14Warnings: OOCness, grammatical errors (in minimum as much as possible), and there might be triggers because there is implied bullying in this chapter and depression. Though not that graphical.
Chapter 3: Gathering Clues
What would you do if you were in a situation that clearly threatens your dear life? Run away from the danger? Scream for help? Or would you dare to fight back and prove that no one could take your future away from your own hands?
Ludwig Beilschmidt did none of the above. He just merely stared at his attacker with his mouth hanged open in surprised.
Gilbert regarded his younger Brother with a bored stance, hand still outstretched when he threw the kitchen knife. You see, the moment Ludwig announced his presence in their shared apartment was the time that Gilbert threw the sharp object and embedded itself in the wooden door near enough to slice Ludwig's cheek.
"Bruder," Ludwig finally managed to speak, albeit with a shaky tone, "I know you have bouts of mood swings but please don't tell me you're turning psychotic now?"
"Rude, I just did it to make things clear that you can't run away from me once I start my interrogation."
Yup, his brother already lost it. Was amnesia supposed to change someone's personality this way? Where was his idiotic, happy, egoistical, playful older brother? Gone? Was he gone forever and replaced by this…this person who was almost as cold as ice?
Now was not the time to think about philosophical things but Ludwig's rationality seemed to abandoned him for a moment. The things in his life right now were really complicated.
"Come on, we need to talk." Gilbert beckoned him to follow, "Oh, and get that knife out of the door. I haven't started dinner and that is the only knife in this place."
Well, at least Gilbert looked like in a talkative mode. Ludwig had a mix feeling about this, on one side he was happy that his brother was finally speaking to him in a normal civilized conversation while on the other side, he was dreading what was the thing that Gilbert wanted to talk to him about.
They reached the kitchen and Gilbert asked him to have a seat across him. When both of them were already settled down as comfortably as they could, a moment of silence passed. Ludwig could not stop fidgeting like when he was a six years old and Gilbert gave him a stern scolding when he attempted to climb a tree without supervision. For the record, Ludwig managed to climb up but not that too far from the ground so it was safe for him to jump down without any problems. But still, Gilbert said he almost had a heart attack.
"So," at last Gilbert finally spoke, "You still haven't told me why I am in the hospital a couple of months ago. None of you told me. I thought it was my patient right to know what happened to me."
Curse his bad luck. Why of all times did Gilbert finally decided to bring out this topic? Why now that it was only the two of them in their home? If his Father was here then he could easily evade the question and let the oldest Beilschmidt in their family to handle the situation. But no, it just had to be him, wasn't it?
"You already know it, right?" Ludwig shifted his gaze to the side. He had heard Gilbert scoffed a bit towards him.
"Yeah, but I was hoping someone from my first family would come out and say the truth but no, I just need to hear it from other people. Oh, by the way, restraining Mr. Roderich Edelstein from seeing me was so exaggerated. At least he had the decency to explain things to me."
If this was like the normal days then Ludwig would have chuckled when Gilbert called their cousin as 'Mr. Roderich Edelstein' because it was clear that his brother meant it as an insult and not as a sign of respect. But not now, not with that tone, because that voice had only two kinds of emotions currently and those are coldness and indifference. Gilbert used honorific titles to distance himself from others.
"Let's put that subject aside for now, younger Brother," just like how Gilbert seldom say the name of his own brother, "That's not the reason why we are having this discussion now."
"You're in a talkative mood today." Ludwig finally mentioned, just to stall whatever questions Gilbert had in mind.
"You have Mr. Edelstein to thank for that if so," Gilbert leaned on the table and rest his chin on the palm of his left hand, "Younger Brother, why did the past Gilbert attempted suicide?"
Ludwig inhaled deeply when the question registered inside his mind. Why? Why did his older Brother attempted suicide? Why did Roderich needed to open his mouth? He knew that his Austrian cousin was such a prick in their lives but he didn't expect Roderich to spill the beans that so easily. Everyone decided not to tell Gilbert about the 'suicide' part. That the only explanation when his brother awakened was that he accidentally fell off the cliff.
An accident, just an accident, nothing more and nothing less.
It was just an accident. Gilbert didn't jump off out of his own free will.
Apparently, Roderich was not amused by the idea and went ahead to tell the truth.
"Also," Gilbert added when he noticed the frown and controlled anger on Ludwig's face, "don't you dare lie to me. The doctors said something happened when I was asleep. It was either you found the past Gilbert's suicide note or you discovered something else. The knife was just my initial warning."
It was always like this, wasn't it? Even in the past, the past before everything went awry, before his Brother lost his memories, Gilbert would always get whatever he wanted as long as he was serious about it. After all, Gilbert was a genius strategist.
A genius who kept everything he felt bottled up inside his tormented heart. A heart that was enveloped by an ice cold loneliness.
"There was no note." Ludwig finally answered, "But there was an MP3 collection and a player."
Entry xxx
Hello! I am the awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt! Before everything else, I am Prussian not German, got it? Kesese! Why am I saying this, I am the only one who will hear this anyway. Moving on! So, this little, Prussian blue, mp3 player is given to me by my parents as a birthday gift. But storing songs is too common and common is so not awesome. Then I finally decided that I will use this to record my awesome everyday life! But then the memory capacity might reach its limit. Hm, I guess I'll just store it somewhere when the time comes! Kesese!
