Raven was proud of herself for holding it together as she headed to Abby's quarters, trying to think about anything except the reason she was going there. She stopped as she found the door open and Marcus Kane looking through her things.
"What are you doing here?" She demanded.
Marcus jumped at the unexpected and very angry voice. "Raven," he greeted, turning away from the papers on Abby's desk. He was tempted to remind her that he didn't answer to a mere mechanic but considering he was no longer Chancellor he supposed he didn't have the right to say so. "I'm just trying to find out who attacked Abby."
"Maybe you should wait until she's awake so she can tell you who did it, instead of going through her stuff without her consent."
Marcus clenched his jaw. "You don't run things here Raven," he finally reminded her.
"Neither do you." Raven retorted. "Look, Jackson asked me to come here and clean up..." her eyes fell on the bloodstain on the floor and she swallowed, trying not to picture brave, beautiful Abby laying there all alone. She wouldn't let this man stop her from protecting Abby.
Marcus sighed as he saw the despair on Raven's face and while he wasn't sure he liked it, he couldn't deny there was a bond between Abby and Raven that he would never understand and never share with the doctor. "Okay Raven. I'll leave you to it." He left Abby's quarters, wondering how, even with everything going on, he had failed to see their go-to mechanic was in love with their chief surgeon and current Chancellor.
Raven followed Kane to the door, closing it behind him. She slowly turned around and walked into the room, smiling slightly at the organized mess that was so perfectly Abby before her eyes fell on the spot where Abby nearly….her legs gave out and she collapsed on the bed, hand over her mouth to hold back her cries as image after image of Abby Griffin filled her mind. Abby, who always looked so strong and stoic no matter the crisis, who could be a truly spectacular badass when she was in protective mode and so gentle when she was in doctor mode. Abby, who let only Raven see her hurting when she was missing her daughter and who Raven had hurt so cruelly for no reason except pride and had still called Raven friend. And Abby, who was laying unconscious in medical with knife wounds on her body because she she couldn't handle her pain anymore.
Raven wiped away her tears and got to her feet. There wasn't time for her to wallow in her own regrets. She had put her own feelings first too many times which is why the best person she'd ever known had nearly bled to death alone in her own quarters. She needed to clean up the blood so Abby wouldn't have to relive whatever drove her to do what she did. She had to show Abby how sorry she was and how wrong she had been. She had to show her that there was someone here who cared for her, just the way she was and was strong enough to lean on when Abby's struggles became too much for her to carry alone.
After an hour, Raven was forced to accept that no matter how hard she scrubbed the blood wouldn't come completely out. Ignoring the shooting pain down her leg, she finally gave up and struggled to her feet. She would find another way but in the meantime she looked around the room for anything she could find that they could tell Kane caused Abby's injuries. After a while she finally found it. There was a piece of metal jutting from the wall near the door, most likely left over damage from the crash. It wasn't really big enough to be seen unless you were looking for it, but still it was dangerous enough that Kane should buy it. She'd tell Jackson that's what she fell against but there was no way Raven was going to let it stay. It may not have hurt Abby this time but it still could.
She hurried back to her workshop as quick as she was able and grabbed her tools. On her way out spied a large square piece of scrap metal and an idea struck her on how to hide the blood stain with something better. Something that would hopefully make Abby smile when she saw it. She would work out the design while she made the repairs to Abby's quarters and then talk to Griggs, one of the other mechanics from the Ark but first she needed to see Abby more than she'd ever needed anything and she made her way to medical.
"I'm not staying here Jackson."
Raven would know that low smoky voice anywhere. It was the only sound in the universe that made her shiver. Realizing how close she'd come to never hearing it again nearly broke her.
"Abby, you've lost a lot of blood and you're weak," Jackson stated firmly. "You're not going anywhere. Not until you tell me what happened."
