face. "You cried about how wrong this was...and I agree now more than ever," she thought. "I'm supposed to be your protector so you can live a happy life of fighting evil and saving lives, not your very last resort when your friends start killing each other and that little demon is waiting for you to join them." Looking up as she approached a familiar house, she took a few moments to compose herself.
Madoka was a shadow of her old self at school yesterday, worrying Homura far more than the gossip she overheard about the still-missing Sayaka which was now joined by gossip about the bodies found at the train station. She did her best to be there for Madoka in any way she could, but Madoka couldn't be brought out of her shut-down state. Homura wouldn't have even bothered going to school so she could spend as much time as possible working on the plan for Walpurgisnacht, but with how fragile Madoka was now, she couldn't bear the thought of not being there when she was needed.
Today was worse, and the more time went on, the more that hole had no bottom: The now-very-withdrawn girl hadn't come in at all, or even left home, and Homura left her apartment early after a near-sleepless night to wait by her house and walk to school with her. Homura had checked out from such a mundane thing as school too, reviewing and revising strategies while whatever their teachers were talking about went right by her. With less than a day before the big event, the only reason she went to school was from expecting to see Madoka, and by the time lunch was over with still no sign of her, she ditched school to go on weapon raids and put the finishing touches on her plan for tomorrow morning. When evening rolled around, the growing fear about what might have happened to Madoka was playing tricks on her mind. No texts, calls or e-mails were answered, which cast a pall of dread over Homura that was darker than the city-destroying witch they would fight.
She was as ready as she was going to get. Now she had to be there for her friend.
Approaching the front door, Homura was a bit relieved that there were no signs that Madoka had run away or some other incident had happened. Her bedroom window was dark, though...Homura dearly hoped that meant Madoka was getting a good night's sleep. Since staying at Mami's the night before wasn't an option now, they agreed for her to sneak out early tomorrow morning so they could go to Homura's apartment, review everything, and get in position.
Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she rang the doorbell and readied herself for whatever was about to happen. "I know I've let you down again, Miss Kaname, but I will be strong for you," she resolved.
The rain started to pick up just before the door opened, and standing in the doorway was Madoka's mother Junko, who looked down at the girl. "Can I help you?" she asked.
Bowing politely, Homura replied, "Good evening, Mrs. Kaname. I was in the- I mean, I wanted to ask, is Miss Kaname available?" "No, no stammering!" she mentally reprimanded herself.
Junko squinted slightly, gauging her. "And you would be...?"
"My name is Homura Akemi, madam. I'm one of Miss Kaname's classmates, and I've noticed she wasn't doing well yesterday and wasn't in today," she said half-truthfully. "I heard there was a big storm coming," she continued with a quick look at the sky, the rain emphasizing her point, "and I was worried about her."
One of Junko's eyebrows raised, though whether in curiosity or suspicion, Homura didn't know. "Oh, yeah...you're the transfer student she's talked about, aren't you? The one she's been hanging out with?"
Homura nodded, suppressing a flinch at memories of Sayaka using "transfer student" as a nice way to call her "outsider." She kept up her politeness with a reply of, "Yes, madam."
"You're right, she's not doing well. At all. I don't think she'll want to see anyone, so..." She shook her head.
Her spirit sank a little at being turned away, but she hadn't come here to be denied now. "Is she sick? I haven't been able to get any word from her at all. Even if she's not seeing anyone, I'd still like to let her know I'm here for her," she explained, this time completely truthfully.
Junko paused, still looking at her in what she was now sure was suspicion, but the girl stayed calm as she waited for an answer. Eventually, she nodded and stood aside. "As long as you know to leave her alone if she doesn't want to talk," she said.
She smiled with another, "Yes, madam," as she stepped inside, staying patient and polite instead of charging straight to Madoka's room. After removing her shoes, she asked, "If she's in her room, I'll just stay out of your way if you can tell me where-"
"Wait," Junko cut her off. "Before you can talk to Madoka, I want to talk to you." Before Homura could ask what she meant, she turned to walk down the hall.
