I own nothing except a few characters and the plot.
I thought it might be interesting to write a story centered on Michael's now teenaged son Josh who has been mentioned or appeared a couple of times in some of my other fics.
I'm planning to spin the arrival of Baby Skywalker off into a separate story which (hopefully) will be written before the next chapter of this story.
TROOPS: NEW YORK
The Son of Michael Myers
NEW YORK, NEW YORK
Josh made his usual after-school trip to the office where Anakin and Obi-Wan watched over his Jedi training. Josh told Radar to let Anakin know he was there and would be in Tevin's office. He found Tevin working on an e-mail to someone about something and to his surprise, the three Felth children in the office.
"Why are they here?" Josh asked.
"Various reasons." Tevin said.
"Now that dad has his own office, we can stay in here. My homework is done by the way." Lucy said as Josh sat down next to her.
"Not that I'm going to use some of this in the future." Chris Felth added from the floor.
"I have two letters to describe your future with that attitude about your schoolwork. K and P. To help you get started with that career choice, you're spending the weekend helping Klinger peel potatoes because you're still on punishment for pouring ice down Justin's back."
"That was a week ago."
"You were still on punishment for three weeks ago when your told your teacher the President of the United States said she was a witch and that she belonged in jail waiting to be burned at the stake for practicing witchcraft." Josh raised an eyebrow.
"His teacher's name is Clinton. No relation to those Clintons, not that it stopped him from saying it or tagging the President in it when he posted it on Twitter somehow."
"I had Mr. Cardova at that grade. Somehow he managed to have enough books for everyone." Lucy added,
"Same here. You got him after someone told the Department of Education that disappearing government funds is grounds to open an investigation and a Grand Jury." Josh said.
"UPS doesn't ship kids and I wouldn't send anything live via Ground." Lucy said causing Tevin to look up.
"Chris, that's another week with no video games." Josh removed the UPS labels from Justin's shirt.
"You were going to send him by Ground to California?"
"Something his size has to be shipped as Freight and Ground is cheaper then Air." Chris explained.
"Didn't I say you could torment 3PO since everyone else does?" Tevin asked.
"Mom grounded him after 3PO fell in a ConEd ditch chasing him." Justin said as the phone rang.
"He's here. I'll tell him." Tevin looked at Josh.
"Anakin's waiting for you in the gym. Chris, put my stapler back."
"You've been distracted." Josh told Anakin.
"Padme sent me to Walgreens last night for mint chocolate chip ice cream and hot salsa. I had to explain to Mr. Chang at the Chinese place that this will be over soon after he called to complain that Padme ordered too much food and it was slowing his kitchen down. He told me that Sylvia liked to order food by the truckload."
"Somehow she was able to smell food cooked by people she knew from miles away. The only thing she wouldn't eat was Tevin's chili." Anakin snickered.
"I think I need to give Padme some of that."
"I wouldn't. Unless you want a repeat of Mustafar." Obi-Wan said as he entered the gym.
"Of course she could always have a craving for it." Josh chimed in. This caused Anakin to laugh and Obi-Wan to facepalm. The day's lessons consisted of Josh learning how to control The Force in the face of distractions provided by various people and droids most of which was provided by Anakin and Obi-Wan arguing. Among the many outside distractions was Corporal Klinger with a forged letter about a false family crisis.
"I need a Jedi to sign off on this death in the family discharge request."
"General Felth has a whole file filled with your phony discharge ploys and I do believe you have run out of relatives that are near death." Obi-Wan said.
"Give me ten minutes and I'll come back with a pregnant relative."
"Out Klinger. Before you're the victim of a Force-related accident." The next unplanned distraction was Landon who arrived after Anakin and Obi-Wan began arguing the finer points of their duel on Mustafar.
"How did you get in here?" Josh asked.
"No one watching any reception areas. What's with the guy in the dress?"
"Klinger. Trying to get out of the Empire on a psycho despite the fact that cross-dressing is accepted by most people these days."
"Or a rubbish family crisis. Ow, Anakin!" Obi-Wan added as Anakin whacked him with one of the sticks they used for duel practice.
