The black kwami looked up from his cheese, annoyed. "What?"
"I was just wondering..."
"Spit it out kid."
"It's just... well, can you tell me about previous Miraculous holders? I'm kinda curious. You said the stones were thousands of years old, so there must have been others, right?"
Plagg looks down. "Well... yes, but it's not really something I tell my chosen."
"Please, Plagg? I really want to know..."
The kwami gives a long-suffering sigh. "Fine. IF you promise to get me more cheese after this."
"Sit down, and let me tell you about my last chosen... your Uncle, Félix."
"My Uncle? But I don't have-"
"Are you going to let me tell the story of not?"
Adrien decided to stop talking.
Félix got the ring when he was eighteen, and boy, was he a real baby about it. He refused to so much as acknowledge my existence, muttering about "needing sleep" and "did that psycho slip me a hallucinogen?" I did not like him at all, so I did what you sometimes have to do with particularly difficult chosens, and cursed the ring so it wouldn't come off. Boy did I get a tongue-lashing from Tikki for that one, but if you ask me, the kid deserved every bit of bad luck he got.
Anyway, he forced me to tell him how to break the curse. Take a guess what it was: a kiss from the current Ladybug! And let me tell you, it was not going to be easy, especially after their first meeting.
"Yeah, I'm getting to that."
So, Félix was still freaking out over the whole 'cursed ring that wasn't a hallucination' thing, and when he saw Ladybug... what was it he said? Oh, yeah.
"Who the hell are you, and what do you think you're doing, dangling in midair like an idiot? You're going to break your neck!"
She, understandably, didn't like being called an idiot, and he made things worse the more they spoke, even after she came down. He was a proud cat, that one, and thought he was better than most... the conversation went something like...
"I'm not stupid, you know."
"How should I know that? You haven't yet shown any signs of intelligence."
"Oh, screw you! Where do you get off saying that to my face?"
"Please. Trust me, I know a nut-job when I see one."
And so on. When I told him how to break the curse that evening, you should've seen his face! White as a ghost!
Of course, he went about getting a dozen roses and apologizing immediately, but she was still pretty ticked at him.
That lasted for a few weeks, and I was busy making him as miserable as he made me. I had no idea why he was chosen, see, because he was not worthy. As far as I could tell, he was a dick to everyone, especially this one girl who was completely in love with him... well, maybe 'obsessed to the point of stalking' is a better term. Bridgette, her name was. She was always trying to tell him how much she adored him, how wonderful he was, and a million other things that weren't even close to being true.
However, all the while, he was fighting crime with the Ladybug, who he called his "Queen," let me tell you, you Agreste's have a thing for calling girls you want to impress nobility. And what would you know, he fell. Hard. Pretty soon, he was scribbling his own poetry instead of just looking up which ones would impress her enough to get a kiss, and had a sketchbook filled with portraits of her. He even admitted that if he got the chance to break the curse, he'd probably still put the ring back on, so he could keep protecting her. The kid was almost as disgusting as you are.
"I am not disgusting!"
"Anyway, Félix sounds pretty awful. Am I really related to him?"
"You are. Trust me, I was as surprised as you are, but how many guys do you know named 'Gabe Agreste?' Aka, Mr. Awfuls's baby brother."
"Why did Dad never mention him?"
Plagg looks down. "Well..."
See, eventually, things got… hectic. There was a menace in town, someone who was a lot more dangerous than anything you've seen, who killed hundreds on a daily basis. We didn't know what was going on, but…
Well, Félix and his Queen got closer, as time went on, and pretty soon, she got it in her head to reveal themselves, no matter how much Tikki and I protested. Félix, of course, would do anything she said, although he called it "trust." Always said it in a weird, dreamy kind of way, like it was the most amazing thing in the world, trusting someone. And of course, she turned out to be his stalker, Bridgette, which for some reason, made him love her more and hate himself, even though she, y'know, stalked him, and she had a similar reaction. After they both confirmed that any relationship between the two of them would be unhealthy and extremely problematic, they started making out after battles and doing things I do not want to think about in school.
So at the same time they publicly got together, causing a huge scandal, by the way, Félix began disappearing more and more… conclusions were drawn, and none of them good. The two crazies were losing focus, to boot, and then, Félix made the mistake of publicly protecting her as Bridgette, something that Chat Noir didn't do, but Félix certainly would. Somehow, the man we were fighting drew the right conclusions about who they were, and the kids got themselves kidnapped and thrown in a blimp. That was when I regretted making Félix's ring attached…
"Well…" the kwami frowns, and looks down. "They wanted the stones, and they had to… part of his hand… it wasn't pretty."
Adrien looks pale, and like he's distinctly regretting asking.
The kids were trying to get out, but Bridgette was taken away to be… well, Félix didn't like that.
He really didn't like that.
Like, more than anything I've ever seen.
He bent iron with his bare hands,Adrien. One of them still bleeding. He got his hands on the earrings and ring, and… well, I'm not sure what happened, but nobody left that blimp alive but Bridgette. He brought it down, gave her a way out, and died making out with his girlfriend, who, by the way, didn't survive long after that.
Adrien looked down. "So let me see if I've got this right. The last Chat Noir was a jerk who everyone thinks died from drugs, or a gang or something, and that's why I never knew he was my uncle?"
"Now do you see why it's not something I discuss?"
"Not gonna ask for any more stories?"
Adrien thinks about it. "I might. But definitely not right away."