AN: I'm still working on my other fic, I will update it next month, just had to take a little break from it for personal reasons...

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, it belongs to Lucas Film and Disney Ltd, but I love it too much and like to play around with its characters (especially Kylo Ren/Ben - he's too cute...and interesting!).

I had to do something while waiting for Episode VIII and well instead of going crazy wondering about what will happen next, I decided to have a little fun with "rewriting" TFA. ;)

This fic covers the whole movie plus extra scenes, major dialogue and huge event changes and some scenes aren't even there though I follow the movie and the script closely to mirror it or at least I was greatly inspired by it...obviously...otherwise this crazy fic wouldn't exist...

Since there is a lot that happens in Ben's head (mostly bickering and darkside seducing), Kylo Ren's voice/thoughts are bolded so there won't be any confusion over who is speaking at what time.

Update: Hmm, the "boldness" is not always clear enough her on ff but well Kylo speaks with more "sass" and is always brooding and more in a attacking mode, so to speak...

Ben awakens

Chapter one - The awakening

The loud hissing of the lowered ramp wakes him up and indicates their arrival on the desert planet of Jakku.

I fell asleep at wheel? I know certain someone in my family would not have liked me being so careless while flying...

Kylo Ren shakes his head fervently. What am I saying? I have no family. I must be tired or's way past my bedtime...I mean I have worked a long shift is almost morning...

Not that Kylo Ren ever truly slept, as then he would only be plagued with memories from a distant past. So it was more like he took a breather once in awhile, only shuts his eyes to draw strength from the dark side which had been harder and harder to do, ever since he got that mission to find that last Jedi, Luke Skywalker. The last Jedi who so unfortunately also happens to be his, he can't think like that. Kylo Ren has no family. Ben Solo is dead...isn't he? So why does it bother him so much? That Skywalker name? Darth Vader used to be Anakin Skywalker. Used to why does the Skywalker name trouble him that much?

Or rather what would grandpa think about us hunting his son?

Kylo Ren groans inwardly, the supposed long gone Ben Solo keeps popping up in his head and acts like some kind of conscience. He knows by an experience that he can't ignore the voice of his long dead personality for too long so he answers him in an tired voice.

The Jedi and Sith are sworn enemies. He did the same once...well to recruit him for the emperor not destroy him...but the supreme leader doesn't want to take any chances of the new Jedi rising.

But in the end grandad, the Sith Lord saved the last Jedi. So aren't you ruining his sacrifice?

I will finish what he started by bringing balance to the force.

Aren't you just kidding yourself? He already did bring balance by killing the emperor, Snoke is the one messing it up.

The supreme leader is wise.

The supreme leader is stupid. Is he even force-sensitive?

You are the one who chose the dark side. You can't just back out now.

Why not? Grandad did..right before his death. I don't want to wait that long. I made a mistake. This sucks. We should just take our shuttle and get the force away. We could even got to the Resistance. Mom would be so happy to see us...I mean me.

We don't even know where the rebel base is...that is the whole problem!

We could try finding dad...

Kylo Ren had just about had enough of this childish banter. He takes up his sword, ignites it and starts slashing the control panel viciously.

Oh, great now we can't use our ship...



Kylo Ren stops assaulting the innocent control panel and turns his head slowly towards Captain Phasma, who suddenly stands behind him.

When did she get here?! How much did she hear?

"What?" He asks with a frosty tone, though in truth he is more embarrassed than angry, that she had heard him screaming at the voice in his head. Thankfully she can't see how he colours under his mask.

She is more than used to his temper, but what if is she knew about his internal struggle with his conscience, about their childish fighting...what would the supreme leader say? He might never complete his training...

"We are waiting for you." Phasma continues in her formal, clipped no nonsense voice and doesn't seem to care in the slightest that her commanding officer has some voices in his head. Behind her, under the desert night sky, are rank of stormtroopers, who have rounded up surrendering villagers and penned animals are in panic. However none of this matters to Kylo Ren, who watches where an old man, Lor San Tekka, walks sadly through the village as Stormtroopers wielding flamethrowers destroy structures.

At last I will have the map to the last Jedi...

Kylo Ren only dips his helmet down to acknowledge Captain Phasma's words. He straighten himself up, turns of his lightsaber, puts on his hood and walks down the landing ramp in a whoosh of his robe, far into the night...

You better be quiet you damn voice...

Kylo Ren stop before the outraged Lor San Tekka.

Wow, he has gotten old since last time.

"Look how old you've become."

Wait, did I just say that outloud? And of course he has grown old, we can't stop the passage of time...stupid voice, stop making me look foolish!

You don't need my help for that...

"Something far worse has happened to you." Lor San Tekka scolds him like he's a naughty boy instead of a dark lord.

Hah! And he doesn't even know about the voice in my head.

Quiet voice!

