Chapter 23 – The Goblin Assault Course Part 1

Okay – so remember when I said this chapter would be ready in two weeks… Apparently, I meant two years! Very sorry about this, and thankyou to those who have hung around – this will be finished, promise!

You may want to go back and refresh yourselves with the last chapter at least…

Disclaimer – I own nothing, am not making a profit from anything related to Labyrinth, all original characters owned by Henson et al.

Quick reference character list at the bottom of Chapter 1.

Oh, before I forget – WARNING – there be smutty stuff, if it's not your thing, please scroll down to the next set of ~GK~GK~

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"Wait!" Sarah cried.

Jareth pulled back, her command giving him pause but his eyes reflected his impatience.

"Someone might see," Sarah gasped, her own eyes mirroring his want.

Without another word, Jareth apparated them from the alleyway to his rooms in the Goblin Castle.

Sarah nearly lost the contents of her stomach as she found herself spinning and then landing abruptly in Jareth's suite with his hands wrapped round her thighs. Before she could even swallow the bile, she was thrust up against a wall and his mouth laid claim to hers.

Sarah struggled wildly and pushed his shoulders back, taking in large lungfuls of air in the hopes of keeping the sickness attack at bay.

"What is it, precious?" Jareth asked, finally recognising her distress and lowering her to the ground.

"Do you have to fucking DO THAT?" she wheezed, bending low to regain her equilibrium. "I'm way too pissed to be zapping across the Kingdom, you complete arse!"

Jareth's eyebrows raised at the put down. He cursed his own stupidity—of course Sarah wouldn't be sufficiently accustomed to apparating, especially when intoxicated. That led him to think about her current state of mind and he felt uneasy that the lines of consent may be blurred.

The uneasiness was short lived when she glared at him as if she would like nothing better than to kick him in the bollocks. He ascertained that she was sufficiently coherent and not likely to be coerced into something she didn't want to do. However, to avoid recriminations tomorrow…

"I apologise." With a flick of Jareth's wrist, a chalice containing the smoky pink potion appeared in his hand, which he then offered to her.

Recognising it as the sobering tonic from their first 'date' night at The Pleasure Meadow, Sarah reached out and took the glass, downing it in one go and taking another deep breath as she felt the effects of the elixir spreading through her body.

"You're taking a bit of a risk there, aren't you, Goblin King?" Sarah commented, straightening up slowly from her crouched position and putting the glass on the nearby mantlepiece.

"How so?" Jareth asked, cocking his head to the side as his eyes lingered at her gaping shirt.

"Sobering me up. Aren't you worried I might no longer find you attractive, with my wits about me?" Sarah's eyes twinkled in challenge.

Jareth's eyes darkened slightly as he noticed the tell-tale racing of the pulse at her throat. He stepped towards her and quickly snatched her around the waist.

She yelped in surprise as he spun her back to his favourite spot against the wall.

"On the contrary," he began, leaning forward to whisper in her ear. "The fact that you can't take your eyes off me and you're licking your lips, without the aid of goblin ale, tells me all I need to know. Any concerns I had about your ability to consent are quickly vanishing, precious," Jareth hissed, before licking a stripe from her collar to her jaw and grazing his teeth along the vein in her neck.

Sarah threw her head back and let out the most embarrassing whine as she shuddered involuntarily. He must have majored in biology at his Fae school to know where her most sensitive nerve endings were. She began shaking, feeling all at once hot then cold.

Not one to waste an opportunity, Jareth traced his hands up under her shirt, relieved to find she was not wearing any form of dragonhide underwear, but a rather alluring balconette bra. He traced his fingers over the slopes of her breasts as his mouth travelled down her collarbone towards the dip in her shirt.

Sarah was fast losing the ability to care about her speech from the previous night. Did she want to share him? No. Did she want him to stop? Hell no! She felt Jareth dragging his fingers down her breasts and pulling the cups of her bra under her nipples. She then felt his tingly magic fingers grazing the tips of her breasts and she pulled her body up against his, wrapping her legs like a vine around his waist, dragging her sex across his through their clothes and groaning like a well-versed hooker.

