I do not one Oliver Twist as I am not Charles Dickens.


I guess I should start out by introducing myself. My name is Jack Dawkins, better known by my intimate friends as 'The Artful Dodger'... If I had any intimate friends; the closest thing I got to my friends are Fagin and the other boy he keeps around. Well, I guess Charlie is decent enough, but he more so just started following me, and I could never get 'im off me tail. Oh well, that's life.

I should probably mention that I am a pickpocket. Yeah, I'm a criminal, but it's not that bad, it does add some thrill to life, but that's not what I'm 'ere to talk about. You see, I was just doing my old routine, when I saw a fellow watchin' me; he was around the same age as me, and he seemed to have no clue what I was doing.

"What you lookin' at?" I asked, brashly. "Ain't you ever seen a gent?"

"No sir, I haven't" He answered, politely.

I could tell that he wasn't from 'round here, and I was wondering where he came from.

"Tired?" I asked.

"Yes sir," He answered. "I've been walking for seven days."

"You runnin away from someone?" I asked.

"Yes sir." He answered. "How did you know?"

"Just a feelin' I got from you." I answered. "So, you got any family 'round 'ere?"

"I'm an orphan…" He answered, looking down.

"Oh…" I responded. "How old are ye, anyway?"

"Nine…" He answered.

"Well color me blue," I exclaimed. "We're the same age."

"Really?" He asked. "That's neat."

I don't know why, but I was taking a liking to this kid, but not because he was potential pickpocket, but because he was nice to talk to.

"You staying in London?" I asked.

"Yes sir."

"Got any lodgings?"

"No sir."

"Money?"
"Not a farthing."

"Do you live in London?" He asked.

"When I am at home." I answered. "I suppose you want a place to sleep tonight, don't you?"
"Yes sir," He answered. "Do you know a place?"

"I reckon I do, me old mate." I answered. "There's a certain house, and I know a respectable old gentleman lives there, who'll give you lodgings for nothing, and never ask him for change - this is - and that is, if any other gentleman who he knows introduces you. And luckily for you, I know him."
"Who is this respectable old gentleman, then?" He asked. "Is he a charity gentleman?"

"Not exactly…" I answered. "But I happen to be a particular favorite of Mister Fagin, so it should be alright, but if I am going to be introducing you to Fagin, you better tell me who you are - me old china plate."

"My name's Oliver - Oliver Twist." He said, shaking my hand.

"And my name's Jack Dawkins - better known among me more intimate friends as The Artful Dodger." I said, introducing myself.

"Pleased to meet you, Mister Dawkins." Oliver responded.

I stopped and thought about what I said about intimate friends, and I remembered that I only had accomplices.

"Come to think of it - I ain't got no intimate friends." I said. "Still, what's the difference, me old pork sausage, you're coming with me."

"Are you sure Mr. Fagin won't mind?" Oliver asked.
"Mind?!" I responded.

Consider yourself at home
Consider yourself one of the family
We've taken to you so strong
It's clear, we're going, to get along
Consider yourself, well in
Consider yourself a part of the furniture
There isn't a lot to spare
Who cares? Whatever we've got we share!"

If it should chance to be
We should see some harder days
Empty larder days
Why grouse?
Always-a-chance we'll meet somebody to foot the bill
Then the drinks are on the house!
Consider yourself our mate
We don't want to have no fuss,
For after some consideration, we can state
Consider yourself one of us!

Consider yourself…

OLIVER
At home?

DODGER
Consider yourself…

OLIVER
One of the family?

DODGER:
We've taken to you…

OLIVER
So strong?

DODGER
It's clear we're…

BOTH
Going to get along.

DODGER
Consider yourself part of the furniture.

OLIVER
There isn't a lot to spare…

BOTH
Who cares? Whatever we got we share

DODGER
Nobody tries to be lah-de-dah or uppity
There's a cup of tea for all.
BOTH
Only it's wise to be handy with a rolling pin
When the landlord comes to call!

DODGER
Consider yourself our mate.
We don't want to have no fuss.

