29I do not own OUAT
Memories aren't always things you want to hold on to. Sometimes they're just there, and you would steal your mother's money, offer up your power, anything to get them from your mind. You wouldn't even care whether the procedure was painful, whether they would have to rip open your forehead or drive a knife into your eyeball. Anything better than that loathed, itching memory that won't let you go.
Right now, on top of a dragon and feeling like she will never stop laughing, there's one that's trying to push through all the – she thinks it might be happiness, true all-overpowering happiness. Regina pushes at it, shoves really, but it's clinging on stubbornly.
Her mother, raising her hands. Sudden forces pushing at Regina, pushing her until she is in the air, constraints wrapping around her, fingers squeezing her throat and she can't breathe. Regina loves her mother, and always has. Still, a large part of her just desperately wanted away. That part had all to do with the sticky memories, the ones that will never stop hurting her.
She always imagined she would try to outrun them on horseback, but she is running and there aren't any horses.
She is on dragonback, and Regina associates the sky and the wind and the cold with her mother's innovative punishments. It's hard to forget- no, you can't forget. You can just push it down, bury it very deep inside you and drop a million heavy things on it so it can't claw its way up to your eyes. That doesn't seem to be working very well for Regina, either, and she tries to enjoy the warm scales beneath her legs, the sight of a dozen colours, and the comforting sound of Mal's wings-
What is it, princess?
She nearly shrieks, and falls of the dragon when the voice sounds in her head suddenly. She can feel Mal adjust beneath her, moving her body so that Regina can't glide off and she hesitates for a second before sliding her fingers over that spot she accidentally discovered Mal likes to be touched.
"Thank you" she whispers
Princess?
" Bad memories" she just says, burying her face into Mal's neck. The wind is harsh, and even the blanket Mal got her somewhere, and the intense heat from the dragon herself, isn't enough to warm Regina. It doesn't protect her face either.
The witch
Regina doesn't answer, and for a while, there's nothing but the wind howling and her own thoughts muttering and yelling and generally making her feel tired. Then Mal speaks again, and it's a very welcome distraction.
I have a few unpleasant memories, as well. Fortunately, they are less bothersome in my dragon form
Regina would almost suspect Mal is lying, using Regina's fascination with her species to distract her. But there's something – it's pain, but it isn't Regina's. She has never felt like that, like something was ripped out of her.
"What are emotions like in dragon form?"
There's a short pause, and Regina is suddenly aware of how much she's asking. She blushes, about to apologize – Emotions are less complicated. Humans- you can hate, and love at the same time. You can be very jealous of someone, and still feel happy that they have taken something they desired. In dragon form, there are less emotions and they are not layered. There's lust, and anger, and pain. It's just what it is.
"Oh" Regina bites her lips. " And love?"
She's pretty sure there was a chuckle. If we fall in love, it is forever. There is no thing we would not do for our loved ones.
Regina frowns " You say that like it is uncommon for your kind to fall in love"
It is. We are solitary creature by necessity, and we have not many opportunities to be with others of our kind.
"But you do court if you have the opportunity?"
Regina can feel Mal's confusion. Court?
"Yes. When you are interested in someone, or your parents think you will be a good match, you start courting. As soon as you have expressed the will to court and the other has accepted, you will be gifted flowers and go on outings and receive compliments. After an appropriate amount of time, you can be wed"
I do know that word. 'Wed'. It is a ceremony performed by your people, yes?
"Yes. A wedding bounds you together until death"
An do you pray to your gods then, little human?
"We do. There are different ceremonies, and different gods , but praying is often involved"
Dragons have no need for silly ceremonies. We promise ourselves to our loved ones, and we proof it by living it. No need for fancy words, and glittering stones
" I enjoy weddings- or at least, I enjoy the ones that are not convenience ones"
Convenience- like yours would have been?
"Yes, for power or riches. I do not enjoy those. But the ones that are because people love each other so much that they want their very souls bound – those are very beautiful"
Have you ever seen one of those?
