To recap: Anjion and Biankies – Stars and Mouse – have organised a costume party at Medda's theatre. Needless to say, as always when these two and the Newsies are involved, chaos reigns. And now things are even worse...
BLINK: It's Snyder! RUN!
(Everyone scatters, making a break for the door...)
ANJION: (in despair) And this was supposed to be a fun party...
BIANKIES: (smiling brightly) Hey, quit complaining! It could be worse.
KASSIM: Yeah. We could be flying the carpet with Genie. Who cannot steer...
SWIFTY: (resplendent in his athlete costume) Less talking, more running!
RACE: We need to lose Snyder!
MUSH: (sarcastically) Really! How'd you work that out?
RACE: (smugly) Elementary, my dear Mush.
DAVID: Why don't we go through that random portal that's just appeared? That's bound to lead us straight into one of our customary bouts of mayhem and complete disorganisation!
ANJION: Good idea, Einstein! Come on Mouse!
(We dive into the portal and suddenly find ourselves running across a wide and immense grassy plain, passing a group of 13 sprinting dwarves, 1 grey-clad wizard and 1 hobbit along the way.)
ANJION AND BIANKIES: (to the wizard) Hi Gandalf!
BIANKIES: (whispering to Anjion nervously) Why are they running?
SKITTERY AND OMAR: Yeah! We'd like to know too!
COREY: Where are we? And what are those things?
(He points behind us, and everyone follows his gaze. There is a pause, and then...)
ANJION: (surprised) ORCS! Come on, guys, faster!
LES: (who is riding on Kassim's shoulders) Faster, horsey, faster!
KASSIM: (disgruntled) I am not your horsey! (But he goes faster anyway.)
(A few moments later, we find ourselves falling through another portal, leaving a group of angry and confused orcs behind... Snyder, on the other hand, isn't so lucky...)
ANDREW: (swatting Corey upside the head) Don't do that again! There are cowards present! And we can't afford mass panic, so no pointing out scary things!
JACK: (looking around) Where are we now?
ANJION: (worriedly) I think we're on a ship. And I have a distinct sinking feeling...
BIANKIES: Starsie, why does this ship look so familiar?
TUMBLER AND LES: This is so cool!
BIANKIES: I don't think I like this too much...
ANJION: Me neither. Something's very wrong...
(Unseen, Omar picks up one of those old-fashioned, ring-shaped life belt things and examines it with interest...)
DAVID: What's so wrong about it?
(At this point, Omar turns round, holding the ring in front of him, and when we two authors read what's printed on it, in stark black letters, we realise just how much trouble we are in...)
ANJION: Oh no! It's the Titanic! And it's sinking!
BIANKIES: Quick! Find another portal!
DAVID: (grabbing Les' shirt) Stay close, Les!
SECOND OFFICER LIGHTOLLER: (rushing past) Get to a lifeboat! Quickly now!
ANJION: We can't take a lifeboat! There's few enough of them as it is! We'll just have to hope that portal's here...
BIANKIES: Ok, guys, speed it up. But don't go downstairs; you'll probably get trapped...
KASSIM: (suddenly) Look, there it is!
(We all rush to the rail of the ship, and sure enough, the portal can be seen about 4 metres away.)
BABKAK: How do we get there?!
LACEY: Well, we won't get there without getting wet, that's for sure.
OMAR: (wailing) But I can't swim!
DAVID: Then stick that ring around your middle. Then you'll float.
(Omar obeys, but we are still in trouble... but then...)
ANJION: (suddenly, to Biankies) Hang on, we know we're going to survive this, don't we? By the simple nature of storytelling...
(Biankies nods, though somewhat bewilderedly.)
ANJION: So let's just fast-forward this bit until we're safe on dry land again! (And she pulls out an oversized TV-like remote...)
(A moment later everyone stands safely on dry land, much to everyone's relief. But the relief is short-lived as we crazy authors realise where we are now...)
OMAR: (nervously) Why does Mouse look so scared?