Jareth was amazed at the strength she displayed as he suddenly felt his bottom half being strangled in a vice like grip. Through the haze of his lust there was a part of him that was patting himself on the back for all the pole sessions she was undertaking that he was now benefitting from, although if she didn't let up her grip soon, one of his heads was going to suffer from a lack of blood supply. He dragged his fingers across her ribs and the sudden ticklish feeling made Sarah jolt from her position as human sex limpet.

She dropped her legs to the floor and gazed at his unusually flustered features. She licked her lips at the tousled picture he presented, and her eyes dragged down from his dishevelled shirt to the impressive bulge in his pants. Deciding now was a good as time as any to ascertain the answer to Susan's question that morning, Sarah grabbed Jareth and manoeuvred him to the wall, effectively swapping their positions. She then dropped down to her knees and wrenched open the plaquette to his trousers, holding eye contact throughout.

"I think it's time I return the favour, don't you?" she purred. Not waiting for an answer before she shoved his pants down to his knees and pressed her pouted lips to the tip of his cock, nibbling softly.

Jareth's eyes were as wide as his owl form's. At no point when he woke up that morning, did he think he would be looking down into his champion's eyes whilst she wrapped her lips around his cock, her tongue lapping the underside of his frenulum. Just when he thought he could comprehend the situation, she started to move her lips and tongue along his shaft and he almost collapsed. If it wasn't for the copious amounts of alcohol in his system, he was convinced the episode would have ended already with him disgracing himself. His hands clung to the wall behind him, pushing against it to hold himself upright, whilst Sarah treated him to Champion Fantasy No.3 and began to take him fully into her mouth, pausing at the base to hollow out her cheeks. He tried to reach forward to grasp her hair, but he knew if he let go of the wall he was going to slip. Incoherent sounds started to babble past his lips, as the vision before him kept up her relentless torture, taking him deeper into her mouth with each stroke.

Sarah stared up at Jareth, the image he presented had her in awe of herself. I'm doing that to him, he's losing control and it's all because of me! She knew she had an effect on him, but this was better than any fantasy. Any imaginings she had of sex acts with Jareth, always revolved around him being the aggressor, the pursuer, and her the willing and sometimes not so willing recipient. But this was so much better, to have someone that powerful and beautiful at her mercy was a heady feeling. Sarah was shocked to discover she had an inner dom. She was never averse to oral sex with her partners, but this was the first time she got turned on when giving head. Part of her was ashamed to feel she was getting off on controlling her nemesis, but she couldn't resist the surge of satisfaction at having his pleasure at her mercy. The last time he looked at her like that, he was backing away from her during their final confrontation, begging her to stop… At the thought, she released him from her mouth and tilted her head in question.

"Jareth," her voice low, but steady. "Do you want me to stop?"

Jareth let out a squeak but shook his head in the negative. Somehow, he could tell she was not teasing him, but checking for his consent to the switch in power play. He felt a slight twinge in his chest at her concern and his eyes softened at the picture she presented—on her knees, at his feet, but her thoughts being on his comfort.

Sarah grinned broadly before taking up where she had left off, bringing her hands into play by stroking his thighs and cupping his balls. Jareth threw his head back against the wall, gasping for breath whilst secretly smiling. Best parade day ever!

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Sarah awoke the next morning in her own bed, a small smile crept over her features as she remembered the previous evening. After literally bringing Jareth to his knees, she thanked him for a pleasant evening and brushed a soft kiss against his lips as he sat there in a pool of his limbs on the floor by the wall.

"What… you are leaving?"

"Oh, you know, early start, competitions, yada yada yada," she replied, throwing a wink at him over her shoulder as she exited his suite.

She turned and noticed the usual hangover gruel sitting there waiting for her.