Raven saw the fear on Abby's face even from where she stood. It made her angry because no matter what anyone threw at her she had only seen Abby afraid a handful of times, all of them involving her daughter and Raven wanted to tear into anyone that made her feel that way. Besides, she knew that Jackson had figured out what happened and didn't understand why he would push her right now. However, she trusted him just enough not to walk over and punch him in the eye. Yet.
"I found the problem," Raven interrupted.
Abby turned and saw Raven and her heart stopped. Despite her grogginess and the pain in her stomach, she hadn't forgotten the words Raven had said to her, but the anxiety in the younger woman's face was in complete contrast to the angry insult she'd thrown at her before.
"Raven," she greeted cautiously, swallowing at the shaky smile on Raven's face and the tears in her eyes.
"Hey Abby," Raven said gently, approaching her bed. "I'm glad you're awake."
"Yes and now I want to go home."
"That's not happening Abby," Jackson interjected.
"I feel fine."
"Then why don't you tell me why Kane found you lying in a pool of blood in your quarters?" Jackson pushed, hoping Abby would open up to him but not expecting she would.
"Marcus found me?" Abby whispered already horrified at knowing she'd miscalculated enough to end up in medical but mortified that Marcus Kane of all people had found her.
"He did. He believes someone attacked you and wants to start an investigation," Jackson said deliberately.
Abby felt sick. Marcus couldn't know what she'd done. He would take the only things she had left.
"I uh...I went to your quarters to clean up, so you wouldn't have to," Raven spoke up, drawing an alarmed look from Abby that sent a stab of pain through her. "I found the piece of metal you ran into Abby," she added quickly. "You know the one sticking out near the door?"
Abby's eyes slid shut. Clearly Raven knew the truth but she was covering for her and she had no idea what to make of that. "Oh," she said weakly and then jumped when she felt a warm calloused hand on hers. Her eyes opened to meet Raven's and was confused by the far too serious look on her face.
"Don't worry Abby. I'm going to fix it. I'm going to fix everything," Raven swore solemnly, leaving Abby to wonder if there was another meaning behind the simple words, but then Raven offered her trademark smirk. "But, I need you to stay here overnight because I...uh...saw some other possible damage from the crash that needs repairs."
Jackson nodded his approval at Raven for her quick thinking, though he suspected the mechanic was up to something. Seeing her smiling at Abby while gently brushing hair from her eyes, he knew it would be something designed to win the doctor's heart.
"She's going to stay here tonight with no complaint, won't you Doctor Griffin?"
Abby heaved an irritated sigh. "Fine."
"I'll remember your easy cooperation next time you're trying to make me stay confined to a hospital bed against my will," Raven teased, though her smile vanished when Abby shifted and then whimpered in pain.
"I've got to go," she said, knowing she'd cry if she stayed any longer. "I'll have your quarters fixed by tomorrow," she said and then all but ran from Medical, leaving Abby frowning behind her and Jackson shaking his head.
"What's wrong with Raven?" Abby asked, turning to look at Jackson. "Did something happen? Is she okay?"
There it is, Jackson thought. It seemed Ravings feelings weren't one sided. It was a shame Raven didn't know that, it would keep her from sticking her foot in her mouth again, he thought with amusement. Now, however, it was time to deal with Abby.
"What's wrong with Raven is that she blames herself for what happened to you."
Abby frowned. "What? Why, she didn't crash the Ark and cause the..."
"Stop Abby. I know the truth about what happened," Jackson said more angry than he had wanted to show. "Raven blames herself for your getting drunk and cutting yourself."
"Jackson," Abby shifted and once again, pain shot through her at the movement.
"Quit moving," Jackson ordered. "Don't try to deny it Abby. I've seen the other scars. I'm not going to tell anyone," he quickly asserted when he saw the panicked denial on her face.
"You don't understand," Abby whispered, shame for her lack of self control forcing her to look away from the man she'd always trusted more than almost anyone.