Entry xxx
I have a new friend today. So this morning when I was walking around the park, I found this cute yellow fluff ball under a tree and was shivering pretty badly. When I approached it I found out that it was a canary and his wing was injured, probably practicing to fly but failed. We brought the little guy to the doctor. He will be staying with me while he heals!
Entry xxx
Guess what! The little bird decided to stay with me! When his wings were already healed and we set him free, a few hours later I found him outside the window of my room! From now on I am naming my awesome friend as Gilbird. Of course named after by the awesome me!
Entry xxx
I can't believe it! Elizaveta have fallen in love to my stupid cousin Roderich! Why?! I've been with her all this time. I'm his best friend! I practically know everything about her! I'm the one who is supposed to be by her side! This is so not awesome.
Entry xxx
These past few days were so not awesome. School works were getting piled up one after another and then there was the decision which college school we wanted to attend in the future. My best friends, Francis and Antonio, had already chosen theirs. I don't know where I should go. I know! I better asked Old man Fritz! He was, after all, the most awesome Grandpa I could ever asked for!
Entry xxx
Old man Fritz suffered a heart attack. I thought I was having a heart attack also when I saw my Grandpa lying on the floor. Everything was a blur. Why was this happening? No one was answering me on what would happen to my Grandpa.
Entry xxx
Grandpa was buried today. I didn't expect that Old Man Fritz would die before I even reach college…I miss my Grandpa. He was the most awesome old man I ever knew.
Entry xxx
Today…is my birthday…Vati and Mutti forgot it again. This is the fifth time. Ludwig, my little brother, is too immersed in his own school works so I understand if he has also forgotten about this day. I guess Gilbird is the only one that will keep me in company again. Who would even remember the annoying Gilbert, right?
Entry xxx
I found this weird antique shop. I got nothing else to do ever since I graduated college. I never really expected that I would finish college. Considering my luck, I thought I would be a drop out and be the black sheep of the family. Guess I have still some chance after all.
Entry xxx
I decided to enter that weird antique shop. The name was 'Kirkland's Wonderland', huh…it's more like a name of a toy shop instead of an antique shop. Nonetheless the room was full of bronze, silver and gold. The owner's name was Arthur Kirkland, he's British and had the bushiest eyebrow I ever saw! I think I got on his bad side the moment I opened my mouth and made fun of his eyebrows.
Entry xxx
It's genetic! Arthur had four more other siblings and has the family trait!
Entry xxx
Apparently, the antique shop has a Russian part timer. His name was Ivan Braginski. And I hate him! The moment we set eyes on each other we immediately started fighting! Gah! He's so annoying! And what's with that smile of his? It's creepy! Seriously, I hate that guy!
Entry xxx
Don't tell anyone about this…I often visit now the antique shop and I think I made friends with the Kirkland brothers. I will never admit this to anyone but…Ivan is not that bad at all. Whenever I look into his eyes…I see this familiar sadness that I always saw in my eyes…
Entry xxx
It's embarrassing, this is embarrassing! I don't want to show my face to the outside world ever again! Why does Ivan push all the wrong (right? I don't know) buttons on me? It's just took a few words to send me crying like a baby.
"We're friends right? You don't need to pretend when we are alone together." Ivan said to me. Maybe…his rank became higher compared to Francis and Antonio.
Entry xxx
Freak. Useless. Worthless. Not worth the time.
Those were the words Natalia Arlovskaya, Ivan's half-sister, said to me when she saw hanging out with her 'precious big brother'. Honestly, I'm used to hear those words ever since I am a child. I'm always a target of bullies because of my appearance. There was just something…the way she had delivered it that made a giant hole inside my heart.
Am I not worth Ivan's time?
Maybe I am just a waste of space after all.
Gilbert turned off the mp3 player when he decided that he had heard enough. He took off the earphone and placed the player on his study table. Ludwig said that he would spend the night with the Vargas family so that Gilbert could listen to the audio peacefully.
Gilbert thought though that seeing the player again was painful for Ludwig's eyes.
In truth, Gilbert skipped a lot of them because most were just recollection of mundane things. But he did notice that as he got nearer to the more recent ones was that the more the voice got lonelier…the boisterous attitude was getting lost.
He looked at his sleeping pet.
Gilbird is the only one who never left me alone
Gilbert softly caress the soft feathers of his little pet, "So, you're a loyal companion, huh? I wonder what would have happened to you if had never woke up." He stared at the yellow fluff ball for a few more minutes before deciding to grab a piece of paper and a pen.
He started writing the clues he had gotten so far.
Arthur Kirkland
Kirkland's Wonderland
Kirkland Brothers
Francis and Antonio
Ivan Braginski
Natalia Arlovskaya
"Hm…maybe I should start with the antique shop first. That is the easiest place to find after all. I just hope I will see this 'Kirkland' person…" and he also hoped that one of these people was the deliverer of the cornflowers.