"Talk about being distracted. I technically just cut your arm off. You are unwise to lower your defenses." Anakin said with a grin.
"You guys know I have a shoe store that does very little business."
"Except for when a fat woman bulldozes her way in there demanding shoes that are two sizes too small, shoes that are a certain shade of some color, or a refund for shoes that broke as a result of her exceeding the two-ton weight limit and without a receipt. Although that's probably a better scam to run on some store that sells high-priced goods." Josh said as Anakin snickered. Landon crackked up and then remembered the story he wanted to tell Josh.
"Speaking of which, a fat woman stampeded her way into the store today and argued measurements with me while her bratty kid wrecked the place." Josh used The Force to probe Landon's memory of the event.
"I don't care what your ruler says, I've been a five since I graduated from college." The woman said to Landon who was using a ruler to measure her foot.
"Well, these *are* fives. The box says eight because, lady, you're an eight. I can accept it; why can't you? It's not gonna cost you any more to have a shoe that fits. When your feet are the size of Staten Island Ferry boats, then you have a problem." Landon explained.
"You're very fresh!"
"That's impossible. Because for the past 30 minutes, I've been trying to squeeze your foot into a shoe that's three sizes too small because you can't cope with the size of your feet and think smaller shoes are cheaper. So, no, I'd say I'm anything but fresh. By the way, you want to tell your little brat over there to give the two hundred dollar pumps a rest and go bang on some knock-offs from Canal Street."
"Your sign says *courteous* service."
"It also says we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone or anything for any reason including bratty children who damage merchandise and ungrateful whales who think saving $10 on a pair of shoes is worth the eventual trip to the Emergency Room to have shoes that are too small for their fat feet surgically removed and the thousands of dollars worth of bills that go with any trip to the hospital because your insurance won't pay for it." The woman huffed and began putting her old shoes on.
"Come on, Wesley. We're leaving. You'll be hearing from my lawyers."
"Would that be the Breyers Law Firm?"
"I want a balloon." The boy said as his mother bent over to get her purse.
"You've already got one." Landon said as the woman huffed again and stormed out.
"Joshua, The Force is not to be used for your own personal entertainment." Obi-Wan said as Anakin completely lost it and burst into laughter.
"What part of the Code was that in? Probably one of the parts that I completely ignored or violated to the point that Luke removed it from his version of it."
"What you ignored and or violated was basically the entire thing." Obi-Wan replied as Josh turned to Landon.
"These two will argue for hours about the Jedi Code. Hungry?"
"Sure. What do you have?"
"See what's being given to the other three kids in the building." Josh grabbed his jacket and led Landon out of the gym.
"Wait, Lucy's here?"
"Along with her two brothers." Josh said as they ran into Lucy in a hallway.
"What are you doing here? Did a fat woman finally wreck your store or are you planning to enlist?" Lucy asked Landon.
"Her bratty kid did at which point I informed of the We Reserve the Right to Refuse Service to Anyone Policy and called her a whale." Josh busted out laughing.
"You're so gonna get sued."
"I'm sixteen and my grandfather who called someone who wanted flip-flops last week a rhino and told someone else who said they were taking their business elsewhere to try Weight Watchers actually owns the store."
"I am on my way to Wong's for barbeque ribs. Make a joke out of that one." Lucy said.
"Actually, we were on our way to find out what Tevin was getting you and your brothers for dinner. Chinese sounds nice, provided Senator Skywalker hasn't jammed up Mr. Wong's kitchen." Josh said.
"She's pregnant and in the cravings stage." Lucy said as Landon opened his mouth.
"I was not going to make fun of her weight. I was going to say, there are other Chinese places in the area. We are near Chinatown and Josh already made fun of your Senator who I didn't even know was pregnant." Lucy slipped her arms around both boys' backs and then proceeded to give them both a head-slap as they headed for the elevators.
Josh had visited the shoe store looking for Landon and found an older man sitting on the stool trying to fit a shoe onto a heavyset woman. A can of WD-40 was on the floor near them. After much effort, he finally got the shoe on the woman's foot.