"I think I do," he said gently, "but I'm not going to force you to talk to me about it. Not yet but Abby, you nearly killed yourself."
Abby closed her eyes. She'd been drunk again, trying to forget Raven's words and the coldness on her face as she told Abby how horrible she was. Instantly Abby had relived every failure she'd ever made as doctor and chancellor. She knew Raven had been right but then regret began to overtake doubts followed by memories and sounds of things she wanted nothing more than to forget. She needed to defeat it and there was only one way. She had grabbed the scalpel she had taken from medical and lifted her shirt, all the while images of Raven and Clarke blurred together both looking at her with anger and disappointment. She began the delicate slice across her skin when something banged against the door and startled her so badly the knife went deeper than she intended and the next thing she remembered was waking up with Jackson looking down at her.
"It was an accident," she muttered.
"I'm sure it was. You're too god a surgeon to make such a mistake. My concern is why you did this to yourself in the first place. I know you've been under more pressure than I can ever begin to imagine, but Abby, you're a doctor. You had to know..."
"I do know," she interrupted angrily. 'And you said you wouldn't make me talk."
"I won't, on one condition."
Abby suspected it would be that she never cut again, though she wasn't sure she could keep that promise.
"I want you to talk to Raven."
Abby couldn't have been more shocked or more terrified. "Raven? Why?" If anything she would have expected him to say Marcus, which she would never do.
Jackson watched Abby's face closely. "Because she loves you."
Abby stared at Jackson as if she'd never seen him before. "That's absurd," she stammered, ignoring the little flutter in her chest.
"And I'm pretty sure her feelings aren't entirely one sided."
"Are you insane?" Abby hissed. "What if someone heard you? What if she heard you. She's young enough to be my daughter, Jackson. She'd be horrified at best."
"No, she wouldn't," Jackson smirked, "and I don't hear you denying it."
Oh how Abby longed to do just that but the words simply wouldn't come. "Jackson, don't do this to me," she pleaded.
"Okay, I'll stop," Jackson agreed, not wanting to upset her any further but guessing her complicated feelings for Raven were part of her struggles. "Just please. Talk to her. I know how much you carry alone, but you don't have to and I think Raven is probably the one person in this place you can truly be honest with."
"How can I?" Abby choked. "She already sees me as weak."
"No she doesn't. What she said to you...she's afraid Abby. Just like you and believe me when I tell you she wants nothing more than to be there for you."
Abby snorted, though it sounded more like a sob. "You're wrong. Raven is just a kid Jackson and she has her own problems to deal with."
"Now who's being absurd Chancellor," Jackson chuckled but his smile quickly faded. "Raven has never been 'just a kid', even before we reached the ground. We both saw that first hand when she snuck into the monitoring room through the airducts. And, to be honest, I think she needs you as much as you need her."
"She's got her friends here," Abby argued as she felt her own loneliness seeping in.
"She wants you Abby," Jackson said bluntly. He wasn't horribly comfortable talking about his boss's love life, but it needed to be done. "Look, we both know how fragile life is here. Don't let an insignificant age difference or anything else prevent you from grabbing on to whatever happiness you find, but you can't keep going the way you are, holding everything inside. You need someone to let someone in Abby or you'll burn out, kill yourself or make a mistake that can't be undone."
Abby sighed. He was right but the thought of dropping her walls even just a little, terrified her. "I'll think about what you said," she replied dully, "but now, since I'm stuck here, I'm going to try and sleep."
"Good idea, but Abby, I have to tell you that if I even suspect you're cutting again, I will tell Kane and even if he isn't Chancellor he can force a new election and I will insist you stay out of medical until I trust your judgment. Got it?"
Abby was surprised and rather impressed by the younger doctor and how he has finally become the type of doctor she always knew he was, but she was still to raw to deal with anything else so she simply nodded.
Jackson knew he wouldn't be getting a response so he stepped away from her bed. All he could do was hope Raven would let her own walls down long enough to reach her.