Suddenly, she became aware of groaning from the adjoining room, she leapt out of bed and padded softly towards Susan's room. It was not a pretty sight. Susan Briggs, Labyrinth Winner, was lying in a foetal position on the floor. Next to the bed was at least one puddle of vomit, and the noise she was making sounded like the lamenting of the dead.

'Jesus Christ, Susan. What have you done to yourself?"

"That fucking blond, no-good bastard-"

"What? Jareth?"

"Couric!" Susan snapped.

"What did he do to you?" Sarah asked, wincing slightly at the state of Susan and the floor.

"He intercepted those guard dudes who were supposed to take me back and then took me to the 'Harried fucking Hen' or whatever it's called."

"What on earth for? It's not like you two are best buds?"

"I think he was trying to set me up with that little prick sidekick of his who keeps trying to talk to me."

"Galen?"

"That's the one."

"Oh, Susan. Why don't you just down a hangover gruel?"

"There isn't any, apparently us girls have drained the castle dry; and what with all the extra entertainments and the parade day, they've run out."

"Oh, but I have some," Sarah called over her shoulder as she ran back to her room. Returning almost instantly with the disgusting drink.

"Thanks," Susan mumbled as she frowned and took a hesitant sip.

"Best get that down you, we have to be downstairs in an hour," Sarah urged.

"Any ideas what the next challenge is?" Susan asked. "Seeing as though you have inside information."

"No idea. The boys weren't forthcoming yesterday and Jareth was a bit distracted," Sarah smirked.

"Distracted, how?" Susan encouraged, sensing some juicy gossip.

"He was nursing his pride after I beat him—"

"Beat him?" Susan perked up. "With what? A crop, a paddle, or did you go all out and cane his—"

"NO!" Sarah interrupted, before Susan could complete her sentence. "I beat him at snap!"

"Snap?"

"Yes, goblin snap to be precise," Sarah replied.

Susan rolled her eyeballs and threw the empty gruel cup onto her bed. "Goblin snap! Jesus. I need to buy you a fucking karma sutra."

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The girls were all assembled in the Common Room, but the sight was not the norm. Sarah was horrified to see the Goblinerettes in varying forms of distress, they looked almost as green as some of the goblins. Each one was nursing a cup of coffee and plundering Crystal's supply of pain killers that she thought to bring with her for the Beltane feast.

"What the hell happened to you all?" Sarah asked, noticing more than one of them cringed at the reasonable volume of her voice.

"I don't remember much," whined Chun. "I just remember that posh terrier thing, waving his baton around and charging us to 'drink up my ladies'."

"We must've been spiked, there's no way I drank that much," Rhiannon added.

"Well I did try to warn you the booze here is pretty potent stuff. Were you all on a pub crawl with the goblins?" Sarah asked.

"Half the town at one point," Crystal commented. "Although it was mainly led by Hoggle and Sir Didymus. Susan and a couple of those Fae dudes, who are friends with the Goblin King, joined us at the Harried Hen."

"Were you guys there?" Susan piped up. "Shit, I was more wasted than I thought."

"Well you were already far gone by the time you left me, so that's hardly surprising," Sarah commented.

"So how come you guys look all fine and dandy?" Shante accused.

"I had a sober up tonic the night before, so I was fine before I got to bed," Sarah replied, omitting to say who she got said tonic from. She didn't want to create another rift between her and the other girls, and whilst they were hungover and in pain, she wasn't going to give them any ammunition.

Susan, picking up on this, and quite aware that Sarah was the only one who had the hangover cure delivered to her that morning, elected to omit the truth.

"I managed to blag a hangover cure," Susan declared.

"From who?" Chun demanded.

"How did you manage that?" Rhiannon cried.

"I thought they had run out!" Jaime whined.

The girls started complaining, their voices rising over each other.

"Maybe if you had cooked a thousand odd fucking rock cakes for the goblins, or actually thought about getting some of them on your side, then maybe you wouldn't be feeling so shit this morning!" Susan snapped.