"You know what I've come for."

"I know where you come from. Before you called yourself Kylo Ren."

Kylo rolls his eyes under the mask. Is that old man really lecturing me? I don't have time for this...

"The map to Skywalker. We know you've found it, and now you're going to give it to the First Order."

Don't test my patience...I'm warning you.

"The First order rose from the did not."

Did that old coot just smirk at me? Doesn't he understand how much a threat I am? Does he really think I am little Ben anymore? Well, I better show him how dangerous I truly am today.

"I will show you the dark side." Kylo Ren threatens.

"You may try, but you cannot deny the truth that is your family."

"You're so right."
If you are talking about Darth Vader...

He is not talking about Darth Vader and you know it! Though he was also family...!

Kylo Ren ignites his lightsaber.

Don't kill him! He's an old friend of mom's!

I don't care about that! I have killed countless of people! Why should this be any different?! Beside he is freaking annoying!

Despite Kylo Ren's argument, something stops him from ripping Lor San Tekka apart with his lightsaber.

And it's not because someone comes rushing into the scene, yelling no and is about to shoot at Kylo Ren with his blaster, who even though is shocked over what himself had done, or rather not done, stops the attacker easily with the force, with his sabre free hand, without even looking at him.

What happened?

Kylo Ren looks at his hand with lightsaber still ignited, that suddenly feels as if it weighs a ton. He can't lift it up.

Was it always this heavy?

He can hear the surprise all round him. The old man who taunted him so much, looks bewildered over having not been killed but also relieved to be still alive.

Okay, I can still save face. I don't need my lightsabre to strike terror. I can force choke him! Yes, just like grandad and since I used the force before easily...yeah my other hand must have fallen asleep. How embarrassing...

Kylo Ren looks to his side and see that his attacker, who is a dark haired young man in a pilot jacket, is still suspended in mid-air.

Do I let him go? Wouldn't that send the wrong message? But I need that hand to force choke, since my other hand is not working anymore...maybe I should just force choke that man and be done with him first. Yeah! That should show them, that should teach them to fear me!

Kylo Ren focus alls his dark energy into his hand, ready to force choke the man who had dared to attack him while he was about to execute that annoying old man. Or that was his plan. However, it doesn't matter how much dark side energy he tries to summon. Nothing comes out.

What the? Am I drained of the dark side? Can that happen? Am I a well or something? No I understand everything. Ben, are you trying to stop me?!

I am doing much better than trying...

Stop this, this is futile. You will never get back. You are lost forever. You are hindering the great plan for the galaxy. Stop acting like a homesick child...

"Sir...? Are you alright?" Captain Phasma has a worried tone like a...mother.

Can the master of the knights of Ren get a sick day?

Kylo has no idea how to explain anything of this, so he wordlessly turn off his lightsaber and puts it back in his hilt. He also lets his attacker drop, who oofs when landing on the desert ground, on his way to his ship. The only thing he wants to do now is to get back to his shuttle and destroy some more control panels or maybe just weep over what a horrible night this has been...

"Sir, what about the villagers?" Captain Phasma calls after him.

"Do what you want with them."

I don't care.

Well, I care...!

"On my command!" Captain Phasma gives the order in a cold voice, erupting shrieks from all the villagers when the blasters are made ready .

With his back turned, Kylo Ren doesn't see the slaughter that is about occur, but he can hear and feel the panic from the villagers and for the first time in a long time, the screams of despair cuts right into his soul. The first ray of the morning sun breaks through the night.

No, stop. I don't want this!

"Wait!" He stops on his way to his shuttle.

"Wait? Wait for what sir?" Captain Phasma's usual cold voice has a hint of a surprise.

Wait, what? Why did I yell stop?

Kylo Ren turns to her, ready to give her the command to go on and kill the villagers when he feels a tremendous headache coming on. He grabs his head and kneels on the desert sand in pure agony.

"Sir, do you have a headache? Do you need an aspirin?"

"Stop...talking like my mother!" Kylo yells at her.

This causes even greater confusion for all the spectators.

"Sorry sir...only trying to help." She says in a hurt voice.

What's happening to me? I must get to my ship...out of this...this chaos to regain my senses...

As Kylo stumbles to his feet, he is met with a sight of a panicky stormtrooper standing in line with other stormtroopers, waiting for Phasma's command or his to shoot. His helmet has a bloody handprint after a fallen comrade from when they invaded Jakku this night. Kylo sees through the force, that this is his first time on the battlefield and what is more, that he doesn't intend to fire at the villagers. No, that stormtrooper, FN2187 is afraid to be there and wants to get the hell away from the First Order at the first possible chance.

As it is his first time, it explains his pathetic feelings but not what is happening to me...

