By Biankies and Anjion
A/N: This is a collaboration between me and my good friend, Biankies, and is a tribute to the cast of Newsies (specifically those from the original Broadway cast), our favourite Crutchie, as played by the thoroughly gorgeous Andrew Keenan-Bolger, and of course Romeo, played by the ever cute Andy Richardson!
Disclaimer: We don't own any of the characters except Mac, Lacey and ourselves. Please read and review!
AA/N: Mac and Lacey are Newsies. Mac is the doctor to her friends and Lacey is Spot's second-in-command and annoys him mercilessly! Also featuring Pixie, as played by our friend Johanique. Enjoy!
(It has been a bad day for the Newsies of Manhattan; a day filled with bad headlines, Delanceys and lots of extra papes to sell, and they are more than happy now it is finally over, but none more so than Romeo. He is getting hungry and is making his way towards the Lodging House where the boys' good friends Anjion and Biankies – better known as Stars and Mouse – are preparing a nice home cooked dinner.
As he walks along, he hears three unfamiliar voices from a nearby alley...)
OMAR: I told you we should have turned left back at the place with the newspapers!
KASSIM: No, you said right and we went right!
BABKAK: Can't we just ask someone already?! I'm starving and Stars said she's gonna make lamb stew!
(Upon hearing a name he knows, Romeo peers around the corner and sees three young men; one in red, one in blue and one in green.)
ROMEO: Who are you?
OMAR: (ignoring the Newsie) Maybe he can tell us where to go.
KASSIM: (turning to Romeo) Hey, do you know how to get to the Duane Street Lodging house?
ROMEO: I'm going that way, I'll take you.
(A few moments later, at the Lodging House)
ANJION: (to Biankies) I bet you they've got lost. They should have been here by now!
ROMEO: (entering) Hey, I found these three arguing in an alley... (He is followed by Babkak, Omar and Kassim, who are bickering.)
ANJION: Oh, there you are, boys! We were wondering where you were!
OMAR: It was Kassim's fault, he kept telling me to go the wrong way!
KASSIM: No, you lost the directions that Mouse gave you, and then Babkak just had to steal that fancy sausage and get us chased...
BABKAK: Hey! It wasn't my fault...
BIANKIES: (putting a cake in the oven) Guys, quit that fighting or you won't get dessert! The only thing that matters is that you're here.
ALBERT: (eyeing the cake) We should have those two over more often.
RACE: Yeah, we can actually eat what they cook...
(A loud crash is heard as someone slams the front door, and a furious looking Spot arrives in the kitchen a moment later. Jack, who was standing right behind the door, sinks softly to the ground, unconscious.)
SPOT: (bellowing) LACEY!
(Everyone stares at the soaking Spot, who is seething. Lacey smirks to herself.)
LACEY: (innocently) Yes, Spot?
SPOT: (still shouting) I told you not to put banana skins on the pier! You know I hate gettin' wet!
(He looks to Anjion and Biankies for support but they just raise an eyebrow in perfect unison and Spot knows he's already beaten. He sits down and sulks.)
SPOT: Some help you are...
(Meanwhile, Omar has been looking curiously around him and spots Specs' favourite book lying open. What he doesn't see is the glass of water right next to it until it is too late...)
OMAR: (nervously) Oops... S-sorry...
SPECS: (absolutely furious) YOU RUINED MY BOOK!
BIANKIES: (leaning closer to Anjion, Lacey and Mac) Here we go. Stars, get the tissues and mop ready...
OMAR: (sniffling) I said I was sorry.
KASSIM: Not again. (He glares at a snickering Race) Omar, stop crying!
DAVEY: (frowning at Omar) Don't worry about it. I have a copy I can give Specs.
(He goes off, Specs calms down and all is well...)
DAVEY: (returning with the copy of the book) Hey, Specs, here's the book!
(Specs takes the book with a big grin and holds it to him.
And then disaster happens. A random gust of wind blows the door open with a crash, causing Elmer, who is right beside it, to jump violently and leap onto the nearest person, who happens to be Omar. Omar, startled, tries to bolt but merely ends up shoving Kassim into Specs, who lets go of the book...which lands in the blazing fire.)