"A few. Mother thought it very important to build relationships with powerful people, or people who would be powerful, so we were invited to a fair amount of weddings" she swallows. " Most of them were not for love. But some of them were, and those were just… extraordinary"
It is just words and pretty stones being exchanged, is it not?
" It is more than that- it is about two people who want to be together, who want to build a life together, who really want to live by those words- "
Your people have odd ideas about what is important
" What do you think is important, then?"
The strength of your heart, and the courage in your bones.
Regina closes her eyes. "That is important too, I suppose"
You suppose ? Mal is vaguely insulted, so Regina strokes that spot again, in a gentle apology. "It is important, but you have already decided their strength and courage are enough before you marry. You would not marry them if they did not love you enough. And courage- I think that is less important than kindness"
A dragon would never mistreat their loved one. To them, ensuring the happiness of their mate becomes hunger, lust, rest. It becomes another intrinsic feeling, that needs to be satisfied so that a dragon may live.
Regina is silent for a while, then whispers " It sounds like anyone would be most fortunate if a dragon fell in love with them"
My people no longer fall in love with humans.
Regina gasps " So the stories are true? There used to be human-dragon relationship?"
Our species are similar, and many of us used to choose our human form as primary. Until the Dark Clouds, it was common for human and dragon to mate
"The Dark Clouds?" Regina whispers. It sounds like a horrible curse, a terrible tragedy.
The betrayal of the humans. When they attacked dragon kind, and either murdered or took us prisoners.
Regina feels sick. " We do not call it the Dark Clouds"
No?
Regina shakes her head. " To us, it was an act of heroism. They- "
She flinches when Mal growls lowly, her body vibrating beneath Regina. She soldiers on. " The story they tell us, is that dragons were hurting us. No one dared to let their children play outside, there were so many dragons everywhere. They would sometimes swoop from the sky, and take a child if there wasn't any cattle around- "
Lies. Some of those children were human-dragon, we would've protected them with our last breaths-
Regina gasps, and doubles over. She blinks rapidly, swallows, presses her hand to her stomach. "W-what are you doing?"
You are feeling my hurt. Our magic is attuned, and-
" Why does it hurt?" Regina pushes out, feeling the tears slide over her cheeks. She's in so much pain she can't even bring herself to wipe them away.
Mal is silent, but this kind of pain, it must've been something so awful- she has lost someone, hasn't – Regina is reminded of gentle brown eyes, and a gentler smile and it hurts even more now. " Did you lose someone?"
Regina has to grab on more tightly when Mal obviously gets agitated, and she kind of jerks and almost bucks Regina off. Her mother always said Regina asked too many questions, often with a few choice words telling Regina she was a 'stupid, disobedient girl'. She still asks. "Mal?"
My daughter.
The pain makes sense, awful, terrifying, heart-breaking sense. No wonder it hurts so much- Regina doesn't even know what to say. She just clutches Mal's neck, hugging her as much as she is able when Mal is in this form, and whispers " I am sorry"
Meaningless, empty words but maybe they hold some meaning to Mal still , because the hurt lessens until it is an almost bearable throb in her heart and behind her eyes. She just holds on to Mal, and hopes that Mal can feel her as well. That she knows Regina is furious and horrified for her, and that she –
She cares about Mal.
"It is a castle". She didn't expect it, but it's true: Mal's home is a large castle, one that would be very beautiful were it not for how it is nearly in ruins. There's still a kind of beauty to it, the kind of untameable beauty that she loves in Mal as well. All the plants that are growing on the stones- they turn the stone structure into something special, and less cold somehow ( or maybe that's just how much Regina dislikes castles)
She inhales sharply when there is suddenly a cloak wrapped around her. Mal is in human form again, wordlessly fastening the cloak. She is still not speaking when she gently takes Regina's hands and slowly exhales, little sparks of fire jumping on Regina's hands and slowly melting into her skin.