Sarah tried her best to stifle her smile. Despite not being hungover, Susan in a good mood was not one to tolerate drama of any kind, especially if it was down to stupidity or a lack of effort on someone's part. At that point the conversation was halted as Tariq strolled into the room, the smile on his face suddenly freezing as he took in the state of the majority of the girls. Realisation dawned on his face, followed by a tightening of his mouth. He knew Jareth was up to something when he insisted all hangover cures be taken from the castle. He understood that springing this challenge on them and there being no preparation time was part of the test. However, some of the girls looked unfit to take part in the challenge, he knew this was yet another example of Jareth acting up and attempting petty revenge on the Labyrinth winners. He sighed, realising that this attitude would not lead to a happy married life if this was how he planned on treating his consorts.

"Ladies!" Tariq chirped, coughing quickly to bring his voice back to normal. "How lovely to see you all arrive promptly for the next challenge."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Chun grumbled.

"Do we look in any fit state to take on a challenge?" Jaime snarked.

"My arse is killing me," moaned Rhiannon as she arched her back, rubbing her sore bottom.

"What'd you get up to last night, girl?" Shante sassed. "Haven't you heard of lube?"

"Oh, fuck off! It was sitting on that bloody unicorn all afternoon. My arse muscles are locked tight," Rhiannon groused.

"I know, right!" Crystal said shifting uncomfortably in her seat. "Strange choice of transportation, a carriage for all of us would've been better."

"I always thought unicorns only approached and accepted the touch of virgins," Sarah remarked.

"Well if that was the case, Shante's one would have burst into fucking flames!" Susan replied.

The room burst into laughter as Shante kissed her teeth at them all.

"Now, now ladies. I'm sorry to hear that you are uncomfortable, but todays activities should be just the ticket to stretch out any aches and pains," Tariq said.

"I don't like the sound of this," Sarah mumbled to Susan.

As if on cue, the Goblin King swept in followed by the camera crew.

"Ha! Perfect, you are all here," Jareth barked, a sinister smile on his lips.

The girls grumbled but shifted slightly to appear more appealing for the cameras.

"What's this, no greeting from my girls?" Jareth declared to the room at large.

"We are a bit sore this morning your majesty," Crystal offered.

"Yeah, there was no hangover stuff and our butts are sore from all the riding yesterday," complained Chun.

"Oh, you poor dears," Jareth sounded aghast. "I would hate to think that I was remiss in my attentions to you. Unfortunately, there has been a stock issue with regards to the goblin gruel, however, those responsible have been deposited into the bog of eternal stench. Let their punishment be your salve. I can confirm it is very effective," Jareth barked a laugh before turning to the camera crew and glaring at them to join in.

"Oh fuck, this isn't good," murmured Sarah as the crew erupted into nervous laughter.

"What do you mean?" Susan hissed back.

"He has his game face on. I don't think the sore muscles and hangovers are an accident," Sarah said.

"Nah, he's always a prick. You just tend to ignore that fact when you look south of his waistline," Susan snorted as Jareth called the room to order again.

"Today, you will all be showing myself, and the Underground, your true abilities and physical prowess as winners of the Labyrinth," Jareth declared.

"What the fuck does he think pole dancing is? A picnic?" Susan whispered to Sarah.

"Ssshhh," Sarah hissed "We will miss the announcement."

"Each of you will undertake," Jareth paused for dramatic effect. "The Goblin Assault Course!"

"The what?" Shante asked.

"You will traverse ten miles of terrain, through the fiery forest, following the well-marked path, undertaking the different physical activities set out before you. You will encounter the Horde, whose sole purpose is to prevent you from completing the challenge. In this instance, they are your enemies and although I draw the line at goblicide, you are encouraged to make it past them whichever way you see fit. It is a race, so the person who takes the longest to complete the course will be disqualified and will be returned to the Above. If you fail to complete the course, you too will be disqualified. Any questions?... No? Wonderful. We shall begin," Jareth declared, retreating out of the room, closely followed by Tariq and leaving a group of gobsmacked Goblinerettes frozen in position.

"That clever bastard," Sarah murmured to Susan alone.

