How to Train Your Dragon A-Z: An I Can Read Fan-Fiction by Emachinescat

A How to Train Your Dragon Fan-Fiction

SUMMARY: Parody of an A-Z children's book; the alphabet How to Train Your Dragon style."A is for Alvin, the most treacherous of men, with a hook for a hand and warts on his skin..." Silliness with a pinch of cleverness. Based on the book series.

A/N: It has been forever since I've posted something here on ... but I've had good reason, I believe, seeing as I was finishing up my master's in creative writing, and then I got married a few weeks ago... but I'm trying to get back in the groove of things, writing-wise.

For those of you who are following any of my other stories, they will be continued soon, and I apologize for the unprecedented hiatus.

But for now, this little fella has been a long time coming. I've recently been swept away by these amazing books, and I wanted to do something similar to what I did a few years ago for Merlin... make it an ABC book. :)

Enjoy, and please review!

-Oh, and it should go without saying, but SPOILERS for pretty much the entire book series! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!-

How to Train Your Dragon A to Z: An I Can Read Fan-Fiction

A is for Alvin, the most treacherous of men,
With a hook for a hand and warts on his skin.

B is for Berk, the Hairy Hooligans' home,
They didn't mean to come here, but now they'll never go.

C is for Camicazi, the wee Bog Burglar heir,
She can pick any lock, but never picks through her hair.

D is for the Dragon Furious, blinded by grief and hate,
The leader of the Dragon Rebellion, he fights against his fate.

E is for Eggingarde, what a brave little slave,
She lives within her stories to keep the monsters at bay.

F is for Fishlegs, our hero's best friend,
Part Berserk and part Outcast, and loyal to no end.

G is for Grimbeard the Ghastly, the great pirate king,
Who regretted his choices and then scattered ten Things.

H is for Hiccup Horrendous Haddock, First, Second, and Third,
Each spoke Dragonese and sought to better his world.

I is for ice, like winter's Wrath of Thor,
Once the Doomfang swam beneath, biding his time for a cure.

J is for jealousy, Snotface Snotlout's greatest vice,
It wound its claws around his heart and nearly stole his life.

K is for the King's Lost Things - of course, Toothless is the best,
Find and bring them to Tomorrow to be crowned King of the Wilderwest.

L is for the Land, the one that doesn't exist,
Where grows the mythic potato, discovered by the chief Hysteric.

M is for the Meathead Public Library, not so public after all,
Woe betide you if you ever find yourself browsing through its halls.

N is for Norbert the Nutjob, and his dual axe of fate,
He gave his Papa a proper Viking funeral a little bit too late.

O is for Old Wrinkly, Hiccup's soothsaying grandad,
Though the future is fuzzy, and he's often mistaken, he isn't half bad.

P is for Patience, for that is what he has to have,
Between Arrogance and Innocence, where most people find themselves at.

Q is for Quests, on which all Viking heroes embark,
Their suicidal bravery is what really sets them apart.

R is for the Romans, with their gladiator games,
Who enjoy feeding children to Sharkworms after a devastating rain.

S is for the Slavemark, taking freedom away,
The Dragonmark once more, it has become again a symbol of change.

T is for T-T-Toothless, the naughty "Toothless Daydream",
Whose small size hides that he is very much more than he seems.

U is for UG, protective chief Uglithug,
Who wants the perfect Fiance for his daughter Tantrum.

V is for Vallhallarama, Stoick's wife and Hiccup's mom,
She is over it now, but she one had a thing for Humongously Hotshot.

W is for Windwalker, and for the Wodensfang,
Two loyal dragons who love their Hiccup, and dare to hope once again.

X is for Exellinor, that truly nasty witch,
Though he's dreadfully mean, she's even worse than her son, that treacherous Alvin.

Y is for yelling, what Gobber the Belch does best,
Dressed in his teeny-weeny hairy shorts and his small fur vest.

Z is for Ziggerastica, center of the universe,
With a pompous way and haughty gaze, he (nearly) always puts himself first.

A/N: That was ridiculously fun to write!

(Also, I know that Excellinor doesn't actually start with X, but it sounds like "X", and it's all but impossible to find something that starts with that blasted letter. Plus, I needed to put Excellinor in there (and she really, properly gives me the creeps, I might add), but I didn't want to put her for E because I had to pay tribute to Eggingarde. That little Northern Warrior who grew up in slavery broke my heart!)

I'm thinking about putting up another story or even adding a chapter to this one that does the ABCs of the movies, if you're interested. :) Please let me know what you thought, and I will be - finally - updating some of my other stories very soon!

~Emachinescat ^..^