(At this point, Shaggy and Scooby Doo make a surprise appearance, running very fast with their legs going round in cartoonish blurs...)
SHAGGY: (rather cheerfully) Hey! Hi there!
OSCAR: Why are you running that way?
SHAGGY: We're escaping the monsters!
SKITTERY: M-m-monsters? (He hides behind Kassim.)
SHAGGY: The scary monsters with the sharp teeth!
SCOOBY DOO: Rome on, Raggy! Ret's ro! [Come on, Shaggy! Let's go!]
SHAGGY: Good luck, guys! I'm coming, Scoob!
(And they disappear.)
BLINK: What monsters?
SPECS: Er, it might be the small, scary dinosaurs with very sharp teeth that are heading this way...
DAVID: Or the T-Rex that I can hear coming...
IAN MALCOLM: (sprinting past) I suggest you guys get out of here ASAP. Those guys are not friendly...
ANJION: Come on everyone, run!
LES: (eagerly) I got an idea! Why don't you scare them with your scary accent, Stars?
DAVID: Les! Don't be rude! Ok, so I agree her accent is terrible...
(Anjion glares at him.)
ANJION: I'll give it a go...
(She turns around to face the approaching raptors and starts to speak in her terrible Irish accent, causing everyone to flinch and, in some cases, hold their ears.)
MUSH: (softly) No, no, no, no...
ANJION: Er, top o' the mornin' to ya. I's a lucky Leprechaun...
(The raptors look at her in surprise, then at one another, before appearing to shrug and resuming the chase, but now much faster!)
ANJION: (running) RUUUUNNNNN!
(Thankfully, we manage to escape the jungle with no further incident. Nobody notices as behind us, Snyder collides solidly with a tree...)
KASSIM: I really don't like those things...
BIANKIES: (smiling brightly) I want one of those as a pet...
BUMLETS: (smiling wistfully) Yeah, they were pretty cool...
(We all stare at them in disbelief.)
BIANKIES: Yeah! Hey Starsie, can we go back one day so I can get me one of those little dinosaurs?
JACK: That ain't important right now; what is important is escaping the T-Rex that I can still hear following us...
(We all run once again until we reach the now familiar sight of a portal ahead.)
MAC: I wonder where we'll end up this time?
LACEY: Hopefully someplace where nothing wants to eat us...
(We step cautiously through the portal and are immediately filled with feelings of foreboding...)
BIANKIES: (looking around the new world) Starsie, why do I have a bad feeling about this?
LES: Is this a pirate ship?
KASSIM: Pirates?! Where?!
ANJION: If we're where I think we are, you'd better not go round saying you're a Pirate King, Kassim. Same for you, Spot...
LES: (pointing) Look! He looks important!
TUMBLER: Cool! A real pirate!
(Kassim immediately starts sulking, but we all ignore him. Instead we look across at the tall, handsome - and clearly drunk - pirate who is swaying about nearby.)
ANJION: It's Captain Jack Sparrow!
CAPTAIN JACK: (hearing his name) That's me! And who might you strangely dressed people be?
SPOT: (puffing out his chest) I'm the King of Brooklyn!
CAPTAIN JACK: (rolling his eyes) And I'm the Duchess of Cambridge. (He holds his bottle to his lips, but it is empty.) Hey, where's all the rum gone?
SPOT: (rolling his eyes) You've probably drunk it all!
LACEY: Quit it will you?
SPOT: (glaring) Or what?!
(Just as they are about to get into another argument, a loud yell for help can be heard from a very familiar voice...)
OMAR: That sounded like Kassim.
BABKAK: (looking around) Where is Kassim?
(We all look around and eventually spot Kassim being manhandled by a shortish man in one of those weird white wigs...)
CUTLER BECKETT: (calmly yet coldly) You should know by now that I dislike pirates. I really dislike pirates.
KASSIM: But I'm not a pirate; I'm in costume!