"Best get your running shoes on, Princess. Cause this competition just got a whole lot tougher," Susan replied.

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"Right lads," Jareth said to the assembled Hoggle and Sir Didymus. "Good job on the girls, they all look suitably indisposed this morning. However, that will not be enough to slow down some of the more determined of the pack. Is everything in place on the assault course?"

"Indeed, Your Majesty," replied Sir Didymus. "Hoggle and I spent the night ensuring all the correct distractions and detours are in place, and the necessary members of the forest have been bribed."

"And the Horde?"

"The Horde, Your Majesty?" Hoggle queried.

"Yeeeess. Have you informed the Horde that not a hair is to be touched on the Champion's head?"

"Umm, I was under the impression that you had undertaken that, Sire," replied Sir Didymus.

Jareth closed his eyes and raised his hand to his brow. "You're telling me, that you bribed half the forest inhabitants, using most of the goblin ale funds, and spent all night rigging the course and no one thought to tell the Horde that the Champion must not be touched, held up, obstructed or in any way impeded?"

"Uh, yes," squeaked Sir Didymus.

"Bugger!"

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Not thirty minutes after Jareth dropped the assault course bombshell, the Goblinerettes found themselves at the edge of the Fiery forest.

"This is going to hurt," declared Crystal as she looked at the surrounding woodland and heard the jeering and commotion coming from somewhere in the tree canopy.

"I think I'm gonna throw up," declared Chun, hunching over her sneakers and retying them for the third time.

"Let's just get this over with," Sarah sighed to Susan, as Tariq approached carrying a megaphone of all things, his curly hair flattened down by a sweat band.

"Ladies, remember the rules, in that there aren't any. The only mandate is that you need to get to the end of the course as quickly as possible. I apologise in advance for whatever challenges you face, but take heart, if you fail you won't remember any of it!" Tariq laughed nervously before standing back for Jareth's arrival.

"Labyrinth Winners, it is time to do yourselves and the Goblin Kingdom proud. Despite it being a while since we needed to go into battle, I want to see that my future queen will be able to handle herself when faced with a foe. If you want it, come and get it!" Jareth declared, staring directly at Sarah.

Sarah glared daggers at him, mouthing "Stop being a prat!"

Jareth just grinned and raised his arms. "You have three hours in which to traverse the goblins assault course or your minds will be wiped of the Underground, forever! On your marks, get set… RUN!"

All the girls took off at a breakneck pace, dodging the missiles of fruit and nuts being hurled at them from the fierys hidden in the trees. Before Jaime broke the clearing, she was grabbed by a dismembered fiery arm that had latched onto her ankle, pulling her over and resulting in her landing in a large shrub, that proceeded to tangle itself around her limbs. At her cries for help, Sarah stopped Susan and they jumped in to help her, Sarah tearing at the shrub whilst Susan kicked and stamped on the orange limb that was refusing to release its prey. The fierys were racing ahead after the other girls but two dropped down on Susan and Sarah once they had freed Jaime.

"What's up little ladies, want to play?" they cackled.

Jaime took one look at the girls and bolted into the forest.

"Hey!" yelled Susan "Where the fuck d'you think you're going, help us!"

"Looks like we are about to have us some fun," declared the Firey holding Sarah.

"Waits a minute, d'you know whose you got there?" the firey wrestling with Susan screeched.

"Our new friend, dontcha wanna be our new friend, little lady?"

"That's the girl, the one that ate the peach and forgot everything!" he cried.

"Whoa! My bad, um, guess we caught ya, ah, TAG!" he yelled, whilst releasing Sarah as if she were something from the bog and hightailed it after the other girls, closely followed by his gang member.

"What the hell was that all about?" Sarah asked, pulling bits of shrub from her shoulder.

"I know! That bitch just left us here, I told you she was ruthless and obsessed with this immortal gig!"

"No, I meant with the fire gang just letting us go," Sarah replied.

"Who cares, we need to move, we're behind as it is," Susan called as she started after the others. "And Princess, no more rescuing the competition. After that, it's every skank for themselves!"

