14Disclaimer: Do not own Hetalia
Chapter 2: Starting Again
It was always like this. He would wake up first before his alarm went off. Actually, he was still wondering why he bothered to set an alarm clock if he would be always up first. Then he would stretch a bit before going to the bathroom to start his morning routines. After that he would ruffle the feathers of his cute little bird and let it nestled on top of his head. He would change his shoes, locked the door, and start running around to keep his body in shape.
A month and a half passed after Gilbert was discharged from the hospital and he knew that things would never go back to normal for those who still remembered everything. Staying in his parents' house was not a happy week for him also. The woman who was introduced to him as his 'Mother' would be sweet and caring at first then the next she would be out for blood and always try to kill Gilbert while demanding to give her precious son back. The man who was labeled as his 'Father' decided that it would be good for everyone if Gilbert would stay somewhere else. At least until his 'Mother' was feeling better again.
Something that Gilbert really doubted so far.
In the end they got him an apartment and a bodyguard in the form of his very own little brother. Well, that was not a big problem for Gilbert. For him and Ludwig were rarely on speaking terms.
Ludwig had a busy life also, considering it was his last year in high school and applying for college. There was so little time for the two of them to meet even though they were living under the same roof. Gilbert, on the other hand, had such an understanding boss. His boss said that if he could still operate the machines then Gilbert was still allowed to go back to work. It was easy for Gilbert to relearn everything concerning electrical engineering so he was able to go back and earn money for himself again.
There was just one thing that bothered Gilbert the most though. After the first visit of Roderich, the man never came back again. He waited for days until he was officially out of the hospital but no Roderich Edelstein appeared before his eyes. Just when he thought that he finally found a person that would answer his questions willingly, without qualms, and then he was left hanging in the air.
"Good morning, Bruder." It was a daily routine, Gilbert told himself again. After he got home from his morning exercise he would found Ludwig preparing breakfast for the two of them. The youngest Beilschmidt would greet him and Gilbert would just nod his head in return.
"Morning." And that was all Gilbert would tell Ludwig in their short morning conversation.
As always, Gilbert could see the way Ludwig's shoulders sagged down a little bit. As if the blond was waiting for something but Gilbert failed to give it to him.
They ate in silence. The only noise was made by the clattering of spoons and forks. When the clock struck 7:15am, Ludwig would attempt to make a conversation. Gilbert didn't know if Ludwig noticed this part of the routine but he did, and it was always at the same time.
"I'm going to be able to go home early later." Why Ludwig did keep calling their apartment as 'home'? This was not his home. The place was just simply an apartment, nothing more and nothing less. A home should offer warmth for the people living inside of it. Gilbert could never give that warmth to Ludwig, at least not now or the next few days, months, or maybe even years. Ludwig was just a stranger for Gilbert and vice versa. That was what Gilbert thought in their situation.
"I will be able to go for some grocery shopping. Do you want me to buy something for you?"
Sometimes Gilbert would reply with just a single word, a sentence, Ludwig would consider himself lucky if he would be able to make his brother speak long enough to create one paragraph.
"…apples." It looked like today was not a fortunate day for Ludwig.
"Apples." Ludwig repeated as he forced himself not to sigh in front of his older brother, "Is that all?"
Gilbert just nodded and swallowed the last piece of pancake on his plate then sipped whatever was left in his morning coffee. At exactly 7:30am, Gilbert was left alone to do the dishes.
Today was Gilbert's day off and during this day he adapted the habit of visiting the local library. Like a normal person, he would borrow a book but instead of reading it inside he would choose to check it out and read it at the nearby café that became one of his favorite spots in tow. He became a regular customer that all of the employees were used in seeing him on this particular day. They knew where he preferred to sit and orders he would make.
But this daily ritual was suddenly interrupted. He had reached his favorite café, the borrowed book was held by his left hand, when he saw the man he was waiting for to visit him again during his stay in the hospital. Roderich Edelstein was sitting on one of the chairs settled just outside the café. His cousin was contentedly taking a sip in his drink while the woman in front of him fiddled with her handbag. Acting on impulse, Gilbert copied the stance of a baseball player he saw in TV and tossed the book as hard as he could. His aim was perfect for it had hit Roderich-freaking-Edelstein straight on the face. The woman screamed in surprise while Roderich just clutched his obviously aching forehead where the spine of the book hit the hardest. Gilbert approached casually as if he didn't almost give the other man a concussion.
