Just Don't make the Super Suit Green!

Naruto and all related characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Deadpool and all related characters belong to Marvel Comics

It was a rainy day in Konohagakure, as a six year old Naruto Uzumaki walked alone to his apartment. He was an orphan in the bad part of Konohagakure. This meant he had to be careful not to go down the wrong alley or else he'd be mugged or worse. However it was this day that Naruto made the mistake of taking a shortcut to get home faster to get out of the rain as fast as he could. The young boy went down an alley, and much to his dismay, it was a dead end. Naruto began to turn around when suddenly he saw someone standing at the end of the alley. It was a group of drunk villagers, 6 of them.

"Well looks like the Fox Brat is all alone. No ANBU or that old fart of a Hokage to protect you!" One of them said as he walked down the alley toward the boy. They cracked their knuckles and approached, one of them throwing a beer bottle right at the boy's head which left a bloody bruise. They were about to rush him when suddenly they all fell over unconscious. Naruto looked up from his cowering position to see who had saved him. It was an older man, about the same age as the Hokage, standing before him. The right side of his face was bandaged, one arm tucked inside his robes as well, and he cast an intimidating presence. The man knelt down to his level, making Naruto flinch. The man chuckled a little and patted his head, which calmed the boy down.

"Tell me Naruto, are you tired of this?" He asked as the whiskered boy looked at him in astonishment. Only a few adults ever called him by his real name. It was always some thinly veiled or outright insult. Naruto couldn't find the voice to answer, he just nodded.

"If you come with me, I can give you abilities most ninja only dream of. I can make you..." The man began as Naruto began to perk up and smiled.

"A superhero?!" He chirped out gleefully, then winced as the sudden sharpness of his own voice caused the headache he was suffering due to the bruise on his head to worsen. The man bit back a full laugh and instead chuckled once more.

"That's one way of looking at it. So what do you say? Would you like to? The choice is up to you of course. Say no and it will be the last you hear from me, but say yes? And I can make you so strong no one will ever treat you this way again." The man said as he stood up, Naruto following suit as he grabbed the man's free hand and followed after him.

Three years later

"How is the weapon doing?" Danzo asked one of his ROOT agents. They saw Naruto down below fighting against other ROOT agents, mercilessly beating them with his bare fists.

"His taijutsu skills are improving Master Danzo... But his jutsu skills are far below expected parameters." The agent said, a monotone voice echoing through the steel grey room.

"With what I have in mind he won't need any jutsu skills. Call him in... I believe we're nearing the time for phase two of the Weapon Plus program." Danzo said as he walked out of the room.

Naruto felt more pain going through his body than ever before. A needle had injected... Something into him. He had no idea what it was but it was causing him so much agony he was begging for death, which had become a common occurrence at this point. Every day for a year he had been poked, prodded, and injected with all kinds of various chemicals... This was to be the last they said. And this was unlike anything before... This hurt. It hurt so much that he began to see something, an ethereal figure above him in black robes with a white coat over them. The figure moved closer and he could see it was a woman. She had raven black hair, a braid going down the front of her chest, and the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen. She smiled down at him and caressed his cheek.

"Shh... It will be over soon." She said as he looked up with tear stained eyes and tried to hug her, seeking some form of comfort in his predicament. She placed her arms around him and held him tight.

"It will be over soon... Soon there will be peace." She said as faded, leaving the boy alone once again.

Two Years Later

"We have finished the diagnostics Master Danzo. We can finally begin the test." The head scientist said as Naruto was strapped onto a table, the broken boy not even speaking, as various tubes were inserted into his body.

"Congratulations Naruto, you might actually win the dead pool. You see you were nowhere near the first subject we've tried this on and I have a bit of a gambling vice. I placed good odds on you, so let's see if I was right." Danzo said as a large vial was brought alongside the table and connected to the tubes, pumping a dark red substance into Naruto's veins. He began to scream as his whisker marks began to turn more wild, his canines becoming fangs, and his eyes turning blood red with slit pupils, as he began to thrash around violently. At this time an entire ANBU team rushed in and interrupted the experiment, lead by the Hokage himself. The last thing Naruto saw was the image of the ghostly woman who had been his constant companion throughout his ordeal, only instead of the ghostly appearance she had before, she looked so real and solid.

"It's time Naruto..." She said as she began to reach down... Only to recoil slightly and withdraw her hand. She frowned, so sadly as Naruto tried to understand what was going on.

"It seems we have to wait to be together young one... You still have much to do." She said as she faded.

Hours later

"What is his condition?" Hiruzen Sarutobi asked, his voice almost shaking with rage. It took him this long to find Naruto after he had disappeared, if the boy was harmed he wanted to know. It would make it Danzo's punishment all the more pleasurable for him, seeing the bastard rot.

"From what we can tell he's been poisoned. Now if were any simple poison this would be easy to deal with. However the poison was meant to act in a far different way, introducing cancerous cells into his blood stream, forcing the Kyuubi's chakra into his system to burn it out. However the poison has caused already caused the cancer to take hold. It's causing cancer to form all over his body but it's constantly being burnt out by the chakra, explaining why the change in his appearance." The doctor said as Hizuzan began to breath heavier and heavier at this outrage.

"So how long does he have?" The Third Hokage asked, expecting the worst.