Sarah grimaced but agreed, sprinting after Susan further into the forest.

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Jareth and Couric leaned forwards, observing the action through one of the King's crystals. The TV crew were able to get some aerial shots after bribing a few harpies, but Jareth wanted a close-up view, especially as Tariq's commentary of the events, which were broadcast via loudspeaker and also via television to the Underground, was bumbling at best.

"Ah, good show Champion. Nice rescue of your fellow winner and foiling of that fiery. I wonder what she said to gain her freedom, Sir Didymus?" Tariq chirped.

"My lady has always had a fearless disposition when on a quest, although having Miss Briggs in your corner is never a bad idea when facing a foe. I remember many years ago when I—"

"Yes, Sir Didymus, but back to the competition, it would appear Ms Ng has fallen foul of the brownies," Tariq alerted.

The cameras zoomed into the courtyard where Crystal, Chun and Rhiannon were trying to cross to the hedge maze, unfortunately the brownies were playing an inverse version of whack-a-mole. Instead of the Goblinerettes smacking down the brownies, the brownies were tripping up the girls by lifting up the stone slabs.

"That has to hurt," commented Tariq, as Chun went flying over one stepping-stone and disappeared through a large hole that materialised in the ground.

"Take that you ardvarking bitches!" screeched the brownies as they cackled into the abyss where Chun disappeared.

Rhiannon leapt over the hole without bothering to glance down at Chun and disappeared into the hedge maze. Crystal paused at the opening, calling out to the other girl, ignoring the jeering brownies.

"What is the fair maiden doing?" queried Sir Didymus. Snatching Tariq's megaphone, he bellowed "Onwards, to glory!" deafening the first few rows of spectators.

Crystal ignored the shout and continued to peer into the darkness for her friend, when a group of helping hands started forming words at her, "You coming down too?"

"I hope she doesn't weigh as much as the last one, sprained my fingers with the force of the fall, not that anyone cares!"

"Didn't even say thank you! Just screamed FUUUUUUUuuuuuu-"

"Terrible manners these mortals, I have a good mind to give the next one a right good pinch!"

"Is she okay?" Crystal called.

"Oh, I don't like her, only interested in the mortals, not at all interested in us and our poor aching digits!"

"Definitely not good queen material for us!"

"She has a very pinchable bottom though…"

Crystal gave up on the hands, realising they were not going to answer her questions and she was going to lose at this rate. She jumped over the hole, following the route that Rhiannon took. After all, it's everyone for themselves in this competition.

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Sarah and Susan entered the courtyard and stopped to catch their breath, Sarah leaning forward onto her knees gasping for air.

"We have to keep going," coughed Susan.

"I know but we've been running for a solid fifteen minutes, I'm not a professional athlete," Sarah wheezed.

"Did you see any of the others?" Susan asked "Because I didn't, which means we're at the back—"

"Or they have been disposed of," Sarah remarked, wiping her sweaty brow.

At Susan's look of horror, she clarified, "as in got caught up in bushes or are playing tag with the fierys and are running in circles. Jareth doesn't play fair and I'm telling you he is going to make this as humiliating and difficult as possible."

"Well the fierys weren't that much of a hassle, as soon as they realised it was you, they ran off!"

"Weird I know, maybe they were scared of you, Detroit!"

"Whatever, we can't stop now," Susan called, taking off across the courtyard and heading into the hedge maze, with Sarah following close behind.

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"Well that was rather odd," commented Tariq. "I wonder where the brownies went?"

"Ah, look young steward," deflected Sir Didymus. "Miss Latimore has arrived at the Wise Man!"

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"Those imbeciles Didymus and Hoggle are about as subtle as a troll," grumbled Jareth to Couric. "I know I instructed them to ensure the Champion was not waylaid, but if she doesn't have any interactions during the assault course, it's going to raise the suspicions of the Court!"

"Well you did give them instructions after they had a couple of pints of goblin ale. Plus, Hoggle is bizarrely over-protective of your Champion, it's his habit to rescue her."

