He is standing in their kitchen in the middle of the night. He's facing the window and is staring into the night, his hands resting on the cold kitchen counter. He left Charlie in their bed. They had made love. She had been sitting on his lap, with her legs wrapped around him while he had felt her wrapped around him. He knows what she wants. A family. And he had wanted to come and let go inside of her but when the moment had been there, he hadn't been able to do and give her what she wanted. And now he's standing here, cursing himself about the 'dammit Charlie' he had barked in her direction right before he had left their bed after she tried to talk to him afterwards.
His heart fills with loathing and self-hate because of the fact that somehow he keeps pushing her away. He doesn't want to, but it's like he can't help himself. He thinks about having to let her go. Because she should have everything she wants. A family. Love. Hope. A future. Everything. Everything he once believed in. He has always doubted if she would be his. With every day they had built their life together, that doubt has been there. He has always known that one day something would happen. People leave. And now, he has to make her leave.
He had stood there in awe, the moment she had defended her brother in Philly. Awe had turned into one hell of surprise when there was a completely new and yet the same Charlotte being tied up in that pool with him. Surprise had turned into taking care of her, because he had needed information from her, craving to know where Miles was and because she was a part of Miles and hell, even after everything that has happened between him and his brother he had still been unable to not care for a part of Miles that was so clearly there within her.
Taking care of her had let to fighting with her, into sharing a road and many nights with her. To see a Charlotte on fire. Stubborn and loyal. To learn she had it inside of her to give second and third changes by saving his life over and over again. To see her gradually understand that he was not the only big bad in the world and that Miles and even her mom had played her part.
It had been agonizing to see, to see that hurt inside of her because of realizing the world was not the black and white sheltered world she grew up in. But it had made his heart swell, as she had somehow decided to give him a change, to trust him with her life. To fight with him, to defend him and to finish what they had started together, one night a long time ago right outside the small town of Pottsboro.
And awe, and surprise, and taking care of her and honest admiration and fighting this fight with her had turned into something else. He sees her, all of her, the woman she had to become because of her mother's absence, her uncle's influence and her own strength.
It's dark and quiet in the kitchen while he leans into the kitchen counter. And then, suddenly and finally, her cool hands on his back finally start to settle down the rage and hurt and darkness inside of him. 'Hey…' her voice is soft and strong at the same time while she leans into his back.
He is trying to find the damn courage to tell her what he has to tell her. His thoughts keep on forming the same line. She is better off without him. He is about to open his mouth to say that to her, but then her voice fills the dark kitchen. She's close enough to feel the warmth of her skin on his. '….don't worry about it alright?'
He curses at the amount of acceptance within her heart at that moment. He doesn't deserve it. Hell, he never will.
And then she almost brings him to his knees, because of the strength in her heart that is there in her voice. 'I am not going anywhere.'
He's soaking up her words that soothe all the pain inside of him. He accepts her words while he turns around and leans towards her to press a kiss on her lips. A soft sigh escapes from her lips while she leans into him and soaks up the way he smells. They just stand there, in the darkness of a Wednesday night, close and together.