BECKETT: Nice try, but I'm wise to your tricks. You're all the same; stupid, greedy and unimaginative...
CAPTAIN JACK: (under his breath) I'm not stupid! Or unimaginative! Greedy, yes, but that's part of bein' a pirate...
(Meanwhile, Biankies spots a random rack of pirate swords and points it out to Anjion, causing a grin to spread across both authors' faces.)
ANJION: (murmuring) Everyone, choose a weapon. We're going to do a spot of swordplay...
(The message is passed on down the line and soon everyone rushes to grab a sword...)
MAC: Hey Stars...are you sure you want Omar to have one of those things?
BABKAK: Yeah. He says he doesn't like them, and he's always a liability when he does have such things...
(Behind us, Omar picks up a large sword, overbalances and comes crashing down to the ground, sword and all.)
OMAR: (starting to loudly wail) My finger's bleeding!
MAC: (sighing defeatedly) Omar, come here...
(She fixes him up with her apparently endless supply of plasters, which she has stored in her witch hat.)
SKITTERY: (to Biankies) I d-don't want to d-die...
ANJION: Are we ready now?
ANJION: (enthusiastically) Then CHARGE!
(We charge and are soon busily fighting Beckett and his men, with the boys all waving their weapons about and only hitting the enemies by accident or sheer luck!)
KASSIM: (now free) Thanks guys! (He joins the fight.)
MAC: We'd better get out of here before someone gets really hurt. I haven't learnt how to sew heads back on yet...
BIANKIES: Wait; there's something we should do before we go.
(She goes across to the ever troublesome Iago who, unsurprisingly, is dressed as a parrot.)
BIANKIES: We need your scary powder stuff.
(She gestures towards the hoards of Beckett's men who are still advancing...)
IAGO: (grinning widely) I can do that.
(With that, the three cowards grab Kassim, Mush and Anjion and duck for cover yelling for everyone to do the same...)
(There follows a loud "BOOM!" and a rather muffled yell as a certain prison warder - who has only just managed to catch us up - is blown skywards, unseen by any of us...)
RACE: (to Anjion and Biankies) Hey, did you just hear that?
ANJION: Hear what?
RACE: That kind of "Aaaaaaaggghhh!" sound.
ANJION: (looking at Biankies, who shakes her head) No, I didn't hear anything. Though it was probably Skittery. Or perhaps those mean guys we just blew up... Come on, let's get outta here...
SPOT: I found another portal thing!
(There follows a mad dash for the portal that nearly crushes Spot...)
(We all land in a big heap on the other side of the portal, with Anjion at the bottom, startling a random old hermit who jumps violently and disappears under a sea of old tin cans.)
HERMIT: (reappearing, rubbing his head) Curses! Curses! I have knocked over my lucky tin-can tower!
(Then he spots Anjion lying on the ground, looking rather flat.)
HERMIT: Ah! And you have squished a lucky Leprechaun! This will be a difficult journey for you, my friends! You will surely meet many trials and tribulations now...
JAKE: (shrugging) So? What's new?
(The hermit scowls, picks up his tin cans and leaves, and we suddenly find ourselves in yet another world...)
KASSIM: (looking up at a random tree) Okay, you guys can come out now. He's gone.
(The sound of a branch breaking can be heard and three cowards come tumbling down and land on Kassim.)
BIANKIES: (looking around the area nervously) Starsie, why am I getting a bad feeling about this place?
ANJION: I'm not sure... It seems familiar though...
ANDREW: (somewhat squeakily) Perhaps it's something to do with that large, scary mansion...
COREY: (equally squeakily) Or perhaps the fact that we are suddenly in the middle of a freak thunderstorm...
SPECS: (especially squeakily) Or it could be that sudden, blood-curdling scream...
OMAR: Oh. (He faints.)
BIANKIES: (pulling on Anjion's sleeve) Starsie...
ANJION: (failing to notice her friend) Something tells me there be monsters here.
SPOT: Where are we?
BABKAK: Do you think they'll have food?