At Jareth's sneer, Couric took it further. "Sorry to say, old boy, you're not the hero in this story, it's that bumbling, big-nosed cretin of a gardener." Couric snickered, not even a glare from his Monarch could hinder his enjoyment. He had bet a lot of money on the Champion winning this challenge, and if he could rile Jareth up whilst earning an easy pay, so much the better.

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Rhiannon was feeling quite pleased with herself, she was in the lead as far as she could tell and there was no sign of any other obstacles in the hedge maze, until she found herself in a dead end. She turned around to find the way she came blocked and screeched in frustration.

"Which one's that?" Squawked a red knave guarding a sealed door.

"The freckly one, what's she called…JC Penny!" Replied his adjacent blue knave.

"My name is Rhiannon," she snapped.

"Well that's a lovely name, very Celtic," commented the inverted red knave.

"Okay then, I get it, what's the riddle?" Rhiannon asked, shifting from foot to foot in impatience.

"A riddle you say?" remarked the inverted blue knave.

"She's asking for a riddle," replied the inverted red one.

"Why does she want a riddle? She only needs to choose a door," said the blue knave.

"It's that easy? Just choose a door?" Rhiannon asked.

"Well yes, but if you want a riddle, I'm sure we can come up with something," said the red knave.

"No, no. I just get to choose which door and that's it," Rhiannon clarified.

"Yep, it's an assault course not a Labyrinth run, it's a straight up choice. So where is it you want to go?" asked the blue knave.

"Where do the doors go?" Rhiannon asked.

"Well one goes to the next level of the course, and the other one goes to ba ba ba boom…back to the beginning!" Explained the inverted red knave.

"Back to the beginning? Whatever happened to certain death?" asked Rhiannon.

"Well we can send you to certain death if you like, but we've only got two doors so three options are only going to confuse matters."

"No, its fine. Back to the beginning or next level, got it," she said.

"Alrightee then lass, so which do you choose?" asked the blue knave.

"I choose…." Rhiannon scrunched her face tight in decision before walking towards the red door – "Left, I choose the left door."

The knaves looked baffled at each other but allowed the Goblinerette to pass.

Rhiannon smiled and marched forwards. On entering the passageway beyond the door, she noticed it was dark with thick leaves on the earthy floor. On coming out into the daylight again she blinked against the sun.

"What's up little lady?" Came a voice from the trees.

"Bollocks!" She screeched.

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"Oh well, it looks like the Irish one is back at the beginning," commented Couric.

"What in the Underground is Miss Latimore doing with the wise man?" questioned Jareth, his eyebrows raised to his hairline at what his crystal was showing him.

Shante was gyrating in front of the Wise Man's chair, gradually loosening her clothing and wiggling her hips much to his astonishment.

"Young woman, what are you doing?" questioned the Wise man.

"Just payment for some information on how to get to the finish, you know, like last time," Shante winked, turning around and twerking her behind.

"ARRGGHHHHHH! You idiot!" Shrieked the hat. "Tell her the way and be quick about it! My eyes!"

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Crystal stumbled to a halt when she encountered the knaves, taking a moment to catch her breath.

"Right, the riddle, so what have you got for me this time, gentlemen?" Crystal wheezed.

"Riddle?" Questioned the blue knave.

"What is it with requesting riddles!" Complained the inverted blue knave.

"Demanding girls!" The red knave shook his head.

"That'll be the King's problem," snorted the red knave, causing them all to break out into guffaws.

"Okay, okay," Crystal exclaimed, trying to get things moving. "So, if it's not a riddle, what do I have to do to get past?"

"Well, it depends where you want to go," said the red knave.

"Wait, do you mean we get to choose?" asked Crystal.

"Of course, you get to choose, what would be the point of there being two doors!" Said the inverted red knave.

"Right, so what are my choices?" Crystal asked.

"One door goes to the next level of the course, and the other door goes to ba ba ba boom…certain death!" Declared the blue knave.

