Asteroid Cat

Chapter 1: Baby Swing

Word Count: 1024

The incident had happened during the year America and Canada had bought their shared apartment.

It had been a normal day, Matthew had driven the hour and a half drive into Canada for Tim Hortons and a paperwork pick-up before heading back home. The weather was normal, the people were as normal as they could get and Matthew didn't get cut off on the freeway. Matthew got home around 3pm and decided to lounge on the couch, eating his forty-pack of Timbits and watching reruns of Friends.

The Canadian had just finished off a chocolate Timbit when his phone rang.

If Matthew had known then what he knew now, he never would have answered that phone.

"Hey Al, what's up?" Matthew asked, pushing a loose strand of hair behind his ear before moving to mute the TV.

The was a noise from the other end of the line that sounded like trees rustling in the wind before his brother spoke up.

"Um… Uhhh… Matt? I… Uhhhh.. I need some help. You know that old park that a few blocks away? Could you… Umm… Could you meet me there?"


Matthew had never gotten somewhere so fast in his life. Okay, that was a lie, but Matthew did bike to the park in record time.

Matthew couldn't help but think that Alfred had gotten mixed up with some gang or gotten mugged. I mean, when did Alfred Foster Jones ever ask for help? Not often and it was usually only when he got himself hurt.

Matthew was not prepared for the sight that greeted him when he saw his brother at the rusted swing set on the far side of the playground.

Alfred Foster Jones was stuck in a fucking baby swing. A baby swing.

A baby swing.

There sat the great US of A, his legs somehow stuck in the swing meant for toddlers, with a sheepish grin on his face.

"Look how silly this is"

Matthew blinked and looked at his brother. "Oh." Was all he could manage, confusion and disappointment shining in his eyes.



Matthew put his hands on his hips and stared at his brother.

"Oh oh oh-" Alfred parroted back before breaking into laughter.

Matthew blinked. "Okay." He said as he turned around and walked back towards his bike.

Alfred gasped for breath, laughing through his words. "Matty don't leave!" Alfred broke off into laughter once more.

"Matty don't-" Que strangled wheeze.


Matthew paused and turned around, looking Alfred dead in the eye.

"I love youuuu-" Alfred called from the swing.

Matthew shook his head. "No, I'm fucking done.

"I'm fucking done!" Matthew yelled as he walked back to Alfred.

"No you're not." The American wheezed.

"This is bullshit!" Matthew screeched as he pushed the swing Alfred was very uncomfortably positioned in.

"I'm gonna-" Alfred began as he tried to push out of the plastic death trap.

"This is fucking bullshit!" Matthew exclaimed as he ripped his glasses off his face, angrily rubbing at his violet eyes.

"I can't-"


"I can't get off."

Matthew stilled for a moment before exploding. "WHAT IS THIS!" He yelled, pulling off his sneaker and growing it at his brother.

"I'm stuck!" Alfred whimpered as he tried to dodge the shoe.

Matthew threw his head back and yelled at the sky. "WHAT IS MY LIFE!"

Alfred just kept laughing.

"I can't do it Al…" Matthew continued, looking at his brother, whose blue eyes were alight with amusement.

"I can't either!" Al yelled back.

Matthew looked how at his shoeless foot. "I can't fucking do it anymore…"

"WELL I TELL YOU WHAT MATT!" Alfred screeched. "YOU CAN GIVE UP NOW OR.."The blonde paused for a breath. "YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT" Alfred yelled, motioning to the swing. "Because I certainly can't do it without you and I know you can't do it without me!"

Matthew took a deep breath, cheeks red from frustration. "I appreciate it… But look what we're dealing with bro!"

Alfred began laughing again, tears of amusement gathering in the corner of his eyes. "Matty…"

"You gotta draw the line somewhere!" Matthew yelled, pushing his brother again as the thought of all of Alfred previous 'adventures'.

"Matty we g-"

"You gotta draw tHE FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND DUDE!" Matthew continued, kicking at the sand under his feet.

"Matty we-"

"You gotta make a statement!" Matthew cried as he began to pace around his brother. Alfred tried to hold in his laughter so that he could hear what his brother said next. It was very rare that Canada had a freak out and there was no way Alfred was missing a second of it.

"You gotta look inside yourself and say," The Canadian yelled, smashing his hand onto his chest. "What am I willing to put up with today?"

Matthew took a short pause before whirling around to look at his brother.

"NOT. FUCKING. THIS!" Matthew concluded shoving his brother as hard as he could.

Alfred's eyes widened as the swing pushed back and was thrown from the plastic chair from hell. "I'M OFF!" He screamed in delight.

Matthew just sat down in the slightly damp sand and put his head in his hands, contemplating his life choices.


Matthew didn't learn that the entire reason Alfred had been in the swing in the first place was because of a dare until he went to the next world meeting.

Apparently, a visiting Prussian and Dane had dared Al to get in the swing when he got stuck. After Al had called Matthew, the two Europeans hid in the tube slide of the play ground and filmed the entire thing, uploading it to HetaTube where it trended within the week.

Matthew completely gave up on having a decent reputation when his now dead-to-him-best-friend, Romano, played it during the conference. In front of the entire world.