KASSIM: With you, everything's food!
(They start arguing in the background.)
BIANKIES: (yanking Anjion's arm) Starsie...
ANJION: (still not noticing) Guys, knock it off.
BIANKIES: (forcefully) Starsie!
ANJION: (finally noticing her friend) What is it, Mousey?
BIANKIES: I think I know where we are, and I don't like it.
(She points at the approaching figure of a very famous vampire...)
IAGO: (trembling) W-what's that?
ANJION: (in shock) It's D-Dracula...
KASSIM: (nervously) Who's D-Dracula?
BIANKIES: (squeakily) He's D-Dracula...
DAVID: He's D-Dracula?
ANJION: (mildly annoyed) That's what she said! He's D-Dracula!
BABKAK: (who is holding Omar over one shoulder) Guys! Now is not the time! We have to get away from this Bracketta guy!
BABKAK: (impatiently) Alright! Let's go!
(And for some insane reason, we all start running towards the creepy, scary mansion...)
SKITTERY: (stopping right outside the door) I don't wanna go in there!
BIANKIES: (folding arms and sitting down) Me neither! I'm on strike!
SNODDY: (sneezing) You'd rather stay out here in the rain?
ANJION: We have to go in there for the purposes of the story! Come on guys!
(Neither cowardly person moves, so Babkak slings Biankies over his other shoulder (he is still carrying Omar) while Aladdin grabs up Skittery, and Specs solemnly bangs the knocker.)
DUTCHY: (who, for some reason, is dressed as a French onion seller) Why'd you do that? The guy who lives here is behind us!
SPECS: How do you know he lives here? Besides, you have to bang the knocker; it's compulsory in these settings!
(He and Mush push the door, which opens with a terrifying creak...)
(For a moment, we pause to admire and stare in awe at the huge gothic house and its grand interior, but then Omar wakes up and shrieks in terror, startling Babkak and causing him to drop both him and Biankies.)
OMAR AND BIANKIES: Ouch...
ITEY: (peering through a window) That Dracula person seems to have disappeared.
STRANGE VOICE: (from behind us) He'll be back, young Marthter, you'll thee...
(Itey and Snitch cry out and try to leap into each other's arms, while Biankies rushes into the living room and tries to squash herself into the small space between the fireplace and the grandfather clock, completely forgetting about the wings on her back...)
BIANKIES: (a moment later) Guys, I'm stuck!
KASSIM: Here we go again...
BUMLETS: (as we try and pull our fairy friend free) Who is that strange lisping guy?
DAVID: That's Igor, the vampire's servant.
LES: (frowning) He's very ugly.
IGOR: (passing) Why, thank you, young Marthter. I thall tell the Marthter you are here...
ALL: (in a frantic whisper) No no, don't do that...
(But Igor seems not to have heard us...)
(Suddenly, Biankies' wings pop free of the door and we all collapse in a heap.)
DAVID: (in an overdramatic whisper) Quick! We can hide in the crypt!
BIANKIES: (sarcastically) Yeah, great idea. Escape the scary man and his creepy assistant and hide in the scariest part of the house. Good one, Einstein.
BLINK: (looking behind us at the fast-approaching vampire) Well, we ain't got a lot of choice right now...
(We start looking for the entrance to the crypt, but then Swifty, who is leaning against a bookcase, gives a barely muffled yell and disappears backwards...)
BOOTS: (looking after him) Wow! Look guys, a secret passage! Maybe it leads out of here...
(And we quickly slip into the tunnel...)
(Moments later, another figure approaches the door leading to the cellar, muttering darkly... He goes down the stairs, intending to grab the first Newsie he finds...but there is nobody there. The room is empty, save for a few cobwebby coffins.)
SNYDER: (confused) But I heard them say they were coming down here!
(And then the door slams shut behind him, and seconds later, the coffins start to creak slowly open...)
SNYDER: (in alarm) What the...?!
(And a few moments later, a loud yell rents the air...)
