1A/N: I have returned with yet another angst fic, proving that I really am dead inside. I originally didn't plan to post this, but the archive is so dead that I thought 'the more the merrier'. Also, while I probably shouldn't say this because I'm not sure that I'll be able to follow through, due to my crazy work schedule, I started writing a new multi-chapter. The main issue is a bit out there, but then again, World Trigger itself is a bit out there as well. Hopefully I can start posting that within a month or two, but I'll have to see how this work out. Besides that, I hope you all enjoy this story, and I'll do my best to get another multi-chapter started :D
When Jin was in school, he heard a lot of things. He heard the 'cool' people talking about how high they'd supposedly gotten the previous night. He heard the sporty people talk about their 'clutch' final goals. He heard the gamers talk about the latest Pokémon and he heard the music people talking about upcoming concerts. He heard the drama people talk about the plays they were doing and he heard the Border fangirls and fanboys gush about how cool Jun Arashiyama was.
Jin also heard people talking about their dreams, wishes, and even simple things they wanted. Whether someone was talking about becoming a famous author or scientist, being able to fly or read minds, or wanting the same kind of lipstick a celebrity wore, none of it was more than something random Jin heard as he walked through his school. Every last one of those things went in one ear and out the other, just as long as they were irrelevant to Jin himself and the future of Border.
However, there was one thing that Jin had heard over a thousand times since he was old enough to comprehend words. It was a phrase of just seven short words, but those seven words were enough to make Jin pause for just a second in his stride, or halt his jaw as it crushed rice crackers between his teeth, stealing his eyes and attention for just a split second.
'I wish I could see the future'
Regardless of what someone's reason was for wanting that specific ability, it was always enough to make Jin internally cringe. Each time he heard that phrase his gut would twist into uncomfortable knots and his lungs would stop working for just one breath. His heart would skip a beat and his skin would tingle, as if millions of insects were crawling around on it.
'No, no you don't. You don't want to see the future,' Jin would think, trying to block them out. His ears would continue to pick up each person's voice though, leaving him stuck listening to people's ridiculous, petty reasoning.
'Then I'd know the answers to all the questions on the exams'
'Then I'd know if my girlfriend will break up with me, before I even started dating her'
'I would be so cool'
Those reasons were stupid, stupid and empty, not to mention temporary. People truly believed that they would only see the futures they wanted to see when they wanted to see them, and that it would bring them no sadness or misfortune. Was knowing the answers to the exams, which anyone could study and learn, worth seeing your best friend die multiple times, leaving you worried that the futures you see may actually come to be? Was knowing if your girlfriend or boyfriend would break up with you somewhere down the line, worth seeing them kissing someone else while they were dating you, an image you would have otherwise never seen? Was being super cool because you always knew what would happen before it happened, worth becoming everyone's go-to person, someone people relied on for everything, building up the stress and pressure on your mind until you eventually snapped?
'It's not worth it,' Jin would think. Sure, his Side Effect made him important and respected, but should he fail just once, that high pedestal he was standing on would crumble, sending him crashing to the ground far below. It was also true that his Side Effect had saved lives, but it had also sent people unknowingly to their deaths, making them sacrifices for the greater good when all they wanted to do was get back home to the people they loved. His Side Effect had used his own kouhai as bait, dangling Chika and her Trion in front of the Aftokrator invaders like a slab of meat in front of a wolf. It had used Osamu like a pawn, making him pay the price of Replica and nearly his own life in order to save the day.
'I wish I could see the future'
All those people who wished to see the future only knew about the convenient shortcuts here and there. They knew only one side of the coin, the side that was the blessing that everyone made the future out to be. They saw only where the rich kid at school would unknowingly drop his wallet, not how that same kid would return to a lonely home at the end of the day because their parents were too busy with work to even look at them in the past month. Those people saw which mall to avoid because someone would break out of the nearby prison and shoot the place up with a stolen gun, not the dozens of people inside whose white dresses and shirts would be dyed an ugly red. They saw when their crush would say 'yes' when asked out, not the horrid 'O' shape of their mouth as they dropped the phone they had been looking at while driving, reading the text they had received from their admirer, 'will you go out with me?' just before someone T-Boned their car, killing them instantly.
'Then I'd know everything'
Knowledge is not always power. Knowledge will make a man king of the world, then the next day, it will drag him to his knees.
'I'd be so cool'
To be relied on is a heavy burden. To bear the weight of the lives of the people you know and care about on shoulders worn down by years of stress is beyond difficult. To watch your plans unfold, burying the thousands of people you couldn't save under immovable rubble as their loved ones scream for help... that is beyond painful.
'Maybe then they'd go out with me'
When someone can see the future, they don't want to be around anyone, especially those who they love. They don't want to see the innumerable misfortunes and tragedies that could possibly befall those around them, the futures that they are helpless to stop.
'You don't want to see the future. You don't want to be popular. You don't want them to go out with you just because of something you can do'
Gruesome deaths, torturous assaults, kidnappings of innocent people who were just walking down the road, angry murders, ruined lives- all of those things, Jin had seen. Whether he was looking into the futures of his comrades on his boss' orders, or the futures of random civilians because he was bored, he'd seen far too much darkness. He'd foreseen dangerous, depressing things that no human being should even have seen, at least not more than once, like he had.
To Jin, his Side Effect was like the story about the child and the rose.
A young girl who wandered through the fields in search of something pretty came across something she'd never seen before. A vibrant red flower the color of blood, supported by a healthy green stem; a rose. It was the prettiest thing the girl had ever seen, and she stared at it in awe. She wanted the rose, she wanted it's beauty in her hands, under her control. To her it was special, and if she had it, then she too would be special.
Blindly enchanted by the beauty of the rose, the child reached for it, her fingers wrapping around the delicate-looking stem, only to suddenly pull away after she closed her fist, skin punctured by the diguised thorns. The girl, who was now aware of how dangerous the rose was, stared with hatred. The rose was just as beautiful as it had been before she had tried to pick it, but her knowledge of it's sting made the flower nothing more than a pretty sight that she no longer desired.
Foresight was very similar. It enchanted the people around it with it's beauty and power, drawing them in only to prick them with it's disguised thorns, the hidden dark side. Anyone who knew the true nature of foresight was no longer drawn to it, just as the child no longer wanted the rose.
It was that concept that no one ever seemed to understand, and it angered Jin to no end. He loved using his foresight to help people, but if he could even give his Side Effect away for just a day, he'd jump at the chance. To be able to lift the load that had been building on his shoulders for years would be a true blessing. Unfortunately though, that was not possible, and as glad as Jin was that he was able to help people with his ability, he wished he could escape the shadow that had swallowed him whole the day he was born.
Jin had been tasked with holding onto that forbidden rose for the rest of his life, cursed to stand silently with a smile on his face as the thorns dug painfully into his palms until the day he died. Maybe that day would be soon, or maybe it would be in one hundred years.
Only the rose would know.