If You Give a Mage a Baby

A Baccana Story

A/N: Hello! So, this is my first fic in the Fairy Tail universe. It's going to be a one-shot centered around Bacchus and Cana. I love their ship, and my friend and I ( ), were discussing doing one-shots about what could possibly happen if Cana and Bacchus hooked up and she wound up pregnant and whatnot. My friend is doing a one-shot on the situation and both of us kind of bounced ideas off each other. Hers is more of a one-shot that is a possible multi-chapter fic, while mine is simply going to be a one-shot parody.

So anyway, this is my take on a possible scenario if Cana and Bacchus hooked up and she got pregnant. This is loosely based on the children's books "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie," "If You Give a Moose a Muffin," etc.

This will be anime based instead of manga based.

Hope you like it!

*Title was originally If You Give a Drunk a Baby (in reference to Cana and Bacchus's drinkng habits).

Disclaimer: I own nothing in regards to the anime/manga and I do own the "If You Give a…" children's book series.


If you give a drunk a baby, she'll want to drink.

Cana snorted. That part was true enough.

She always drank during stressful situations, more than she normally did.

Finding out she was pregnant had freaked her out where she wanted to drink again. She knew drinking while pregnant could be bad for the child. Even Porlyusica told her so, and ever since the guild found out she was pregnant, they had cut her off completely.

They had gone so far to confiscate any booze in her sight.

So her friends will keep the booze away from her.

When she's done whining about not being able to drink, she'll start crying about her situation and how alcohol made her do stupid things.

And when her friends console her, she'll ask her friends for help.

A small smile graced the brunette's face. That was exactly what happened, funnily enough.

The news of her pregnancy had spread like wildfire through the guild. It was a shock to everyone that she, Cana Alberona, the guild's resident drunk, was pregnant.

Mira and Kinana had immediately cut her off, and Lucy and Erza helped keep her away from the drinks. None of them wanted to see anything happen to the baby because she decided to drink while pregnant.

When they cut her off, she did began sobbing about how she was drunk and did stupid things. The girls did their best to console her while the guys awkwardly stood about, unsure of what to do. None of them had known she was even seeing someone, and she herself didn't think she'd be seeing someone. Well, she technically wasn't, but ever since the Grand Ball after the Grand Magic Games, she had been sneaking off with Bacchus to challenge him to drinking contests.

She had to regain her status as Fiore's biggest drunk, after all.

After she had calmed down, she had told them what she had been doing. Her last meeting with Bacchus led to them drinking as much as they usually did, except instead of it ending with her leaving and stumbling home, it ended with her spending the night at his place.

Needless to say that one thing led to another and now she was pregnant.

She was unsure of what to do in terms of raising a baby, telling Bacchus that he was going to be a dad, and telling Gildarts. All three did not sound fun in the least. It was when she realized she had to do those things that the guild offered to help in any way they could. The guys all looked ready to kill Bacchus and the girls seemed furious themselves that the situation seemed like he took advantage of her.

After all, they had all witnessed that he could drink her under the table.

She'll have to tell the father.

Her friends will want to kill him.

When she goes to find him and tell him, she'll ask for some of them to accompany her.

Two of her best friends will tag along, offering their support.

She'll confess to the father, albeit reluctantly.

Cana recalled that day clearly.

A week after her pregnancy was confirmed, she was scheduled to meet Bacchus again for one of their drinking contests. It was a bi-monthly thing as they usually did it while they were in between jobs. Lucy and Laxus had accompanied her.

Lucy because Cana considered her to be one of her best girl-friends. Laxus because he was frightening and would stop Bacchus if he tried to run.

They would stay out of sight until she needed them. She sat at their normal table in their normal bar, waiting for him. She was nervous about telling him the news. When he finally arrived, their first round of drinks was brought to them. Cana refused to touch hers, but the idea was tempting. Bacchus noticed she wasn't picking up her glass so he didn't pick up his, instead questioning what was wrong with her.

She bluntly told him that she was pregnant and that he was the father.

He sat frozen for a good ten minutes before he blinked, as if processing the news.

He questioned if it was some sort of prank or joke, which earned him a smack on the head from her. She shouted a bit angrily at him that she was serious and would never joke about something like that.

Bacchus then surprised her.

He had grinned, but it wasn't the challenging grin she was used to. This one was gentler and seemed to be made of genuine happiness.

Cana knew that while the news was a shock, he would help her.

He'll sit frozen as the news processes.

When he thinks it's a joke, he'll need a smack on the head and her yelling at him.

To her surprise, he'll support her.

He'll think it's wild and that it will make his soul tremble.

She'll be happy and come to realize that this would be the start of a beautiful relationship.

Until they realized they still had to tell the overprotective grandfather.

That got a laugh out of Cana.

True, she had been very surprised when Bacchus had agreed to support her and be there for her. She had honestly expected him to run and never look back. She was prepared to rely solely on her guild for help. Lucy and Laxus had been surprised that he was willing to stay as well.

They broke the news to Fairy Tail, and with that, the celebration of the two becoming parents was underway.

Of course, it was strange for Cana to party with them and not drink.

A week after the celebration, she and Bacchus had met up at her place to discuss their situation. Neither of them felt ready to be parents, but they were going to be. They were both scared and unsure of what to do, but both their guilds were willing to help them however they could. Things would be changing for them sooner than they expected.

Then she realized she would have to tell Gildarts. She just knew he would kill Bacchus, and he nearly did when he finally found out.

