Warnings: het, yaoi, Nagi POV, OOC, mild language

Ratings: pg-13

Disclaimer: Not mine, just borrowing them. I promise that when I am done I will give them back in the same condition that I found them.

Pairings: Nagi+Tot, Schuldig+Omi, Ken+Yuriko, Crawford+Ran, Farfarello+Yohji

Oh there you are! How are things on the light side?

Don't give me that shocked look. I don't have to be quiet and depressed all the time. I may not be as hyper and cheerful as sweet little Bombay but I am hardly a candidate for Mister Teen Angst. But then of course, he isn't as sickeningly perfect as he would have you all believe. Or so Schuldig tells me, and I am inclined to believe him. He may be a manipulative bastard but he knows what he's talking about and where dear Tsukiyono is concerned he doesn't lie.

Anyway, this isn't about Omi and my sociopathic teammates strange obsession with him so quit trying to sidetrack me.

No, I called you out here today to talk about Tot.

Yes, Tot. Why do you look so stunned?

You thought I was gay? Oh don't cringe like that; I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not gay; if I were life would be so much easier. As things stand I am in love with Tot.

Yes, Tot, the blue-haired, umbrella wielding psychopath with the emotional capacity of an eight year old. You've fought her, you know perfectly well who I'm talking about. She's lovely, she loves me back, and she thinks I'm dead. Why me?

What was that?

Oh, 'bunny-butt.' Yeah, the tail was very cute, wasn't it?

Yes there is more to her than just a very nice rear-end. She may be emotionally stunted but she is intelligent. I've spoken to her when there was no one else around, she's far from stupid, but for some reason she insists on hiding it.

Sorry, I missed that. The psychic annoyance is calling. Apparently we have to go over our plans yet again. There can't be any slip-ups this time. If there are we're all dead.

Here. Crawford says that there's a lady in Australia who misses you and that when this is all over you should take these and go visit her. I'll pass on your regards to Farfie.

Take care Hidaka, and thanks for the talk.

Notes: Forgive me, but I happened to like Tot. So long as you're not going to rant at me for my choice of pairings please review and let me know what you think. Criticism is welcome. Flames will be used to warm my roommates freezing feet.