They lock eyes together, his eyes of the mask and the eyes of the mask of a stormtrooper. Kylo can instantly feel the panic elevate higher in the stormtrooper after noticing his stare. His feelings, so strongly felt in the force, says I'm dead now and for a moment Kylo is half-tempted to take of his helmet to show him his human side to...calm him down.

What happening to me?

Kylo doesn't get any answers to his question, as Ben the voice, has fallen deadly silent for the first time. For some reason he pulls down his hood and sends a calming wave through the force to the uncomfortable trooper.

I'm lost too...He admits to himself, as he no longer seems to be able to control his actions or words.

They instantly make some connection through the force, "I will help you if you help me", and finally Kylo can start to formulate some plan.

I need allies...for whatever I'm going through...


The stormtrooper wants to yelp in fright over the simple fact that Kylo Ren is talking to him but instead, probably thanks to the calming wave from the force earlier, he says hesitantly. "Yes...sir?"

"I need your help."

"My help..sir?" The trooper is surprised, but no more than Kylo himself who didn't even say these things outloud, however Kylo has decided not to overthink things anymore.

Besides, everything is as the force wills...

Captain Phasma only stares at her commanding officer in confusion but doesn't say anything to object, though Kylo feels that she desperately wants to yell at him for not making any sense. All the other troopers feel the same way and even the captured villagers want to yell at him to get on with it!

"Yes, your help...I need to get away from this planet."

What...I did not say that! But it's true that my ship is broken...

And whose fault is that?

Is what Kylo Ren is expecting Ben to retort, but there is only silence.

Strange, something is controlling my movements and words...but Ben seems to have disappeared for good...

Now the trooper looks truly lost.

"To the starkiller base, sir?" The trooper looks at the countless ships behind them, not understanding the problem.

Kylo unclasp and lifts his helmet, revealing his true face for the first time. "No, this time I'm going home."

"Home, sir...?" A foreign concept to the trooper who had been snatched from his family at birth and trained for the First order.

Kylo doesn't elaborate any further what he means, as he has no clue himself what's he is talking about.

Home? What the...I'm talking about? And why did I take of my helmet?!

All of a sudden he raises his arm and uses the force to take away all the blasters from the troopers and Captain Phasma. He throws them high into the air, turning them into small black dots in the dusk, till they end up far away in the desert beyond.

All the troopers turn to him shock, even FN2187. The villagers blink surprised, as they have long since lost the plot. Only Lor San Tekka looks at him curiously.

Okay, I did not mean to do that!

"Sir!" Captain Phasma gives an audible gasp. "Have you lost your mind?" She puts her hands on the hip in a stern manner.

Yes! I don't know what's happening!

"I have a name. It's Ben."

"What?" Captain Phasma shouts bewildered like that fact is the least thing from her mind or maybe she just doesn't like his real name...

Wait...what?! When did you take the wheel? Suddenly everything, he had done these last minutes made sense to Kylo.

Ben had hidden himself and slowly taken over again, though thankfully not completely or Kylo Ren wouldn't exist anymore.

Why you...but as Ben is no longer using his anger or at least not pure hatred to draw strength from, the voice of Kylo Ren slowly drowns out in his mind.

The last traces of the darkness of the night change into morning, the precious sunlight floods over the scene, over the disarmed troopers and the freed villagers, who are all in state of shock, while Ben himself feels oddly invigorated after having taking control again. The tiredness he had felt all night is all gone from his limbs and head and in fact it feels like he had been asleep this whole time and that he's finally awake. At last he see things clearly. He knows what he has to do.

"I'm done with the First Order." Ben ignites his saber, startling Captain Phasma even further and the troopers. He looks at FN2187. "Except you."

"Me?" FN2187, does not like the sound of that.

"Yes, you want to get away from the First Order as well, right?"

Captain Phasma glares at her trooper. "Is that true...FN2187?"

FN2187 looks from her to Ben and back again, like he's watching a tennis match. "Uuuuh..."

"You don't have to be afraid of her. Come here, I will protect you." Ben cocks his head to side.

FN2187 only have to been told that once, as he runs behind Ben's back, cowering in fear.

"So it's...treason then?" Captain Phasma asks in her cold voice through the vocoder, but Ben feels that she's on the verge of crying.

Ben ignites his lightsaber and walks threatenly over to Captain Phasma who backs away, all the way into a transporter.

"Retreat, we can't fight him." Captain Phasma says, meaning not without the other knights of Ren. Ben can feel her glare through the mask. "The supreme leader will hear about this."

He glares back at her. "I'm not afraid of him."

The ramp closes after all the stormtrooper have fled and the transporters fly away.

The true ramifications of what he had done finally sinks in.

I just made an enemy out of the entire First Order...I'm so screwed!

Gun cocking sounds can be heard all around him.

FN2187, who is unarmed after Ben send his blaster flying into the sky, yelps in fright like a little girl.

And I'm not that welcome here either...