Homura stayed quiet as she was led to the room that served as Junko's office. She knew from her second time through this month, when she was relaxed enough to get to know Madoka better, that her mother usually left her job at the office even if that meant coming home at all hours, but sometimes needing to catch up at home was unavoidable. Thus, the room was nicely furnished like the rest of Madoka's house, but clearly meant to be more serviceable than impressive. It kept her family's fondness for using chairs as decoration, though.
Sitting behind her desk, Junko gestured for Homura to sit in front of her. When she did, Junko folded her hands on the desk, regarding her with a calmly judging stare. "How well do you know Madoka?" she asked in a similar voice.
"Like I thought. Just get through this. You've met scarier people. And don't. Get. Nervous." She began with, "I only transferred into her class a month ago, so I haven't had the chance to get to know her as well as I'd like, but she's been a very good friend to me."
A slight nod, then a pause. "Go on."
Trying to think of something honest to say other than the whole truth, Homura continued, "On my first day, when I was back in school for the first time in months and I was just a girl nobody knew who could get scared by her own shadow, Miss Kaname opened right up to me. I've always admired her for that." She hoped that was a good enough answer, but corrected herself with, "No, don't say you 'always admired her,' you've only been in this school for a month from what Mrs. Kaname knows."
Another nod. "Madoka's said you always seem nervous, but she didn't know why. It looks like she's right, and I don't know why, either. That's something to think about, really..." she paused again before adding, "especially given what's happened in the month you've been at that school and started hanging out with her."
Homura felt bits of sweat threaten to break out on her forehead, mustering her willpower to keep it from happening. "I know Miss Miki's been missing for some time now. Miss Kaname's been very worried about her," she offered, doing her best not to think about what happened just recently.
"I know that's not all that's worrying her, and it's not all that's worrying me either. You might've heard that two nights ago, two girls were found dead at a train station downtown." Homura saw Junko's folded hands tighten slightly. "One of them went to you two's school...and she was a student Madoka and Sayaka had started hanging out with at about the same time you came around and joined them."
She nodded, the still-fresh memory of what Mami had done almost breaking her composure. "Miss Tomoe, yes. I noticed she wasn't at school the last two days, and...word has started getting around. I wasn't sure if I could believe what happened either, but..." She kept a steady gaze with Junko, even though on the inside she was already getting eager for this to end. "Please, ask me anything I can tell a whole truth about," she pleaded in her head.
Junko watched her as if she expected the girl to finish her sentence, or maybe judging what she had been told so far. Soon, she tried still another angle to pry information out of the not-lying-but-not-honest Homura by telling her, "And that's still not all. She's been acting strangely all month, starting about the time she and Sayaka met you and Mami. It was great to see her so happy and confident, so I thought she was wound up from making new friends." She took a slow, measured breath as her voice deepened a bit, "But then...her best friend suddenly disappeared..."
"Do, not, show, weakness."
"One of her new friends turned up dead at a train station with some other girl about their age...and I barely recognize Madoka now," her eyes narrowed just a little, "and the real kicker? She became a shut-in the morning those girls were found. Before there should've been any way she would've known it happened at all."
She nodded, Madoka's mother having made her point subtly clear that this was coming close to the border between a questioning and an interrogation. "What's been happening is tragic, and I'm worried too. That's part of why I want to talk to Miss Kaname, so I can tell her that everything will be all right," she said confidently, relieved that she could be truthful with that answer.
"'Worried'? You're just 'worried'?" Junko asked, her brow furrowing as Homura again suppressed a gulp. There was a rumble of thunder that couldn't have been more perfectly timed as she added, "When all these things happen in only a month and leave her in the state she's in, 'worry' doesn't come close to it. But the thing is, I never let things like worry eat at me. I fix my problems."
"Why'd you say that?! Stupid stupid stupid!" Homura shrunk a little at both Junko's warning and her self-scolding.
She gave the message a second to sink in before she leaned back and unfolded her hands, one elbow on the arm of her chair as she rested her head on its fingers. "Speaking of which, your parents have to know that you know those girls. What're they doing letting you go out on your own at night, let alone with a storm coming?" she asked in a voice that had an undertone of "lie to me if you dare."