She had just started to show when he returned from whatever mission he was on at the time. He saw Bacchus and Cana sitting together at the bar and then saw her slightly rounded stomach. He had stood frozen as he slowly pieced things together. No one in the guild was saying anything, more focused on the argument Cana and Bacchus were having about something regarding the baby's name.

Gildarts finally marched over to them, glaring harshly at Bacchus.

If looks could kill…

Cana shivered thinking about it. He was still pretty new to the being a dad thing himself, but she knew he was overprotective and overjoyed at having a child of his own, regardless of how old she was. Bacchus actually seemed genuinely afraid, a look she had never seen on him.

He was stuttering through his words, so Cana helped him out.

She knocked her old man upside the head and told him to calm down, that they were both stupid and drunk and that Bacchus was supporting her and helping her through it. She told him how they planned on raising the baby together.

Then Gildarts smiled at her and wrapped her in a hug, gushing over how his baby girl was going to be a mother and how he couldn't wait to be a grandfather.

She had rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help the smile that graced her face.

The grandfather will try to kill the father.

She'll calm him down with a smack on the head and some words about how she was not taken advantage of.

Then he'll fawn over her becoming a mother.

When he lets her go, she'll return to her argument with the father over baby names

Time will pass and her morning sickness will pass, but her cravings will begin to kick in.

She'll send him on midnight runs for the strangest food combinations.

She'll suddenly find alcohol very repulsive.

Her mood will rapidly change in the blink of an eye.

He'll do his best to cope with it, but he will never leave.

During the passing months, they'll both grow to realize there is something more between them than the baby.

Something called love.

While they had their initial concerns at first, both mages had admitted that they fell in love with each other. Neither thought it would be possible for them, given their personalities.

However, it turned out that their personalities seemed to complement each other.

When they confessed their love, they had both expressed that they weren't feeling that way because of the baby. Apparently, both of them had thought about it long and hard before realizing that they were meant to be, baby or not.

Neither were ready to be married or anything, and they still weren't. They were doing things backwards in a sense. Ever since they did confess to each other, a lot of things had happened for them.

They began to go out on dates. They got to know each other better, learning about their upbringing, sharing stories of their past missions and such. To her surprise, Bacchus also quit his guild and joined Fairy Tail. It wasn't that he didn't like his own, but he simply wanted to be closer to her and their child and his guild was in another city. They had even moved in together and gotten a room put together for their baby, with their friend's help, of course.

While their relationship was a bit rocky at first, they had become a couple that worked well together. Mira kept squealing about how cute they were and how she was hoping this would inspire more couples to get together within the guild.

He'll be there for every check-up.

They'll argue over trivial things that they will later realize is pointless.

When the baby finally comes, he'll panic.

She'll yell at him to get himself together and help her get to the doctor.

He'll bring her to the guild, where their apothecary is waiting.

Everyone will be anxiously waiting for news about the baby.

When she is done giving birth, they'll have a beautiful and healthy baby.

With a beautiful and healthy baby, they'll need a name.

After they name the baby something befitting both parents, they'll show the baby off to the guild.

Once they show the baby off, they'll take the baby home and begin a new chapter in their lives.

After a few days, she'll spot their supply of booze.

If you give her the booze, chances are…

she'll want another baby.

Cana closed the book with a smile on her face.

She looked down at the sleeping baby in her arms. Her pride and joy. Never did she think that she would enjoy motherhood. She knew it meant she would have to give a lot of things up, particularly booze as she knew she wouldn't be able to drink as much as she used to.

At least not until her daughter was older.

Her pregnancy had gone how everyone expected. Morning sickness, weird cravings, mood swings, and whatever other symptoms there were. When she went into labor, Bacchus had freaked out and panicked because he didn't know what he was supposed to do. Once more, it took her hitting him upside the head and yelling at him to kick him into gear.

She had spent hours giving birth to their daughter. The guild members, both Fairy Tail and Quatro Cerberus, had all stayed at the Fairy Tail guild hall to meet the baby. As expected, they threw a party in celebration of the birth.

When she and Bacchus finally went home with their daughter, they were faced with being parents.

However, neither would change a thing.

"Hey Doll, you in here?" Bacchus's voice reached her ears, drawing her from her thoughts.

"Shut up, Bacchus," she hissed as he appeared in the doorway. "You'll wake her! I just got her to sleep."

"Sorry, Doll," Bacchus smirked. He walked into the room and stood half behind her, half beside her. "I see my Baby Doll is doing well."

"She was a bit fussy earlier, but I calmed her down," Cana grinned. She stood and moved to place their daughter in her crib. Bacchus followed her and peered down at the baby's sleeping face.

"So how did you calm her down?" Bacchus questioned. Both parents stood over the crib, neither wanting to take their eyes off the baby girl.

Cana smiled a bit. "I read her Lucy's story that she gave us. It's very fitting for us. I'll have to thank her and Reedus for it next time we see them."

"Wild," Bacchus chuckled. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her to him. "Come on, Doll. Let's let our Baby Doll sleep and maybe we can get some time to ourselves…"

Cana nodded in agreement, knowing what he was getting at.

As they exited the nursery, her eyes caught sight of a picture of the three of them the day they brought their daughter home. The frame had their names engraved in it.

Cana, Bacchus, and little Sangria.

A happy family of three.

Well, that's what happens if you give a drunk a baby.


A/N: So here's this one-shot. Sorry if Cana and Bacchus were a little OOC, but this is how I imagine they would be when faced with parenthood.

Anyway, hope you liked it and thank you for reading!

And yes, the baby's name is Sangria. My friend and I thought it would be fitting that Cana and Bacchus would name their kid after a drink.