BOTH
For after some consideration we can state

OLIVER
Consider yourself…

BOTH
One of us.

COMPANY
Consider yourself at home...
We've taken to you so strong.
Consider yourself well in...
There isn't a lot to spare
If it should chance to be
We should see some harder days
Empty larder days -
Why grouse?
Always a chance we'll meet somebody
To foot the bill -
Then the drinks are on the house!
Consider yourself our mate.
We don't want to have no fuss
For after some consideration, we can state...
Consider yourself...
One of us!

DODGER
Consider yourself

ALL
At home.

DODGER
We've taken to you

ALL
So strong

DODGER
Consider yourself

ALL
Well in.
There isn't a lot to spare.
Nobody tries to be lah-di-dah or uppity.
There's a cup-o'-tea for all
Only it's wise to be handy with a rolling pin
When the landlord comes to call
Consider yourself our mate
We don't want to have no fuss
For after some consideration we can state
Consider yourself
One of us...
For after some consideration we can state
Consider yourself...
One of us!

If it should chance to be
We should see some harder days,
Empty larder days,
Why grouse?
Always a chance we'll meet
Somebody to foot the bill.
Then the drinks are on the house.
Consider yourself at home.
Consider yourself one of the family.
We've taken to you so strong.
It's clear we're going to get along.
Consider yourself well in.
Consider yourself part of the furniture.
There isn't a lot to spare.
Who cares? Whatever we've got we share.

If it should chance to be
We should see some harder days,
Empty larder days,
Why grouse?
Always a chance we'll meet somebody to foot the bill.
Then the drinks are on the house.
Consider yourself our mate.
We don't want to have no fuss
For after some consideration we can state
Consider yourself one of us!

I put my hand on Oliver's shoulder so I wouldn't lose him in the crowd. Eventually we got to the place I was talking about. When Oliver came in he seemed surprised to see this many kids here.

"I thought you said you didn't have any intimate friends." Oliver whispered.

"I don't…" I stated. "These are just people I know, but I wouldn't really call them friends."

"Hey Dodger," Charlie called, coming to greet me. "Who's this?"

"This is Oliver Twist," I answered. "I was going to ask Fagin if he could stay, where is he?"

"In his room…" Charlie answered.

"Hey Fagin!" I called.

Right then and there, a man with a beard, and who looked like roadkill, showed himself.

"I made a new friend, his name is Oliver Twist." I introduced.

"Sir." Oliver responded, bowing.

"I hope I shall have the honor of your intimate acquaintance." Fagin said, shaking his hand.

Then, all of the other boys circled around Oliver to say hi to him, but then I noticed a few of them were be some peeking through his stuff.

"Hey!" I called. "That ain't your stuff, so quit goin' through it like it is!"

"Since when were you a stickler, Dodger?" They asked.
"Just tryin' to be a gentleman." I responded.

"Thanks Dodger." Oliver said.

"No problem…" I responded.

We all lied to Oliver about our profession; we made him believe that we made wallets, not pick people's pockets for wallets, and he had to work with me and Charlie, which he seemed to be happy about, but to be honest, I didn't think he was cut out for pick-pocketing people; he was way too naive and innocent; which Fagin just saw as an advantage to make him think he was a good guy. Now, I ain't gonna lie, I do enjoy what I do; it gives me a thrill, and it gives me something to do. I mean, I know it's bad and all, but what do you expect? It's either be a thief or be a slave, which sounds better to you? The one that gives you freedom, of course!


If you want to know where I got this idea from... Well, when I was watching the musical, I felt that it should have been Dodger who 'reviewed the situation', and not Fagin. Don't get me wrong, I thought Fagin was hilarious, but I did my research before I watched the movie, and I thought Fagin was too old to change his ways, and it just didn't make since to me, and if you want to be honest, I think Fagin is an overrated character. I mean, almost everyone has 'changed the plot for him.' It's actually getting kind of ridiculous to me.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this story, don't forget to review, and I will see you next time.