When she closes her eyes and tries to imagine what she had lost, all she can see is their faces, crossed out with bloody X's. Kyoko Kirigiri desperately tries to grasp to the memories she lost of her school life, only to find that everything slips easily through her gloved-fingers. It's all she thinks about late at night, when she cannot sleep since her mind is far too restless. Part of her hates herself, for agreeing to give up her memories. She knows that at the time it was the best option, since she didn't know what would happened, but now everything is lost.
During the school killing she thought nothing of her lost memories, since staying alive was top priority. But now, as the world rages on, Kirigiri is stuck in the past. She wonders if everyone was close, they certainly seemed happy, from the photographs. But the photographs are just that, photos. Some time ago they had held a meaning, captured memories, yet now they mean nothing to her but the pain of what could've been. She wishes she knew her dead classmates better, so that she didn't treat their passings as her typical murder cases. It's like she's being drowned in this melancholic sense of wonder, because she knows that no matter what she does, they are dead, and the only memories she has with them will be forever bittersweet.
She tries to imagine Leon and Sayaka getting along, laughing at each others jokes, only to find the laughter drowned out by Sayaka's screams as she slowly dies. Kirigiri thinks of Mondo slinging his arm around Chihiro grinning, but her mind slowly morphs the scene until it is not his arm, but an electrical cord that wraps around Chihiro, as Byakuya pins them up, blood still freshly dripping from their face. Kirigiri presumes everyone would get along and while she thinks of that picturesque scene, she is reminded of Ishimaru and Hifumi's dead bodies after their clashing views were manipulated by Celeste. She pictures a time where Sakura is laughing and Aoi is right next to her, but Sakura's smile slowly begins to drip blood and although Aoi is still next to her, she is quivering, muttering harmful words. Kirigiri thinks of Mukuro Ikusaba, the girl that became but an ink-stain in the story of the 78th class, but when she pictures her standing with everyone else in pictures, she can only think of the false Junko she knew her as, punctured with holes.
Kirigiri knows that she is lucky to have not lost all her classmates, and perhaps a bit selfish to want her old life back when she almost lost everything. She knows that it's illogical to want something that can't be obtained, but she wishes that at least, she could think of of her class without the memories being tinted by blood, so she could be grateful for them. And yet, when she closes her eyes and tries to imagine what she had lost, all she can see is their faces, crossed out with bloody X's.