" Thank you" Regina whispers
Mal nods. " Follow me, princess"
Regina draws the cloak closer to her body, and follows Mal. Usually, she can't take her eyes of the dragon but now she is actually distracted by the flowers - there are thorns and so many colours and patterns- and everything else there is. There's a gargantuan wall, and they have to push through a lot of plants to get through the hidden opening. There are statues, and paths with trees above them. She laughs when she sees the apple tree and Mal plucks one for her.
Inside, the castle is just as strange and wild with an odd kind of beauty.
There's a small layer of dust everywhere, and spider webs and even ash. It's very cold, even though there is a very large fire place. The walls seem to have suffered slightly as well, stains and even cracks ruining the beautiful wallpaper. The furniture isn't much different, as the couches and such are old, and some of the chairs are broken.
" You have not been here for a long time , have you?" Regina asks Mal, nearly jumping when her voice echoes slightly.
" No"
" May I ask why not?"
Mal chuckles. "You are a very polite little curious creature"
Regina bites her lip, and tries not to glare at the woman
"Dragons usually have no permanent homes"
" Oh. So you just moved on?"
" Rouse a fire, little one"
Regina huffs "Stop calling me that"
She is about to add to it, but then Mal suddenly turns around and gets really close. She kind of forgets- well, pretty much everything. " You are inexperienced, and small despite all the fire in you"
" Well, I don't like you calling me that"
" I refuse to call you 'Regina', little fireball"
" It is my name"
"Yes, and your name is a sacred, dangerous thing meant to be protected with my life. To speak it would be to betray your trust"
" But I am not- " she cuts herself off, knowing very well that nothing can bring Mal to what she thinks is disrespecting dragon customs. " Just do not call me 'little one'. I dislike that"
Mal chuckles, and leans in. Regina feels herself flush, but refuses to pull away. " What about 'my little fireball'. Do you accept that?"
" Ye- I mean, yes. I do " Regina almost stammers, and Mal chuckles again.
" I am hungry "she says
"Oh! I will rouse that fire, then" Regina says eagerly, getting over to the fireplace- and turns around to Mal.
"There is no wood, or anything to rouse the fireball"
Mal looks grumpy. " That was not what I meant"
"What?"
"You can rouse a fire using magic. I will get us something to eat"
"Okay, but- " Regina makes a sound of frustration when Mal suddenly vanishes, no doubt off to hunt. " If she throws another sheep at me…" she mutters, then stares at the fire place again. It takes her long minutes before she can bring herself to try , and longer ones before it actually works. But then she smiles proudly –
And jumps when Mal is suddenly behind her, lounging on a chair with a small smirk. "You usually have more fire"
"I am still recovering " Regina protests
" You spent a lot of time recovering"
"I just- " Regina jumps back when a – " Is this a piece of sheep?" Regina demands, holding up the bloody thing Mal threw at her.
" Yes. You can roast it, I suppose"
Regina rolls her eyes. Mal still thinks actually roasting your food is ridiculous. Instead of starting another discussion, Regina kneels by the fire and uses her magic to keep the meat above the fire. She curses when it suddenly drops , and whirls around to glare at Maleficent.
"Why did you break my concentration?"
" Bring me the meat, little fireball"
"Why?"
"I will roast it for you"
Regina manages to extract it from the fire eventually, and drops it in Mal's lap. " Here. You try"
Mal arches an eyebrow, and roasts the sheep before handing it to Regina. " Thank you" she says, and she sounds sullen enough that Mal's eyes glint with amusement. Although she wisely doesn't say anything, and they sit in companionable silence for a while.
" Are we going to stay here for long?" Regina questions as soon as she has finished her dinner.
" I do not know"
" Are we going to stay a month, or a week or even a year?"
" We are going to stay here, until we go somewhere else"
"But- "
" The library may still be intact"
"Do not attempt to distract me"
" There are books on my kind there. We have not written any ourselves of course, but there have been humans staying with us that enjoyed their ink and pens"
"Why won't you tell me how long we will be staying?"
" Because I do not know yet"
"Why did we have to leave the cave?"