SPECS: (in anguish) NOOOOooooo...
DAVEY: (coldly, to Kassim) That was my only copy.
KASSIM: (as other angry Newsies advance) Hey, it was an accident...
LES: Hey! It wasn't his fault! It was Elmer!
(Spot immediately grabs Elmer and raises a fist.)
ELMER: It w-wasn't me! Omar pushed him!
(Omar is cornered by JoJo and Albert.)
CRUTCHIE: Guys! No fighting! Jack wouldn't like it, you know.
RACE: Crutchie's right! There's only one way to solve this! I propose...a Prank War!
EVERYONE ELSE: (drowning him out) YES!
RACE: Then let's get started...
BIANKIES AND ANJION: WAIT!
(We race around the kitchen to make it prank proof and set up timers to make sure our food doesn't burn while we're busy...)
OMAR: Are you done yet?!
BIANKIES: (coming out of the kitchen after Anjion and closing the door) Okay, now you can start.
DAVEY: Okay, guys, let's split up into teams... Mac, Lacey, why do you look so pleased with yourselves?
MAC: No reason.
LACEY: Don't mind us...
(Davey shrugs and turns away, and as soon as he does, the girls whip a pair of custard pies from behind their backs and charge. Mac gets Race and Davey, and Lacey gets Specs and Spot! And suddenly the war has begun in earnest!)
BIANKIES: Lacey, Mac, those had better not be the ones Stars and I made for the dessert!
LACEY AND MAC: (looking a little guilty) Maybe...
(Spot, Davey, Specs and Race chase the laughing girls outside. Albert looks craftily sideways at Finch, then snatches Finch's hat and makes a break for it.)
FINCH: Hey! Bring that back!
ALBERT: Come and catch me!
(And he dashes off with Finch and the other boys in hot pursuit...)
(Biankies and Anjion each grab their timers before following the boys outside...)
BIANKIES: Hey, Stars, how about we go get Lacey and Mac to help us pull a little trick on Spot?
SPECS: (running towards us with a stranger in tow) Hey Mouse! Stars! Wait up!
(Biankies and Anjion share a nervous look as they slow down slightly to let the two newcomers catch up...)
ANJION: Hey, Specs, who's your friend?
SPECS: (puffing slightly) This is Pixie. She just helped me escape from Spot; he's in a really bad mood.
(Pixie waves nervously.)
ANJION: Well, anyone who can outwit Spot and live to tell the tale is welcome to join us. We're just off to play a trick on him now.
MAC AND LACEY: (suddenly appearing round the corner, giggling) Ooh, can we help?
BIANKIES: (grinning evilly with Anjion) Sure. We're gonna need all the help we can get for this one...
SPECS AND PIXIE: We're in.
(Biankies and Anjion pull everyone in closer as they explain the plan with Cheshire cat grins...)
MAC: So where is this warehouse?
ANJION: Well -
(She is interrupted by a loud yell from nearby; it sounds like Race. She raises a questioning eyebrow at Mac and Lacey.)
MAC: Oh, we just set a little trap for Race. We'll have to run very fast when we rejoin the chase!
ANJION: OK. So, Pixie, Specs, you go with Mouse and do exactly what she tells you. Mac, Lacey, you come with me...
BIANKIES: (as soon as everything is set up) Now remember what to do...
(A moment later Anjion, Mac and Lacey come running into the warehouse with an angry Spot Conlon right on their heels...)
SPOT: (still glaring at Lacey) What am I doing here exactly...?
SPOOKY VOICE: Leave my home at once!
SPOT: (trying to be macho but sounding more nervous) What's going on here?
(Biankies runs up to him, squeaking and pointing behind him at a book which is floating eerily in the air and coming closer...)
SPOT: (grabbing Lacey who is still standing close by) RUN!
(He disappears. As soon as he's gone, Pixie and Specs come out of their hiding places, still laughing.)
LACEY: That was awesome!
SPECS: Yeah, it was! Good job with that spooky voice, Pixie.
MAC: Yeah, well done Pixie!
(Outside, voices can suddenly be heard.)
KASSIM: Quickly, Omar, this way! Before Babkak catches us!
OMAR: (giggling) He sure looked funny with that egg on his head...
