Since I'm about as big a fan of Batman v Superman as I am of Ebola or an impacted tooth, I figured I'd re-write the end of the movie, just to give it some proper thematic closure.

(I mean that's just, you know, like my opinion, man...but...)

Feel free to hire me to pen a couple of scripts there Warner Bros. I'm handy. I know words.


Batman v. Superman: An Alternate Ending

Bruce and Lois stood near the edge of a steep cliff, looking out into the swaying yellow of a Kansas wheat field. Cupped under Bruce's arm was a tin Folger's can, filled with the ashes of the recently departed Superman - a man he had only known personally for two and a half weeks, 98% of which was spent trying to kill him. But through thick and thin they had moved past their differences upon the discovery of having similarly named mothers, something that drove the two of them together right until the Man of Steel's tragic, somewhat contrived death. Now he was alone, left with only his dark, disturbed thoughts. And Alfred. And Diana - -she was pretty cool too.

Lois was standing behind him - the loving girlfriend and companion to Superman - though Bruce had a hard time caring since most of the time he'd known her she was busy being rescued and prevented from being the forceful personality she usually was. Another tragedy indeed.

Bruce stepped forward, carrying the can with him, and stopped closer to the edge of the cliff. He cleared his throat and craned his neck.

"Clark was a good crime fighter, and a good man. He was...he was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors, and crime fighting, and as a reporter he covered the pressing issues of our time like sports, and the weekly forecast, and...galas. He died...he died as so many of his generation - before his time." He looked to the heaven's while Lois stared on impassively behind him. "In your wisdom you took him, Lord. As you took so many bright and flowering men and women, in Gotham, and in Alley's in Gotham, just outside of theatre's in Gotham. These people gave their lives. And Clark too. Clark who...who loved to fight crime."

Bruce cleared his throat again and began to peel off the lid of the container. Lois, who had stared bewildered and with a shaking head at Bruce's last remarks, reverted to remaining an unmoving statue.

"And so, Clark...uhm...'Kal-El' Kent, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your mortal remains to the bosom of the Kansas, which you loved so well."

As he removed the lid, Bruce began to shake the container, spilling out the ashes into the Kansas air. Unbeknownst to him, a gust of wind picked up Clark's remains, and with a puff blew them back into the face of Lois, covering her mouth and hair and thick rimmed sunglasses. She remained frozen, eyes staring straight ahead behind the opaque lenses.

"Good night sweet prince," Bruce said, banging the bottom of the container to get the last of Clark out. He brushed some stray ash of his shoulder and began to turn around. The moment he saw Lois - standing still and covered in ash - his eyes lit up in shock. "Oh Shit Lois," he said, "I'm sorry."

He rushed over to her, and desperately began to sweep off dust from her clothes and hair. "Goddamn wind," he muttered, dropping the can and still brushing away. After several more moments of passivity, Lois's face came alive, and she angrily slapped away Bruce's fumbling hands.

"Goddammit Bruce!" she said. "You fucking asshole!"

"Lois! Lois, I'm sorry!"

Bruce leaned forward to try to brush the ash of Lois again, but she shoved him away, holding back an onslaught of emotion. "Everything's a fucking travesty with you man!" she said.

"I-I'm sorry," Bruce said, catching a bit of ash of her shoulder. "It was an accident!"

Lois flung her arms in the air. "What was that shit about your parents?" she said.

"Lois, I'm sorry," Bruce said, his head hanging.

"What the fuck does anything have to do with your parents? What the fuck were you talking about?!"

"Lois I'm sorry..."

Exasperated, confused, slightly hungry, Lois again flung her hands in the air and lightly brought them down on Bruce's shoulders. "Fucking..." she said. Then she stood, still again, save for her shaking head. Bruce stared back at her, until he lunged forward and engulfed her in a big Bat-hug. "Fuck Bruce..." Lois said, patting his back.

"Hey c'mon Lois," Bruce said. "Fuck it man...fuck it, let's go bowling."

And they did indeed go bowling, inviting Diana and Alfred and Perry but not Jimmy, since he was dead. And they all lived in a perpetual fear of the plot of the next movie they might very well be in.

The End


I thought the dialogue really tied the room together, ya know?