"You were strong enough to leave, and it was clear that you wished for a more … human dwelling"
" I appreciated you taking care of me , though" Regina says, thinking to herself that she is indeed glad to be away from that cave. It was very cold, and wet.
"Regardless, you made it clear that you wished something with walls"
The woman says the word with enough disdain that Regina looks at her curiously. " Do you not like your home?"
" I prefer having space to stretch my wings. Human homes seem too much like cages"
Regina thinks of her own home, the rooms she had to keep to unless her mother wished her to impress guests and the tower she was only supposed to leave if there was some royal that took her. " I quite understand that"
Mal studies her for a while, then suddenly stands up. " I will show you the library"
"Thank you"
Mal doesn't answer, just starts to walk, and it honestly drives Regina crazy sometimes. It is rude, and she first thought it was a dragon thing but then she realized Mal was always looking so satisfied whenever she managed to piss Regina off. So now she tries not to react anymore.
She doesn't react this time either, just follows Mal as she leads them down a long hall with- " Are those skeletons? " Regina hisses
" Some of them are prey. Some of them are enemies"
Regina swallows " Enemies?"
" Humans, but also other creatures. The ogres were too large, so they are not here"
" Oh. And – " Regina hesitates, staring at all the skeletons. Some are human-sized, although they're not always human. Sometimes they have wings, or more than two legs. Some are smaller, and they might be dwarves. There are teeth, fangs, wings, and things Regina doesn't even recognize.
" Is that a dragon custom?"
"To preserve the bones of your enemies? It is not an official customs, but many dragons keep the bones in their homes, along with their treasures"
"Oh "Regina is silent for a while, staring at all the skeletons and trying to not remember what kind of people they used to be. " Did you ever lose?"
" Dragons forfeit their lives if they lose fights"
"So you didn't ?"
" I never lost a fight, no "
There's something about the way Mal says it that has Regina curious, but just when she is starting to ask, they reach a door and Mal pushes it open. Regina slowly walks past her, staring. It is a gargantuan library, even larger than her mother's, and there are books everywhere. There's a small fireplace, and a corner with couches and such.
There's also a covered portrait and she slowly walks over to it. " What is- " she gasps when Mal suddenly moves behind her, and grabs her wrist almost roughly. Her eyes are glowing like when she transforms.
"This place is yours, but you will not uncover this"
Regina slowly nods. " All right" she can almost feel Mal's pain again, no matter how well she keeps it hidden, and pushing the subject would mean hurting Mal. That's the last thing she wants.
Mal slowly lets her go. " I will be outside. If you wish for my presence, just call my name"
Regina doesn't know why she does it. Maybe it is because Mal was in so much pain, or she looks sad somehow. And the castle itself doesn't seem to bring many happy memories, either ( or maybe they do, but they're tainted because the reason they're happy, is gone) Whatever the reason, she is suddenly throwing her arms around Mal, and pulling her close.
She smells like wild flowers and matches, and she feels so incredibly warm. She tenses for a moment, but then slowly throws her arms around Regina as well. Regina holds on as tightly as possible, for as long as she thinks Mal might need it- or tolerate it.
When she pulls back, Mal almost doesn't let her. Regina curses herself a little too, as there was something so special- she really doesn't understand what she is feeling.
" Thank you" she says, and receives a smile from the dragon. Like usually, she has to keep herself from gushing about that smile. Before she can make Mal unbearably smug, the dragon is already moving away from her.
And Regina is left alone, with at least a thousand secrets in the pages around her.
Dragons are not like animals. There's still a debate about whether to classify them as human/humanoids or animals, but I lean in favour of the former. There is an intelligence to everything they do, from hunting to flying, and I have had many enjoyable conversations with the dragons who allowed me to. They regard human customs , and indeed humanity as a whole, as unnecessary and seem to adapt the expression 'it is how it is' to most things- yet, they have deep thoughts, and profound ideas.