"No, it doesn't!" Cried the inverted blue knave.

"Doesn't it?"

"No, that was for the other run," moaned the inverted blue knave.

"Oh," said the blue knave. "Ahem, righty-o. The other door goes to ba ba ba boom…back to the beginning."

"Oh, oh well in that case, I choose the door that goes to the next level please," declared Crystal.

"What?" they all exclaimed.

"Can she do that?" the red knave asked the blue one.

"Well, technically she did choose a door," he replied.

"Okay then, there you go," declared the blue knaves as the door swung open and allowed Crystal to pass.

As Crystal darted through the door, Susan burst round the corner and charged through right after her, ignoring the blue knave who called out to stop her.

"Hey guys!" called out Sarah as she raced behind Susan.

"Was that-?" asked the red knave.

"Yep, that was the piece of cake girl!" Replied the inverted red knave.

"Shame she can't bake them!" They all shook their heads in agreement.

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Crystal, Sarah and Susan were scrambling over heaps of rubbish in the junkyard of forgotten things, where they appeared immediately after going through the blue door. They were hurtling down a steep pile of trash when suddenly Jaime appeared from their left, looking a bit worse for wear but still in one piece. They all drew to a halt, taking a moment to catch their breath.

"Where the hell did you come from?" asked Crystal.

"I took the underground passages, got chased by no less than five cleaners! I swear the initial run wasn't this hard!" She gasped.

"I don't know," snapped Susan. "Some people get more help than others!"

"Aww, are you mad that I didn't stop to help with the Fierys?" Jaime fake cooed. "Sorry Susan, but I couldn't risk more of those guys joining in, what was the point in us all getting caught!"

Before Susan could tell her exactly where she could shove her help, Sarah piped up, "have you seen what happened to the others?"

"Chun fell through an opening into the helping hands, I have no idea where she ended up. I don't know where Shante or Rhiannon are," Crystal replied.

"Right here," called Shante as she scrambled over to the group, not looking remotely out of breath but rather dishevelled.

"Do we even want to know?" asked Susan with a raised eyebrow.

"Let's just say, that Wise dude certainly knew a short cut," smirked Shante.

Susan started faux gagging while Sarah closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Whatever works, right!" said Shante.

"Sure thing, Latimore," Sarah fist bumped her "Sure thing."

"So where to next?" Crystal asked.

"Well, if memory serves me correctly, after the junkyard it's the Goblin City," Sarah said.

At Sarah's words a tremendous roar ripped through the air as the goblin Horde appeared up on the battlements surrounding the City. Thumping their armour and clanging their weapons together, the Horde chanted and jeered at the Goblinerettes below.

"Ohhh fuuck!" Sarah exclaimed.

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AN: I was going to write the assault course as one chapter, but it was getting so long and we are not near the end of the challenge yet, so part 2 will follow. So sorry you had to wait so long for this. A ridiculous amount of stuff has happened since I last posted, it would take another 6,000 words to explain it all, so I am going to sum it up with the word 'Life' with all the wonderful and frightening things that it entails and leave it at that. But thankyou so much for staying with this - your support, encouragement and not to mention patience has meant a lot. Also a shout out to LFFL group – you kept me connected and entertained even when I was unable to write – you know who you are – Mwah!

A note re my J&S smut scenes. They are not quite supposed to be parody but I am trying to represent them as two people who are new to each other physically, it's not supposed to go all Mills and Boon/Harlequin/Porn level fireworks – I am not depicting either of them as Sex Gods in this, if anything, like real life, I want their sex life to improve as time goes by and they grow together, how long that will be will depend on how long Sarah can keep her arse in this competition and how effective Jareth will be in not cocking everything up! If you want earth shattering smut there is plenty of very good smut in this fandom alone, written by people who do a far better job of it than I do ; ) You know who you are!

Finally a shout out to KBates, my amazing beta and an excellent author in her own right. Can't wait to see what you publish next and thankyou for editing this despite life happening. You are a super star with excellent taste in shoes ; )