Disclaimer - I do not own star wars no matter how hard I wish :(

Reviews are greatly appreciated, but this is my first fan fiction so please don't be too harsh.

Kylo Ren stared at the helmet.

Once a shiny jet black, now a dull, matt grey.

The plastic twisted and disfigured from the heat of the explosion.

He didn't fully focus on the disfigured shell in front of him, instead lost in the maze of thoughts that were swimming through his brain.

His mother

His father

The resistance

Those three things stood out from the rest.

He hated them with the deepest loathing he could conjure, but.

But he didn't.

Conflicting emotions waged war inside of him, breaking down the wall he tried to place between his family and himself.

Whenever he became trapped in this circumstance, he came here, looking to grandfather for guidance. He didn't know how the helmet had survived the explosion of the death star. When he was still with his parents, he had been on a test flight, and he came across it, just floating there. He had rescued it, and that had been the first step towards where he was now. However, every once in awhile, he thought back.

What would have happened if he hadn't joined the first order?

Would he still be 'Ben'?

He shivered at the thought. He hated that name, and abandoned it at the first opportunity. Shaking his head he looked back at the helmet. "I will not fail you." He murmured.

Fury rising from deep inside, he pushed away any doubt, still currently residing in him.

He WAS Kylo Ren! He knew he was! Or did he.

He thanked his grandfather for helping him, for giving him strength. But inside he was even more confused.

He shook his head to clear it before turning and storming out of the room.

But deep down, he knew that he was still Ben, and there was nothing he could do to change it. Not that he wasn't going to try.