To me, what makes their humanity most obvious, is the way they love. Their friends are forever, and they would kill and die for them without thought. Their 'mates' ( they use this most often to refer to lovers, but I have heard them refer to friends the same way) are those they value most, and they act around with a kind of thoughtfulness and understanding that is mind-baffling to most of us. And their children-
Everything their children do, is a source of joy for the dragon. No matter how difficult or exhausting parenting gets, Dragon parents fulfil their duties in a way that makes it seem like they have never wanted anything else, but to be there for their children. They are fiercely loving, eternally proud and the most protective creatures there can possibly be.
Even more special, is that it is not just their own children they treat this way. Dragons are notorious for taking in abandoned young, and raising them with the same love they hold for their own. I have seen them pick up human children during hunts, and safely carry them in their claws to the cave ( or other dwelling) to care for them. No matter how hungry the dragon, it seems to be a very rare thing for them to eat children
Unlike the vicious rumours that have been circulating, dragons seem more likely to eat their own tails than human children. In fact, there's an old dragon adage – 'to harm a young, is to destroy a kindling fire'- that suggests harming children is one of the only thing dragons consider worthy of very harsh punishments.
"Is that true?" Regina looks up from the journal to ask Mal the question. The dragon is curled up ( in human form) in one of the chairs, studying her quietly. She has returned from the hunt quickly, not giving any explanation for why she did not stay outside- somewhere she is obviously more comfortable.
" Is what true, my little fireball?"
" That dragons raised children that were not their own"
" There have been humans that were abandoned by their own, and instead were claimed by dragon parents"
"But they could not turn"
" It did not matter. They were kin – scales or skin, they belonged with their parents"
" But did they not care does children were different?"
" No. They were part of them, as all our loved ones are. They had dragon hearts and dragon minds, and that all they needed to have"
" That is beautiful " Regina says, with a smile
She is silent for a while, reading the next entries about hunting and teaching, when she looks up again with a small frown. " Is that what I am to you, a daughter?"
" No "Mal just says, infuriatingly not elaborating
" Are we friends, then?"
" Among other things" Mal says, giving Regina one of those looks that have become norm the last time. They leave Regina flushing, and her stomach behaving so oddly, she honestly thought she was ill at first.
She turns back to the test quickly, deciding that she is not going to waste her time questioning the dragon that likes to be as vague and unhelpful as possible. Even though Regina is feeling odd around Mal, and has so many questions-
Why does Regina want to be so close to her- is that a thing they use to hunt? Why can she never stop staring, even when Mal does not use her eyes to hypnotize her ( has not fully been able to for a while now) Why do Regina's heart and stomach act that way around her- is it magic?
She startles out of her thoughts when fingers drag a path down her cheek, to capture a lock that had escaped, and playfully tug at it. Mal rests head on Regina's shoulder, continuing to play with Regina's hair.
"You can't do that"
"Another human custom, my little fireball?"
" No, just- " it feels too good, Regina wants to say. You make me feel things, when you get that close. And I don't know whether it is good that I feel this around you, or whether it is dangerous.
" You enjoy this" Mal presses even closer to Regina, an intense heat at her back.
"Do you enjoy it?"
Mal slowly lets go of her hair, and sits down next to her before Regina can even feel disappointed. She pulls Regina in her lap two seconds later, and continues playing with her hair. "I enjoy this more"
"Oh "
" Are your human customs all right with this?"
" No, not at all" Regina absent-mindedly answers, caught in – well everything. Mal's arms around her, her nose pressed into Regina's neck, the quiet sounds she makes, the way she plays with Regina's hair- it's, it's-
Mal chuckles " Such silly things"
Regina doesn't comment, but she doesn't tell Mal to let her go either. Perhaps she should feel trapped, as the woman is a great deal stronger than her and did not ask for permission. She is dangerous as well. There are reasons Regina should be displeased, or at least uncomfortable, but instead it feels right. Natural. Easy.
The fire cackles softly. Her tea is made exactly as she likes it, and the book she is engrossed in is absolutely fascinating. And everything Mal does is just so good, that Regina never wants to tell her 'no'.
Life is good, like this.