SPOT: (nervously) What was that?
LACEY: (tauntingly) Why, is the King of Brooklyn scared?
SPOT: No! I'm not scared!
LACEY: Yes you are!
SPOT: No I'm not!
JAKE: Stop arguing you guys! Come on, let's get outta here!
(We continue along the passage until it suddenly isn't a passage any more but a clearing in a forest. There is a huge table in the centre, set for at least 2 dozen people, but only two of those places are occupied...)
MORRIS: Where are we now?
MAC AND LACEY: (excitedly to each other) It's the Mad Hatter's tea party!
HATTER: Welcome, Sit down! Sit down!
MARCH HARE: But Hatty, there's no room!
DORMOUSE: (sleepily, from inside the teapot) No room... (He starts to snore.)
HATTER: Oh nonsense! We don't want to seem unfriendly... And look, (points at Andrew) that one looks a little like me...
(He starts pouring tea, by way of a magically extending arm, into mugs that never seem to fill up, causing most of our company to goggle in surprise.)
ANJION: (recovering herself a little) Thanks, but we've got to keep going. We're running away from someone.
MARCH HARE: (apparently unfazed by the Hatter's trick) Oh that's a pity. (He glances around, apparently searching for our pursuer.) Er, who are you running from?
SKITTERY: (sharply yet nervously) Snyder!
HATTER: (confused) Snyder? Who is Snyder?
JACK: A really nasty guy who likes locking us kids up whenever he can catch us.
MUSH: (shakily and urgently) Snyder!
JACK: Yes, we heard Skittery the first time.
MORRIS: (forcefully) No, they mean Snyder! He's here!
(He and Oscar point behind us...)
SNYDER: (looking rather battered) There you are you little miscreants! You're gonna PAY for this!
(The ever-nervous Hatter shrieks loudly, rivalling even The Cowardly Trio, and runs to hide behind the March Hare.)
ANJION: (to the Hatter and the Hare) Please distract him! We have to get outta here!
MARCH HARE: We'll see what we can do...Go!
(And so we run, slipping through another portal, while the hysterical Hatter and the relatively calm Hare grab Snyder's arms and dance him around the table at an impossible speed, loudly singing "Twinkle, Twinkle" at the same time...)
(As soon as we step through the portal, everyone starts complaining about the heat...)
MORRIS: (glaring at everyone) Quiet!
(Everyone freezes and stares at the oldest Delancey, who points to a group of stumbling, groaning people aimlessly heading our way...)
OMAR: W-what are t-they, M-Mouse?
(Biankies just stares, too shocked to speak.)
ANJION: (in a frightened whisper) I think they're zombies, Omar...
RACE AND KASSIM: And they're getting closer...
JACK: (looking nervous) What do we do now?!
LES: Can't we just go? Staring isn't helping!
DAVID: Hush Les! Let the crazy authors think! After all (he glares sideways at us), they were the ones who wrote us into this mess!
ANJION AND BIANKIES: (in an indignant whisper) Hey!
MUSH: The kid's right though. We gotta beat it! Those things look hungry!
OMAR: And scary...
BABKAK: I'm hungry too...
ALL: (very quietly) Not now Babkak!
BIANKIES: (finally unfreezing and clinging to Anjion for dear life) I don't want to die!
ANJION: (wheezing) Mouse, now is not the time to kill your partner in crime! (Biankies reluctantly lets go.) Thank you. Now we have two options; we can either cover ourselves in zombie goo and hope the zombies can't tell the difference, or we run for it. Neither of which is very appealing...
SKITTERY: (in a mad panic) We're doomed!
(Then Peter Pan flies in.)
PETER: No you're not! All you need is a little faith! And pixie dust... (he searches his pockets, muttering under his breath) Oh no, I forgot Tinkerbell! Sorry, you're doomed.
(He flies away, and everyone just stands there, blinking stupidly. Until Omar decides to burst into tears...)
EVERYONE: (frantically) Omar, stop crying!