"Sorry, my hand slipped." Was the false explanation Gilbert gave and grabbed the book again just in case Roderich attempt to repay his actions. That was when Gilbert saw that the woman sitting across his cousin was openly gaping at him. Well, Gilbert could not deny that what he did was a bit childish. Meanwhile, Roderich was glaring daggers at Gilbert.
"I'm sorry for interrupting your date. I think this book has a personal vendetta against your boyfriend. Don't worry, I shall be on my way now." With that said, Gilbert turned around and was about to enter the café and grabbed his usual cake and coffee when a hand took hold of his shoulder.
"Wait! Gilbert! It's me, Elizaveta!"
The moment the woman, Elizaveta as she had introduced herself, finished her sentence, Gilbert openly groaned. Great, another person who knew him before he got amnesia.
"Right." Gilbert said in a dead tone, "I'm sure that you already know my situation, Ms. Elizaveta." From the way her eyes widened it was a clear sign that she knew what he had meant. "It's nice to meet you but just like what I have said before, I shall be on my way now."
"Gilbert Beilschmidt!" he really should not have tossed the book if he knew the outcome would be something like this, "Why on earth did you hit me with a book?!"
"That's not me." Gilbert quickly defended himself and raised his hands in surrender, which kind of not proved his innocence because he was still holding the book, "It was the book's wish to hit you on the face. I just granted its wish considering it has no body to it on its own."
"Stop your nonsense excuses!" Roderich stood up and slammed his hands on the table. "It is clear as the day that it was your own doing!"
"Well, I guess it's not that clear considering that today is cloudy." Gilbert offhandedly commented as he stared up on the sky and shielded his eyes against the unwanted rays of light. He didn't know that he was already riling up Roderich. It was not really his intention to make his cousin mad at him. He really did just toss the book on impulse.
"What is your problem?!" Roderich paused for a moment after he asked the question. Then, he took a deep breath in order to regain his remaining dignity in public. "Honestly, you may not act as boisterous before but you are still an insufferable man."
"Well, Mr. Edelstein, you only have yourself to blame for that."
"What?"
Gilbert felt like he had already spoken too much for the day and just stared back at Roderich. The two of them lost themselves in their staring contest that they almost forgot the third presence in their group. Almost.
"How about you join us?" Elizaveta forced a joyful tone in her words, "I'm sure Roderich will not mind answering a few of your questions if you have any. I will not mind also!" she added the last part in a hurry but it was clearly depicted on her face that she didn't want to answer any questions that would come out from Gilbert's mouth.
When Elizaveta voiced out her suggestion it was then the moment that Roderich understood the reason behind Gilbert's actions. He heaved a deep sigh and returned to his seat.
"Are you going to join us?" Gilbert stared at his cousin for a while longer before answering, "Fine. But I tell you now that I am not to be blamed if the book wants to hit you again later."
Roderich failed to hide a wince. He clearly got the message that one wrong move and he might meet his death by a book. Ironically, Roderich was an Austrian and the book that Gilbert had on his hands was about Prussian history. Specifically, about the Seven Years War.
Gilbert decided to order a slice of black forest cake and lemon juice. If this was just one of his usual days then he would have probably ordered a simple chocolate cake and a cup of cappuccino. But since this was not one of his said ordinary days, he decided to do things differently. Who knows, maybe these changes could do him some good. Well, he hoped so.
He was currently drinking the lemon juice through the straw while looking at Roderich to the right then to Elizaveta on the left. Somehow he feels like he was a third wheel on the circular table they were occupying. It was a familiar feeling that made Gilbert more irritated. An emotion he was not used to feel on a regular basis. The only noise could be heard around their table was the way Gilbert sipped his beverage.
"So…how have you been, Gilbert?" Elizaveta put a smile as she said this but no one was convinced because her lips quivered a little.
"I've been good. Fine, as an amnesiac person can be." Gilbert graced her an answer but he didn't let go of the straw, making his words muffled for a bit but still understandable.
Just like Ludwig's reaction whenever Gilbert opened his mouth to speak, Elizaveta's shoulder dropped down a little and her forced smile from her face was completely gone.
"You're not the same anymore…" she had commented unconsciously and covered her mouth in shock that she had said it out loud.
Gilbert released the straw with a small 'pop'. He then stared straight into the eyes of a currently horrified woman.