LACEY: Come on, let's join in! (She and Mac disappear.)
SPECS: Pixie, you come with me. (He and Pixie run off.)
ANJION: Well, Mouse, looks like it's just us again. Come on...
BIANKIES: (looking at Anjion with a sly grin) Shall we go watch the fun for a bit? I bet they're getting into all sorts of trouble...
(As we disappear around the corner, two Newsies appear around another, each carrying a bucket full of bulging water balloons...)
RACE: (appearing from somewhere and addressing one of the boys) Hey Les, what've you got there?
LES: Water balloons!
ROMEO: We're gonna throw them at whoever comes round that corner next!
SPOT: (appearing next to Race) Let us help...
(They hide. A few moments later...)
SPECS: Hey, Pixie, this way! I know a way to give Finch the slip...
(The four boys grin at each other and prepare...)
(A moment later Specs and Pixie come around the corner, only to walk into a water balloon ambush!)
PIXIE: (dripping wet, shivering and glaring at the equally wet Specs) This is the last time we use one of your short cuts, Specs.
RACE: (laughing at the pair) Not so tough now are ya, Specs?
SPECS: We'll getcha, Race, just you wait! You too Romeo!
RACE AND ROMEO: Yeah right!
LES: (hiding behind Romeo) It's fun being the shortest.
FINCH: Hey Albert, Henry and JoJo are coming this way!
ALBERT: (busily tying a knot in something) OK, I'm nearly done... There! Now then...
(Henry and JoJo come sprinting round the corner, covered in mud.)
HENRY: Look, there they are!
JOJO: (excitedly) LET'S GET 'EM!
(They charge at the two grinning boys... and fall flat on their faces as they trip over the trip wire. Albert and Finch run off laughing, unaware that two girls are waiting for them not that far away...)
(As soon as the two boys are out in the open, Mac and Lacey pop up from their hiding places, holding water guns...)
LACEY: (grinning at the nervous looking boys) Ready Mac?
MAC: (also grinning like the Cheshire cat) Ready.
LACEY: Then Fire!
(The girls start squirting the boys with a pungent smelling liquid, while two sneaky authors watch from a safe spot...)
BIANKIES: Vinegar on their clothes... Classic. They'll be smelling like a fish and chips factory all day.
ANJION: Ha ha, we'll have to get those girls back, won't we?
BUTTONS: (cautiously) Elmer? Elmer, I saw you come this way. Elmer? Where are you?
(Suddenly, a bucket of water is upended over his head and he yells blue murder, while a laughing Elmer descends from the roof and runs, pursued by Buttons...)
(Elmer and Buttons make their way through the streets and around the corner where they run into Romeo and Les, who are running away from Specs and Pixie, who are wearing spooky costumes. The smaller boys easily dodge them, only to be covered in blue paint by Sniper, who is hiding on a fire escape.)
CRUTCHIE: (desperately trying to dodge pranks and restore the order) Specs, Pixie, quit chasing 'em! Sniper, don't! Fellas, listen ta me! Jack left me in charge!
(Everyone ignores him and dashes away in all directions.)
CRUTCHIE: Guys, this ain't funny! You know I can't keep up!
TOMMY BOY: (zooming down the hill in a runaway cart) CRUTCHIE, LOOK OUT!
(He somehow manages to grab the boy onto the cart before it runs him over, and they both yell as the thing speeds onwards.)
CRUTCHIE: TOO FAST, TOO FAAAAAAAAST!
BIANKIES: Well, that was interesting. Poor Crutchie...
(Just then, a cry for help can be heard from down the street...)
ANJION: (looking at Biankies) Someone needs help, Mouse. Shall we go see?
(Biankies nods and we hurry towards the sound, soon joined by Specs and Pixie. But there is no sign of anyone...)
SPECS: Huh? Where are they?
(Our answer comes soon enough when we are pelted with rotten eggs! We have walked straight into an ambush set up by Mike and Ike, the twins!)
BIANKIES, ANJION, PIXIE AND SPECS: HEY!
(We all chase after them...)
BIANKIES: (still slightly angry) We gotta do something...
(Anjion just shakes her head giving the famous 'not gonna happen' look.)
