183Green and Silver Tie
For reviewing, a huuuge thank you to James Birdsong and destroyerofxx (even if you expressed criticism, which is also appreciated).
For Ron Hermione fan 2008: Your review literally lit up my day! Thank you!
And lastly, for HeRonLove: I only have one word for you, which is: now. (Thanks for pushing me, I really needed some motivation to get up and write this one out).
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The funeral was held in Surrey, to what Hermione knew would have been Harry's disappointment. Although all his friends had discussed his final resting place with the Dudleys, they still refused to listen. Therefore, he was going to be buried in a cold and lonely grave in Surrey, far away from Lily and James Potter, his real family.
Hermione, too, had been disappointed, of course.
Actually, disappointed was too weak of a word. She had been angry, so angry that her blood had boiled. Then the rage had been replaced by a cold fear.
She really did lose her friend, but way before he had died. That's when the shame began.
Ron placed his hand on her shoulder, and she looked up to stare into his blue eyes and fiery red hair.
But she had gained a friend, too, in a way. More than a friend, actually.
"Are you ready to go, Hermione?" he asked her quietly.
People had already filed out of the church, returning to their cars. Harry's casket laid under a shovel of dirt, returning to the loneliness he'd been born into. Hermione felt the shame twist around her heart. She realized, with a twinge of pain, that she missed him.
She opened her mouth to reply to Ron, but someone beat her to it. In front of them stood a trio, light on their feet but with heavy eyes. Their feet crunched on the gravel on the path. They stood far from the trees, the sunlight shining on them like a halo.
It was Ginny, her eyes red around the corners, contrasting deeply with her otherwise flagrantly colored eyes and red hair. She had always been stunning, even now. Today, she carried the Weasley look but wore it so brokenly.
Luna stood beside her, her hands clasping and unclasping in the air. She smiled at Hermione sadly, but her face lit up just enough for Hermione to know it was real. She smiled back, grateful to see her. Hermione noticed how her carrot earrings stood out from all the uncharacteristic black of her clothes.
Neville pushed forward from behind Ginny and Luna. He looked like a mess. His hair was matted to his skull. His eyes were lined with heavy bangs. He carried himself with a sluggishness, like he experienced the world two paces too slow.
"Hi," Ginny said, voice wavering.
"I'm sorry for your loss, Ginny," Hermione said. She felt how Ron stiffened at her touch.
"Are you staying at home?" Ron rasped.
"I couldn't bear it," Ginny's cheeks reddened, and she looked away, "I'm staying at Luna's,"
"I understand," Ron said softly, meeting her eyes. Some of Ginny's tension disappeared.
"We wanted to invite you," she told them warmly, while Neville grimaced and grind his teeth, "We have booked a little place for a ceremony. For us who knew him well. I would love to have you there – both of you,"
"Thank you. We really appreciate it," Hermione said honestly and smiled. She could feel the tears pressing behind her eyes.
Someone walked behind them, brushing past them. She could hear the trail of their whispering voices. When she turned around, she immediately got eye contact with them both. Quickly, she turned back to her friends. Something felt nagging in her stomach.
Were they whispering about them?
Her heart pumped faster. She looked around once more. Even though no one were staring, it still felt like someone were watching them. Watching her.
She shuddered, then turned back to the conversation.
"You are coming tonight, right?" Ginny said, teary-eyed.
"We are," Hermione and Ron answered.
Then Ginny sent them a small smile and walked away with Luna. Neville glared at them, hesitated, then sped up after the others.
"Do you still think Harry was a bad friend to me?" Hermione asked softly after they had gone.
Ron took her hands in his own. She felt vulnerable and small, asking him such a question. She swallowed.
"It's not that I don't trust you, I just –" she started.
He nodded patiently.
"I just want to know," she finished, panting.
For a moment, he hesitated, too. The wind blew in the trees around them. A few birds sung to each other, giving her the illusion of a forest rather than a graveyard. Her heart calmed hearing the birds.
"To be honest, I do," Ron said, "But if you don't agree, it's fine. After all, you knew him better than I did. I'm sorry if I talked too badly about him to you. It wasn't my intention to be a prick about it,"
She melted into his touch, embracing him in a hug.
"Don't worry about it, Ron," she muttered into his shoulder.
"Whether or not you think the same, I just want you to know that your grief is valid either way," he added slowly.
Suddenly, her neck prickled, and the hairs stood up from her arms. She pulled away from Ron, looking around frantically.
Her eyes met a group of old classmates on the other side of the path. They all stared back. Neville stood in the front, having left Ginny and Luna to themselves somewhere along the way.
They shook their heads and grimaced. Hermione heard them whispering among themselves.