That sent a fresh spike of fear through Homura's body as she realized how cornered she really was. "Oh, please, don't let her know..." she begged before she scrambled for an answer. "I...they..." she stammered, "my father doesn't know I'm here."
Homura didn't know if she was relieved or even more worried when Junko looked like she expected that. "Girls from your school, let alone your friends, are disappearing or turning up dead...and you're going out on your own without them knowing..." she said dryly. "Have they even talked to you about any of this?"
A shake of her head, with Homura now feeling like a mouse being toyed with before the kill was made. "M-My father's away on business. He doesn't like to be disturbed when he's working," she said quietly, knowing she was giving away that Junko was on to something.
"You're telling me that you can't even...what kind of work could he possibly be doing that you can't talk to him about something like this?" Junko's voice didn't rise, but there a definite sharpness to her questions now.
"I don't...I don't know much about what he does. We're not...very close. I'm used to taking care of myself," Homura half-muttered.
"Homura, do you even know how much danger you could be in?" A shy nod. "What about your mother?"
"She's, um...she's not with us," Homura said, adding, "I mean, she's...gone," as she finally looked away from Junko to make it as clear as she could manage. "Did you already know that, too?"
Junko seemed to understand, giving a calm reply of, "I'm sorry."
A heavy silence was in the air after that, but Homura was kicking herself in her head for her weakness. As much as she tried to be someone who could be counted on, one good social conflict and she was bending over backwards. Compared to what would happen tomorrow morning, this talk didn't even matter, and she still couldn't do this right. How would she keep it together when she talked to-
"Listen," Junko began, making Homura jump slightly despite the concern in her voice, "I'm not doing this to scare you or be mean. I hope you know that."
"Y-Yes, madam," she spoke up, looking back at Junko.
"But there are two big morals to this story," she went on, her seriousness coming back. "One, I want this to end. I want to know my family is safe, I want Sayaka to be found alive and well, and I want to know what the Hell happened to those girls and stop it from happening again." She glared in Homura's direction, and Homura didn't know if it was meant for her or not. "I don't know what's going on around here, but I'm going to find out, and so help me, if I have to..."
She let the vague threat hang, and Homura held her ground, just nodding. "Please, just stop asking about my parents...just let me go to Miss Kaname..." she thought, followed by another mental kick to herself for being so weak. She was here to support Madoka, not come crawling to her.
Junko relaxed again, continuing in a tone that was both serious and concerned. "Two, when I say I want this to end, I mean it. Kids disappearing and turning up dead...there's nothing right about it. That means I don't want you to be next either." She leaned forward, suddenly making Homura very unsure of whether or not she should be afraid. "You're only fourteen, right? You probably don't even really get what you might be in the middle of. But if there's anything you know...and I do mean anything...I want you to tell someone. Not Madoka, not one of the other girls from school, someone who can do something about it. I mean the police, or Kazu- Miss Saotome...if you don't know who you can trust, you can come here, even." The judgmental-at-best look she had been giving Homura this whole time, one Homura was very used to seeing, softened quite a bit as well. "I'm giving you my word that if you want to help put an end to this before anyone else gets hurt, we'll look out for you too. But that means being completely honest and doing the right thing."
Homura noticed another familiar feeling coming on, that of tears starting to well up. This time, she wasn't able to completely stop herself, and she took off her glasses to wipe her eyes before Junko could see her tears fall. "Th-Thank you, Mrs. K-K-Kaname," she sniffled, some part of her noticing that Junko had stood up and walked around to her. She shrunk back as Junko stood beside her, holding up a hand as she tried to compose herself with her face still buried in her sleeve. With a loud sniff, she put her glasses back on and stood up. "M-May I...be excused, please?"
"Go ahead. If you need a minute alone before you talk to Madoka, bathroom's down the hall." Before Homura turned to leave, Junko added, with the first bit of a smile Homura had seen this evening, "Thank you for the talk."
Nodding and bowing slightly, Homura left the room, doing her best to stay in control as she headed to the bathroom. As soon as she stepped inside and closed the door, her facade crumbled, and she held her sides as the tears flowed freely. Madoka's mother seemed to believe that she was crying in relief or gratitude, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. These were tears of misery, fear, and self-loathing.