BIANKIES: (pouting slightly) Fine...
PIXIE: Can we get rid of these eggs now?
SPOT: (popping up again with Race, Les and Romeo) That's our cue!
ROMEO: Get 'em!
(The boys start throwing their ice cold water balloons at the four of us.)
(She grabs one of the balloons and hurls it at Romeo, soaking him, and he squeals. His next shot is diverted and he hits Spot instead of Biankies, and soon all 8 of us are having a massive water balloon fight!)
(Then an ink-splattered Davey rushes by, chased by Mac and Lacey, who are still wielding waterguns, this time filled with pilfered ink...)
(A dizzy Crutchie staggers onto the scene.)
CRUTCHIE: Guys, stop this at once!
(He staggers off again.)
SPECS: (looking after Crutchie) Come on Pixie, lets go help.
Pixie: (glaring at Spot and throwing one last water balloon at him) Yeah.
(The two of them follow Crutchie down the street as a large crash is heard in the alley to our left... The sudden noise has all four boys and the ever cowardly Biankies jumping behind Anjion...)
ANJION: Wow! They didn't jump on me this ti-
(A squealing Omar comes hurtling out of the alley and barrels straight into Anjion. He is followed by two strange hairy creatures with huge fangs!)
ANJION: Owww... Kassim, Babkak, did you borrow those from Medda?
KASSIM: (removing his fluffy head) How did you know it was me?
(Babkak also removes his head.)
ANJION: I just know... Omar, get off!
BIANKIES: (to Anjion, looking like a lost toddler) But you said that you'd send me to Brooklyn if I ever jumped on you again...
SPOT: (glaring threateningly at Biankies and Anjion) What's wrong with Brooklyn?
BIANKIES: (still looking upset, pointing at Anjion) She said its the worst place ever. She said that the Newsies there are just mean and rude and I'd best stay in Manhattan.
(Spot growls and takes a step closer to Anjion, who runs away with Spot right behind her...)
BIANKIES: (smirking and giving Omar a high five) Good job, boys! The three of you really earned that extra slice of cake...
(Anjion runs as fast as possible, leading Spot towards the docks. She rushes towards the water's edge, then shies away at the last moment. But Spot, who seems to fall for this every time, cannot stop and plunges head first into the river. Anjion flees, pausing only to grab up a bucket of ice...)
ANJION: Hey Mouse, I'm coming...
(Anjion runs up behind her unsuspecting friend and tips the ice down her neck...)
(Biankies squeaks and jumps around awkwardly, bumping into everyone...)
BIANKIES: That was cold, Stars! Literally...
(Everyone laughs, and then a pair of familiar 'dings' is heard from the pockets of Anjion and Biankies...)
ANJION: EVERYBODY, FREEZE!
(Everyone but Biankies and Anjion literally freeze into unmoving statues.)
ANJION: (to Biankies) Hey, no one said we couldn't use a bit of artistic licence...
(We run as fast as possible back to the Lodging House, passing a statuesque Crutchie, and manage to save the dinner just in time.)
ANJION: Hey, I know how to get back at Mac and Lacey... We're gonna need Romeo and Les...
BIANKIES: (grinning evilly as she removes cake from the oven and quickly fixes the icing) Keep talking, Starsie, I'm listening...
(Anjion swiftly outlines the plan and the two girls giggle.)
ANJION: So, do you know where that huge old tub of gunge has gone? I know that Medda has plenty of glitter... And now we'd better get back and unfreeze everybody.
BIANKIES: That we should. Now, I think I know where to find it.
(Biankies and Anjion quickly head their own ways to set up their next prank before unfreezing the rest...)
(A little later)
ANJION: (to the immobile throng) OK guys, you can move again now!
(Everyone unfreezes and resumes what they were doing, apparently none the wiser.)
ANJION: (to Les and Romeo) Guys, I need you to go tell everyone EXCEPT Mac and Lacey to gather by that old theatre place; you know, the one with the random railings round the roof?
LES AND ROMEO: You got it!
(They run off and Anjion goes to look for Babkak, Omar and Kassim. She soon finds them, unfrozen and arguing.)
ANJION: Boys, come with me. Mouse and I need your help...