"See? I told you I was a four." The woman said.
"No, ma'am. "Fore" is what you'll have to yell when the shoe pops off your foot. Are we finished here?" The man who Josh was now assuming was Landon's grandfather asked.
"Well, I'm not sure I like this shade of blue." At this moment, Josh chimed in.
"I'll tell you what I'll do, then. I'll get some samples of shades of blue from Home Depot that you can look over while stuffing your face at your favorite buffet. When you find the right shade of blue, you came back and your shoes will be ready in about 4 to 6 weeks." The woman huffed at Josh.
"It's either that or we stand you in front of a mirror. Where I will begin strangling you. When you reach the shade of blue that is satisfactory to you, you yell "moo" or "oink" and I'll stop to take a picture of it." Landon's grandfather added. The woman put her old shoe back on and got up.
"That's it! I'm taking my business elsewhere."
"This block also contains a Jenny Craig, a chinese place, a pizza place, and a gym. And make sure you wash the WD-40 off you foot so your shoe doesn't go flying off your foot and smash through someone's windshield." Josh said as the woman stormed out. Landon's grandfather looked up at Josh.
"You must be Josh. Landon told me about you. He said you insult fat women worse then the President of the United States does. I'd shake your hand, but WD-40."
"That's okay. I was eating cheap pizza earlier." At that moment, Landon appeared.
"Sorry I'm late. Subway delays probably caused by fat women getting stuck in the turnstiles somewhere on the J." After the handing over of the keys to the store, Landon and Josh were left alone until a woman came in wearing a very ugly dress.
"I need some shoes that go with this dress." She said to Landon.
"This is a shoe store not a store that sells witchcraft stuff. Most of which would have to be ordered online anyway."
"How dare you. You'll be hearing from the Better Business Bureau." The woman turned and stormed out. Josh and Landon cracked up and then busted out laughing. Another hour passed with the two boys deciding to throw shoes at a photo Landon pinned to the wall of a loudmouthed, fat woman named Rosie.
"Hungry?" Asked Landon.
"Always." Replied Josh.
"I'm calling it a day. No one's coming in at this hour." As the two boys gathered their things and got ready to leave, a fat woman came in with an angry look on here face.
"Where's your grandfather? I want my money back. He sold me these shoes the other day and they fell apart earlier today."
"That probably had something to do with the two-ton weight limit on them. He'll be here tomorrow when the store opens."
"I'll be back and I'll tell him what a fresh mouth you are."
"He already knows." Landon said as the woman left. Josh immediately felt some form of tension in the air at the store and looked at Landon.
"How would you feel about me if I told you I was gay?" Landon finally asked.
"It's cool. I know a couple of gay people already and they do not fit the stereotype of gay people."
"The guy in the dress?" Josh let a giggle out. He had to let Tevin know that Klinger had to stop wearing dresses because civilians were convinced he was gay as opposed to seeking a mentally unfit for service discharge.
"Colonel Pratchard. He led Blizzard Force into Downtown Beirut and from what I heard kicked some major terrorist butt. The other two I know worked for my dad back when we lived in Illinois. Does your grandfather know?" Landon put his arm around Josh and smiled.
"He knows. He blames it on the fat women who come in here with nasty attitudes and our next-door neighbor looking like a chicken. I just wanted to know how you felt about it."
"I really don't blame you after seeing what comes in here on a daily basis." The two teenagers laughed again before Landon cupped Josh's chin with his free hand and gave him a deep, passionate kiss on the lips. After about a minute, the two teens parted.
"Wow. That was amazing." Josh said as he licked his lips. Landon just smiled and led Josh out of the store and locked up.
"So, no problems with your family and this whole thing?" Landon asked.
"Like I said, they were accepting of three others. They have weird senses of humor and somehow I think my dad may already know or suspect. He'll blame it on Klinger if he does get upset which I doubt given how screwed up the history is." Landon put his arm around Josh and smiled as they walked towards the subway.
The fat jokes were inspired by Al Bundy and are more or less a case of "Early Installment Weirdness" on the part of Landon's character.