My Maris' Eyes Are Nothing Like the Sun by Emachinescat
A Frasier Fan-Fiction
SUMMARY: Niles composes a Shakespearean-inspired sonnet about Maris. Unfortunately, he doesn't have much to go on in the romance department, so he works with what he has. Parody of Shakespeare's 'Sonnet 130: My Mistress' Eyes Are Nothing Like the Sun.'
My Maris' Eyes Are Nothing Like the Sun
My Maris' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Nor do they hold the coy light of the moon;
No warmth have they for love or laugh or fun;
Her presence in my bower rarest boon.
I have seen corpses with more rose in cheek;
Than my Maris' flesh tinted with Chanel;
Like her hounds trained, I speak when she bids 'speak'–
If only she loved myself half so well.
Frailty, thy name is Maris; this is true:
Visage of the divine, she dares not dine.
I grant I never saw a goddess swoon;
My Maris, when she faints, for once is kind.
And yet, by heaven, I hope my love is rare:
This, a silent sorrow no man should bear.
A/N: So... that just happened, lol! I couldn't resist... there are so many Maris jokes in Frasier that I couldn't pass this up - poor Niles, that poor guy went through some stuff when he was married to that woman. I like to think of this sonnet as his poetic and sophisticated revenge. :)