BIANKIES: (looking at the ever nearing zombies) It's probably a good time to follow cowardly advice passed on for generation to...
SKITTERY AND OMAR: (interrupting) RUN!
BIANKIES: Yeah that!
(We bolt, setting new land-speed records as we head to the safety of the next portal... and a few moments later, there is a cry of terror from within the portal as Snyder has a run-in with the zombies...)
(When we come out of the portal, we find ourselves standing on a vast icy landscape. Nothing but snow, ice and the occasional winding stream for miles.)
KASSIM: Where are we?
(Before anyone can hazard a guess, a small, furry, distinctly squirrel-like creature with a long snout, sharp fangs and a very fluffy tail appears, carrying an acorn...)
BIANKIES: Awe... Can I keep him Starsie? Can I? Pleeeeeeaasssseee?
ANJION: No. Mouse, focus! We're running away from Snyder, remember?
BLINK: (looking round) Where is Snyder, anyway?
(He is nowhere in sight, and none of us notices the huge crater opening up behind us, courtesy of an accident-prone little squirrel-rat...so we just shrug our shoulders and leave through another portal, totally unaware that we are being watched...)
PIE EATER: (looking around) Hey, we're back in Manhattan!
(We all cheer over-enthusiastically and break into random little dances.)
BIANKIES: (leaning closer to Anjion) Well that was, er, fun. Do you think any backup snacks for the party have turned up?
ANJION: I hope so. Maybe if they have, we can save this party yet...
(And so, arm in arm, the two authors lead their band of friends back to where they began; the theatre. Of doom...)
(Back in the world of ice, three animal friends are still staring at the patch of sky that the portal recently occupied.)
DIEGO: (after a long pause) Who were they?
MANNY: I dunno, but they sure looked funny!
(There is a sudden loud, drawn-out yell, followed by a series of grunts, groans and, finally, a thud.)
SID: (peering into a nearby crater) Do you think we should tell them they left their monkey behind?
MANNY: Nah, they'll find out sooner or later...
(Back at the theatre, not much later)
ANJION: (looking round at the full buffet table and the pristine and perfectly decorated theatre) Well, it looks like everything is finally working–
EVERYONE: (frantically) No! Don't say anything, you'll jinx it!
ANJION: (a little put out) Sorry...
LES: Now can we get on with the party?
BIANKIES: Sure! All that could go wrong has already gone–
(Before she can finish her sentence, the door to the theatre bursts open and a very battered and angry Snyder stands in the doorway, his clothes ripped and torn, his face covered in dirt and scratches, his hair singed and still smoking slightly, and a madly manic expression in his eyes...)
RACE: Oh no, not again!
(He and the other Newsies – even us two authors – runs for cover, leaving only Babkak out in the open...)
SNYDER: GRRR! (He charges.)
BABKAK: I am not letting you ruin this party again! I'm hungry!
(He grabs his saucepan prop, swings it round to meet the oncoming man and wallops him hard on the head. Snyder's eyes go crossed, and then he collapses to the ground in an ungainly heap.)
BABKAK: (triumphant) That'll teach you to mess with my tea!
(We all re-emerge, laughing in relief, and congratulate Babkak profusely. Babkak heads straight across to the buffet table and starts downing the sandwiches...)
BUMLETS: (pointing his thumb at Snyder) What shall we do with him now?
(Jack jumps forward with his lasso and, with help from Snitch and Itey, ties the man up. Then, with Medda's help, we all stuff him in the cellar.)
JACK: (dusting off his hands) There we go! What next?
(Just at this moment, another argument starts up...)
RACE: No Sherlock Holmes is cleverer! Stars says he's the greatest fictional detective of all time!
DAVID: Yes, but Einstein discovered the theory of relativity! Plus he was a real person!
RACE: Well, I don't know what relativity is, and anyway Sherlock can tell lots about a person just by looking at them...
(Anjion and Biankies look at each other and heave a resigned sigh...)