5Lhian Ackerman
Presents
Autumn Leaves
A Fanfiction of The Pureblood Pretense Series
"It was there on platform 9 3/4 at King's Cross Station in London did Harriet Potter realize that she was the promise of spring and he was the heartache of winter. And by all means, she was in love with the Malfoy scion."
Dedicated to murkybluematter
Draco Malfoy loved the winter.
Rigel thought it was ironic - seeing as his magical core was all about the deathly cold in contrast to her blazing one - that Draco Malfoy would love the winter. At times, when she, Pansy and Draco had free time and the snow had stopped falling and the sun was peeking through the clouds and everything was just so simple and wonderful, they'd go outside for a stroll.
Out of the three, it was Rigel who had the most difficulty with adjusting to the cold, with Pansy being a close second. Despite the many layers of clothing, it wouldn't be long before the two of them started shivering and sneezing from the biting cold, frozen in place with chattering teeth. It was Draco, unsurprisingly, who could stay outside the longest and endure the clutches of winter with ease. He could stand there all day with his hands in his pockets, cheeks flushed, creating a sharp contrast to his pale face and platinum blond hair that was swept back with snow stuck in odd places.
In those rare moments, where the sun's rays were peeking through the clouds in a haze of glittering blindness - allowing just a bit of sunlight to pass through and warm her numb fingers...
She prayed that the sunlight would never touch the scene right in front of her.
Draco Malfoy was completely and utterly relaxed during the winter, the season of death and everything that is past.
And Rigel, though without evidence nor facts, thought it was incredibly fitting.
When spring came around, Rigel couldn't be happier.
It was her favorite season - it wasn't too cold but it wasn't too hot either - because she loved the way how spring seeped into your bones, how every morning it tugs your eyelids open with the promise of warmth and comfort and just said, "Here I am."
But nevertheless, it was sad to see the winter pass, Draco's mood had dropped considerably when the snow had started melting and the flowers began to bloom. It was odd - watching the winter peel away only to reveal another season - one that brought life but had something else sacrificed for the sake of its revival.
Seeing Draco there prowl through the spring and his lips quirking into a sardonic smile when he saw bits and pieces of snow washing away made her pause. Was that what she thought of Draco? A disposable pawn? Someone, she could throw away at a moment's notice? The Draco Malfoy who had her back for a good number of years? Unbelievable... And yet...
Guilt gnawed at her, creeping at the edges of her mind... No... She could never think of Draco like that... But... But wasn't it the truth? When she becomes Harriet Potter again and was well on her way to becoming a Potions Mistress, won't she leave him behind to pursue her goals? Won't she sacrifice her friendship with him for what she thought was the greater good?
In that sense... Wasn't she so similar to spring, and himself the winter?
For them to be so close to each other, it was a mystery why the two seasons seem to be complete opposites yet have the ability to compliment each other at the same time.
The irony was not lost on her.
Summer came without a hitch, and it was sad to see her two friends go. Of course, they promised to keep in touch, but even then, words were shaky and were as fleeting as the flowers in spring.
Pansy had hugged her tightly, patting her back a few times before breaking off and rushing to meet her parents. She raised a hand in farewell as the smoke billowed out of the Hogwarts Express. It was Draco who had surprised her by embracing her - her toes were curled and her heart was hammering in her chest - and Rigel thought that for all the things they could've said and all the times that she had hurt him and the fact that even though his hands were cold but his faint scent wafted through her nose and she caught a whiff of Narcissus and ashes, not to mention that he was significantly taller than her...
It was there on platform 9 3/4 at King's Cross Station in London did Harriet Potter realize that she was the promise of spring and he was the heartache of winter.
And by all means, she was in love with the Malfoy scion.
It was autumn when the two met again. They were outside the castle, enjoying the cool breeze before winter rolls in and completely freezes everything. They were in a rather secluded area where the trees and its knarled branches hung over them, casting shadows like a silent prayer creeping at night. It gave off an ominous feeling - not something many students were particularly fond of so they avoided this path on many occasions.
They were lying on dried leaves, all of which were a variety of colors - red, orange, gold and brown, while normally it would've disgusted her two pureblood companions (seeing as they were the colors of Gryffindor and while it should not relate to them in any way, Slytherins were funny like that), it was such a nice day outside that they must have conveniently forgotten all about it.
She was lying next to Draco, she realized with a jolt. She yearned to close the distance and wrap her arms around the Malfoy scion and kiss him silly - it struck her how her thoughts lead to such inappropriate scenes, but love does that it seems.
It was maddening.
Pansy sat up a few moments later, not a strand of hair out of place as she said in a normal voice, "I need to go. I promised Theo that I would help him with his Arithmancy essay."
Draco frowned as Rigel gave her a thoughtful look. Theo always did things in the last minute. "Isn't that due next Thursday?"
Pansy shrugged as she rose gracefully. "It doesn't matter. I promised Theo I'd help him out before Potions."