"Well, that was uncomfortable," Ron chuckled awkwardly.
Hermione sighed, taking short breaths.
Before she thought it out, she yelled "Hey! Neville!"
Neville looked up, then stalked his way over to her, thankfully leaving all his sour-faced companions back on the other side of the path.
"Yes, Hermione?" he asked sweetly.
She faltered. Ron pushed her lightly in the shoulder.
"I was wondering if there was something you wanted to talk to me about," Hermione said.
"You?"
"Or us, for that matter," she said, "We used to be friends. If you want to speak to me, can you do it now, and not with your whispering friends over there?"
She tried to keep it civil, but some of her anxiety seeped into her voice, giving it an irritated edge that she had not intended.
"Okay, if you say so," Neville said, then smiled weakly.
She waited. In the corner of her eyes, she saw Ron grimace. He still had his arm on her shoulder, though. His warmth seeped through the thin material of her black blouse.
"Why did you abandon us in Hogwarts?" Neville finally said, his voice raw. It looked like it took him great effort to say it. The moment he finished, he looked deflated.
She couldn't help it. Something in her burst. The crushing pressure of her guilt came back in tenfold. Her eyes stung and she crumbled inwards.
Neville took a step back, terrified of what was happening in front of him.
The tears streamed down her face. Her chest felt warm and cold at the same time. Her collar was too tight, and she couldn't breathe. She was alone, no matter Ron's warm hand on her.
"I don't know," she gasped out, stuttering.
She tore away from Ron behind her. For a moment she was so very cold. Then, Neville hugged her.
He held her in silence. The guilt was cold like a rock in her stomach. Now, Ron would feel hurt, too, since she had let go of him.
"I can't say I don't blame you for what you did. But I'm glad you're here," Neville said after a while.
"I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry," she cried.
Neville looked at her, and she saw that he was crying too.
"It's fine, Hermione,"
"It's really not. You could have died, too," she replied honestly, blinking away tears.
Neville looked at her somberly, "It's not your fault that Harry died. The Dark Lord did that,"
"There is nothing you can do to change the past, so you shouldn't have to beat yourself up about it either. It wasn't your fault. Besides, it was me who dragged you away from there," Ron added quietly from the sidelines.
Neville bit his lip, his eyes narrowed in Ron's direction.
Hermione turned to Ron, realizing that he had been watching the entire situation. She scratched her neck awkwardly, "Sorry for… uhh," she waved her hands, "All of this,"
"What's up with him anyway?" Neville cut her off, his voice hard again.
She laughed nervously. Her cheeks tightened where her tears had dried up on her skin.
"That's a good question, you see," she said.
"A very good question, indeed," Ron stared at her.
She hesitated for a moment, trying to judge Neville's reaction.
"We are together now, Ron and I,"
Neville's eyebrows shot up. He blinked at her slowly. One time, then two.
"Are you serious?" he exclaimed, "That guy was horrible to everyone in Hogwarts!"
Ron grimaced, "I was. I'm sorry?"
Neville just looked at him, as if he'd grown a second head.
He looked at her, then at Ron again. He leaned closer, as if Ron wouldn't hear him.
"Are you sure?" he pinched her cheek, "He hasn't given you a potion or something? Maybe a spell?"
She swatted away his hand, laughing, "No, he hasn't. He is actually a nice person, once you get to know him,"
"Though I was horrible for a long time," Ron piped up.
"Yes, but he … he just didn't know what else to do," she defended him again.
"But I was horrible, and long before all that too," Ron said.
Hermione laughed, "Since you feel so strongly about it, then yes, you were horrible,"
"Thank you," he sighed jokingly.
They lapsed into silence, realizing that Neville hadn't spoken in a while. Confounded at his silence, they both turned to face him where he stood.
Neville stared at them blankly.
"I have no idea what is going on between you too," he said, exasperatedly.
Hermione burst out laughing, for a moment forgetting the sadness she was supposed to feel at a funeral. Beside her, close enough so that she could feel his presence on her skin, Ron laughed too. A butterfly made its way up and around in her stomach.
Ron was beautiful. He really knew how to make her feel lighter.
"I'm leaving," Neville said quickly, eyes darting between them, "Have fun, see you at the ceremony tonight,"
Once he left, Ron turned to her.
"That wasn't so bad," he said in her ear, "I expected a full-blown argument,"
Hermione couldn't agree more. She was beginning to feel hope about her friends again. Maybe there was still a chance that she could redeem herself to the rest of her friends as well, before she lost more of them like she had lost Harry.
A/N: Please leave a review if you enjoyed it (or if you didn't) ;)