Junko's offer of mutual help struck a nerve that Homura's obsessive preparations for Walpurgisnacht had been covering up, her focus on what needed to be done numbing the pain she knew she had no time to feel now, and yet that pain had been with her too long to fully ignore. It was the feeling of uselessness, the feeling that no matter what she did, nothing had gotten better. If Sayaka, Mami and Kyoko were gone because of some serial killer, she would've been grateful for that talk. But there was nothing Junko could do to help and nothing Homura could tell her that she would believe. If that weren't enough, Homura was worried she suspected one of her secrets that she had never even told Madoka.
Catching her reflection in the mirror, she shut her eyes and turned away, disgusted by the sight of her practically crippled self. "I can't support Miss Kaname like this...I can't even face her like this. How are we going to destroy the most powerful witch in the world if I can't even talk to a concerned mother? If we win the battle...then what? What else isn't Kyubey telling us?" she rambled, feeling her tears threatening to turn into outright sobs.
She clenched her jaw as she tried to pull herself together, wiping her eyes again. "No, I can't break down again, not now, not ever. It's not over yet. Miss Kaname is still alive, and I'm the only one who can protect her." She turned back to the mirror and forced herself to open her eyes, scowling at herself as she smoothed out her uniform. "I can protect her," she told herself before she took a shaky breath and put on a calm face, "and I will," she finished, blowing her nose and heading out of the bathroom.
As she approached the stairs, she stepped back as someone else started walking down. It was Madoka's father, who paused for a moment at seeing the unexpected guest. "Oh...hello. I didn't know we had company," he said as he continued down.
"Sorry for the trouble, Mr. Kaname," Homura replied with a bow of her head. "I'm Homura Akemi, one of Miss Kaname's classmates. I was coming by to see if she was all right."
"Ah. It's no trouble, but..." he trailed off, looking up to the second floor, "I'm not sure if she'll want to talk. She's been pretty much holed up in her room all day. I was checking on her brother, and she still asked me to leave her alone when I knocked on her door." Turning to Homura, he added, "So I'm sorry if she won't want to see you. It looks like the rain's coming down hard, did you need a ride home?"
"No, thank you, sir. I can call someone when I leave," she lied. "But may I please try to talk to her?"
He nodded, stepping aside. "Second door on the right. Just please be gentle with her. Oh, and feel free to just call me Tomohisa. I hope I'm not so scary that my daughter's friends have to call me 'sir,'" he said, giving her a friendly smile.
She tried to smile back but couldn't manage more than a little grin. "I, um...I don't..." she muttered. It wasn't just that that went against her well-established habit of being shy and polite, but while Madoka was her friend, anyone saying the opposite was also true made her even more uncomfortable. She was Madoka's protector, and that was all she needed to be; only Madoka could decide if she wanted to call Homura "my friend" back, and lately, Homura felt less worthy than ever of that privilege.
"Are you bothering our guest?" came Junko's teasing voice as she stepped out of her office.
"Only trying to make her feel welcome," he said back before giving Homura another nod.
Returning the nod with an, "Excuse me," Homura walked up the stairs, feeling a combination of anxiety and determination growing with each step. Upon stopping in front of Madoka's door, her brow furrowed as she tried to think of what she was going to say.
Madoka was always a natural at giving people hope. She had failed her so badly...she couldn't stand the thought of ruining this too. But for Madoka, she wouldn't just do her best; she would do anything...even be the one to give her hope, too.
A/N Continued
This story's copyright policy: "Sharing is caring." Do what you like with this story, not like I can do anything to stop you, in fact I'd be flattered you'd want to share it or save it so you can read it whenever you want. All I ask is that you link back to the original source. A version that can be copied is on my DA page (I'm Evertide there too).
Madoka Magica (c) its owners and writers.
The quote this series takes its name from is from a YouTube comment on The Walking Dead's soundtrack by YouTube user Oreally.
This story uses the timeline presented by the MM wiki, so thanks to the wiki for that too.