Rigel sighed as she fought off the suspicions of being left alone on purpose. It was hard not to, seeing as her heart was fluttering and hammering in her chest and she needed to even out her breathing and everything was too much of a coincidence. Pansy was brilliant, but Rigel was sure that Pansy had never seen a sliver of her feelings for Draco. In the rare chance that she did, well, it was a far stretch for her imagination to piece the ever-changing puzzle. She adopted a nonchalant expression and remarked casually, "We'll see you soon then."
Pansy smiled coyly but left without another word.
Rigel hummed to herself, trying not to fidget too much when Draco's hand accidentally brushed her arm in an effort to seek more comfort from his less than modest position.
"Hey, Rigel... What do you think about love?"
Rigel froze. That came out of nowhere. It couldn't be...? No... It couldn't... Was he given incentive then? She looked at Draco, grateful that he was looking up rather than her. "Why do you ask?"
Draco shifted uneasily. "I've been thinking about what father told me." She waited for him to continue, tense, bracing herself for whatever he might throw at her, but then his eyes - burning and intense and just so incredibly his - flickered to hers and she suddenly forgot how to breathe again.
"Well?"
"... There are many different kinds of love Draco." Was all she said.
"I know that," Draco snapped. He sighed, softening his eyes as he amended his statement, the wind husking through the leaves. "You know what I'm talking about Rigel."
She said nothing, except, "Perhaps."
What is love? Love is a foreign concept - one she did not think about much before her attraction to Draco, but it was inevitable she supposed. Love is universal - that's what made it so popular. It could be anything and everything and nothing at the same time. But Draco asked for her opinion, her own biased (but he didn't know that) and stupendously unfair opinion about love. So what is love to her? Rigel thought about the winter and spring, about her and Draco, about how it will only prove to be a tragic love story of how she hid so many secrets and how he unraveled them and rejected her anyway. She thought about dreams, about how she could never be a Potions Mistress if she were to reveal her secret to him right then and there for another dream that was probably never meant to be. She was Harriet Potter, a half-blood who was supposed to be at AIM but here she is at Hogwarts, masquerading as a boy she calls brother. He was Draco Malfoy, a pureblood, and heir to the Malfoy throne, one of the oldest families in wizarding history. She was the promise of spring and he was the heartache of winter.
When she thought of love, it was her and him and nothing else.
But then she thought about it, really thought about it. Was it so impossible? To be with him? To be in his arms and not care about the consequences? To hold his heart and give hers in return and not give a care about the world around them and feel and love only him?
No... She thought grimly. It was not possible. She could never bear the cost of revealing her secret. She had sacrificed too much to get where she is right now. To tell him the truth... It would be disastrous. So many things were on the line... Archie's very own dreams were on the line... She thought of him and all the people that she had come to love but did an injustice so grave they would probably never forgive her... Her family, Professor Snape, Pansy, Theo, Blaise, Millicent, Fred, George, Percy, Ginny, Ron, Rockwood, Rosier, Selwyn, Leo...
Draco...
No... She reflected as her blood ran cold. She could never bear the cost.
She breathed in, savoring the scent of bark and rain and her love that was lost on words.
Draco was still staring at her, not an ounce of impatience in his eyes when she parted her lips to answer him.
She pointed a shaking finger at the falling leaves, and she so dearly hoped that her voice would not tremble as much as her hands and her heart at the moment. She felt the breeze - fresh, rejuvenating, alive - brush a few strands of her hair as she answered him. "Don't you think it's weird Draco?" I love you Draco. I love you more than words could ever express. I love you, perhaps more than I should. I love you so much it hurts. I love you more than Fate will allow me to. I wish you could see me as I am now, not as Rigel Black, but as Harriet Potter.
"The autumn is so beautiful and yet..."
But at the same time, I wish I didn't love you. I wish I didn't have to be hurt like this. I wish everything was so simple. I wouldn't have to worry about tomorrow when I could be enjoying the moment. I wish I didn't have to be Rigel Black. I wish you could love me like I love you.
She closed her eyes, feeling resolute as her hand fell back to her side, her heart aching with love and longing. "Everything is dying, isn't it?"
I love you Draco. And I'm sorry.
She opened her eyes just in time to see Draco blink, once, then twice, then he opened his mouth to refute, but then something flashed in his eyes that stopped whatever he was about to say. And they fell into a thoughtful silence.
A few minutes later, the sound of feet crunching the dirt broke whatever trance they were in. Pansy smiled and reminded them with all the grace that was ingrained in her body that Potions was about to start soon. In that rare moment wherein they collected themselves and got ready for the next class, she met him in the eye and his gaze was... Considering... Allowing a soft smile to grace her features.
Happiness bloomed inside of her. He understood. And that was more than what Rigel could ask for.
I love you, perhaps more than I should.
Harriet Potter savored the sound of autumn leaves crunching beneath her feet as she faced a future that was just as unforeseeable as it was blissful. She prayed that their happiness would be just as real and lasting as hers had been whenever she was with him.
But to be honest, she mused as she fell into step with her friends, it was hard to wish for something you already had.
Fin.
Autumn Leaves. End.