"At my estimate? Forever." The doctor said, causing the Hokage to almost choke on his own breath.

"Whatever Danzo wanted to do him? Worked. He can heal from basically anything from what we can tell. Combine the natural vitality, huge chakra reserves, and longevity of the Uzumaki Clan, then add in the Kyuubi's chakra constantly flooding his system to repair the damaged cells... And he's basically immortal. I honestly cannot think of a single thing that would be able to kill him short of decapitation... And even then I can't be 100% sure that would work. The only downside seems to be regarding his brain activity. The cancer is rotting his brain at a fast rate, but the chakra is healing his brain at such a fast rate that his brain cells are in a state of flux. Add that into the torture he had to have endured and at best we're looking at schizophrenia."

One year later

"Naruto! Mizuki tricked you! That scroll contains some of the village's most dangerous and forbidden jutsu. You can't let him take it!" Mizuki scowled at Iruka for a moment before a twisted idea sprung up in his evil little mind.

"Naruto, would you like to know a secret? The secret behind why everyone hates and ignores you. The reason you will never be accepted in this village and why you will NEVER be a real shinobi?!" Stated Mizuki with a twisted grin. Out of the shadows of the forest stepped forth a 12 year old boy in a bright red and black skin tight costume, a red mask with black circles covering his head completely, with two katanas strapped to his back in an X shape.

"Please, call me Deadpool." The boy formerly known as Naruto said as the rogue ninja looked at him oddly.

"Yep, Deadpool! Rhymes with too cool for school, ain't no fool, and death duel! Which I think the last one is what you're aiming for." Deadpool said as he clasped his hands together and looked at the rather confused pair before him.

"Anyway secret huh? You mean how you have a vast collection of yaoi porn under your bed that SOMEHOW ended up getting mailed to the Hokage with your name on it? Or how I always put super laxatives in your coffee? Or how I sprayed all your underwear in dog pheromones which is why the Inazuka mutts always chase you?" The masked boy said as Mizuki turned bright red from both embarrassment and rage.

"THAT WAS YOU?!" Mizuki growled as he rushed Naruto with his giant shuriken who dodged and drew his swords.

"Wow can't take a joke? I mean come on it's not like I sent all those gay strip club dancers to your birthday party, oh wait I did that too. Man you must have LOVED that if the stuff under your bed is any clue!" Naruto said as he made a swipe at him with his swords, which was blocked. Naruto then began moon walking away as he spun his swords in both hands. Mizuki roared as he threw his shuriken straight at him, which lopped off one of Naruto's arms.

"OH DEAR LORD THE PAIN! FUCKING SHIT THE PAIN!" Deadpool fell over screaming as Mizuki laughed, ready to finish him off. The costumed maniac then rolled over and grabbed his arm as quick as a whip, reattaching it with ease.

"TA DA! Don't try that at home kids!" Deadpool said as he lunged at the shocked chunin and slammed him face first into the shuriken sticking out of the ground. Iruka looked on in pure terror.

"He... He was toying with him the entire time." The scarred instructor said as Naruto turned back to him and laughed.

"Well toying is more of a relative term. I prefer jerking him and stopping midway, but still. Semantics." Deadpool said as he looked at the dead body. He stretched and yawned as he looked over at Iruki.

"Well it's been a time and a half, but I gotta go. Tell the Old Man I'm not really interested in being a ninja... But I am open to freelance work! I hear freelancers get cooler jobs anyway. See ya!" The red clad Uzumaki said as he vanished in a red flash. At this point the Hokage appeared with several ANBU who began to lift Iruka up, careful to avoid the wounds inflicted by Mizuki.

"Naruto... Or Deadpool... Whichever. Killed Mizuki. He was a traitor... Oh and Naruto disappeared in a red flash of some kind. It kind of looked like.." Iruka didn't finish as Hiruzen sighed.

"The advanced Hiraishen that Minato was working on before his death. He coded it the Forbidden Scroll in such a way it take a genius like him or a madman to figure it out. And I think we know which end of that spectrum Naruto falls under." He pulled out his pipe and took a deep puff. He needed something to steady his nerves every time Naruto did something like this.

"He also said he doesn't want to be a ninja, but he's open to freelance... But we don't take freelancers." Iruka explained, but the old Kage just sighed.

"Officially we don't, to keep village morale high... But in the past Konoha has been known to. The problem was always potential security risks but Naruto is too much of a wildcard to not keep track of. I'll have to agree to this if it means keeping him within Fire Country borders for the most part and assign him to teams as added back up for higher class missions. I know you know what happened to him Iruka, why you're so protective but... Naruto Uzumaki could tear down this entire village or ANY village if they gave him good enough reason to." The Hokage explained as Iruka's blood went cold.

Naruto entered his apartment and took off his mask, revealing the large whisker marks, fangs, and fox-like eyes that adorned his face. The reason he always had to wear a mask. He sighed as he raided his fridge for some left over ramen.

"Back already? My bet was you were gonna get shredded by that overcompensating pussy. I mean who uses shuriken THAT big without making up for something?" A grouchy female voice rang out as Naruto turned to see Tsunade, her blind eyes hidden behind shades.

"I'll tell ya this much, it's a load off my mind. I mean that guy was just so annoying. The whole, 'Ooh I'm gonna reveal some big truth to break you' moment thing. I mean come on, what is this some shitty anime?"

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