After going to the Infirmary to be seen by a Healer -Whose probes against my non-existent shields did not have me flinching in pain, thank you- I was relieved to hear a room had been prepared for me to use during my stay.
But suffice to say that relief was short lived, as pain started pulsing anew through my head as we were being escorted to the room.
I could feel Sin glancing towards me from his perch on my shoulder every couple of minutes, clearly sensing I was in pain thanks to our new bond, but I couldn't bring myself to care.
I ignored him as I focused entirely on the effort of putting one foot in front of the other as I followed our guide.
The man walked way too fast in my opinion.
Or maybe I was just slowing down.
I sighed in relief and allowed myself the small pleasure of leaning against the wall a bit as the man finally stopped in front of another uniform door exactly like the rest and announced it to be my room. Glancing over at my lack of response the man frowned, seeing what I could only imagine was my pale complexion, if the sweat beading my brow was any indication.
"...Are you alright Padawan? You don't seem to be feeling well."
I waved off his concern with a small strained smile. "I'm alright, just a bit tired after everything. I think I'll just go ahead and head in for a nap, if that's alright."
I ignored the way I sounded breathless from just the effort to talk normally. The man however, did not.
"Of course. Go right ahead. I apologize for keeping you so long." He says quickly. "Are you going to be feeling well enough to join us for supper, or shall I send up some food for you later?"
He smiled warmly when I voiced that I could join them. "Good, then I'll let the Council know you'll be at the dining hall tonight."
Unable to do much more than nod in thanks now I forced myself to straighten and step past the man to the door and hit the sensor, opening it.
The stare I was getting from Sin felt like it was going to melt me at any moment now.
I wisely chose to ignore it.
Did I say beading sweat earlier? I meant to say pouring buckets. Or at least that's what it felt like on my clammy skin at this point.
I was not operating at one hundred percent right now, that was for sure.
Quickly I surveyed the room through the heavy fuzzy filling blanketing me, wanting to get a feel of it before I walked in and passed out on the bed. Or the floor.
Though the bed was preferable.
The room was not surprisingly, just like the ones back in my own time. Though the furniture was different, new and improved obviously, but still bland as ever.
Everything was sparce.
There was a cushioned chair sitting beside the single floor to ceiling window that spanned nearly the entire wall across from me. The city outside of it making for a breathtaking view. There was also an already made double bed to the left of the room, but just like the chair it was a simple grey in color.
Just like the room as a whole, really. Everything was grey. Or off grey. Not much for variety.
Some things never change... I thought dryly to myself.
I could travel through time, but to hells with color finally being added to the Temple rooms.
The one thing I had wanted to change, was the only thing that hadn't.
But I suppose I couldn't really complain. The room itself was actually a good size for the sparce furniture it had.
A quick glance to the right also confirmed the suspicions I had of a doorway being cut into the wall, filling me with relief as I instantly recognized it for a small private bathroom.
I wanted nothing more than to wash the gritty sand that somehow still clung to my body off and let the warm waters sooth me after everything that happened.
In fact, the desire was overwhelming.
Without a word I stepped into the room and slammed the sensor for the door, sending it hissing shut on our guide's face, ignoring his shout of surprise as easily as Sin's raised brow.
I started towards the bathroom on autopilot.
"...Remind me to never get between you and a shower." Sin murmured in amusement from his perch. "I think you scared that poor man."
"Noted." I muttered, not really caring at the moment.
With a chuckle Sin hopped down onto the bed as I passed, glancing to my retreating form with a grin as he sat down and wrapped his tail around him. "I'll leave you to it then."
Stopping in the bathroom doorway I raised a bemused brow and looked back. I appreciated the privacy, truly, but that didn't stop the unease at the thought of leaving him by himself within the Order's walls. Admittedly I had grown accustom to him being with me all the time. But did I really want to leave him to get bored again?
I shivered at the thought, picturing what he would do to entertain himself.
"...What will you be doing?" I ask, shower and pain temporarily forgotten.
He sighed. "Calese."
I perked up. "Yeah?"
"If you don't want me to make your water unbearably cold while you're in the shower, then stop asking ignorant questions."
I frowned. "It's not-"
I stopped as he looked back casually, a silent challenge to prove his point in his eyes. "Yes?" His tail flicked. "You were saying?"
….Maybe I shouldn't ask. Yeah. Probably.
"Nothing..." I finally muttered, quickly stepping into the bathroom and shutting the door before I asked anyway. Missing the grin he sent in response.