KASSIM: (suspiciously) This isn't just so you can prank us, right?
OMAR: Yeah, we never know with you guys.
BIANKIES: Oh, this is about a prank, but it's one we need you guys to help us with.
BABKAK: Can we get more cake for this?
BIANKIES: No, but I'm sure Stars has a few cookies somewhere and I know Pixie has cupcakes.
ANJION: When don't I have cookies? None of you guys are scared of heights, are you?
BABKAK, OMAR AND KASSIM: No...
ANJION: Good, then here's what we want you to do...
(A short time later, everyone is gathered together. They are all still pranking each other, as instructed... Then Pixie and Specs come dashing round the corner, followed by Mac and Lacey.)
SPECS: EVERYONE, LOOK OUT!
ANJION: (speaking softly into a walkie talkie) Mouse, they're nearly in position...
(Biankies, who is in the crowd, nudges Spot and begins a countdown... But just as Spot shouts "Now!", Crutchie hobbles up with Jack and stands in just the wrong place...)
CRUTCHIE: Guys! Please stop all this! Look at all this mess, it's a disgr-
(And he is cut off as he, Jack, Mac and Lacey are covered in bright purple, glittery slime...)
MAC AND LACEY: AAAAGGGH!
JACK: (still in shock and spitting out slime) What is this? I think we're havin' dinner, then I get knocked out; when I come round I find no one there, and now I've been slimed!
(Everyone looks around guiltily and moves to hide behind Anjion, Biankies and Pixie...)
PIXIE: (glaring at Specs who is hiding behind her) Thanks for the help, Specs.
BIANKIES: Get used to it Pixie, they do this every time.
SPOT: (hiding near the back) Oh, like you're any better, Mouse!
BIANKIES: True... (She joins the rest of the Newsies hiding behind Anjion...)
ANJION: (to Pixie) Looks like it's just you and me against the wrath of Crutchie and Jack...
MUSH: (to Jack) We were just trying to avenge the death of Specs' favourite book.
JACK: (in disbelief) You mean all this mess is over a book?!
(Nobody answers him, but everyone averts their eyes...)
CRUTCHIE: (wiping slime out of his eyes with his hand) Yes, well, while you are all out throwing paint at each other, a group of factory boys are eating your dinner. I didn't bother to stop them...
(There is silence as Crutchie's words sink in and everybody looks at each other. And then...)
(He leaves the roof at an impossible speed and dashes away. A few seconds later, he is followed by a mad stampede of boys (and girls), all trying to be the first back to the Lodging House, and soon Crutchie is the only person left.)
CRUTCHIE: (grinning with satisfaction) Heh heh, that got 'em alright! I win for once!
(And, still laughing, he sets out for home.)
(A little while later, back at the Lodging House, everyone is cleaned up and sitting down, ready to enjoy a nice home cooked dinner...)
BIANKIES: (smiling mischievously as she heads to the kitchen) Hey Starsie, are you plotting what I'm plotting?
CRUTCHIE AND JACK: (overhearing) Don't even think about it!
(But Anjion returns the look with an equally evil look of her own as she picks up one of the pies made for dessert...)
BABKAK: Aren't the three of us supposed to get extra cake for helping Mouse?
EVERYONE: Not now Babkak!
(At an unspecified place and time...)
ANJION: So, Andrew, in your opinion, who's the cutest Crutchie?
ANDREW KEENAN-BOLGER: Why, me of course!
MARTY BELEFSKY: No, I'm the cutest! People love me!
ANDREW: No, I am! People cry when I get beaten up and taken to the Refuge!
MARTY: (slyly) Well, I was the first ever Crutchy! So I'm the best!
ANDREW: And I originated the role on Broadway! And people think I'm adorable cause I'm so little!
ANDY RICHARDSON AND ZACHARY SAYLE: Hey, what about us?
ANDREW AND MARTY: GO AWAY!
(They go, looking sad.)
BIANKIES: Don't worry, boys, we love you too.
MARTY: Hey, Pixie, which of us do you think is cuter?
(Pixie ignores them and instead goes across to Ryan Steele.)
PIXIE: Actually, I think Ryan is the cutest...
(Sorry, Andrew, we couldn't resist it...)