A scream of fear echoed throughout the large mansion followed by an angry yell.


Four confused faces turned to face Dick, standing in the living room archway.

"Grayson, what the hell are you talking about?" Damian questioned.

"My keys, someone kidnapped them!" Dick explained frantically.

"I'm pretty sure you can't kidnap keys, they are inanimate objects so the correct term would be stolen" Tim cut in.

"I don't care! My keys are gone and I want them back! Which one of you took them?"

"Tt, why would I want your keys?"

"Wasn't me" Tim turned back to his laptop.

"Jason?" Dick glared at him.

"What?" He didn't bother looking over at his older brother.

"Did you take my keys?"



"Why would I steal your keys?"

"Payback for me spray painting your car hot pink"

Bruce sighed "I didn't take your keys" He emphasized each word.

Dick folded his arms "No one is leaving this room until I have my keys back"

"Whoever has his keys, give them back now I need to go to a meeting soon"

"None of us have them Dick, why don't you check your room?" Jason rolled his eyes.

"I did, three times! And how do you know that the others don't have them? Because you do?"

"No, I do not have them and I would know if them two were lying"

"I've lied to you plenty of times and you never had a clue" Tim jumped in.

"Yes I did, I just never called you out on them"

"Really? Give me three examples" Tim challenged.

"There's no time for that! I want my keys back!"

"Is your hearing impaired, Grayson? We already told you that we don't have them"

"Well then who does?" Dick demanded.

"Maybe you left them with your girlfriend, Jessie, was it?" Jason teased.

"She's not my girlfriend, she's one of my old circus friends, practically a sister to me and I know I brought them back"

"Whatever you say" Jason shrugged.

Dick studied everyone carefully before realizing that they weren't lying and he stormed off to find Alfred, he was supposed to know everything after all.

"Do you have any idea where my keys are?"

The dignified butler turned to face his eldest charge "How would I know where your keys are?"

"Well you know everything else"

Alfred smiled "I don't keep track of everything, Master Dick"

"Of all the things you have to not know about" Dick sighed before leaving.

Dick lay across his bed, still pondering who could've kidnapped his precious keys. He knew that he had put them on his desk, just last night.

'Where the hell could they be? If none of my brothers took them, who did?' He wondered.

Dick's window/door opened and a quick breeze sent the neat pile of papers on his desk flying around the room. An exhausted Wally sat on the cushy computer chair.

"Why did you come in through my window?"

"It was the fastest way to get to your room and it's actually a door, since it opens out to a balcony"

"Whatever. Why are you here and why are you so tired?"

"I'm tired because I just had to out-cycle a tornado and then change into normal clothes and then run here to give you" Wally reached into his jacket pocket "These" He held up the missing keys.

"MY KEYS!" Dick jumped off the bed and snatched them from his friends hand "So you were the one that kidnapped them"

"Kidnapped? How can you kidnap keys? Do you mean stole?"

"Same thing. Why did you kidnap my keys?"

"I needed to open up the cave's pantry, which you decided was a good idea to lock"

"The whole point of locking it up was so that you couldn't get to it and eat all the food"

"Metabolism, I need food"

"Then take your own and stop eating everyone else's"

"I do take my own food, but I end up eating it all"

Dick rolled his eyes "Then take more"

"Fine. I only came here to give your keys back so, bye!"

The papers flew about a bit more and the window/door was thrown open with a loud bang.

"I'm gonna need to make some sort of speedster proof door" Dick smiled as he thought about how annoyed Wally would be if he went to run in and collided with the door "I missed you" Dick kissed his keys and then went back downstairs to tell everyone the good news.


"Damn it Wally! You couldn't leave one?" Dick yelled out.

Wally leaned against the doorway "I did" He lifted the cookie up "But you'll have to chase me for it"

"But you have superspeed!"

"Impulse has superspeed, you caught him first time round" Wally ran off.

"I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU EAT THAT COOKIE!" Dick warned before running out in search of his jerk of a friend.

~~~~~THE END~~~~~


My first humor fic, my friend wanted me to write one and this is what I came up with