I sighed. Today just wasn't my day.
My mind was blissfully blank as I showered. The steam filling the room pressing pleasantly against my closed eyelids as I sat on the shower floor,letting the hot water beat against my back as I hugged my knees tightly against my chest.
I hadn't really had the time to relax and unwind before. To think. But now that I was everything was rushing back.
I couldn't stop replaying the scene of my Master dying, over and over as I went on a rollercoaster of emotions.
My hands tightened painfully on my knees, enough to bruise.
Why did she have to die? Why couldn't I have-?
A silent sob racked my body, tears blending with the water running down my cheeks as I trembled. The strangest cold sensation was shifting through my mind, but I couldn't bring myself to care.
I had failed her.
I stayed like this for awhile before something feathered across my awareness. Pulling me from my thoughts. Frowning I opened my eyes slowly, dimly noticing how stiff my muscles had become.
Strange... I could've sworn I felt-
I let out the girliest scream I'd ever made as Sin's head seemed to pop into existence through the thick steam to my left, making me jump and flail my arms for a moment as I knocked shampoo bottles down around me in my scramble for purchase.
His glowing eyes narrowed. "Calese, we need to- Gah!"
His head snapped back as he tumbled backwards into the surrounding steam, the shampoo bottle I threw at him finding its mark squarely between his eyes.
"What the hell are you doing?!" I shouted as I quickly stood and grabbed for a towel. Pulling it off the rack and covering myself as the water continued to pummel me.
"What am I doing?" I could feel the heat of his glare long before he came back into view, stopping outside the shower to rub his nose. "What the hells are you doing? Its been three hours, and the only thing I could sense from you was absolutely depressing. Please tell me you're not considering suicide."
I could feel the cold numbness leave me as I stared, taken back by his words.
"...What? Of course not!"
He stared back, the silence only broken by the sound of the shower.
"...Is that so?"
I scrambled back further as he suddenly stood, making his way towards the shower again.
To say I was confused and shocked would be an understatement. I watched wearily as he stopped at its edge, brow raising in slight amusement at my attempt to flee yet again before he focused on the soaked towel clinging to my body under the spray.
"Calese dear, I believe those are meant to dry you after you get out of the shower, not accompany you into one."
My cheeks flushed. "Then get out! Shoo!" I waved the hand that wasn't clutching the towel against me towards Sin like I would an animal.
His brow furrowed in annoyance at the gesture.
"Really Calese, why are you-" Understanding flashed as he noticed my cheeks. He chuckled. "Ah. Poor modest Jedi-in-training."
I didn't think my cheeks could get any redder. "Shut up Sin! And get out already!"
He grinned as he raised his clawed hands in mock surrender. " Very well Calese, I'll leave you to your embarrassment."
My heart pounded in my chest as I watched him turn around and head for the door, more than ready to throw another shampoo bottle at him if need be. I tensed as he stopped in front of the doorway and looked back.
"Ah, one more thing." The glow of his eyes shifted into a serious look. "Don't focus on the past too much. It doesn't change anything that happened. Never will."
He turned forward and began walking, his next words almost lost to me in the pouring shower.
"You cant change what the Force has destined you to be, Calese."
The door wooshing shut softly behind him disturbed the steam, sending it swirling through the room before settling down thickly once more.
I stood there for a moment before my hand tightened on the towel.
He was trying to help, I knew that... but wasn't he wrong?
As far fetched as it was, I had the ability to travel through time now, so why couldn't I just go back? Stop my Master from dying, stop everything?
My eyes narrowed in determination.
Sin was wrong.
I could change the past. I was the only one who could.
I just had to find my way back first.
Sin sighed as he felt her renewed spirit, knowing exactly what she was thinking thanks to their newly strengthened bond.
But Calese was wrong.
She would find out soon enough, the truth of her gift. Of her power as his Father's Chosen.
And the limitations placed on her by Father as well.
He knew she would never go back to her own timeline like she wished. To any point of time that her Master existed in, for that matter.
If she was lucky, afterwards. But never before. The events leading up to her Awakening couldn't be changed. His Father would never allow it.
Sins eyes narrowed as his face was cast into shadows.
His Father was far crueler than others realized.
"Perhaps," he mused darkly. ''I'll take extra pleasure in destroying Him, for my little Calese's sake.''
He smirked as he heard the shower turn off through the door behind him.