"I think that is a given conclusion considering that I don't remember anything about my past. Which takes me to my next question, how are you related to me, Ms. Elizaveta?"
Elizaveta's hands hovered above her chin and she looked anywhere that was not Gilbert. She was contemplating for the right answer that she should give.
"I'm…I'm…" she slowly put her hands on the table and clasped them together. With her head bowed down she continued, "I'm a childhood friend of yours…"
Gilbert blinked, and he blinked again. He straightened his back a little as he pondered around the answer. From the time that he woke up, he perfectly practiced on how to solve the problems based on the limited information given to him. This happened because no one wanted to give him a straight answer.
"So…Roderich is my cousin and you are my, well I think 'were' is the proper term now, childhood friend." Gilbert started, "Hm…and considering that this is a date that I had interrupted, I am assuming here that the two of you met each other through the past Gilbert."
It looked like he had hit the spot when Elizaveta choked at nothing.
"I thought you want some answers, Gilbert?" Roderich interrupted the conversation. It was a good timing also because it seemed that any moment Elizaveta would lose control of her emotions.
Gilbert shifted his gaze and was now glaring towards his cousin. Today was an emotional roller coaster for the amnesiac albino. This was because Gilbert was not used in showing a lot of emotions in a single day. He usually went on his new daily life with a neutral expression towards everything that was happening before him. Sadly, the current case was different from everything.
"Yeah. It was kind of irritating when you dropped off such a huge bomb on me and never returning to tell me more. So my question to you is…why did the past Gilbert tried to attempt suicide?"
"What?!" Elizaveta screamed suddenly, "Roderich, how could you?!" she gripped the sides of the table and it was a clear sign that she was definitely angry, "Why did you tell him that?"
"Because he deserves to know the truth." Roderich answered simply, "I didn't even agreed in the decision of everyone." He then returned his attention towards Gilbert, "To answer why I didn't return was because the Beilschmidt family, your family, has forbidden me in seeing you again. They were really frustrated when they found out that I told you about your, ahem, predicament."
"Because he was not supposed to know it…" Elizaveta mumbled.
"As I was saying," Roderich didn't pay attention to what Elizaveta had said, "They didn't want me to spill anymore beans and asked, more like demanded in my opinion, the hospital to block me from visiting you."
"And you didn't even think of seeing me after I was released?" it was a valid question for Gilbert. How Roderich could give up so easily? Was Gilbert really not worth the effort? The people around him wanted him to remember but they were not answering Gilbert's questions so how could he realize the past? The more they evade his questions the more Gilbert's desire to forget everything behind increases.
"I tried." Roderich cut in Gilbert's inner thoughts, "But Uncle, your Father I mean, threatened me that he would call the police if I tried to see you again. Though I know it was an empty threat. Then the news reached me that you and Ludwig are not currently living with your parents."
"I would like to say 'who told you that' but I could care less from whose loose tongue you heard that from." Gilbert shrugged his shoulders to emphasize his point. "You still haven't answered my main question thought. I know enough that suicide is caused by depression. What made the past Gilbert so depressed to the point he had wanted to end his own life?"
"Why do you keep referring to yourself as 'past Gilbert'?" Elizaveta entered the conversation again with a tone that wanted to be acknowledged, "You're still Gilbert, with amnesia or not."
Gilbert narrowed his eyes towards her and said in a voice that he meant business, "Don't fool yourself, Ms. Elizaveta. Both you and I, as well as the others, know that the current Gilbert you are talking to is not the same Gilbert from your memories. I am not the Gilbert you once knew."
In the end Roderich told him to ask Ludwig about such sensitive topic and lead Elizaveta away from the café. Gilbert agreed to this arrangement because the moment tears started pouring down her eyes was the time Gilbert knew that he had stepped on some kind of line.
He forgot to ask them who were the person that kept giving him a bouquet of cornflowers when he was still staying in the hospital. Maybe Ludwig would have some answer about it also.
Gilbert had just a feeling that it was neither Roderich nor Elizaveta. He had a tugging sense that none of the people he had met when he woke up was the person who patiently delivered the flowers to him. Still, he wanted to know to whom those tears on the petals belonged to.
He just wished that the past Gilbert had kept some kind of diary to serve as a guideline for his current amnesiac state.
It was such a waste thought that he didn't manage to read his book. With a sigh, he went back to the library in order to return it.